C'est la vie
Summary: The follow on to my other PGSM fic 'Different Sides'. This is Minako's reaction to Zoisite's death in Act44.
My head was pounding. I could feel the blinding torment that I had become accustomed too still ravaging my aching mind even as I transcended back into reality. The liquid calm of my unconsciousness faded as I slowly opened my eyes and took in the situation before me.
I was lying on my back. I could feel the coldness of the pavement through my sailor fuku, yet this did not affect me. How could it when I could see two pairs of eyes staring down at me? Someone once said that the eyes were the window to the soul itself and indeed this seemed to be true at this moment. I could literally feel Jupiter and Mercury's gazes scrutinising each move I made and I lowered my eyes in shame, as though just by meeting theirs they could pierce my stoic frontage and see me for who I truly was and nothing scared me more than this moment… or so I thought.
Slowly, I gathered myself. Accepting Jupiter's help to stand and ignoring her worried words. It was then I saw her. Our Princess… Sailor Moon. She was standing by herself, away from her friends and staring at the ground. As I watched a single tear slid down her cheek and dropped onto the concrete.
Now I had seen our Princess cry many times, both in this life and the last, but never had I had the feeling that her tears meant more than her own personal sorrow. A chapter of my life had just ended. Something had changed… I felt it inside, even as I moved away from my comrades and to her side.
Tsukino Usagi… Sailor Moon… she looked up as I approached and furiously wiped her eyes as though ashamed and she managed a small smile and said:
"Are you feeling better now, Minako-chan?"
I nodded, giving her some untruth about not eating properly before the battle and she seemed to buy this, though her mind was elsewhere.
"Princess--"
"I killed him, Minako-chan."
"Mamoru-san?" I replied, struggling to keep the disapproval from my voice, "No. We will save him. You just have to have faith in yourself and--"
I abruptly trailed off wondering why I was bothering to comfort her. I was secretly glad that Mamoru-san had chosen his Shitennou over his Princess. His love was not unbreakable after all…
"I killed him," Sailor Moon repeated brokenly.
"He's not dead" I tried again, "Beryl will not kill Endymion and--"
"I don't mean Mamoru, but I might as well have done."
"Princess--"
"I'm sorry. I'm not the Princess you deserve. If I had been stronger…" Sailor Moon looked me directly in the eyes as she said this next bit, "He's dead, Minako-chan."
The way she said my name… that entire sentence. It filled me with a type of dread I had only ever felt once before in my life, when the doctors told me I was dying. The breath left my body and I felt as though I was slowly being pulled under into darkness. I exhaled deeply as I felt my heart increase its usual rhythm to a wild thumping beat.
"Who?" my voice cracked ever so slightly and I prayed that the Princess would not notice this.
"Zoisite."
"Wait" I reached out with my free hand, my fingers not quite brushing his cape, "Can you heal me?" a stupid question, one that pained us both.
"No" Zoisite replied, his voice full of sorrow, "I do not have that power."
"Then there is no hope?"
"There is always hope. The Princess is strong."
Usagi-chan…"Will you come to my concert?" I asked next, hating the despair in my voice.
He laughed softly, a genuine laugh, "I thought the tickets were sold out?"
I smiled slightly, "We both know you do not need a ticket to get in. Will you come?"
He considered this, "Perhaps" he allowed at last.
"What?" I tried to keep my voice steady, but I felt as though someone had kicked me in the stomach. I felt sick and tears threatened to blur my eyes as I struggled to remain calm and impassive.
"I know he tried to kill me first… but he must have changed his mind or something because he saved me and… it killed him..." Sailor Moon babbled uncontrollably as her own tears started to fall again, "And even though he was an enemy… Mamoru cares so much for the fate of the Shitennou and the only one who really believed in him is gone and it's all my fault."
"As long as the past exists. The past is what makes us who we are."
I shivered, my will to be strong fading and I had no alternative but to turn away. I started to walk. Picking up pace, even as Sailor Moon called after me:
"Minako-chan! What can I do? Please tell me! I don't know what to do anymore."
"Do what you always do when things get bad" I called back, my voice shaking as I started to sing.
"Before the daybreak
In the clouds, Venus,
Two people and you are discovering
Secret love
With whom, I can't say
Secrets in the sky
Alas, it vanishes.
I sigh, the winds of change
These feelings, I throw to the stars
Awkwardly, fleeting
Are such feelings
In the future, they will be reborn born again.
"Minako-chan?" I heard her call once more, even as she ran to my side. "Daijobu?"
Her broken voice… I had learnt to harden my heart against such feelings but now my heart was broken. Shattered like glass. Still I forced a smile upon my face.
"C'est la Vie, Usagi-chan" I whispered brokenly, "C'est la vie"
These warm feelings are part of life...As long as I stay as who I am. C'est la vie. I want to keep on loving you.
I have not long until my life is gone. If these feelings are a part of life then I have no reason to continue in this world. The Princess… my light of hope has just destroyed the one thing I had to live for… the one person who made me want to continue my fight.
"There is always hope. The Princess is strong."
She will have to be… because I just can't do this anymore…