"Sorry about this."
Hachiman mumbled the moment he slid the door shut behind me. Aside from the slight echo of the room being closed, the hallway was entirely silent and bereft of anyone besides the two of us, quite normal given the relative late hour but reassuring nonetheless for giving us the space to talk freely.
"It's alright, I don't mind in the least." I answered, smiling slightly at his fretting. By this point in our lives, I was well acquainted with his various quirks and, if I were to be entirely honest, I found them to be quite endearing by this point.
"Truth be told, I can almost find your quirks to be endearing by this point."
"Only almost, huh?" He noted dryly.
"But of course." I replied back with mock severity.
Chuckling together, we fell into step together as we began to make our way towards the school gates. Feeling emboldened by the privacy afforded by the halls, I began drifting closer to him as we walked, drawing comfort from his steady presence by my side. From the sensation of my shoulder lightly brushing up against his, it appeared that my partner had the same idea.
"Hey, is everything really alright?" Hachiman asked. "You seemed pretty keen on fishing for information back there, even after you just got back from talking with Miura."
"More or less I think." I answered back. "Mostly, I'm just unsure what to make of Miura-san's intentions. She was not forthcoming about this request in the slightest."
I looked skyward.
"Truthfully, I don't even think that I'm even the best person for this particular task, but Miura-san has been insistent that I help her not matter how I tried to explain that fact to her."
"…well her request is about Hayama right? I'm guessing that, whatever it is she's after, it's something outside her frame of reference for him so she's probably trying to find someone who knows a side of him no one else does."
Abruptly, by partner broke off his sentence with a grimace. I couldn't help but find myself mildly impressed at how accurate his assessment of Miura's motives was. Even after knowing him for so long, it was still a little astounding just how much he could deduce from so little.
"Anyways, the point is, if you're not sure about something, you consult an expert." Hachiman continued on. "It's like going to a doctor when you're sick, or taking your car to the mechanic to get it fixed."
"I must admit, I'm morbidly curious as to what could possibly have given Miura-san the impression that I am, in any way, an "expert" in matters relating to Hayama-kun. I've already made it abundantly clear to her that my knowledge of him from our time during Elementary isn't going to be useful for the present."
"Well I think the main point is, there was a time in his life when she wasn't with him but you were. When people are faced with a scarcity in information, they have a natural inclination to fill in the holes themselves and those assumptions are going to be colored with their own biases whether they want to or not."
"…somehow I don't think I want to know about whatever bizarre ideas Miura-san may have conjured up in her mind."
I suppose it was natural for the jealous or the insecure to imagine the worst and, if pressed on the subject, I could certainly name any number of unpleasant possibilities. Having been on the end of several malicious attempts at slander throughout my school life, I was more acquainted with the workings of my fellow adolescent, female minds then I cared for. Fortunately, my partner shared my distaste for the subject.
"Well moving on, you said something about Miura wanted you to go shopping with her, did she give any specifics about what she wants you to help with exactly?"
"Yes and no. I'm fairly certain she wishes for my opinions on whatever items she deems suitable for her request but, given our earlier conversation, I suspect she doesn't have the clearest idea of what's she's looking for herself."
"Sounds really troublesome."
"I can't really deny it." I admitted with a soft sigh. "The only reason I even agreed to go with her at all was because she seemed truly desperate to have me along. In fact, she was almost on the brink of tears by the end."
"Whoa, that's a pretty hard picture to imagine. Well maybe not completely. As scary as Miura can, she can be awfully delicate when someone actually stands up to her."
He gave me a sidelong look.
"Still, at least that explains why you agreed to go along with her. You do have a pretty hard time turning down people who need help after all."
"Somehow, the way you say that doesn't make me happy in the least." I grumbled. Really, when it came to the subject of helping those in need, he was hardly in a position to be casting stones. "Regardless, as I've already agreed to this, all I can do now is offer assistance to the best of my abilities."
"Mmm, from the sound of things Miura wants your help but, at the same time, doesn't want you to know anything about what you're helping with. I'm sure she has her reasons, reasons that probably make sense to her, and she's headstrong too which doesn't make things any easier for you."
"I'm well aware. Still, I'm not as unfamiliar with Miura-san as I used to be. I'm reasonably confident that we can at least be civil enough to each other to see this request through to the end."
"Well, just keep in mind that headstrong people can be pretty stubborn about things they've made their minds up about. Enough that they probably won't listen to anyone telling them they're going about things the wrong way. In those cases, the only thing you can really do is step back and let them fail firsthand themselves before they're actually willing to hear out what you might think."
I gave a hum of acknowledgement under my breath as I considered his advice. My partner had always held an uncanny ability to read through a person's intentions and his insights weren't to be underestimated.
"That's certainly some rather specific advice. Do you perhaps have some inkling as to what exactly Miura-san is seeking?"
"Not really, it's more of a general feeling I got." Hachiman gave a half-hearted shrug. "And, well. You could say I'm also talking a bit from personal experience."
"If you don't mind me asking, what exactly did everyone talk about after Miura-san and I left? From what I could hear, everyone seemed well deep in conversation when I returned."
"Nothing important I don't think. I mean, like I mentioned before, we quizzed Yuigahama whether she had any idea Miura was planning something like this but she was just as lost as the rest of us. Most of the rest was just gossip about what she might have wanted to ask you. Some of the ideas got pretty wild but, and I strongly argued that she was projecting, Isshiki at least is pretty convinced Miura is planning on confessing to Hayama soon."
"I see." I said thoughtfully. "That would be an obvious conclusion I suppose."
Obvious enough in fact, that I actually felt a little embarrassment that the possibility hadn't even crossed my mind until now. Even with what little contact we've had over the years, Miura had never been subtle in expressing what her ultimate end goal towards Hayama would be.
"It'd be really weird if that was the case though. I mean I'd have expected Miura to at least mention something to Yuigahama if that's what she was planning."
My partner brought up a valid point. Taking the step to advance one's relationship with another in such a manner was a nerve-wracking prospect at the best of times. For many I'm sure, it was comforting to ease the burden on themselves by confiding those feelings in a close friend or family.
"Still, I wouldn't be surprised if something like that was on Miura's mind at least." Hachiman went on. "I mean this is our last year after all and we're already almost halfway finished with it. If Mura doesn't try soon, she'll probably lose her chance after we graduate and everyone goes their separate ways. That's what she'd probably be thinking anyway." He finished with another shrug.
His reasoning made a great deal of sense. As I recall, Miura had even mentioned her group's misgivings about the future in our talk before. It was a discomforting, yet inevitable, topic that was becoming increasingly common as the year went on. For us third-years, soon the regimented life of a school student would be left behind and we would begin to take our first steps into society as full-fledged adults. In that regard, Miura was hardly alone in her worries. I'm sure that for many, the idea of true independence was both exhilarating and frightening in equal measures.
Even from within my own class, I've often caught wind of conversations held between students expressing worry and uncertainty about their futures. It would be a lie for me to claim that I held no trepidations of my own about the transition to University, even with the regular discussions I've had on the topic with my teachers, my parents and the people I've grown to care for.
In fact, thinking about it all, I couldn't help but bring to mind a particular point about my plans with Hachiman for the future that I'd been delaying on bringing up with him…
"Yukino?"
Starting slightly at the sudden call, it took a second for me to realize my partner was looking at me in concern. Had I really been so engrossed by my own thoughts that I'd allowed a lull in the conversation to form?
"You seem to be thinking pretty deeply about something, was it something I said?"
Sheepish at being caught out with my mind wandering, I hastened to explain myself.
"Ah, not quite! Actually, our talk just now simply reminded me of an important matter I'd wanted to discuss with you about our future after graduation."
"O-Oh I see. After graduation, that does sound important. I mean...!" Coughing into his fist, he put on his best nonchalant look. "What exactly is it about?"
Though Hachiman was doing his best to act casual, I knew him well enough to tell when he was feeling apprehension. Perhaps I had given him the mistaken impression I've been concealing an unpleasant development about our plans to myself? With my partner's tendency towards pessimism, being too vague with details at this point may lead him to believe the matter I was speaking of was much graver than it actually was.
"It's nothing major." I spoke, hurrying to reassure him. "Nor is it a particularly worrisome matter. It was just a personal decision about our plans after graduation I'd been entertaining recently that I was hoping to get your opinion on. I simply haven't had a good chance to bring it up until now."
Despite my words, I found myself a tad ashamed that I didn't quite have the nerve to admit I'd been purposely dragging my feet out of apprehension at how he might take my idea.
"Ah, alright I mean, that's good to hear!" Some of the tension in Hachiman's shoulders eased. "So uh… do you want to talk about it now, or would you rather wait till later?"
I pursed my lips and considered my surroundings. Given where I was and where we were heading, not to mention how soon I'd be joining Miura for her errand, this really wasn't a suitable place to have such an important talk. I gave him an apologetic look.
"Actually, I believe it would be best to save that conversation for another time. I don't think this is the proper time and place to discuss it. When I find an appropriate occasion, I'll be sure to bring it up with you then."
"Ah, right. No, I mean it's alright. That makes more sense actually. I'll be looking forward to it, um I think?"
"R-Right, for now let us focus on matters in the present."
Smiling lightly at our mutual awkwardness, we continued along our way. Even after all this time, we still found ourselves stumbling here and there in our attempts to convey our thoughts and feelings towards one another. It was exasperating yet, somehow, we always found ourselves enjoying the process even with all our fumbling. Despite the struggle of it, I would never give it up for anything.
Deciding to bring the discussion back on topic, I lifted my head so I could peer up at Hachiman directly.
"Um, speaking of matters in the present, what exactly do you make of Miura's appearance here today? I've yet to hear your thoughts on the matter after all."
"Hmm." Hachiman turned his eyes towards the ceiling in thought. "Well, I can't say for sure but there was something about her today that reminds me of something I remember happening before." He admitted, scratching his chin idly in thought.
"You are speaking of the request Miura made after New Year's, yes?"
I was positive that was what he was referring to. As far as I could recall, it was closest comparison to Miura's current actions today and one I'd considered myself. Which was why I found myself pausing when my partner shook his head.
"Ah no, it happened before that. Um, actually, it was during the Kyoto trip we took last year. You remember what happened there… right?"
I cocked my head, befuddled. Of all the possible responses I'd been expecting, that was one that hadn't even registered as a possibility in my mind at all.
"Of course, but I don't recall Miura-san being involved at all during that time." I replied, growing slightly intrigued at where the conversation was going, despite myself.
The incident that Hachiman spoke of was one embedded in my mind all too clearly. During out school excursion last year, the Service Club had received a request to aid Tobe in his attempts to ask Ebina Hina to become his romantic partner. To offer support, we had endeavored to engineer situations that would allow Hina to see Tobe in a positive light but all our efforts had ultimately failed to bear fruit and, with no other recourse available, Hachiman's resulting act of self-flagellation to shield Tobe from the brunt of a brutal rejection had rocked both me and Yuigahama to the core.
Even more so than the time my lie of omission about our first meeting had been brought to light, we'd found our relationship perilously endangered in the aftermath. I had been wracked with feelings of anger, confusion and betrayal, Yuigahama had run herself ragged in her attempts to keep the fragile balance of our group in equilibrium, and Hachiman had only retreated further into his self-imposed shell of solitude. Our understanding of each other had been broken, our camaraderie left shattered, and a room once filled with warmth and cheer became desolate and cold.
Though time and effort on all our parts meant the wounds dealt to us from that time have well and truly healed, nonetheless, I couldn't help but wonder how Hachiman related that period in the past to Miura's request in the present.
"Ah well she wasn't really involved per se." Hachiman murmured, idly rubbing the back of his head in an unconscious gesture of nervousness. "But see, while we were trying to set up everything, it turned out that Miura had actually noticed what we were up to and she basically tracked me down to tell me to stop meddling with her friends."
He gave a helpless shrug.
"She already knew from the beginning that Hina was gonna shoot Tobe down and she was worried that if we pushed him into confessing, it might've blown up their entire clique. The way she was acting today in the clubroom today just somehow reminded me of that time is all."
I found myself growing still as he spoke, my mind furiously at work processing the information I've been told. I knew that I should be more focused on Hachiman's point about Miura but with this sudden revelation, I couldn't help but think back to my own perceptions of that time.
Certainly, I had been aware that the fallout from Tobe's failed confession would likely have had reverberations far beyond merely him and Ebina but I had no idea that Miura had actively taken the time to involve herself in the matter. Back during that time, I had always assumed Hachiman's actions had been a straightforward act of logic. That, upon realizing the conditions of the request we were faced with was impossible to fulfil, he had chosen to take the next best step of mitigating the damage of failure instead, even at the expense of sabotaging the request itself and ruining himself in the process.
But with this new variable, my preconceptions of those past events have suddenly been turned on its head. Like finding a puzzle piece I had not even realized was missing… slotting it into place to paint an entirely new picture of what I thought I knew. What I had previously seen as nothing but a coldly pragmatic approach, a single-minded focus on ensuring the most ruthlessly, optimal result for all parties without rhyme or reason for anything else… least of all himself.
"Was that why… was that why you acted the way you did? Why you did what you did back then?" I couldn't stop myself from asking.
"Huh?"
Hachiman seemed to freeze, surprised both by my question and the intensity of my focus on his own actions from that time.
"O-Oh, yeah? Kinda? I mean it wasn't just Miura. Ebina, and even Hayama, were afraid of what would happen if Tobe went through with his confession and none of them wanted to take the risk so I just… I mean there was also a bit of twisted self-satisfaction in it for me. That was a pretty big part of it as well but… yeah, basically."
It was just as I thought. His remorseless act from that time had not been borne from a ruthless pursuit to resolve a request at any cost. His actions on that day were simply the result of deepest altruism.
"You… never mentioned anything about this before." I managed to say.
"Well, you know…" He mumbled, ducking his head in humiliation at my probing. "I was pretty terrible at explaining myself back then."
His reserve on the subject was plain to see. I'm sure that it still bothered him a great deal to have his prior acts from such an unpleasant time brought up in such a fashion. Back then, I had been uncompromising in making my displeasure at his methods known and my bull-headed struggle to make him understand had only further damaged our rapport. Even after all this time, it surely worried him to have that old wound re-examined. I needed to let him know that I wasn't upset, but words alone felt inadequate for this situation. So I will express my feelings through action instead.
Stepping closer, I boldly looped my arm through his and fully intruded into his personal space. Startled by my actions, he turned to see my brightly smiling countenance.
"Don't flatter yourself." I retorted playfully, lightly bumping his shoulder with my own. "You're not particularly adept at it even now."
Indeed, I was fully aware how clumsy my partner could be when it came to matters of the heart and though there are still plenty of times in the present where I would find myself exasperated, I had already forgiven him for his foibles a long time ago. I was hardly any better after all.
At the sight of my beaming expression, I could practically see all his misgivings melt away. His eyes softened and, through my grip on his arm, I felt the hidden tension in his muscles relaxing at my touch.
"You don't need to remind of that." Hachiman shot back, his voice returning to that old, familiar timbre I've grown so fond of. "You know there isn't a single person in the world more aware of that then me, except maybe you."
"Indeed." I giggled, tightening my grip on his arm. "It's something of a miracle to find someone willing to put up with so much trouble. I'm just glad to know that my assessment of you from that time was right after all."
In the grand scheme of things, this new information really changed nothing. Though it shed some new light on his actions from that time, the root of our dysfunction from that time would still have existed. Even if this information had been brought to light, I'm sure that we still would have struggled to understand one another. But for the two of us today, with everything that we've forged together, this was simply another affirmation of what I now already knew.
Basking in those memories, the warm rush of affection I felt for my partner was overwhelming. The urge to act on those feelings felt impossible to resist and, speaking honestly, I had no reason to resist. And so, using the hold I still had on his arm, I all but burrowed myself against his side, nuzzling my face into his shoulder.
"Ah! H-Hey!"
I looked up to see Hachiman staring at me with wide eyes, his face having flushed a bright scarlet.
"W-What brought this on?"
His earnest confusion was honestly adorable to behold.
"Oh nothing." I replied, sighing happily into his arm. "It's just… for all your talk about how I can't abandon people in need, in the end it turns out that you're hardly any better about it than me."
With my head pressed against the fabric of his uniform, I had no way of seeing what expression he could possibly be making, but I could nonetheless feel the motion rippling in his body as he gave a nervous gulp.
"Well, alright. Just… give me some warning next time. It's bad for my heart when you do something like this out of the blue."
"Hmm...?"
Looking up at Hachiman once more, I couldn't help but marvel at sight of him acting so unguarded, such a far cry from that sullen and wary boy I first met. It suddenly struck me just how close we've become. It was a silly observation, one that felt like it scarcely needed mentioning, but true nonetheless. Remembering the journey we've made together since our first proper meeting last year in that clubroom, even now it all hardly feels real sometimes.
More importantly, seeing my partner in such a state, so shy and vulnerable, my mind couldn't help but begin to get… ideas.
My other hand lifted up and grasped firmly onto Hachiman's opposing shoulder, making him start.
"Y-Yukino?"
I'm certain that my partner recognised the look I was eyeing him with.
Later on, I'm sure I would worry profusely that I was picking up certain, very bad habits from nee-san's influence but, for now, I had a much more pressing task at hand.
I began to lean in.
"W-We're at school." He sputtered, jerking back slightly as he did so.
I tilted my head to the side.
"So what?"
He took a step back.
"I-Isn't Miura waiting for you at the gate?"
I stepped forward.
"She can wait a little longer."
"I-If-If anyone comes by they'll see!"
I gently, but firmly, pushed Hachiman back until I had him pinned against the wall.
"Then let them see." I replied, my voice low and breathy.
His mouth cluttered shut and this time, I could see his Adam's apple visibly bob as he swallowed once more. Despite all his objections, in his eyes all I could see was anticipation and excitement, growing stronger with each exchange we had. I'm sure they were a perfect reflection of my own. We both knew his protests were simply part of the game after all.
"You… can't even let me have a minor victory can you." Hachiman finally croaked out.
Balancing lightly on my toes, I lifted myself up so our faces were entirely level.
"Oh my…"
I manoeuvred my hands until I had them wrapped firmly around his nape, at the same time I could feel Hachiman's arm make their way down and enclose around my waist in a similarly tight grip.
"Were you not aware...?"
I pressed forward until only a scant few centimeters of space was left between our faces.
"That love can be a war?"
And with that final rejoinder I closed the distance between our lips to zero.
I felt both shame and euphoria in roughly equal measures.
"…I can't believe I did that."
"You and me both."
"I feel so embarrassed right now… I wish I could be buried underground!"
"So do I, though I'll die happy at least."
When the two of us had separated from ourselves, and after the high of the moment had passed, it had only taken moments for the full realisation at our actions to hit us in full. To say the least, we found ourselves filled to the utter brim with mortification. Our only solace was that no one had passed by to see our shameful display but just the thought alone was enough to make me squirm.
"Not only that but in broad daylight where anyone could have walked by and seen… why didn't you stop me?!"
"Y-You were the one who started it! Why am I the one at fault here?"
I knew my partner was right, which made it all the more vexing!
"As the male in this relationship, surely it is expected of you to assert yourself at least some of the time!" I sputtered, still unable to bring myself to meet my partner's eyes. We both knew I was grasping at straws now. "You can hardly keep expecting me to continue taking the lead!"
"That's a little unfair! I've been known to take the lead on some occasions! Besides, I think we both knew from the beginning that I was always going to be completely whipped in our relationship."
"Such a thing was indeed stipulated in the contract I suppose." My mind drifted back to those occasions in the past where he'd go off on tangents extolling the supposed virtues of house husbandry. "It's probably my own fault then, for not bartering after better terms before signing up."
"Right, and more to the point… uh, how do I put this…"
Hachiman's sentence trailed off and my curiosity overpowered my nervousness. I looked up to see him staring studiously off to the side, scratching awkwardly at his cheek with one hand.
"Don't you know there isn't a guy in the world who'd ever say no to k-kissing his girlfriend?"
I was thankful then, for that fact that his eyes were currently facing away from me. I could feel my face growing hot in response to his words.
"W-Well." I stuttered, trying my hardest to ignore my warmed cheeks. "Make no mistake, no matter how embarrassing it was, I don't have any regrets about it either. Still, in the future I'll be sure to save such indiscretions for our private moments only."
"R-Right, next time then…" Several seconds of silence passed. "So is there only going to be kissing next time or will there be-?"
"M-Moving along!" I hurried to change the topic of conversation to something less mortifying. "Was there anything else about Miura-san's request you wanted to add?! I believe we're quite close to reaching our destination!"
"O-Oh right." He replied, trying to bring his mind back to our original subject. We were already halfway down the stairs leading to the ground floor by this point so my words were not merely a deflection! "Um, actually, I don't actually have much else to add by this point. I mean I don't really know Miura all that well when you get down to it."
Hachiman's contact with Miura mainly stemmed from his closeness with Yuigahama. Whatever interactions they had only existed on the periphery and while he could still offer his observations, if Yuigahama herself had no inkling to what was driving the queen of Sobu, it was unlikely my partner would either. In that regard, the two of us were sailing in the same boat.
"But, um…" Scratching the back of his head awkwardly, he gave me a look of concern. "Is there anything you want me to help with? Maybe track down Hayama and see if I can squeeze any useful information out of him about what's going on with Miura?"
His offer took me by some surprise. I knew that he did not relish the idea of speaking with Hayama and while the two of them seemed to have come to a strange accord in recent times, they were still hardly on friendly terms. Of course, I was well acquainted with his habit of going above and beyond for the sakes of those he deems important. Regardless of how much he may outwardly complain about the trouble, I'm sure that he would find a way to come through for me if I were to ask for his help.
I considered the idea carefully. While it would undoubtedly be useful to have more information about the circumstances, my memory of Miura's agitation and her final outburst gave me pause. For her own reasons, Miura did not wish to share that information with me and, while I had earlier quizzed Yuigahama about the matter myself, trying to find out more behind her back by going directly to the source of her conflict in such a manner would be unlikely to be well received. There was already enough friction between us that it would be best if I didn't unnecessarily add any more.
"…no that is quite alright." I said at last. "I don't believe Miura-san would appreciate having her affairs prodded into in such a manner. Not only that, if you went out of your way to approach Hayama-kun it may raise his suspicions that something is going on. I'm certain Miura-san intends for this shopping trip to remain a secret, at least for now."
I nodded to myself.
"Besides, I don't think this request is something that will take more than the rest of the day to see through. There's no need for you trouble yourself for such a matter, but I'm grateful for the offer nonetheless."
"Well, alright if you're sure then." Hachiman acknowledged, though his faint relief at being relieved of duty did not escape my notice.
"I am. Still..."
Reaching down, I laced my hand through one of his.
"I'm positive that, when things have been settled, I will likely desire to have someone to share my thoughts with. I'm sure I will have much to discuss with Yuigahama-san, but I'd also appreciate it if you would lend me your ear on the matter as well."
Though he could not help in this task directly, that did not mean he couldn't support me in other ways. His hand felt warm, nestled in my own, and I felt him give a reassuring squeeze back.
"Sure, that goes without saying really. I mean do you know how many years of experience I've had of being a sounding board? Whether it be group projects or just people chatting at lunch, there probably isn't a person in the school better at listening to people talk then me!"
"You do realize that conversations have to be a two-way street to be considered meaningful? Otherwise, what you're describing is called eavesdropping and is considered a felony in some jurisdictions."
"Humph! Well, as a matter of fact I have experience at that too! Why there was once a time when I would spend all my evenings doing nothing but listening to Komachi whine about all her problems from school and giving her advice!"
"Siscon."
We smiled, towards one another and the old familiar byplay we always found ourselves ending up in. With most of our conversation exhausted, we fell into companionable silence for the remainder of our journey.
Soon enough we found ourselves outside of the school building. From a distance I could just barely make out a tall, blonde, feminine figure standing imperiously out near the school gate in the distance. I looked back at Hachiman just in time to lock eyes with him. Off to the side stood rows of vending machines, ostensibly the reason why he chose to accompany me to the gates.
"Well." I spoke haltingly, gently releasing my grip. "I suppose this is where we part ways for today."
Oddly, I found myself feeling dispirited by the notion. It made no sense logically, we would meet again soon enough the very next day and our phones ensured that we could see one another and hear each other's voice with but a press of a button. Yet still, the abrupt ending of this small private moment between us, and the idea that he could no longer accompany me further, saddened me in a way mere reason could not assuage.
"Yeah, I suppose it is." Hachiman mumbled back, clearly just as disheartened as I was.
He handed my bag back to me and then, with a noticeable grimace on his face, took out his wallet and deftly counted out the required coinage for drinks.
I fidgeted slightly in place, holding my bag in front of me with both hands, as I watched him punch in individual buttons on the machines. It was uncouth of me to drag my feet but a part of me couldn't help but prolong the moment of our parting for just a few moments longer.
"Well… I guess I'll see you later then." Hachiman finally said, straightening up whilst carefully cradling his stock of canned drinks in his hands.
"Yes, I'll see you tomorrow." I recited back.
With our goodbyes complete, I was about to take my leave when I spied something odd out of the corner of my eye.
"Are you not going to get your drink?"
Out of the assortment of beverages my partner held, a certain bright yellow can of caffeine and sugar was conspicuously missing from his hands.
"Ah. Right." Hachiman replied, glancing down at his hands. "Yeah, about that… actually I've changed my mind on it after all."
"Really? Are you sure?" I couldn't help but tilt my head at this bizarre development, not quite able to keep the small note of disbelief out of my voice.
My partner had never been shy in taking any chance he could to express his, inexplicable, fondness for that particular brand of coffee and, in all the time I've known him, I've never once seen him pass up an opportunity to indulge in its sickly sweetness.
"Yeah, it's fine. Really. I mean it was only an excuse anyway." He paused briefly before suddenly giving a short bark of laughter. "Besides, I think my quota for sugar today has already been satisfied. Pretty sure I've been given a surplus actually. Having any more at this point would probably be bad for my health."
He gave me a meaningful look but I found myself busy fretting over his sudden admission of concern about his health.
"Oh? Did we perhaps overdo it today with the snacks?"
I thought back to the abundance of sweets that tended to accompany our afternoon study sessions. It was remarkably easy to lose track of how many calories were consumed in the midst of studying and added all together with the stresses of exams, I could easily see such a habit having a negative impact on one's health in the future.
"Perhaps I should advise Yuigaham-san and Komachi to cut back on how much food they bring the next time we have a study session? I wouldn't want our snacking to start negatively impacting our health after all."
"Uh no, I'm not actually talking about sweets here…"
Hachiman mumbled to himself, growing oddly quiet, almost bashful, in his manner. He fidgeted in place and my confusion only grew. Clearly there was an error in communication somewhere down the line. Seeing my obvious bafflement, my partner seemed to come to a decision. Clearing his throat, Hachiman straightened his back and turned to meet my eyes head on.
"Obviously what I'm saying is; you're sweeter to me than any amount of MAX Coffee I could drink."
"…!"
…what!
My eyes flew open wide.
In a single motion, Hachiman turned and bolted back into the building. Even with his speed, I couldn't miss the sudden redness that had engulfed the entirely of his face, enough so that his head rather resembled the tomatoes he disliked eating so much.
For several seconds, I simply remained frozen in place, my mind left reeling as I tried to comprehend what I'd just heard. It was only when I felt a faint sensation of dryness on my tongue that made me aware that my mouth had, involuntarily, fallen open.
S-Shameless! H-How utterly shameless! I can appreciate the sentiment behind your words but honestly, don't you feel the least bit of shame in expressing it in such a sickeningly saccharine manner?! It would be humiliating enough to do so within the confines of your own mind but to actually express them out loud? In the open public no less?! I mean I'm hardly what you could call innocent of such displays myself but at least I endeavor to keep them within the realm of tastefulness! On a separate note, don't think that being compared positively to a factory mass produced can of cheaply distilled, overly sweetened milk coffee in any way pleases me!
*Thump*
*Thump*
*Thump*
Haah. The warm pulsing deep in my chest and the small, silly grin that I felt irresistibly curling up from my lips told me that my attempts at self-deception were an exercise in futility. Honestly just what has that man done to me? I can just imagine the disapproving, disgusted stare my self from the previous year would no doubt wear if she could see the state I was reduced to now. At the very least I could take solace in the fact that Hachiman would currently be just as mortified as I am, if not more so.
I glanced over towards the school gate. Miura's silhouette was still clearly visible against the afternoon sun. From her manner of bearing, even from a distance, it seemed as though she'd composed herself since our last meeting. I could no longer see any signs of the vulnerability she'd shown earlier in her stance.
I still had more questions then answers regarding Miura's intentions, much less how I was going to offer any help with her request, but for now at least, I felt revitalised from the talks I'd held with Yuigahama and Hachiman. No matter what reservations I may have for the day ahead, I'm sure I'll be able to see things through to the end.
Straightening myself up, I ran my hands through my hair, making sure that any loose strands would be brushed back in place before I made my way out. The last thing I wanted was for any signs of my fluster to show.
*Thump*
*Thump*
*Thump*
Oh be still my heart! It would not do for me to appear before Miura with my head still soaring in the clouds.
"You're late." I bit out the moment I finally saw Yukinoshita. Putting my phone down, I gave her an annoyed look. "Seriously what the heck were you doing?"
"My apologies. Explaining my circumstances had taken more time than I had expected" Stepping up in front of me, Yukinoshita brushed some of her hair back. She said she was sorry, but she didn't really look it."I hope I didn't keep you waiting for too long."
"S'fine I guess." I mumbled, shoving my phone into my pocket. "I mean you're here now and that's all that matters."
Really, I was just relieved that she hadn't stood me up. I mean I certainly didn't think that prim and proper Yukinoshita would be the sort of person to do that sort of thing normally, but with how badly my talk with her had ended up going, not to mention waiting here with nothing but my phone to keep me busy had done a heck of a good job making me imagine all the different way things might go wrong, I was starting to get afraid she'd changed her mind.
"Anyways, let's get going. I wanna get an early start and finish this quickly."
"Indeed, that would be ideal. Let us be off then."
And so we went. Me and Yukinoshita. Just the two of us going off shopping together. That was something I'd really thought I'd ever see happen. This time she was the one keeping pace a few steps behind me as we walked. Not too far away but not really close either. Kind of fitting I guess.
For a short while, I was ok with things staying like this. I still had no clue how I was supposed to act around Yukinoshita normally, so the fact she was keeping some distance behind me meant I could sort of pretend like I was out here by myself. But just like before though, the quiet began to get to me. There weren't any other people around at this time of day and, apart from one car that drove by, there wasn't any other sounds around us either which meant I could hear her every step behind me. Not to mention, with the way we were walking, she was basically watching my back the entire time, which was pretty nerve-wracking around someone like her.
We reached an intersection in the street and, from memory, we still had a bit to go until we get to the subway. I felt like pulling out my phone, it would help the time pass by faster at least, but with Yukinoshita behind me I couldn't shake the feeling I'd be doing something wrong, like I was ignoring her on purpose or something. Geez, we hadn't even gotten to the mall yet and this was already starting to stress me out!
Taking a deep breath, I made a decision and stopped in place.
"Hey, y'know you don't have to walk behind me like this." I craned my head around to look at her. I'd probably go crazy if things stayed like this the whole way there. "It's kinda uncomfortable actually, how 'bout you catch up?"
Yukinoshita cocked her head at me.
"I'd thought things would be easier this way, but very well I have no objections to the idea."
Taking a few careful steps, Yukinoshita made her up to beside me. There was an awkward pause where we just looked at each other without speaking, eventually I just started walking again and Yukinoshita followed, this time keeping pace beside me.
"…"
"…"
"..."
"…"
Nope, this wasn't really much better. Damn it.
Trying to distract myself, I rubbed at my eyes a bit careful to avoid smearing my makeup again. When we'd left after our talk, the very first thing I did was swing by the bathroom and freshen myself up. My face had been a complete mess, like it always ended up whenever I got worked up over something, and it had taken a good few minutes before I'd thought my reflection in the mirror had looked acceptable again.
I snuck a look at Yukinoshita. As usual, her face was completely blank, not giving away a single sign whether she was happy or unhappy or even anything else that she might be thinking. It's something I'm so not used to that I found it really uncomfortable to be around. I mean, doesn't she have any idea how hard it makes for people to try and approach her? Even I have trouble unless it was something important and even though I know she does put in a lot of effort to help the people who ask, you'd never really be able to tell based on how standoffish she normally acts.
"Is something the matter?"
"Whuh?"
Yukinoshtia had turned her head towards me and her eyes seemed to pierce right through me.
"You seem to be intently focused on me for the past few minutes. Have I done something strange?"
"N-No, it's nothing! Don't worry about it!"
Ugh, I can't believe I got caught staring. This was so embarrassing!
"Are you quite sure? It seems to me that you have something on your mind?"
"I said it's nothing alright!"
I snapped back without thinking. Immediately I cringed back, half-afraid I'd accidentally started another argument.
"I see… my apologises for prying then."
Huh? I felt like rubbing my eyes again just to make sure I wasn't seeing things. But sure enough, Yukinoshita simply turned back and kept walking beside me. She didn't give any signs she was going to get on my case about being rude. I couldn't even see that pinch in her eyebrows she does whenever she gets riled up.
It wasn't like I was complaining, but that seemed a little weird. I mean, normally all it takes is a small disagreement for us to start fighting like a pair of angry cats. Don't know why, but we always just seem to rub each other the wrong way whenever we were in the same room together.
Though, now that I got another look at her… Was it just me or did Yukinoshita seem to be in a better mood then when I last saw her? I mean I don't know her well enough to say for sure, but her expressionless look just seemed a little bit more… relaxed, I guess. There also seemed to be just a little extra lightness in her step, at least compared to the way I saw her walking back at school.
I couldn't help but wonder whether something happened in-between when we last saw each other. It wasn't like I could exactly ask, since we didn't know each nearly well enough for her to give me a straight answer.
I faced back to the front. Still, I guess now was as good a time as any. So much happened in between getting Yukinoshita here with me that, when we went our separate ways, I'd realized there was something I needed to say to her earlier that I'd forgotten about. It was always so hard time to find an opening to talk to her that didn't involve an argument that I'd been feeling pretty awkward about the whole thing.
"Hey… Yukinoshita."
At the sound of my voice, she turned towards me again.
"Yes?"
"It's just… I just want to say…"
I swallowed nervously before taking a deep breath.
"…thanks. For coming out here with me I mean."
I did my best to keep my voice steady. The last thing I wanted to do was stutter in front of her. I'll be the first to admit that I don't exactly like hanging around Yukinoshita, but that's exactly why it was even more important that I make my feelings on this clear.
"I know I don't show it all that well but… I really do appreciate that you're helping me with this."
I managed to lift my head to hold her eyes steady by the end. Yukinoshita looked kinda surprised, at least I think she was from the way her eyes widened a bit. She didn't answer me back straightaway and after a while I broke away and looked back to the front, uncomfortable with the eye contact.
"…I appreciate the sentiment Miura-san, but I've yet to actually do anything that warrants your gratitude." I finally heard Yukinoshita say at last. "Your request has yet to be resolved after all."
Huh? What the-? Oh for…! Did she really have to make something as simple as a thank you so complicated?! I mean I'm trying to be nice here! Does she think I'm trying to butter her or something?!
"Yeah, well… thanks anyway." I mumbled back lamely, trying not to feel like all the time I'd spent working up to this had just been a waste of time.
"…is something the matter?"
"Huh?"
"You seem somewhat… displeased."
"What! No! It's… look, all I'm trying to say is I'm glad you're here with me ok!"
Letting out an annoyed sigh, I pressed a hand to my head.
"I know that I wasn't… I wasn't really… I was kinda rude today when I came to you with this, alright! So, I'm just… I'm just grateful that you're still fine with coming all the way out here with me, even though you didn't have to. That's all it is."
I felt a little out of breath by the time I finished. It was a little hard to believe how much effort I needed to put in to explain something so simple. Yukinoshita seemed to be listening pretty carefully too. She had a pretty thoughtful look on her face as I was talking at least.
"I see. I think I understand now. On my part, I may not understand everything you're currently going through, but I can tell you're at least sincere in your efforts. I wouldn't be here otherwise."
Was that her long-winded way of saying you're welcome? Well as long as she gets it, it doesn't matter I guess. Still it didn't look like Yukinoshita was done speaking yet though.
"Also, if I may ask, have you come up with any ideas on what exactly you're looking for in terms of a gift? It wouldn't hurt for us to use our time productively and discuss the matter as we travel."
I knew that she was probably just trying to be helpful but I couldn't help blowing out my cheeks at her question.
Honestly, I've been doing my best not to think too far ahead. I know that for something as important as this I probably should be planning things out better but I just know that if I tried, I'd just get stuck thinking about… about that damned night that was the start to all of this! I don't know how many times I've wished I could've gone back and changed the way things had gone. Maybe I'd be happier if I never learned what I did but then…
Aaargh! The last thing I needed was wasting even more time sulking over it! Right now, the only thing I need to focus on was getting to the mall with Yukinoshita. Everything after I'll just have to wing it as I go.
"Not really." I finally admitted. "My plan was for us to just shop around once we get there."
"I see." Yukinoshita sighed.
Huh? Somehow, it felt like I'd normally find a reason to get mad at the way she said that. Like she was looking down on me or something, but I was oddly ok with it this time. Maybe I'm starting to get the hang of talking to her, Yui did mention it got easier the more time you spend around her.
Also, I was just reminded of something else too. Since I've come this far, I might as well rip the rest of the bandage off before I found an excuse to change my mind.
"And another thing… umm I'm sorry!"
I could tell Yukinoshita was looking at me curiously again but I kept staring forward. If I looked at her directly for this, I'd probably lose my nerve. To keep my hand busy, I twirled a strand of my hair around a finger.
"I mean for all that stuff I said to you back in that room earlier. About you and Hayato still being… y'know. I wasn't exactly thinking right but that's no excuse. It was wrong of me to do that and… and I'm sorry."
I hated apologising at the best of times and having to do it to Yukinoshita has always been especially hard. It hadn't been easy after that marathon at the beginning of the year either but back then at least things had been over and done with, not to mention I'd still been giddy from Hayato thanking me after the race too. I still had no idea how today was going to end up going, much less how uncertain the future still was.
"Oh, that. I believe it was simply a minor overreaction. It's nothing to hold a grudge over."
"Look I mean it ok. I really am sorry." I said again with a bit more heat, a little annoyed Yukinoshita seemed to be brushing things over so carelessly.
"It's quite alright. I understand your words back then weren't driven by ill intent. There isn't anything to forgive."
There's nothing to forgive.
I stumbled and then tripped over when my foot slipped out from under me. The world seemed to spin and I lurched forward, arms flailing as I tried and failed to find my balance. Knowing this was going to hurt, I screwed up my eyes on instinct as I braced for the pain when I hit the ground.
Except I never did.
Instead, I felt warmth as a pair of arms suddenly appeared around me and someone caught me mid-fall.
"Are you alright, Miura-san?"
I cracked my eyes open and found myself staring directly into Yukinoshita's face, barely more than a few inches away from mine… Wow! She had really pretty eyes! I mean I'd always thought they were really icy and cold to look at before but when you get to see them up close like this you realize that bright blue color really isn't common at all and-!
"LegoofmeImfine!" I squeaked, frantically wriggling away from Yukinoshit as I did so.
My legs felt wobbly from how rapidly I moved and, in the immediate moment, I had to focus on getting my balance right lest I fall over again. There was no way in hell I was going to have Yukinoshita catch me again!
I took several steps forward, feeling as though my heart was racing a hundred miles a minute. When I'd felt I'd calmed down a bit I shot Yukinoshita a furtive look.
She was staring at me from a few feet away, I may have accidentally pushed her a bit when I was trying to get away, and she still looked pretty worried.
"Is everything alright, Miura-san?"
"I'm fine!" I insisted, snapping back round to the front. The last thing I wanted was for her to start thinking she needed to look out for me.
I began walking forward again, a little faster than before, determined to put this behind me.
"Miura-san, you fell just now." I heard Yukinoshita hurrying to catch up. "We should make sure you haven't sustained an injury before we continue on."
"I told you I'm fine! I just tripped is all and it's not like I even hit the ground!" I repeated, stopping and turning to give her an annoyed look. "Not all of us can have perfect walking posture like you after all!"
Yukinoshita frowned but, thankfully, she didn't try to argue back.
"Very well, let us continue then."
I just jerked my head in answer and we began walking once more.
That little incident seemed to killed the conversation between us. Yukinoshita was following at my back again and I wasn't really in the mood to talk either. Still, things didn't feel quite as awkward as it did in the beginning. I was also a bit distracted berating myself in my own head for acting up over such a stupid thing. I mean it wasn't like Yukinoshita could have known anything about what happened when she said that after all.
There's nothing to forgive.
I bit my lip and clenched my fists.
It was nothing.
Nothing at all.
Whew, and with this we're finally onto the shopping trip. It may be some time before the next chapter is ready, it's probably going to be the longest chapter of the story based on much is going to get covered. Depending on how things go I may end up splitting the chapter once more but nothing is set in stone just yet. Until then I hope you enjoyed reading.