Chapter 5 – Torn.

Remus Lupin paced the top corridor of the house for what must have been an hour at least. He stopped in front of the bedroom door, again. His hand fisted ready to knock, again. But he couldn't do it. Couldn't bring himself to share his grief with perhaps the one person who needed him the most. He sighed. Remus, you fool.

Giving up, he descended to the lower levels of the house to find Tonks. He found it strange that he could talk to her but not to Harry. That's selfishness for you Lupin, you could make Harry feel better but you choose to be with her because she makes you feel better. Lupin was tempted to go back upstairs when the bathroom door unlocked and Tonks stepped out into the hallway.

Lupin's heart broke. She looked at him; just a look was enough to do it. He took her hand and led her to her room. Feeling rather uncomfortable about closing the door behind him, Lupin left it open a gap and joined Tonks on the edge of the bed. She sat there, rigid. He wanted to hold her but he was afraid that she'd shatter like glass. Instead, he said this:

"Thank you, for having the courage to say tonight what I could not."

"What difference does it make? It hasn't brought him back. And you and I both know Dumbledore will allow Snape back in this house." She sniffed. "I've not done anything except make a fool of myself and make myself more upset that I already was."

"But what you've done for Harry, Tonks . . . you may just have saved him. And you may just have saved me too."

"Well, two out of three isn't bad," she choked. Lupin took her hand.

"You'll get through this, we all will." He stopped then, as if he were only just realising it for the first time himself. "I've wanted to talk to Harry so badly tonight. But when it comes down to it, I'm not Sirius. I'm not him. Nothing I say to him will make any difference. Instead I come to you for comfort when Harry is the one that needs it the most." He turned his face away in shame.

"Maybe, maybe I have to teach you first," Tonks whispered, holding his face in her hand and turning it back toward her.

"Did you mean what you said, when you said I was nice?"

"Yes, of course."

"Oh."

"Oh? It's not a bad thing Remus."

"Isn't it?"

"Is it?"

He laughed. "I suppose not, it's just -."

"You want something more." Lupin smiled at her then frowned.

"Why are you doing this? Being my comfort? Why don't you tell me to pull myself together or go find somebody else to mope around?"

"Because it's you, Remus." Tonks answered simply. Sensing that he still didn't understand, she knew now was the time to explain. "You know when I asked you this afternoon if you ever make eye contact with people when you walk past? One day it happened to me and it was like never before. It was you. I didn't even know who you were but I knew, at that moment, 'He's a nice man.'" Lupin laughed.

"Little did you know I'm a werewolf."

"I think I did know, call me crazy but it's true."

"Your crazy," he replied.

"Werewolf or no, I love all of you," she said and he froze. What did she just say?

"Tonks, I -."

"Relax Lupin, you don't have to say it back. I just wanted to let you know." She smiled at him, casually. "Anyway, I think you should go see Harry now, no more excuses Mr Nice Guy! Off you go." Lupin knew when he was being dismissed and grabbed at the chance.

"Ok, I'll see you later," he blurted out hurriedly. He closed the door behind him, along with his eyes and his heart. In that bizarre moment with Tonks he had forgotten all about Sirius and Harry, in fact about the rest of the world. Half of him felt guilty for not grieving for his best friend, but half wanted to go back into that room and forget all over again. He sighed loudly.

"Are you still there?" He heard Tonks muffled voice through the door. He smiled.

"No," he replied. "But I'll be back."