Disclaimer: I started wondering, when was the last time I actually wrote a serious disclaimer announcing the fact that these characters are not mine? I think it was about a year ago. Anyway, I didn't want to ruin my track record so please, by all means, don't take this one seriously either.

A/N: You'd think that I would have some form of Author's Notes to greet you all with. But alas, I've got nothing... ; )

~ me, Leigh, QK, vagabond, Kanshisha Tenshi, Susannah De Silva -- Thanks for the kind words! Now if you would all be so kind as to form an orderly line for the distribution of the review reward cookies. No, really -- I'm serious about the orderly part. The plot bunnies are real weird about that... : )

~ Misa1124 -- Oh, so laughing and talking out loud when no one's around is a bad thing? Hmm... note to self... : )

~ ishandahalf -- 1) Don't get used to the 2-posts-in-one-day thing. I think that was just an X2 high. Unfortunately, it'll probably take a miracle for something like that to happen again. 2) Yup, the identical blurb was sheer laziness. I'm subject to that now and then -- actually more now than then. 3) "tra la la la la..." *chuckle* That's right up there with "Gasp!" and the air quotes! 4) Okay, I'm backing away... slowly. Breathing. In. Out. Now running! *smack!* ... dammit... you never said anything about that wall being there...

~ Eileen Blazer -- You never told me you had a split personality! One side of you hating me while the other side doesn't. That's so cool. I want one!

~ missy42 -- 1) Hmm... do you and Misa1124 get paid to read fanfic at work? 'Cause it seems like both of you do and therefore, I want your job! 2) So I sent out Draco and Norbert to your rescue after you pissed off the disclaimers. Unfortunately, they got a little lost and ended up grabbing a pizza instead. Hope you weren't beaten to an unrecognizable bloody pulp! : ) 3) Glad to have you at the last poker game. But you know what? I think Sylvester cheated. He looked like he had a few cards up his sleev-- er, scales.

~ Blue_Pig -- I knew I had to get at least one death threat somewhere! ; )

~ Katterree Fengari -- I'm surprised you only got lost on the elephant part. I pretty much figured I'd lose everyone from the very beginning! ; )

~ Lcsaf -- Oh, Rogue most definitely has a thing for that Cajun! And if I had my way, she always will! *insert menacing laughter here*

~ Rachel -- Have you tried beating the review box with a stick to rid it of its evil ways? Works wonders, I tell you... : )

~ disease -- So you're the reason that SWAT team came by the house a couple of weeks ago... : )

~ TrinityC -- Oh, yeah! X2 high definitely helped the bounciness! ; )

CHAPTER 3
Spring Cleaning Madness
Part II

"You can't have everything. Where would you put it?"
~ Steven Wright

"Argh! Evan was right. This is gonna take at least a month... if we're even that lucky!" Bobby exclaimed, surveying what little progress they'd made in Kurt's room.

"Door's right there, mein freund, you don't have to stay."

"Tell me again why I have to help you with your room?"

Evan glanced up from the doorway where he'd just entered with several cardboard boxes in his hands. "'Cause Scott thought it would help move things along a little faster if we used 'teamwork.'" He joined them at the closet. "'Sides who would you rather be paired with, Scott and Jean, or Kitty and Rogue?"

"Good point. Poor Scott, having to deal with cleaning and a girl. They get pretty weird about their stuff, you know."

"Dude, I don't think he'll be complaining all zat much, considering who he's cleaning with."

"You think they'll get anything done?"

"Ohhhh, yeeeaaah... but it won't be cleaning." Evan's statement earned a few snickers from his teammates.

"But you know," Bobby began, the first to break from the 'guy talk' mood, "this is Scott we're talking about. He's no Gambit; he'll probably be the perfect gentleman."

Kurt canted his head to the side in thought. "You're right. Jean would tack his butt to ze wall if he tried anything."

"Ooh... kinky."

All three boys paused to mentally digest the image. Simultaneously, they shuddered.

"Dude, zat's not vat I meant! Zat was disgusting!"

"I know! What was I thinking?!"

"You weren't!" Bobby clamped his hands over his face. "My eyes! My eyes! Someone get me a power drill so I can bore the pictures out of my head!"

Immediately, Evan sobered. "Seriously, are you gonna do it? 'Cause I'd be all for that."

"Yeah, I'll do it -- right after I get a drain hole going in your skull. Next time you feel like sharing something like that, insert a Playboy Bunny or two, and not a couple of our teammates!"

They heard a knock on the bedroom door and turned to see Scott standing in the hallway.

"You guys don't look like you've gotten much done in the past half hour. You've got three rooms to do by the time the adults get..." He trailed off when he noticed the odd looks they were sending his way. "What? Why're you staring at me like that?"

"Uhh..." Evan stammered, trying to shake the image that once again popped into his mind. "No reason. Just... umm... admiring that sweater. Great color on you, man."

Scott frowned. "You've been hanging around Kitty too much, Ev." He turned to leave. "Hurry up, guys."

After he had disappeared down the hall, the three X-Men left in the room remained motionless. Bobby was the first to speak.

"I seriously need that power drill right about now."

- oOo -

"Well, it's about time," Jean said with a smile as Scott came back into the room. "Did you have a run-in with Sabretooth or something?" she teased.

"Or something. Evan, Bobby and Kurt are teamed up together, remember? It'll be a miracle if they get half of Kurt's room done by the end of the day."

"I wouldn't worry too much about those three. They know what's waiting for them if they don't get it done. Logan was pretty clear on that one." She turned to assess Scott's bedroom. It was immaculately clean, without a carpet strand out of place. "You know your room is depressing me. You're neater than I am, and I'm a girl. What are we going to be doing in here? Everything's already clean."

Scott walked over to his closet and opened the door. "We're not staying long. Just going to pick something up and then we're moving on to your room." He reached into the farthest corner, trying to push through the hanging clothes barring his way. He felt them part away from him, as if by magic. Over his shoulder, he called, "Thanks, Jean."

"No problem."

Pulling out a loaded box, he declared, "This is it."

"This is what?" she asked, peering down at the knick-knacks and neatly folded clothes.

"All the stuff I don't need anymore."

Jean looked at him in surprise. "You mean, you sorted through your stuff before the Professor told us we had to? How did you know he was going to ask us to do that?"

"Actually," Scott began with a sheepish grin, "I do this all the time. Whenever I don't want anything anymore, or if something doesn't fit me, I throw it into this box. Saves on cleaning time."

She shot him another dubious look, seriously doubting that he 'threw' anything into the box, judging from how the items were systematically arranged. "Are you sure you're a teenager, Scott? 'Cause if you are, you're the oldest teenager I've ever met."

He didn't really know how to respond to her statement. Was that a compliment, or did she just insult him in some inconspicuous way? "So, I'll bring this downstairs and then meet you over in your room?" he asked instead, turning toward the door, box in hand.

"Okay." Jean's eyes wandered back to the closet. "Hey Scott, what about that box?"

"Which one?"

"This one," she said, telekinetically pulling it out. It was filled to the brim with videotapes and a few DVDs. "The Three Stooges Collected Works?" Her questioning eyes met his.

"Umm... those aren't mine. They're Alex's," he explained.

"Alex..." She nodded slowly, as if trying to understand what he'd just said. "You mean your brother who lives thousands of miles away... in Hawaii?"

"Yes. How many brothers do you think I have?"

"I don't know. Maybe you have a half-brother or something who lives in some far-off alien galaxy that we don't know about yet."

"That's a little farfetched, Jean," he stated, crossing over the threshold.

And your explanation for the Stooges tapes wasn't? She mentally chuckled as she watched him disappear down the hall. Once again using her telekinesis, she returned the other box to its place in the closet and then left for her own room.

- oOo -

"We're supposed to be helping each other, you know!"

"Ah am helpin' you. Ah'm stayin' out o' yoah way."

"Rogue..." she whined, pitching her voice to an irritating level.

Her roommate rolled her eyes in disgust. "That's not gonna work, Kit-Kat. Ah ain't budgin'."

"All you have to do is, like, look over here and tell me if I should keep this blouse or not." Kitty shifted from one foot to the other impatiently. "I'm not gonna stop bugging you until you do."

Rogue shot a quick look over her shoulder and immediately declared, "Toss it."

"You didn't even look!"

"Ah saw enough. It's blindingly pink an' frilly an' could be used ta kill a bull dead in its tracks in three seconds flat. Toss it."

Kitty threw the offending article onto her bed where the rest of the 'discard' pile was accumulating. She pulled another one out of the closet and held it against her body. "What about this?"

"Girl, maybe you should get Jean ta play fashion consultant 'cause Ah'm not gettin' paid enough fo' this gig."

"C'mon, please! I can't get Jean! She's, like, busy playing house with Scott."

Rogue finally turned from where she was sorting through her CD collection. "Fine. But if you want mah help then that means gettin' rid o' ev'ry single piece o' clothin' in yoah wardrobe." She stood, intending to make good on her threat.

Kitty quickly blocked her path. "No, no, that's okay. I'll, like, figure this out on my own."

"Glad ta hear it."

The younger girl once again faced her closet. "What about shoes? Maybe I should get rid of some of those, too."

"Kitty," growled Rogue in annoyance.

"What? I'm not asking for your help. I'm just, like, thinking out loud."

"Well, do me a favor an' think a li'l quieter."

"You know, you're being a lot snappier than usual," she commented as she bent down to go through her footwear. Moving the first few boxes, she continued, "Ever since Gambit left the Acolytes and moved in with us, you've been -- Oh my God!" She dropped the shoeboxes in her hands and jumped back a good three feet. "Ew, EW, EW!"

"What's th' matter with you?" Rogue demanded from across the room. When Kitty did nothing but mutely point to a dark corner of the closet, she moved closer. "What?" Again Kitty pointed, this time with such an emphasized movement that Rogue thought her arm was going to separate from the rest of her body. Cautiously, Rogue stepped into the closet and opened the door fully, allowing the light to seep in. Using her booted foot, she nudged the fallen boxes away. What she saw caused her to jump back in revulsion.

"What is it?" Kitty asked tentatively from behind her.

"It's one o' yoah out-o'-style shoes from last season."

Kitty scowled. "Be serious! What is it?"

"Ah think it's a rat."

"Gross! Like, get rid of it!"

"Me?! Why do Ah have ta do it? It's on yoah side o' th' closet. You get rid o' it!"

"No way!"

"Look," Rogue reasoned, "all you'd have ta do is use yoah power an' phase it out o' here."

"That would mean I'd have to touch it! No way!" She warily peered over her roommate's shoulder. "Is it even dead?" she whispered.

"Ah think so."

They both leaned in closer, studying the small patch of dirty gray fur on their closet floor. The creature's eyes were closed and for all intents and purposes it appeared to be dead.

Then it twitched.

And sent both girls screaming to the other side of the room.

Standing on top of her bed and ignoring the fact that she was trampling the clothes beneath her, Kitty yelled, "Do something!"

"What would you like me ta do? Absorb it?!" Rogue snapped back from where she was plastered against the window.

"We can't just leave it there!"

"Says you!"

Without warning, their bedroom door was kicked open with a resounding bang. Gambit stood in the threshold with a fistful of glowing cards. His eyes quickly surveyed the room for potential danger.

"What happened?" he demanded, taking in the expressions on the girls' faces. "Heard you scream from down de hall."

They pointed wordlessly.

Curious for the reason of their demeanor and tense stances, Remy moved swiftly towards the closet. His eyes then widened in horror. "Mon Dieu!" he gasped.

Kitty leaned forward when she saw his body go rigid. "Do you see it?"

He nodded. Pulling out a glittery, short-sleeved blouse in a loud turquoise color, he shuddered and said, "My Tante Mattie had somet'in' jus' like dis... from three decades ago."

Jumping down from her perch, Kitty stalked over to him and yanked the garment away. "It was a present from my godmother!"

"What, some thirty years before you were born?"

Rogue glared at both of them. "Are you two done goofin' around yet?"

Turning back to the closet, Remy inquired, "What is it dat I'm s'pposed t'be lookin' for here? 'Sides all dis girly, flower-power fluff."

"I am, like, so close to phasing you into the wall and leaving you there permanently!"

Remy took another look into the closet and then snorted when he saw the cause of their distress. "Is dat what all de fuss is about? One li'l mouse?"

"It ain't a mouse; it's a rat th' size o' th' Titanic!"

"Y'know, I never pegged you t'be de squeamish, dainty type, chère." He grinned wryly at her.

"Ah ain't!"

"Oh really?" retorted Kitty. "Well, I guess I was the only one that jumped across the room then, huh?"

"Shut up, Kit." She turned her attention back to Remy. "Are you gonna get rid o' it or not?"

As if debating the situation, he casually leaned against the closet opening, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "Well, I dunno..."

Rogue rolled her eyes. "Here we go."

"I mean," continued Remy, ignoring her, "I'm a t'ief at heart, ladies. Dere's gotta be some kind o' trade-off here f'r me t' even consider gettin' involved."

Without hesitation, Kitty ordered, "Rogue, show the man some leg."

"What?!"

"Hey, dat's not a bad -- "

"Fo'get it; it ain't gonna happen!"

"The way I see it we only have two options here," reasoned Kitty. "And one of them involves living with a decaying rodent in our closet that will eventually stink up the entire room. So, like," she gestured to the lower half of her roommate's body, "show the man some leg."

Rogue glared at her. "Why don' you?"

"'Cause I have a feeling I'm not the one he wants to see."

"Don' be too hasty 'bout dat, petite," Remy interjected. "If de two o' you wanted t'strip right here an' now, I wouldn't be completely against it."

With a scowl, Rogue hissed, "Yoah disgustin'."

"Non, jus' a red-blooded Cajun boy wit' a healthy appetite f'r de opposite sex."

"Yeah, like Ah said... disgustin'."

"Well? Are you going to do it?" Kitty shot the question to both Rogue and Gambit, simultaneously asking if they had a deal.

"Ovah mah dead body."

Remy shrugged. "Well, if dat's de case..." He moved towards the bedroom door.

In a panic, Kitty blurted out, "Wait!" Once he'd turned back to her, she motioned him over to her bed several feet away from where Rogue stood. She began whispering furiously into his ear, making sure to cup her hand around her mouth so that Rogue couldn't decipher what was being said.

Breaking away from her, Remy raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

His co-conspirator nodded. "I swear." She held up her right hand as emphasis.

"What're you two up to?" demanded Rogue.

"Nothing," Kitty shot back hurriedly. She held out her hand to Remy. "Deal?"

"Oui." They shook on it and Remy once again moved towards the bedroom door. "I'll go get somet'in' t'pick dat critter up wit'."

When he was gone, Rogue stomped over to the other girl. "What did you tell him?"

"I'm sorry, Rogue, but the details of our conversation are, like, confidential."

"Kitty..." she warned, a dangerous tone sliding into her voice.

The young brunette gulped and took a step back. She didn't think the evil glint in the southerner's eyes was a good sign.

----

Hi, all! The last part of this particular Madness should be up in a few days. I got carried away again and had to slice it in half because it was getting too long for one chapter. The good news is, the next part is halfway done already, so it shouldn't take long to finish -- if we're really lucky, that is. : ) Once that's done, I promise to get to work on the next chapter of Hazard. Lord knows I can't stay away from my Rogue and Remy stories for too long! ; )