Okay this is my new story and no this is not a poem or song fic
This is a real story and it's pretty deep, see I have fallen into a
Deep depressive state and this is one way to help me threw the
Times. I used to think cutting my self would help but it only up set
All of the people that care and have had the up most respect for me.
Well here's a little about the story: kagome is a broken young woman and
Every thing is over and she is finally back home and all alone. Her love life is even over, so she says so...
Well enjoy......
I do not any of the characters I only own the plot
-This is in kagos pov-
Falling Out
Part 1
I breathe in softly and sigh. I close my eyes once more and let the tears run dry down my face. My heart slowly beats in my chest. My hands tremble as I stare at my self in the mirror.
Just standing there, looking in to shattered brown eyes. I softly smile at my self in dismay. All I ever saw in my self was stupidity and imperfection. To me I was nothing but a scared child hiding under the covers of my feathery soft bed. I never wanted to go away, but what was I suppose to say? I all ways fell in to love and war. Now there's nothing more that I can do, not that I tried any more any ways.
I guess you could come to a conclusion that I am very and completely broken, and I guess that I would agree. The truth is that it's just so hard to keep the pain inside. Smiles to my self, again and then shutters in fear. The real truth is that it's just so hard to keep from falling out now and days. I close my eyes and think of him, "all I ever wanted was to be his friend" I think calmly inside of my head. I then softly shook my head and mopped back over to my exceptionally soft bed. I fall back in to my depth of sadness that is my bed.
I felt like I was sinking. No not literally but mentally. I should have known he wanted nothing to do with me or maybe that's just what I told my self. Was it alright to tell my self that more than once? I'm sure that its not but I told my self that any ways what else was I suppose to think because he's not with me. Was he really ever with me or not? I could never tell. I really should stop feeling sorry for my self all of the time but there's nothing else that I can do except wallow in my own self pity. I mean I am all alone there's no one that can help me from my self.
I have created my own tragic pain, which I cease to demolish. Infinite sadness was now my structure, it's what filled me, and kept me alive. Tormenting my self with past memories and up setting flash backs of the white hired demon that would ever captivate my heart and soul. There is nothing that I can do to stop it and nothing I want to do to stop it so I let the pain run threw.
I broke too many promises that I thought I could keep. I fell apart when he decided to let me go back to the future; I really thought he would have even kept me even if I had said no. I guess I was wrong. I tilted my head back to look in to the bright light. I must be caught up in a dream. Every thing seems so dull, so empty. I looked around my small room and I look upon the same old pink walls. Those pink walls always seemed to mock me. My eyes then fell upon my desk, which is against one of my pink walls. On that desk was a picture I took of the only man that ever made me feel right.
As I looked at the picture more tears started to fall from my eyes. The tears dripped down my face and on to my dark green night dress; that I seemed to live in. though every other day I had to leave my comfort of my night gown to have it washed. I used to want to love again but every time I tried I fell flat on my face. No one ever seemed to catch me like "he" did. I think I wanted to love again but I just couldn't and it was all because I wouldn't let him go and I still won't. I know that I should just let him go because I was the one to leave him. If I could undo my mistakes and change the hands of time then maybe just maybe I would still be with him. I still love him just the same. I still hope that he's the same; I hope he will never change. For the time being I will just sit in my room and cry, for I have hurt too many in my life with out meaning too.
If my sorrow would let me breath would he still be there waiting for me? I always seem to ask my self that. I know that I'm on the edge of braking down. How can I save my self when I'm stuck inside of a world that I have come to hate, a world with out him. There's no one to save me any more. Some times I think of going back or at least trying but I never do. I just feel that there is know one else that feels what I feel. I'm just so lost and hurt inside and out. All I ever wanted was to be his friend, but so much more came out of it and now I lost it all.
The first time I got my heart broken, it wasn't nearly as bad and as painful as it was this time around. What can I do, should I try and go back? I mean the only time I ever felt real was when I was near him. Yet I was the one to push him away. Reality seemed to escape from me and now I was left in my own world of infinite sadness. All I wish for now was for another chance.
okay i know its short but next time it will be longer
r&r