Disclaimer: Yoko Matsushita is the creator of all Yami no Matsuei and all its characters. OC(s) so far include Rina Ito, and that's it. Another gets their intro in this chapter

Beta reader: Ochika (let's give it up to Ochika!!!! :D)

Warning(s): Nothing new here… except a WHOLE lotta angst

Pairings: TsuxSoka, TasxTzu, and MurxSoka. More later…

POV: First person POV will always be Tsuzuki and no one else; however POV will change when I feel it's best for the story.

Notes: Again, '…' thoughts and …is memories,

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Breaking Dolls

The voice over the loud speaker was cracked and muffled, showing the age of the equipment in the auditorium. They had been trying to raise the money to buy new ones, but that was hard with the economy being as tight as it was in their small town. Pressing his hands deep in the pockets of his blue school uniform, Hijiri stood, face forward, the same as all the other kids. He blended in with the crowd fairly well; they all looked alike from where he was standing. Blue uniforms and school crests everywhere you look, though, it didn't really bother him too much. After all, as boring as the sights and the daily announcements were, at least he could listen to his music. A casual move to run his hand though his dark brown hair was a guise for him to check that the earpiece headphone is in his ear, and make sure it was still well hidden. The speakers in the room were loud, and annoying to say the least, however the words that came over them were far worse, or that was his view of it.

The Head Master was announcing the daily same old mantra, and then gesturing to some people seated behind him. It must have been an introduction to new faculty members, as Hijiri had never seen any of them before. On cue, each one came forward, a short statement was made, and then they stepped back. When the last man stepped forward, Hijiri's heart skipped a beat, his interest quickly leaving from the violin music in his ear to the man who stood in the front. Another relaxed movement of his hand, and the earpieces where gone from his ears, now placed deep into his pockets. The man had deep chocolate brown hair and very vivid purple eyes; a color that he didn't think eyes ever came in. The man had a great smile that earned him a few coos from some of the girls, ones that where well deserved, noted Hijiri. He was tall, with broad shoulders and a well-built body that lay not so hidden under his suit. Even a few of the boys were getting hearts in their eyes. When he spoke, his voice only increased the spell that was already cast on the group.

"Hello, I am Tsuzuki, Asato. As your nurse, I hope to serve you all to the best I can!" Short and sweet were his words, even over that horrible speaker. A few giggles scattered around the crowd, as more then one was determined that their stomach was defiantly going to hurt and require a quick trip to the nurse's office. The other teachers that stood around the room whispered hushed demands for quiet to the students. Among the giggles and hushed demands, Hijiri heard one voice that stood out. Not with the love-struck whispers, or the elders that where demanding obedience; it was one that ran through and through with agitation.

"Idiot."

The words where spoken so close to him, however a quick glance in the area around him did not reveal the identity of the one who carried the cross remark. Ignoring that, Hijiri again turned his attention wholly to the front, as the new nurse, 'Tsuzuki', returned the mic to the Head Master and reclaimed his spot next to the other new teachers. Hijiri ignored the rest of the announcements, his attention better served to the man with purple eyes. There was something about him, about those eyes that made Hijiri want to know… As to what, even he wasn't too sure. However, whatever that thing was, Hijiri wanted to know, and it lay somewhere in those eyes.

The Head Master wrapped up whatever he was saying, and the students quickly milled out of the auditorium and directed to go to their classes. Hijiri decided that he too might take a trip to the nurse's office today. At least to satisfy his curiosity. Everyone had started to head back to where they needed to be, until there was a high pitched shriek that echoed deeply though the halls of the school. Everyone turned to the source of the scream. Hijiri was the only one though to run through the throng of people; he knew that voice.

Pushing past the horde of people, Hijiri saw Sukeko, a girl he had known for a little over a year, quivering in the middle of the hall. His classmates all had created a circle around her and another male student; his view of whom was blocked by Sukeko who stood directly in his line of sight.

"Sukeko!!" Fear and anxiety rippled though his voice, as Sukeko's only reply was another high shriek. Quickly, without thinking, Hijiri ran in front of the girl, arms poised wide offering protection from the one who ensued such high screams.

"What do you thin-!!?" Hijiri's angered words stopped dead on his lips. In front of him, stood himself. Almost a perfect mirror image of who he was now, the color was off though. The boy before him shared his same height, same features, and almost the exact same build, though this guy was a bit slimmer. The only real differences were his skin, which was paler then Hijiri's that had tanned a little under the summer sun, and his hair, which instead of a chestnut brown, was a soft blond. Another contrast was his eyes, which where a vivid, cold, green, unlike his deep brown.

"What the heck?" Hijiri was torn between confusion at this new 'twin' of himself, and his instinct to protect his classmate.

"Who are you?!" When left to decide whether to be angry or curious, the best bet is to stick with anger. The boy before him twisted his lips into a frown and delivered a glare that shot daggers at Hijiri, causing his body to dip slightly under that piercing, almost deadly gaze.

"NO!!" Sukeko's words were filled with rage, as she quickly pushed her 'protector' to the side with such force that Hijiri had to skid a little to stop from hitting the crowd that had gathered around them. "That's not fair Hijiri!!" Sukeko, who was now no longer quivering, stood firmly before Hijiri, hands placed strongly on her hips.

"What?" The dumb response was the best the brown eyed boy could deliver, his brain completely clouded with confusion.

"I'm the one who gets to ask him his name FIRST!!!" Sukeko shot one final, scorching death glare into those deep brown eyes, before turning sweetly to green ones.

"What's your name??" Sukeko's shrieks where now making sense to Hijiri as he finally recognized them for what they where; squeals of delight. Her face, as she gawked over this new kid, was completely overcome with the kind of infatuation that claims someone when they find a cute puppy. The love struck girl was practically drooling over the boy, trying to touch, and caress the arm of her new 'puppy'. However the 'puppy' in turn was doing his best to avoid her caresses like she carried the plague. Hijiri could only grunt slightly, annoyed at his current situation.

Besides the fact that now Hijiri looked like a total ass in front of everyone, whispers were quickly spreading all around him in hushed tones. He didn't catch all of what the others where saying, but he wouldn't have had to catch any of it to know what they were talking about. Sukeko was not his friend. He never talked to her, never really enjoyed anytime that she was around. Why? Because she was ALWAYS around! She had been self-nominated to create and lead his own personal fan club which, as crazy as it sounds, the Head Master had actually approved and made an official club! She had taken to stalking him all around the school and even to his house to get pictures and film of him. All of which she said she sold in order to fund the club, however that didn't explain her 'secret album' which was covered through out with his face. She was defiantly not the fickle type, and had been his loyal 'supporter' for the last two years. However, now she had just pushed him out of the way to gape at this guy who no one had ever seen before. Well and fine for Hijiri, true, but now he was beginning to question his attraction as a man. It's never a good outcome when a man starts feeling like he doesn't measure up, especially when that's all he's ever been revered as! A tiny shift in the crowd caught his attention, as a familiar scent drifted next to him. Hijiri's full attention dropped quickly from his 'twin' and his stalker, to a small figure that turned away from the crowd to leave the scene behind.

"That's it!" Hijiri huffed as he reached his fill of humiliation for one day. Fully prepared to storm away from the loud scene, however, his feet only carried him three steps. He stopped dead in his tracks, turning to the loud and terrified scream that was so close to him. Sukeko was screaming at the top of her lungs, blue eyes transfixed on the ground. The boy who she had been dotting over lay limp on the floor before her, even paler then he was a second ago.

"What happened??"

"He just collapsed!"

"Hurry, someone get the doctor."

"Someone, take him to the nurse's office!"

"Hijiri!" The one frantic voice he could distinguish amongst the others was Sukeko's, who was trying her best to lift the boy off the ground. "Help me!!" The events that had transpired only a few minutes ago where completely forgotten as Hijiri rushed to Sukeko's side, aiding her in lifting the boy. Wrapping their arms around his back, and under his shoulders, the two carried the boy as quickly as they dared down to the nurse's office.

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So, Watari gets to be the science teacher, and Tatsumi the P.E. teacher. Both of them get to have interesting jobs, and here I am; bored and alone. I had opened the window to the office they had assigned me. The wind and birds where my only entertainment, the only other sound, inside this entire room. I had taken a seat in front of a desk that also held a medicine cabinet on its backing. There where four beds in the room, all white and clean… Okay, so that's not what I want to be looking at right now. Did they even think about what they where assigning me to here? Lying back in my chair, I've decided to keep my gaze transfixed on the ceiling. Soft blue tiles… Strike number two. I can already feel my anxiety growing rapidly. I don't like this room. There's something about it, I don't know what… No, it's everything about it. The entire room; I hate it. Swiveling my chair, I turn so I can still lie back in my prone position and look up and out the lone window. Blue sky, not a cloud in sight. There's a tree not too far in the distance. A soft singing reveals the position of a small yellow bird perched on a branch. It's a good song, I suppose. If I died… would I come back as a bird? A small yellow bird, singing hymns to the morning sun? Probably not. More like a crow, or vulture. Something ugly that picks the flesh of those who once lived…

What difference would it make anyways?

Looking at the cabinet, a gleam catches my eye. Opening up the glass door I find a small scalpel. That's an odd thing to keep in a school's nurse's office, isn't it? Picking up the small blade with my left hand, I let my other lift to reveal the white bandages that are wrapped around my wrist. The bandages were more than a nuisance now then anything else; my fracture having already healed. I'm more then just a quick healer, as that wound would easily have taken a good month or more for normal people. Then again, I'm hardly normal.

Lifting the blade along the wrappings it easily slices away the fabrics, revealing the bare skin as white cloth falls away. Turning it over, my eyes search along the base of the wrist. The cuts my nails had left also had disappeared; no scars, no marks. At least none that where left after that day. Digging into my pocket, my hand slips around the wrist watch I was looking for. Securing the black banded watch over my wrist, a strange thought creeps into my mind.

Why did I do that again?

Why did I break my wrist? I know I did… Thinking about things that happened before is becoming harder and harder. I've always had trouble remembering things, that's not new, but now... I shouldn't have to try and think about something that happened only a few days ago to try and remember right? Setting the blade down on the table, I prop up my head on my hands, readying myself to dig just a little bit into my memories. This isn't something I would EVER normally do, but normally I don't forget why I broke my own wrist in a few days. I remember Tatsumi wrapping the wound after I did it. There was the garden... Did I do it there? I might have, but I know I wasn't trying to hurt myself. That doesn't make any sense, stupid! If I wasn't intending to hurt myself, then why would I have done it in the first place?! Frustrating. It's not like it's a big deal anyways.

"HELP!!" A shrill voice breaks apart my thoughts as the door to the room slams open. Quickly leaving my chair, I go to aid the girl who is hauling in a boy under her arms. Moving quickly I go to take the kid from her, as she is struggling to hold him up, even though there is another kid helping her carry the blond in. I don't know what I thought at first, or if I thought anything at all. It was…Hisoka! His eyes where closed, and he looked paler than I could remember. Trying my best to hide my shock, which was increased two fold with a sudden burst of memories that flooded to the surface at seeing him, I easily lifted him up in my arms and took him to one of the beds.

"W-What happened?" I know I was the one who spoke those words, I know it was me. The answer that came was high and frantic. Something about talking, taking his arm, and then he collapsed. I'm not sure if that was all that she had said, however focusing on anything right now was growing extremely hard.

I had forgotten Hisoka.

Thoughts and feelings where quickly returning, along with the reason I broke my wrist, the reason I had let everything that was Hisoka slip away from me. With the return of the memories of those green eyes, red face, and angered glares, also came a pain that reverberated deep inside my heart. I can feel my body shake slightly as I try and hold myself together so I can take his pulse. It's there. Lifting open one of his eyelids slightly, I can see his pupils shift to adjust to the light. A quick once over with my hands shows no broken bones or other injuries. Stepping back after completing the check I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding.

"Well? Will he be okay?" Turning to the girl, I gave a smile, and a small nod.

"Yeah, he should be fine. It just looks like he passed out."

"Passed out?" The boy who helped bring Hisoka in sounded rather annoyed by the simplicity of the issue. I was about to say something to him, until my mouth ceased to work. Instead, it has decided to hang there, while I am left to stare wide eyed at…A HISOKA CLONE??

"Huh-? Oh, no! I know it looks weird, but we're not related or anything!" The boy who shares the same face as Hisoka quickly tries to explain away the resemblance that is practically giving me a coronary.

"Actually, that may not be true, Hijiri!" The pale haired girl, who before looked scared out of her wits, chirped in loudly, a smile suddenly going from ear to ear. "You where adopted after all, so…" The look she is giving both Hijiri and Hisoka is like one of a hungry predator who has just had a feast placed in front of it. Is she really drooling??

"What?! But we don't even really look alike!" The boy 'Hijiri' defiantly does not like the idea that he could have a twin or maybe it's the suggestion that Hisoka would be it. The two start to take on a heated debate about long lost brothers, and something along those lines. I can't keep my attention on them though as I have a much bigger problem than 'who is whose twin'. Returning my gaze down to the boy who is sleeping on the bed, I know that there is something else far more important for me to worry about.

"Uh… Doc?" Remembering who is suppose to be a doctor, or nurse, here, my head whips around to implore the question I can hear in those words. The girl has moved to stand next to me, or more like Hisoka's bedside. "So, should I stay? You know, to make sure he isn't alone when he wakes up?" The words are sweetly spoken. However, if this girl's touch was enough to make Hisoka pass out then there is no way I can let her stay.

"No, its okay," Giving my warmest smile, I try to reassure her that everything really is okay. This performance not only for my sake, but also for the unconscious empath laid out in front of me. "I'll be here, and besides, he needs rest."

"But-," Her words of protest are cut short by an arm that has wrapped around her neck, pulling her towards the door.

"Common'. You heard the doc; no visitors!" Hijiri does a quick wave as he literally drags the protesting girl out of the room. Closing the door behind them, I turn back to again dwell on my current problem. Pulling my seat next to the bed, I prop my elbows on my knees, resting my chin on bridged fingers.

Somehow, I had forgotten Hisoka. That definitely wasn't a good sign for more than one reason. I had seen him yesterday morning, at the briefing. Then I went with Watari and we registered into the hotel, and got set up for the case. The meeting was the last time I had seen him, I think. The one and only mission we had done together I had not forgotten, but it was like he wasn't even there. Thinking back on it, it was odd, the way things went. I know what happened, but all things that related to him where hazed out, as though someone had taken an eraser and specifically tried to rub him out of my memory.

Fear and anxiety are quickly ripping at my stomach. I had done that. I had tried to forget him, and any interaction that had occurred between us. He was kind to me yesterday, and made me smile. He made me feel… Happy? Is that what that painful feeling was? Of course it hurt, that's why I wanted to forget; forget anything that is painful.

But… It's not like I wanted to. It's not that I didn't want to remember him! If anyone was to find out that I was starting to have selective amnesia… I don't know what they'd think; what they would do? A small voice deep inside my head starts then; quietly whispering an answer I don't want to hear.

They would get rid of me.

Either sending me back to that place, or simply disposing of me. I can understand why though; they wouldn't want an unstable monster on their hands. Not if there was a chance they couldn't control it. A small, pathetic smile pulls up on my lips at the irony of that thought. I already am unstable. I have been for some time now, and this last instance of memory laps is only one example of that. How did things turn so wrong? When did I get like this? Was I always this way?

I don't know when it had started, or if it slowly built up over time, but more and more I could care less if I remained in this world. However, I still smile, I still laugh. Not really, but close enough so they won't question; I hate those questions. 'How are you?' 'Are you alright?' They aren't for me, it's not like they care. It's all to make sure that I am still able to function, to carry out the duty they have given to me. If I can't, then I'm of no use to them. So I smile, and they don't ask. I laugh, and they don't stare at me with those eyes. If only I could end it all.

Whatever my reason was for hanging on so long; that reason, the only reason I had to keep living has slipped far away from me now. It would be better if I could just fade away.

'What are you talking about, you coward!' A familiar voice rings softly behind my ears, a mocking version of my own.

'I'm a coward? But, it was just for that reason I held on. I wasn't afraid of letting go of this world.'

'Then what's so wrong with now?' The voice in my subconscious banters at me, mockingly. 'You already are useless. This was just proof of that. You can't even remember someone you haven't seen in less then a day?'

'I didn't mean to forget him. Really, I didn't! I didn't mean to…'

'That's the same excuse you've used over and over again already, isn't it?' Pressing my hands down on my ears, I try and drown out the voice that is so very cruel. However, the attempt only serves to strengthen it. 'You didn't want to remember, just like everything else. You choose to forget, running away again from anything that is slightly unpleasant. That's why you're a coward; in every aspect of your excuse for a life. Why ARE you even hanging on? You're useless to anyone.'

'No, I'm not completely useless. They needed me. They came for me, because they could use me. They have kept me for this long…'

'They weren't going to. The only reason you're still there is because Tatsumi and Konoe pleaded on you're behalf. After you-,'

"SHUT UP!!" Shoving my hands even harder against my ears and pressing my eyes shut, I shake my head violently side to side. Desperation to dislodge this voice from my head taking over the entirety of my being.

'You are a coward. Look! You're trying to deny anything unpleasant! But more then that…'

"Stop it…" I can feel the words cross my lips, broken, like a child's. 'I don't want to hear it.'

'You ARE useless, to anyone around you,' my eyes, as if on command, open and look down at the boy in front of me. Hisoka, the proof of those words of contempt, lay on the bed. I couldn't help him then. I failed him, I left him alone and he was tortured, nearly killed, and it was entirely my fault. I failed him. That thought alone was enough, but now that I really was starting to question my sanity, or every other aspect of my existence, I have come face to face with just how utterly pointless it is. My waiting was useless, and my existence was only causing pain to everyone around me. The chief, for all the problems I have caused, and continue to cause through my work in the NSF. Tatsumi, for that horrible sin I committed against him. Watari who is always trying to show me happy smiles, and in return I can only mirror and offer hollow words and lies. Hisoka…

Hisoka is the one I betrayed the most.

I was suppose to be there for him; to protect him. As his partner it was my obligation, but through a stupid decision I left him alone to face all those cruelties. He made me smile a real smile, the first in more years then I can remember. He made me feel something other than the loneness. Even though he's still here, alive, there is nothing I can do to repay him for what he's done. I doubt he even knows the gifts he's given me, and in return there is nothing I can do for him. The only thing I have ever been able to do, to give, was pain.

It's not even that my existence doesn't matter; it's that everyone would have been better off without me if I had ended it a long time ago. If I had finished this, then it wouldn't hurt like it does now either. I wouldn't be broken and totally useless like I am now.

I wouldn't be alone anymore; I wouldn't be anything…

"Then come with me..."

"What?!" Spinning in my chair, I look over my shoulder. This wasn't the same voice, it was different then the one just a second ago. Words spoken as if on the wind, bidding me, drawing my attention to something. Looking around the room I find, that besides the blond on the bed, I'm alone. Am I hallucinating now too? There is another soft noise, this time in front of me. Turning back around a sharp pain shoots up my knee.

"Ouch!"

"Shut up…" Those words follow a different tone than the ones that had called to me a second ago. I know this voice, normally so full of agitation and anger, though now is dimmed, is filled with both. The fist that hit my knee has not moved from the spot where it landed, still curled.

"Hisoka…?"

"Just… Shut up." His body is turned away from me so I can't see his face. I don't know how long we stayed like that, in the silence, with his fist still in the spot where it had landed. Eventually his arm retracted, giving me one more punch with a well placed 'idiot' before pulling away. He never looked at me, not once. I was glad; I needed to be able to put my self back together. If he had seen me, if he had looked at me when I had fallen apart, I don't know what I would have done. I do know that I wouldn't have been able to pull back into myself, putting up the proper 'Tsuzuki' façade. I don't know why, but I know if he had seen me like that, I would have remained broken forever. A long time passed before I could even begin to put back up the usual face, the voice. Even longer before I dared to say anything else, afraid that my voice would break and expose me for what I really was.

"What happened?" The question is a tentative one. I know he doesn't want to answer, I knew that before I had even asked, so I was a little shocked to even hear a response.

"I was the center of attention in a crowd," The words aren't irritated as they have always been, just a statement of facts. "I wouldn't have passed out like that, but when that girl touched me…"

"It was just a little too much?"

"If that wasn't the understatement of the year," He sits up and looks at me with his last words, a little cockiness in his voice.

"Did you want to stay here for a bit longer?" What am I doing?? First of all, the question is a cover. Not so much asked for his well being, but because I want him to stay. Of all things, I shouldn't be asking him to stay like that. I should be alone right now. I just realized how completely crazy I've become, I shouldn't want anyone to be around me for the fear of if they realized it too. However, right now, I'm scared of myself, of what I'll do, but more then anything else…

I don't want to be alone.

"Stupid, I can't," Using his arms he pushes himself to the other side of the bed, letting his feet slid down to the floor. "My mission is to interact with the students and see if I can find the killer. You already have this aspect of the school covered."

"Ah, of course…" That's right, I have a mission. It doesn't matter how unstable or insane I am. There's a killer running somewhere around the school. Peoples' lives are in danger this very minute and I'm thinking about myself? I'm selfish. Hisoka stood up, and moved for the door, yet stopped before leaving, letting out a soft sigh.

"You know though…" There was a slight hesitation in his words, as though he wasn't sure that they should be spoken. "I can bring you some lunch later, if you want?"

"That… would be great." I do my best to smile then, as he turns those eyes to me. He looks right through that smile. Even though I've been trying to shove up as many barriers as I could, it's as if they aren't even there. However, if he has any clue as to my current state of mind he doesn't say as much. He just nods his head carefully, and leaves, quietly closing the door behind him.

All life, sound, everything leaves this room with the click that resounded in the air when that door shut. I know now, even if he returns, no matter who else walks in; I am alone. Nothing has changed that, and nothing ever will.

I will see this mission through. I will do everything to stop the killings, to save those last three marked for death. Once everything is finished, and everyone is finally safe again, I'll end it. I know I can, as hard as it is to kill this body, it is possible. Everyone will be better for it; as will I.

'This will be my last mission.'

A small sense of peace fills me at that thought.

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Hisoka was really trying hard to concentrate as he passed through the halls, attending the various classes. Feeling as far as his empathy would dare, he searched the school for anyone who stood out. The problem was everyone stood out! Teenagers, it seemed, ran very high on the emotional spectrum. Also, he was not used to being surrounded by so many of them either. It was really giving him a migraine to try and keep all the emotions that pushed so strongly against him from taking over. God forbid he should jump up and declare his undying love for whoever the girl sitting next to him has a crush on. He'd much rather die… again!

Currently he was in his science class, and was being taught by a very bubbly and up beat FREAK of a science teacher.

"OKAY KIDS!!" Watari's arms where flailing about as he tried to imitate a plant during photosynthesis… if that was even possible. Looking at him do it though, apparently it was. Not really trying to pay attention to the lesson, Hisoka kept only his pencil in hand doodling all over his notebook. He appreciated art; however was a horrible artist, as all his drawings where of a very unhappy stick figure. Realizing it needed hair, the empath quickly sketched some in.

The drawing was to help keep him grounded, and help him concentrate while his empathy was taking on the barrage of the entire class. In the end he really wasn't paying attention to the sketch, until he had finished it. The stick figure alone didn't look like much, but somehow with that hair he had added it looked just like Tsuzuki. Blushing profusely, Hisoka turned the page over, hopping to hide his unintentional art. Well, he had been trying not to think about that either. Normally it wasn't hard for him to completely write someone off, especially when he wanted to. And right now, more then anything, he did not want to think about that man.

It was disturbing to say the least.

He had been unconscious, and he thought he was dreaming. He was standing in a black void, full of nothing. Somehow though, he knew he wasn't alone. Looking around, he saw a child. He was curled up, with his arms wrapped tightly around his knees, weeping and begging for someone to stop. Another child was yelling at the boy; a child who was little more then a shadow. The boy who was curled up only cried as the other shadow covered child kept yelling things, things Hisoka could not hear, but whatever they where they only made the sobbing child shake harder as tears streamed freely. Until, in a small moment, Hisoka could feel the pain in the crying child fade away into nothing; emptying of all emotion.

It was cold.

Everything, in the black void turned cold, that's the only way Hisoka could think to describe what he felt then. Empty, cold, alone… Even thinking about it now sent shivers down his spine. Hisoka didn't like the feeling at all, it was something he knew, something he'd felt before himself; empty, cold and alone. The veiled child reached out to the boy whose tears had ceased to flow, his once shaking body stilled. Shadowed hands reached for him, caressing the chocolate brown hair of the other boy. Then, ever so gently, they reached down, sliding along the other's face, and gently wrapping those black fingers around the child's throat. The other boy lifted his head granting better access for his attacker. Deep purple eyes looked on at the one who strangled him, and he did nothing to stop it. Purple eyes quickly hazed over, accepting the death that was whispering inside the dark abyss.

Hisoka tried to cry out to them, to stop the murderous act that was happening before him. He tried to move toward them, to do something, anything to stop the horrid scene that played out in front of his eyes. However, his feet had frozen to the ground, a weight sealing any attempt to move forward as cold, dark hands, as gently as possible, strangled the life out of the other. Screaming with all his might, using every last reserve of strength he had, Hisoka made a single step forward. His existence, which until this point had not even been acknowledged by either of the children, was made present to the attacker who tilled his head up. It was either that small movement, or that scream, that caused the shadowed child to turn his head and look at their interloper. Hisoka could see the purple eyes that returned his gaze, and he could also now see the attacker clearly. The two boys looked identical, like twins. The only difference was that one pair of eyes where fading any sign of life, and the other set was now blazing with it. At the moment he looked into them, fear had tightened around his heart. They mocked him, somehow knowing he was powerless to stop anything, and they burned alive with that knowledge.

Even now, sitting in a classroom full of people, he couldn't escape the anxious feeling that had pulled over him. Hisoka was an empath, psychic to that extent, but not a prophetic one. He never claimed to have any ability to discern into the future; however it felt as though something horrible waited on the horizon.

"Hey, Hisoka?!" a quick wave of a hand in front of Hisoka's face awakened him back into the present. A girl with pale blue hair was beaming down at him, and a quick look around the room revealed all the other students had either left or where talking in groups as they ate their lunch. "Are you back with us now?"

"Uhh, yeah," Hisoka turned his eyes away from the girl whose own eyes where trying to search his. Reaching around his chair, the blond grabbed his bag and started to get up to leave the class.

"Umm, so how are you doing?" Hisoka turned his head to find the girl trailing him to the door, worry protruding clearly from her. "Like before, you collapsed…" Looking over the girl again, recognition hit the empath. She was the one who had caused him to collapse earlier. Waving his hand a little to dismiss any concern, stating he was alright.

"It's just anemia, I hadn't eaten anything yet," The lie was only a partial truth, but of course he wasn't about to say he was empathic and her touching him had sent his ESP over the edge.

"Well, it's lunch time now, so…" The girl moved in closer to him, and Hisoka took a step back. Sukeko looked saddened by the act, but it only lasted a second before a smile reclaimed her face. Accepting the distance, she remained in her spot, lifting up an obento wrapped in a 'Hello Kitty' handkerchief. "Could we eat lunch together?" Words of rejection where ready to part his lips at the request, however, Hisoka's reply was cut short by another man's voice.

"Leave him alone Sukeko," Turning his gaze to the side, Hisoka spotted the other boy from their morning 'meeting'. "You don't need a repeat of this morning do you? He probably passed out because he couldn't breath, with you smothering him and all." The words were of a jesting nature, however they also held an edge to them.

"Oh, be quiet Hijiri!" Sukeko blushed as she defended herself against the verbal jest, "He said he's anemic!"

"Yeah, I'm sure that's what he'd say just to be nice," The angered glares and agitation that the two shared where clouding up the room as Hisoka could swear he saw lightening flash between them. Hisoka was going to take the opportunity to leave when another voice came from the door way behind him.

"Don't pout so much Hijiri. Are you jealous that Sukeko has found a new toy?" The words where spoken with a sweet and light humor brimming over every syllable. It was the voice, that beautiful and lovely voice that sent cold chills down Hisoka's spine. Turning around, Hisoka came face to face with a girl who donned short black hair, and deep blue eyes. She was an image in her the school's outfit, slim but with soft curves where they mattered, and a strikingly beautiful face. Pink lips pulled back in a knowing smile as Hisoka stood frozen in his spot, unable to take his eyes off the girl before him.

"Tsubaki-san!" Hijiri pushed past Hisoka, trying to defend himself from the beauty's accusation. "It's not like that at all. I could care less if Sukeko finds someone else! I'm only worried that she'll kill this new guy with what happened before…" Hisoka could feel the urgency emitting from the boy as well as hear it coming from every word. Tsubaki clucked her tongue off the top of her mouth waved a hand to dismiss away the explanation.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Hijiri. It's not like it matters to me if you like that girl." Her eyes fell on Sukeko, who was now standing beside Hisoka. She looked indifferent, but she was only bottling up her anger, her mouth clenched closed tightly. "After all, it's a good thing if you like Sukeko-chan," Tsubaki continued in a voice the was very proper and well mannered, "You just need to make sure not to sound so jealous, it's unflattering." Tsubaki shot a polite smile at all of them before working her way past them into the room. As she passed Hisoka, her eyes locked onto his, a small and almost cocky smile was given to him, and him alone. Hisoka didn't watch her go, keeping his eyes locked on something in the distance in front of him. Hijiri, however, moved to follow Tsubaki, but Sukeko grabbed the youth by the arm, worry and concern pouring out of her

"Don't Hijiri!" It was a pleading and desperate whisper. Hijiri only looked down at Sukeko, his eyes and face conveying a million different feelings, all of which Hisoka could read clearly. They were feelings of frustration, anger, embarrassment, sorrow, longing, and almost a thousand more where pushing out of the boy in waves.

They remained frozen in that spot, eyes locked onto each others. It was Hijiri who finally broke the gaze, jerking his arm away from Sukeko's desperate grasp, and nearly knocking the girl off her feet in the process. Hijiri turned and stalked out of the room, never glancing back to see the small hand that reached out to him. Hisoka didn't understand all that had just happened, but he couldn't care less about the 'love and lives of the teens'. Whatever sort of fucked up love triangle was going on was definitely not foremost on his mind right now. There were a million thoughts and questions running through his head, and all of them centered on a girl with short black hair, and a guised smile.

"Tsubaki…" The name rolled of his tongue as though the name was foul to the tastes. Unconsciously, Hisoka's grasp on his schoolbag tightened. He had forgotten that Sukeko was standing next to him until she coughed lightly into her hand, trying to draw attention to the fact that she was still there. A strange sensation washed over the empath then. It came and left so quickly, he couldn't seem to put his finger on quite what it was. It was almost pleading, yet seemed graver than that, stronger, but as to what, he couldn't say before the feeling left him completely.

"So… can I eat lunch with you…?" The question was meek, expectant of a rejection. That was exactly what Hisoka had intended to give, but the pain in her eyes, and desperate need not to be alone that flowed freely from her somehow made the word 'no' sour in the empath's mouth.

"Sure." The accepting response was as much a surprise to him as it was to Sukeko, who looked up very shocked at him; shock was quickly replaced with grateful delight as a smile spread across her face. Hisoka adverted his gaze from that happy smile, cursing himself the second the words had left his mouth. It was that familiar feeling that made him say yes, that feeling of needing to be with someone. It hit Hisoka a second later of why that feeling was so familiar, as he cursed out loud with the return of the remembered promise. "Actually, I can't, I promised to take lunch to the nurse… as a 'thank you' for taking care of me this morning." Hisoka tried to explain to the girl who's face fell for only a second at the rescinded acceptance. Her eyes lit back up a beat later with a smile though, as she moved to the door.

"No, that's fine," She motioned for him to come after her, "We'll both go, okay?"

"Right…"

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Hijiri's fist made contact with the wall, a loud 'thud' filling the empty music room. The pain was what he was looking for, what he needed to keep himself grounded in his body. The pain, reminding him he had a body. It may have sounded crazy, in fact it probably was, but with no one here to judge him he could seek release at least this one way. He hated so much sometimes it felt like his emotions would destroy him if he held them in much longer. Hitting a wall wasn't something that he did just to hurt, but something to keep his mind in check, to keep the feelings he had from exploding and consuming his soul.

Gingerly Hijiri cradled his wrist to his body, letting his back seek the wall for support, which in turn wasn't enough to steady his shaking legs. His body slid down the cold wall, coming to a small curled heap on the floor. The assault against the room had gashed his hand and sent ribbons of pain reverberating up the length of his arm. He continued to sit in that spot, looking down at nothing. There was only so much one could take before they break, right? Then what he was feeling now, was this it? Was this the breaking point? Pushing dark images from his mind, Hijiri tried with all his might to think of the one thing that was… that had been worth everything.

'Had been…' so then, that's it. He wasn't anything to her was he? He didn't have anything left then, nothing to live for, so then why? Why was he here? Pressing his one good hand to his face, Hijiri tried to hide from the empty room, feeling a need to disappear from everything. Whispering into the emptiness, Hijiri let out a plea to the one who could not hear it.

"There's only so much you can take before you break… So stop it…"

………………………..tbc

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notice my little divider had to change TT

Author's note:

First of all… A BIG HUG AND THANK YOU to my wonderful Beta Ochika! first beta ever so I'm very exited XD I've got the next chapter in the works and should be posted by Sunday I do believe

Now, on the story; yep, that's right. Tsuzuki has snapped, completely lost it. I actually feel really bad for everyone in this arch, so I had to keep taking breaks while writing this chapter, but I'm buckling down with next one so it'll be out much sooner

For characters, welcome in Sukeko!! Yeah, another OC. I was actually shocked by the amount of good responses I received for Rina, so I hope that you'll also find Sukeko to your liking too. Also, Tsubaki and Hijiri are mixed in now… oh the fun of where this is going

Next chapter will start to tie things up a little bit more, and have everything atleast start making sense (and dare I say finally a look at some real romance scenes…??)

Thank you for the C&R everyone!! (yes, I probably should move this story to Angst now that I'm thinking about it… it's very much deserving of that category…) Please support my need for critics and reviews (as I know I suck ; ) and want to produce each chapter better then the last.

A big 'thank you' to everyone who is helping try to make that possible