Rating: heavy PG-13 for language and sexual innuendo. This chapter's racy!
Feedback: Greatly appreciated. I won't withhold writing for feedback, but it certainly makes it feel more worthwhile. I'd love to hear anything, a sentence you liked, a piece of the story, your general thoughts. Anything.
Author's Notes: The title and poetry are from the poem The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Elliot. Marissa's ninth grade bout with anorexia was mentioned in The Rescue. We know that Summer goes to the Coopers' for Thanksgiving. I also truly believe, from early episodes, that Jimmy and Julie were mostly pretty happy before Jimmy's financial issues started. Yeah, maybe he was still a teeny bit hung up on Kirsten, but I had the impression he had been happy up until recently.
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Chapter 8: Wet
Time for you and time for me.
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions
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Thursday, November 22, 2001:
So far, Marissa had only eaten three bites of sweet potato and half of a roll, no butter. Summer was keeping track. This wasn't the first time she'd noticed Marissa's strange eating habits. For months now, Marissa had been claiming not to be hungry at lunch, picking her meals apart and shuffling food around on her plate. Summer knew she was supposed to say something, tell someone about Marissa's problem, but it didn't seem quite real. Stuff like this never happened to Marissa. Marissa's life was perfect.
Marissa, honey, you didn't finish your turkey. Julie leaned across the table. Did it taste all right?
Yeah, it was fine. Marissa shifted and pulled off another tiny piece of her roll.
Are you sure? You didn't eat very—
Mom, just drop it, okay?
Summer wet her lips nervously. Everything's delicious, she said quickly. She felt, as a guest at the family Thanksgiving dinner, that she needed to say something positive, to prevent a fight.
I'm glad to hear it, Summer, Julie smiled, then added in an undertone to Marissa's dad, Jimmy. You see? I told you that catering it was a good idea. He nodded off her comment with a smile.
Is it dessert time yet? Caitlin asked. She was eight and whiny now, and Summer was starting to agree with Marissa's assessment of her as a brat.
Not until you've finished your green beans, Julie told her. You don't want to end up fat, do you?
Summer set down her fork, wishing she hadn't had that second helping of turkey and gravy. That was the only drawback to having a figure: now she had to worry about keeping it. A few times she'd considered following Marissa's example of dieting, but no lack of food would ever make her as skinny as Marissa. Besides, she was always too hungry to try.
Jimmy tapped a fork lightly against his wineglass and cleared his throat. I thought we might try a new tradition this year. What do you say we go around the table and say what we're thankful for this year?
That sounds like a lovely idea. Julie shot a warm smile at Jimmy. I'll start. Okay, this year I'm thankful for my lovely family, she took Jimmy and Kaitlin's hands, the warm weather we've had this fall, and the new pumpkin flavored ice cream down by the pier. Kaitlin?
Kaitlin pondered the question. I'm thankful for all my new toys for my birthday, and my pony China, and my Halloween candy, and my new dress for the winter concert, and... She continued to rattle off a long list of possessions before adding as an afterthought, And Mommy and Daddy.
Marissa rolled her eyes. Thanks a lot.
Julie warned.
Okay, fine. Um, I don't know, I'm thankful for my friends, I guess. Marissa shrugged, twirling her glass of water so that it left a wet mark on the tablecloth. And Luke. And school, I guess. I don't know.
Summer felt embarrassed when the whole Cooper family turned their gaze on her, but she managed to say with a smile, I guess I'm thankful for being here this Thanksgiving. And not at home with Celeste, she added silently to herself.
Jimmy asked, resettling his napkin in his lap. Okay then. I'm thankful for my beautiful wife, he kissed Julie on the cheek, my two amazing daughters. And, he raised his wineglass in a toast, I'm thankful that we have such a lovely guest like Summer here with us today. He shot Summer a broad smile and lifted his glass a little higher. To a terrific Thanksgiving.
Summer blushed at his compliment and lifted her glass with the others, repeating softly To Thanksgiving.
Julie broke the silence, jumping out of her chair. It's time for dessert, don't you think? Kaitlin, can you give me a hand? She was back a moment later, carrying two pies; Kaitlin followed with a bowl of freshly made whipped cream. Now, we have pecan pie or pumpkin. Who wants what?
I want some of each! Kaitlin insisted, holding out her plate. With lots of whipped cream!
Marissa turned down dessert, so Summer took only a sliver of pecan pie and a tiny dollop of whipped cream. She ate slowly, savoring the taste, and studied Jimmy over the top of her water glass.
In the past year she'd become increasingly fascinated with Jimmy. Growing up with Daddy, who was rarely around and always emotionally distant, she'd only just begun to realize what she was missing. Watching Jimmy with Marissa heightened an ache in her chest that she'd never been aware of before. The door to his office was always open, and unless he was on the phone Marissa always greeted him with a kiss on the top of his head. He'd grin and ask her about her day — he knew all of her teacher's names — and call her things like and Sweat Pea. Marissa always pretended to be embarrassed, rolling her eyes for Summer's benefit, but she clearly adored her father.
In contrast, Summer would lean against the doorway and covet Marissa's dad from a distance. She loved his worn-in plaid shirts, his sock-feet and the way he sometimes slid down the hallway when he was in a hurry. The way he let Kaitlin sit in his lap while he worked, and was never too busy to admire one of her new Barbie dolls, and would hurry to finish up a phone call if Marissa needed to talk to him.
And when he looked at Julie he smiled with his whole face. Julie was always wandering into his office to rub his shoulders, and sometimes Summer had seen him pull Julie into his lap and kiss her right on the mouth. Summer tried to imagine Daddy ever doing that to Celeste, and failed. Daddy's office was off-limits, and Celeste never bothered him while he was working. These days, Daddy was gone more often, and when he was home his smile never reached his eyes. Just last week he'd asked Summer how seventh grade was going, only to have her remind him that she went to Harbor now.
It was a good thing the Coopers didn't mind her hanging around all the time. Daddy worked until all hours of the night, and she tried to avoid being home alone in the house with Celeste as much as possible.
Last year, on a ski trip in Aspen, Celeste had broken her ankle in two places. The doctor had given her painkillers, and her prescription had apparently never run out. Additionally, she'd started seeing a therapist and he gave her a different prescription. Summer knew better than to question it, but she thought it was strange that Celeste used two different pharmacies for her pills. And that she still needed the painkillers, almost a year later. They made her act weird. Summer supposed it was better than when Celeste used to be so tightly wound and freak out about everything, but there was something creepier about her new vague happiness.
It was different than the warm, familial happiness in the Coopers' dining room right now. This, Summer always told herself, was a family that loved each other. It was perfect: mom, dad, two kids. Marissa and Kaitlin argued a lot, and occasionally Marissa would fight with her mom or sulk, but otherwise things were harmonious. Summer had never even seen Jimmy get angry; she didn't think he ever lost his temper, or didn't get along with everyone.
Summer tried not to be scornful of Marissa's sullen inability to say what she was thankful for. But if she was part of the Cooper family, she knew it would have been the easiest question in the world to answer.
Do you think this would fit me? Summer asked, holding up one of Marissa's shirts.
I don't know, why don't you try it on?
Summer yanked off her shirt and pulled on Marissa's, admiring the silky green fabric as she did so. Marissa was a lot thinner than she was, so it was tight. But, she decided as she looked at herself sideways in the mirror, it was a good tight. It made her breasts look bigger and her waist smaller. The low neckline revealed more cleavage on her than it did on Marissa.
In the past year and a half Summer had been delighted to have finally filled out. She was still short, but she was all curves now and she loved it. She'd even recovered pretty quickly when Greg had broken up with her at the beginning of high school, because there was a whole flock of boys waiting in line. She'd yet to have another steady boyfriend, but she'd certainly gotten more kissing practice than she'd ever dreamed of a year ago. She'd been surprised to discover that she really liked kissing, even if it was sometimes wet. Even more, she liked the power that came with her new body. She liked the ways guys followed her with their gaze when she flounced past, making sure to swing her hips just enough to grab attention.
How does it look? she asked, turning to Marissa and putting her hands on her hips, jutting out her chest. Marissa's eyebrows lifted in surprise.
Looks good, she replied. You wanna borrow it?
Summer bounced on the balls of her feet, admiring how she jiggled in all of the right places. Maybe I'll wear it around Greg, she suggested with a wicked grin. The dumbass would probably wet himself with excitement, she though smugly.
Marissa lowered the magazine she was reading. Are you still mad at him?
Of course, Summer shrugged and returned to her reflection. She swept her hair back from her face into a high ponytail, declaring in a mock-sultry voice, I'm gonna turn him on, then leave him wanting more. He'll be begging to have me back.
Oh, God. Marissa looked like she didn't know whether to laugh or be exasperated.
I'm serious, Coop, Summer insisted. He dumped me in front of everybody, and I want to make him pay for it. She primped a little in the mirror. I'm gonna play him hot and cold.
Okay, Sum. Marissa returned to her magazine. Have fun.
It's just, I just can't believe he's dating Marcy Ross! Summer knew she was perseverating, but thinking about Greg got her so frustrated. She's such a little trophy wife!
Marissa snorted. And what is that supposed to mean? She flipped another page and arched an eyebrow at Summer.
Come on, Coop! You know! Summer climbed onto Marissa's bed and knelt at the end, hands on her knees. Marcy's totally gonna grow up and be one of those stupid bimbos who gets her boobs done so she can marry a rich guy twice her age! She tried to think of an example. Like Miles Crane's mom. Or Celeste!
Celeste hasn't had her boobs done, Marissa pointed out.
Summer conceded. But it's not like she doesn't have access to a surgeon. Besides, she definitely married a rich older guy.
So did my mom, Marissa said. She dropped the magazine and lowered her voice. Did you know she was pregnant with me before they got married?
Yeah, they think I don't know, but I overheard my mom discussing it with my grandma once. She was only eighteen, and poor, so my dad had to marry her.
Marissa sounded like she was upset to know this information, but this news only made Summer appreciate Jimmy more. What a good man he was, so responsible! He'd done the right thing and now he loved his family now more than anything in the world. It was a pretty romantic story.
It was funny, though. She'd never thought of Celeste and Julie as similar before. But apparently they were kind of alike, although Julie was a lot nicer. Summer had always known, ever since she was old enough to remember, that Daddy liked to date younger women. A lot younger, and really pretty too. She'd just never realized that Jimmy might be the same way.
Marissa's cell phone rang, and she answered it hurriedly. Her face lit up in a way it hadn't all evening. Hey! I was hoping you'd call!...Yeah, a few hours ago. Are you still at your aunt's? Oh. She pulled one knee up to her chest and wrapped her free arm around it. she giggled. Yeah, yeah I am. What are you doing?
Summer rolled her eyes. Luke was just at his aunt's in Palm Springs for the day, but Marissa couldn't even go a few hours without speaking to him. They were so nauseating together. And they could talk about nothing for ages. Summer knew enough to expect a long wait, and decided that she might as well get something useful done. Celeste's parents were coming tomorrow, so she needed to shower tonight. She ducked into Marissa's walk-in closet to change into a towel. When she stepped out and signaled what she was doing, Marissa barely looked up.
The door to Marissa and Kaitlin's bathroom was closed, and Summer knocked lightly. I'm in the bath! Kaitlin shouted, sounding angry. Go away! Summer resisted the urge to respond rudely and and leaned against the wall, debating whether to wait or return to the Marissa and Luke love-fest. Her gaze fell upon the open door to Julie and Jimmy's bedroom. It was empty, and dark; they were both still downstairs. But she knew they had a separate bathroom. She was sure they wouldn't mind if she used the shower. She really needed to wash her hair. Besides, she was curious to look at their bedroom.
It smelled nice, a soft smell, like the ghost of elegant perfume. The room was clean, the indigo and white sheets pulled smooth and tight across the king-size bed. A few pairs of Julie's high-heels were sitting outside the closet, and one of Jimmy's shirts — newly returned from the cleaners, by the look of it — was hanging off the back of a chair. Summer stepped carefully across the threshold, enjoying the soft warmth of the cream carpeting between her toes. She wandered across the empty floor, trailing a hand along the cherry wood dresser. A few artfully arranged photographs stood off to one side: Marissa and Kaitlin as babies, the same family portrait that Marissa had in her room, Jimmy and Julie at their wedding.
The bathroom was cream and white, clean but not intimidating. Summer locked the door and dropped her towel. The shower head was set to a higher pressure than she was used to, but she liked it. It was almost like getting a massage. Steam rose all around her, filling the shower and spilling into the rest of the bathroom. Something about the rising fog on the glass shower doors reminded Summer of the time she'd caught Daddy and some random girlfriend having sex in the shower. She'd forgotten about it until that moment, but as the hot water dripped off her nose and eyelashes the whole memory came rushing back.
She slid her soapy hands across her body, down each arm, across her chest, wondering absently if Julie and Jimmy ever had sex in this shower.
Clean at last, she switched off the shower and wrung out her hair. It hung well below her shoulders now; she'd have to ask Celeste to get her a hair appointment. She shivered a little as she wrapped her white towel around herself, bracing herself for the even colder air outside. The lights were on in the bedroom; Summer knew she hadn't turned them on. As she stepped out of the bathroom, Jimmy emerged from behind the closet door. He wasn't wearing a shirt.
he said, a grey t-shirt in his hands. I didn't know you were — I mean — I thought you were Julie. He looked embarrassed and glanced down at himself.
It's okay, Summer assured him. She couldn't help but notice the clean line of his collarbone, his well-defined chest and still-flat stomach. He was pretty well built, for a dad. She gave him an big smile, offering by way of explanation, Kaitlin was in the bath.
He didn't seem quite sure what to make of her, standing there in a towel. A very short towel. Almost involuntarily, his gaze dropped to her feet then swept back upwards, over her hands clutching the top of her towel to her face. Summer had never felt so keenly aware of her legs, her breasts, of any of her exposed skin. She knew that boys sometimes watched her in school, or at the beach, but she never felt like they really knew how to appreciate what they were looking at.
The silence may have only lasted a second, but it left her tingling. Had she been hoping for this all along? She wasn't sure, but she knew she didn't want to leave. It felt good just standing there in the half-lit room, having his eyes on her.
Your room is really nice, she said softly, taking a step forward. He didn't back away.
He wasn't moving. His eyes flicked down to her chest again, then quickly to the wall. He shook his head as if to clear it, turned half away and hurriedly pulled the t-shirt over his head. Then he walked away from her, removing his watch and putting it on the bedside table. What are you and Marissa up to tonight?
Summer felt a stab of disappointment at his distraction, his eyes no longer on her. Nothing right now. She's on the phone with Luke.
Right. They're pretty close, huh? He shot her a quick smile, barely looking at her before turning his attention to the closet instead.
I guess. Summer seated herself on the edge of the bed. He darted a glance at her out of the corner of his eye, but didn't stop what he was doing. She slid further onto the bed, crossing her legs in front of her. Personally, I would never date a high school guy. I want someone more...mature.
At that he looked at her again, really looked. And she let him, leaning back on her hands, allowing him to take in the full length of her, sitting in the middle of his bed. She felt heat beneath the surface of his skin, the rush of blood in her ears. It was as if she were teetering on the edge of a steep cliff, not sure if the last step to take her over the edge would let her fly, or fall. She wasn't quite sure what she was doing. But she didn't really want to stop.
You know, she said, keeping her voice low, it really meant a lot to me, what you said at dinner. It made me feel really... special. She wet her lips, taking care to move her tongue slowly, to leave her mouth slightly open in a suggestive manner.
A beat. I'm glad. His smile was more tense now. He apparently wasn't sure where to focus his gaze, and so ran a weary hand over his face, exhaling loudly as he walked into the bathroom. Away from her. Summer could hear the sound of rushing water and him brushing his teeth.
She looked down at herself, at her towel. It was just tucked into itself, on the side of her torso. She fingered the edge, thinking about how easy it would be to just pull it loose while he was in the bathroom, to let the towel fall away. Leaving her naked on the bed.
Working up her nerve, she drew her legs up under her, trying to decide on the best positioning for the moment. In doing so, she caught sight of herself in the long mirror over the dresser. She froze at what she saw, pushing one lock of damp hair behind her ear. Gone was the sexy young women she had determined herself to be in Marissa's room; now she looked like a little girl. A wet and wide-eyed little girl. If she did what she was planning to do there would be no turning back. Jimmy would walk out of the bathroom and see her whole body, pale and vulnerable in the soft lighting. It would go beyond any previous daydreams; it would be real, and she had no idea what would happen.
Suddenly, she couldn't get out of the room fast enough.
She scrambled off the bed, holding tight to the top of her towel, flung open the door and hurried down the hallway to Marissa's room. Ducking inside, she wasn't surprised to see Marissa still on the phone and took it as a blessing. It was the work of a minute to slip into the closet and change into her clean pajamas, no questions asked. Marissa was off the phone when she reemerged.
Marissa said brightly. Did you have a good shower?
Yeah, I guess so. Summer suddenly couldn't even summon up the energy for a false smile. Hey, Coop? Do you mind if we just go to bed? I'm really tired.
Marissa's brow furrowed slightly, Sure. Let me just change.
The two girls moved silently about the room in a well practiced routine. Marissa pulled on her pajamas and braided her hair into one long plait, while Summer repacked her suitcase and set her pillow on Marissa's bed. After years of sleep overs, late nights whispering into the wee hours of the morning, they were used to the situation, to the familiar pattern of sharing a bedroom.
Summer was brushing her hair when there was a knock on the door.
Come in! Marissa said, and Jimmy entered. In the bright lighting of Marissa's room, Summer thought he looked like a completely different person than he had in the dim glow of his bedroom. She knew she definitely looked different, safely clad in pink flannel pajamas. Self-consciously, she lifted her hand to fasten the very top button, leaving only her neck exposed.
Hey, kiddo, Jimmy said to Marissa, keeping one hand on the doorknob. You two going to sleep?
Marissa looked at Summer. Yeah, I guess so.
Okay, I'll say goodnight then. Jimmy took a stride forward and kissed Marissa's forehead, his hand lightly cupping the side of her face he did so. Happy Thanksgiving.
You too, Dad. For once, Marissa didn't roll her eyes or pull away. She managed a sweet half-smile before turning back to clear the scattered clothes on top of her bed.
Jimmy glanced at Summer, who realized she'd been standing frozen, hairbrush halfway through her hair. As soon as his eyes met hers she returned to brushing, trying her hardest to look casual. 'Night, Summer, Jimmy said quickly, pulling the door shut behind him as he went. Marissa didn't seem to have noticed his unusually reserved tone, but Summer did. Upset, she threw her brush down onto her suitcase and climbed under the covers on her side of the bed, turning over so her back was to Marissa.
You all set? Marissa asked softly. Summer made an affirmative noise, and was glad when the room fell into darkness. She felt the bed shift a little as Marissa climbed in. Goodnight, Sum.
Summer whispered. She lay still, hoping that Marissa wouldn't want to giggle and talk tonight. She just wasn't in the mood. Luckily, Marissa seemed to have noticed, and it wasn't long before her breathing was soft and steady. She was asleep.
Summer lay awake for ages afterwards, unable to even shut her eyes. Every time she did, images of that moment with Jimmy in the bedroom flickered before her gaze: his startled face, appraising expression, her own little-girl eyes in the mirror. Their whole conversation, full of a danger she couldn't quite name. She wasn't even sure if Jimmy knew the full extent of her intentions, but she was completely humiliated all the same. What if he told Julie what had happened, and Julie called Daddy and Celeste? What if Marissa found out? What if Jimmy never looked at her again the same warm way as he had at dinner?
Curled in the fetal position, Summer wrapped her arms around herself, trying to stave off the numbing ache in her chest. She thought back to the dizzying attraction she'd felt in the bedroom, the desperation when Jimmy wouldn't even look at her. She was pretty sure she'd wanted him to kiss her then, wanted it so much it hurt. Now she wondered, had she not cornered him before: would he have given her the same gentle forehead kiss he'd given Marissa? Would he have called her as well and smiled again, like he had when he toasted her?
The two potential kisses from Jimmy seemed to emerge from different worlds in her mind, worlds that didn't, couldn't coexist. Summer felt unbearably mixed up, unsure of how to reconcile these two conflicting desires. She drifted between sleep and consciousness, lost in random images that strung themselves together as she dozed: Daddy having sex in the shower with Celeste, who morphed into Julie, Julie kissing Jimmy, who in turn grinned at Marissa and hugged her. In her dreams, Daddy and Jimmy always had the same face. Or no face at all, and eyes that refused to see her.
It wasn't until she realized that the pillow beneath her cheek was wet that she even knew she'd been crying.
Whew. I always think to myself, okay, the next one will just be a short chapter, but then it's as long as the last one!
Poor Summer...so fucked up in the ways of sex. I hope that scene wasn't risque...just dangerous. Is it wrong that I had fun writing it?
I hope you're starting to see things approach their current place: Summer's sexual promiscuity in front of Jimmy (the scene where she's in a bra in front of him, remember that?), Marissa's Issues (with a capital I) and depressed overachiever-ness as a result of her mother, Celeste being a drug addict, etc. I plan to follow up on these: never fear.
Also, for those of you weeping and wailing at the loss of dear ole Greg Bliss from Summer's life...don't worry, he will be back next chapter. And I believe our darling Seth Cohen will make a cameo appearance. I'm already at work on Chapter Nine.
In the meantime, please take a minute or two to let me know what you thought of this latest installment. In will make the calluses on my fingers hurt less. ;-)