Disclaimer: All right, which one of you made the 'fat' comment to the disclaimer? It spent an entire week scrutinizing itself in front of the mirror, and now its demanding that I pay for its gym membership. I don't even have money for my gym membership!

A/N: The site was acting up again, so about eight reviews didn't show up on the Board. But don't think that saves you from listening to my ramblings! Heck no! That's the beauty of ff.n's email review alert! I get them one way or the other! No one's safe! Ha! ; )

~ Yumiko, Jen1703, kaosda, Rogue Warrior Spirit, The Hidden One, MoonJewel, Solitaire, , Taineyah, kh y - I've got nothing to give you all, but... *scrounges around in bag* ... about ten dollars, a couple mints and some lint... any takers? ; )

~ Thanx4reading - I remember that issue, and the others that followed where they had Remy wearing a tux. The boy does clean up nicely. But honestly, he could wear anything and I'd still drool! : )

~ Disturbed Courtney - I didn't lie, per se... stretch the truth, maybe? Stretched the truth like a rubber band around the world a few hundred times... ; ) Ahh! You updated! Not Street Livin' though - *grumble, grumble* - but I guess that's fine. I haven't gotten around to reading yet, but I will!

~ Mag Carter - We probably were. I know there are some stuff that I did at that age that I am kicking myself for now. : )

~ ishandahalf - *breaks down and weeps* Two reviews? I just can't... 1) Where exactly was the part about curing cancer, erasing third world debt and bringing about peace on earth? I must have missed that... 2) Yeah, that Caribbean blue is pretty. Kind of deceives you into thinking that it's clean enough to play in or something. Though I don't see anyone agreeing to a game of water volleyball in a toilet... 3) Candy corn! *squeal* Manna from heaven, my friend. My godmother sent me this big tub full of candy corn once. Everyone else was banned from even looking at it. Oh, and of course Tootsie Roll pops! We should take over the candy-making world first. Just so we're on a sugar high while we're working on the world domination thing. 4) Ooh, is your 'ah-HAH!' stance similar to my 'Hark!' stance? We should so copyright those. 5) I'm thinking if Remy wallpapered his room, Rogue would kill him for sure. Wait, what? Remy stepping out of the shower...? *mind wanders into the gutter* ... The rest of you might as well go home. Me and ish will be here a while...*coughforevercough* 6) "is this called the madness series cuz your torturing of me is driving me mad?" Well, I would have thought that much would've been obvious... ; ) 7) The effort is much appreciated! ; )

~ Cris-X - As always, thanks for reviewing each chapter! Many thank you's! : )

~ Flamingo - 1) Yeah, the Fanfiction Mafia is cool, but we have such a limited number of members I'm wondering if we aren't too covert for our own good! ; ) 2) I've never really thought about a plot bunny fur trading business - what with the plot bunnies trying to kill me and all - but it sounds like a very lucrative business. 3) Ha! That's why you can't find a bootleg copy of The Two Towers; the minions have been hoarding them like crazy. I'll see if I can't wrestle one away from them. *dons muse's suit of armor, complete with shield and broad sword* Have the ambulance on stand-by, please.

~ Lady Trunks - Well, hello you! Yup, Dr. Pepper good. (So good I lose my grammar skills. : )

~ Panther Nesmith - I was just wondering, why would Scott get jealous?

~ Ning Ning - 1) *completely out of breath* Did I catch you before you left? Or are you already in Colombia - harvesting coffee beans perhaps? ; ) 2) Uhh... 17 days? Which, btw, isn't that bad since I'm jumping between Stitches... and this. You should have been around when Hazard was still in progress. A whole month or more between updates. I'm surprised more people didn't try to hurt me. ; ) 3) I'm curious, what does "tambien" mean?

~ Goddess Evie - "Deep forest green, a lighter blue, and silver" ~~ Ooh, so very pretty! That sounds like it would make such a beautiful color scheme! Not overly feminine, and yet not completely masculine - which is perfect for Remy and Rogue! Damn, you're good! ; )

~ Makura Koneko - Let me tell you, even I wasn't expecting the turn it took. Not that I ever get a say in any of these fics, but let's just pretend for now... Are you sure I wasn't channeling you or something in the last chapter? 'Cause it's really eerie how similar those two scenes are. Albeit Rogue and Remy haven't even been on one date yet, while you and your boyfriend have, but still...

~ Eileen Blazer - Ahh, Remy's sneaky self... It's why we love him so much, isn't it? Damn the man... ; ) Okay, so the next update is up already. Where is yours? (Can you feel the pressure I'm putting on you? Can ya? ; )

~ insertcreativenamehere - First off, love your screen name - coolness! : ) Second, it's always nice to hear from "long time readers, first time reviewers." I don't begrudge anyone who stays in 'stalker' mode 'cause sometimes I get real lazy to review, myself. As for your questions... Who knows? You'll see. And anything's possible... Did that help? : ) To be honest, the reason why I have Bobby as part of the main cast is because it felt weird not to have him. I mean, he is one of the original X-Men and everything. Plus, he's such a goof ball that I had to include him, for comedy purposes alone. As for the New Mutants, I'm not really sure. It's hard enough juggling around eight different characters, I'm not sure my sanity - or lack thereof - can take on any more. Plus, I don't really have a solid handle on Ray, Amara, Roberto or Rahne. Jubilee and Sam, maybe - but those first four... But we'll see if we can't talk the bunnies into it! : )

~ ria snape - A bike, huh? Good guess on your sister's part, as was your cd or jewelry guess. You two will just have to wait and see, though. *evil grin* Damn, I am so not helpful, am I? ; )

CHAPTER 8
Movie Madness
Part III

"F'r de last time, non, non, non!" Remy yelled as he stormed into the rec room with Jean and Kitty hot on his heels.

"What about champagne pink, or sea-coral pink? Those are both beautiful shades of – "

"No pink!"

Jean set her hands on her hips. "Well, at least reconsider the ice-skating penguins."

"No!"

"The fire-breathing monkeys?"

"No!"

"You're right. That might be a bit of a fire hazard. What about the dancing llamas?"

"No t' ev'ryt'in'!"

"You've got to be kidding! No to, like, everything? Even the pretty fountains and flowing lace?" Kitty asked, wide-eyed.

"Ev'ryt'in'! De whole shebang, de complete caboodle!" Remy strode over to where Scott was sitting on the couch, yanked him up by his collar, and thrust him in the girls' direction. "Homme, do somet'in' 'bout ya femme dere. Take her upstairs an' go at it or somet'in' – jus' get her off my back!"

"Eww! Like, bad image! Bad image!"

"Gambit!"

"Dude, I think my appetite just took a trip elsewhere."

"Tell me about it. Zis Twinkie has lost all its appeal."

"Maybe I should've picked up a pack of barf bags while at the store..."

Rogue glanced over the back of the couch and asked, "What do y'all need penguins, monkeys an' llamas for?"

Kitty, who was about to open her mouth to answer, was abruptly cut off by Remy's hard expression.

"'Tween de three o' us, remember?" he murmured under his breath, so that only she and Jean could hear.

"Uhh... for... umm... Remy's... birthday!" Kitty nodded enthusiastically, happy with her cover-up. "Jean and I were, like, trying to plan Remy's birthday."

Scott looked skeptical. "With a zoo full of animals exhibiting talents that normally shouldn't have any bearing on their existence whatsoever?"

"Uhh... yes?"

Bobby leaned toward Evan. "You mean penguins really don't ice skate when they're down south in their igloos?"

"Oh man, you are so clueless! Penguins live in teepees, not igloos... don't they? Anyway, the real question is: why does Remy need fountains and lace at his birthday bash? Now there's an interesting combination."

"Hey, vait a minute!" Kurt interrupted. "My birthday comes before Remy's! Vhy aren't you planning a party for me?"

"Trust me, homme, you should be t'ankful dey ain't."

Despite that statement, Kurt pouted, sulking in his seat. "Everyone always forgets my birthday. It's not fair. Vhy can't you forget someone else's birthday for a change? Like Bobby's."

"Hey!"

"Dudes, since we're all here, can we start with Movie Day already?" Evan demanded. "We're wasting precious minutes! The Force waits for no one!"

"You go ahead an' start de movie, mon ami," Remy said, walking up to Rogue. "Chère, c'n I talk t' you f'r a bit?"

"If this is about th' big bag o' candy corn, Ah was only one-third o' th' demandin' party." She pointed to her co-conspirators. "They wanted it more than Ah did. In fact, they made me put in a vote fo' it."

"Traitor," hissed Kitty.

Remy smiled. "Non, it ain't about de candy corn." He took her hand and helped her off the couch, leading her out of the rec room and near the main staircase. The rest of the team could still see them clearly through the doorway, but they were far enough away to keep their conversation private.

"Vat's zat all about?" questioned Kurt, openly staring at the couple, along with the other occupants in the room.

"Maybe Remy's finally admitting to Rogue that he's the one who's been checking me out," suggested Scott. Everyone's eyes were drawn to him. "Oh, so it's okay for him to think I'm attracted to him, but God forbid it's the other way around?"

Evan shook his head. "You have real issues, man."

"Maybe he's telling Rogue that he's dying," Bobby piped up, "and his last request is to get into her pants at least once before he croaks."

"Bobby!"

"What? Men have to push every advantage they can get, right? At least that's what you guys told me last wee– "

Scott quickly clamped a hand over the younger boy's mouth before he could say any more.

"Oh, really now?" Jean arched an eyebrow in her boyfriend's direction.

Nervously, Scott cleared his throat, and in a stern voice told Bobby, "Absolutely not. We never said anything of the sort. And you're too young to be thinking about stuff like that." Scott cuffed him on the back of the head. But once Jean's attention was directed elsewhere, he grinned, saying, "Nice to see you're learning."

Jean turned to Kurt and informed him, "Remy bought something for Rogue while he was out earlier. He's giving it to her now."

Without warning, Kurt jumped out of his seat, and would have been halfway across the room if Kitty's hand hadn't grabbed hold of his tail.

"And, like, just where do you think you're going, fuzzy elf?"

"To see vat zat snake is giving my sister!" he snapped, attempting to stride out of the room, to no avail. Kitty's grip held firm. "Who knows vat kind of sleazy stuff he's trying to corrupt her with!" His eyebrows furrowed in frustration. "Vhy can't I teleport?"

"Because I'm not letting you," stated Jean smoothly. "Trust me, Kurt. He isn't giving her anything you wouldn't approve of."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Oh yeah, he's probably just giving her body lotion, or lingerie, or massage oils..." Evan counted off helpfully.

Kurt immediately recalled Remy ogling his sister's picture, and renewed his efforts to break free of Kitty's hold.

Jean frowned at Evan. "It isn't anything like that."

"... or porn, or nudie magazines, or sex toys..."

"Evan!" Trying to defuse the situation, Jean stated calmly, "It's nothing like that, Kurt. Believe me."

"Do you swear on Scott's Three Stooges collection?"

"Hey!"

"I swear."

"One or two videos doesn't constitute a collection," muttered Scott under his breath.

The tension in Kurt's body eased, but he still stood watching the transaction by the stairs. Remy's back was facing them, so they couldn't lip-read what was being said. But judging from the expression on Rogue's face, it must have been good. Her eyes widened as far they could go, and she looked at Remy in complete and utter shock. It took her a solid minute to reach out and accept the box he offered her. When she finally held it in her hands, she stared at it for a moment, before raising her gaze to Remy and favoring him with a slight smile.

The male members of the team sat stunned, jaws scrapping the floor. Rogue was actually... smiling? At Gambit?

"Somebody grab the remote!" Evan yelled, pointing toward the couple. "We need to hit rewind right now! I think my eyes just stepped into the Land of Hell-No-That-Ain't-Possible!"

Normally, Rogue's behavior toward their Cajun teammate could be categorized as bristly on a good day, and borderline hostile on a bad one. And now she was actually accepting gifts and smiling at him?! They needed to consult a calendar and see if the world was coming to an end.

To further add to their surprise, they saw her mouth form the words 'thank you,' before Remy once again took her hand and lead her back into the rec room.

Scott was dumbstruck. "Now I know I'm suffering from head trauma."

"What's de matter, mes amis?" Remy asked as he waited for Rogue to slid back into her spot on the sofa. Once she had, he settled down on the carpeted floor and rested his back against her calves without any form of protest from her.

If the team hadn't been stupefied before, they certainly were now. Pigs were going to sprout wings and fly by the window at any minute, followed by cows, donkeys, and any other barnyard animal they could think of.

Remy smirked, adding, "You look like ya jus' found out de Juggernaut won a presidential election or somet'in'."

The room was completely silent except for the baffled disbelief that echoed through the air.

"If y'all don' close those yappers shut, Ah'm gonna have ta do it fo' you," Rogue declared, glancing around and catching the looks on Kitty's and Jean's faces. They seemed infinitely pleased by Remy's gesture, and not in the least bit surprised.

They knew 'bout this, th' li'l harpies, she thought without malice, staring down at the item in her lap. It was a pastry box from an obscure little bakeshop on the outskirts of town. Not many people knew it even existed. It was one of Bayville's best-kept secrets. Rogue herself had found it entirely by accident while she'd been wandering aimlessly through the area on one of her 'thinking' expeditions. She entered the little shop with the hope of finding a snack and a cool drink, and came home with a new secret addiction.

Peach crumble cupcakes. The shop's specialty. Made in pretty silver foil cups, and packed by the half dozen in a plain, cream-colored box with only the bakeshop's name printed on the very top. It also came in the full-sized cake variety, but Rogue liked the easy convenience of cupcakes. No plate, knife or fork to deal with, and only a foil cup to dispose of afterwards.

How in the world did Remy find out about them? No one in the house knew that she craved them like a pregnant woman did pickles and ice cream, except...

Kit-Kat.

Rogue's eyes wandered over to where her roommate was sitting next to her brother. Kitty had been with her one day when they happened to be in the neighborhood. Since the bakeshop was so out of the way for her, Rogue reluctantly decided to let Kitty in on her top-secret secret rather than pass up the opportunity and wait for who-knew-how-long before she could sample those "li'l cups o' heaven" again.

No wonder it took them so long comin' home, if they went clear across town ta get these. She couldn't help but feel... special. Remy had gone all that way specifically for her, dragging Bobby along with him in the process – probably kicking and screaming for the most part, too. Okay, so maybe th' swamp rat ain't a complete good-fo'-nothin'... Maybe only sixty percent good-fo'-nothin'.

"So, are we gonna jus' sit here an' stare at a blank screen fo' th' rest o' our lives, or is one o' y'all actually goin' ta turn th' damn movie on?" she demanded, breaking the tense silence.

"You mean we're still in the real world?" Evan blinked at her, then looked around the room in wonder. "This isn't a movie? We haven't been abducted onto the Mother Ship and used for third-grade science projects?"

"Ve should be so lucky."

"I think the fact that Rogue is all nice and smiley-like is scaring me more than the thought of Scott and Jean having sex."

"Bobby!"

"What? It's not like it's not happening or anything."

"Ve all just don't want to be reminded zat it is happening, you know? I actually like being sane."

"Can we please talk about something other than mine and Jean's private lives?" Cutting Remy off before the Cajun could retort, Scott continued, "And for the last time, Gambit, I have never checked out your ass!"

"Bit defensive when it comes t' dat, eh, homme?" The young thief grinned broadly. "Makes a body wonder. 'Sides, I was jus' gon' say, what private lives? You an' Jeannie are anyt'in' but private."

"What're you talking about?"

"Ya bedroom, her bedroom, de bathroom, de closet, de boathouse – "

"The library, the storeroom, the infirmary, the gym – " Evan joined in helpfully.

"Ze Danger Room, ze garage, ze kitchen, ze dining room – "

"Oh, like, gross! We eat there!"

Jean was blushing as red as her hair. "You guys are exaggerating. We haven't – "

"De Professor's study, behind dat big tree in de gardens, Kitty an' Rogue's room – "

"What?! Y'all had sex in our bedroom?!"

Kitty shuddered. "Oh gosh, I'm, like, gonna have enough nightmares left over for seven more lifetimes! Eww, eww, eww!"

"That's it! We're jus' gonna have ta burn th' whole mansion down ta th' ground an' get a new one!" Rogue declared, crossing her arms and leaning back against the couch.

"Look..." Scott leaned forward, resting his forearms against his knees. "This is getting blown way out of proportion. We haven't done it nearly as much as you seem to think."

"Really? So, what are we talkin' 'bout here? Give us a number," Remy urged.

"You want me to give you the number of times Jean and I have had sex?" His tone was nothing short of stunned disbelief.

"Basically."

"That's none of your business!"

"It's a low number, ain't it?" He turned to the other members of the team. "Told you it'd be a low number."

"It's not a low number!"

"So ya admittin' t' havin' sex in all dose places?"

"Yes! I mean, no!"

"Which is it, yes or no?"

"What the hell do you care?"

"Hmm... defensive again. Really startin' t' wonder 'bout you, homme."

"Stop sticking yourself where you don't belong."

"An' you say I got sex on de brain."

Scott paused, momentarily baffled. "Your ability to turn any group of words into sexual innuendos should be documented."

"It is. An' quit changin' de subject an' give us an' answer already."

"What was the question?"

"De number o' times you an' Jeannie have done it."

"Get a life."

"I will... once you give me a number."

"No."

"Two hundred?"

Scott's jaw dropped. "If we had sex that many times, you'd never see us."

"Which would be a good t'ing... No t' two hundred, den. One-fifty?"

"I'm not telling you, Gambit, so you might as well drop this."

"A hundred?"

"No."

"No, not a hundred – or no, still not talkin'?"

"No, still not talking."

"You t'ink I'm gon' stop? I c'n go on f'rever, mon ami." He winked up at Rogue, slipping a double meaning into his words, to which she rolled her eyes. "Eighty?"

"No."

"Sixty?"

"Give it up, man."

"Lower dan fifty?"

"Twenty-five, okay?!" Jean burst out suddenly, her face completely flushed. "Are you happy now?!" She was still embarrassed about the current topic of choice, but wanted nothing more than for it to end. She honestly didn't know the exact number, but the need to end the conversation then and there prompted her to blurt out the first number that came to mind.

"Twenty-five?" Remy echoed, weighing the amount in his head. "Not bad, Summers. Not up t' my standards, o' course, but more dan I expected from you."

From across the room, Kurt grinned. "Time to pay ze Fuzzy One, people!"

Groans were heard as five sets of hands scrounged around their respective pockets, pulling out bills and the occasional handful of coins.

"You guys started a betting pool on us?!" Scott demanded.

"Yeah, so?"

Jean was equally surprised. "That's disgusting – "

"Ah'm sorry... did she jus' say disgustin'? She's havin' sex in our bedroom, an' we're th' ones who're disgustin'?"

"We did not have sex in your bedroom, Rogue, despite whatever twisted fantasy Remy was entertaining when he said that."

"Hey, chèrie, ya barkin' up de wrong fantasy. Dat was one o' ya boyfriend's, not mine."

"WHAT?!"

One shrill feminine voice was bad enough, but three...? The boys could do nothing but cover their ears and wince.

"Thanks a lot, Remy," Scott mumbled to his Cajun teammate. "I share one little tidbit of information, and you throw it back in my face in the worst possible way."

"Hey, you can't tell me you don' t'ink Jeannie's beautiful when she's all mad like dat." He slapped Scott on the leg. "I know you do. You told me as much."

"Yeah, and that's the last thing I'm ever going to tell you." Practically growling, he said, "For crying out loud, play the damn movie already."

The Madness continues in Part IV...
(Boy, this is getting long. : )

* Apologies to all non-Rogue/Remy fans for putting you through the fluff - though, I don't know how many of you are out there. I was actually debating with myself if I should have removed that whole bit, because it seemed out of place in this series, but I needed to set that transition up. (That, and the Rogue/Remy fan in me would have exploded had I done so, effectively killing me and anyone within a hundred-mile radius. : )