A/N: It's another one of ADSOL'S Crazy fics!! This one is in honor of school an everthing we hate about it! Yeah! Hopefully it will have everyting you so desire about my fics: Craziness, insanity, funniness...and all that jazz. And, it's not a serious fic, which is really good! Yeah!
DISCLAIMER: So, if I would own this, why would I bother writing a parody of it? And, no, I don't own any characters, places, names, etc., only Telivision Minas Tirith, and an obsessive amount of LotR related merchandise. I like to imagine I own Faramir, but alas, I don't so don't sue me!
Denethor and Boromir's Educational Television Programme
Episode One: 'The Secrets of Study Sucess!'
"Hello, Boys and Girls!!" Denethor says. He is wearing a shirt that says, "I Break for Nerds!".
"Dad, must you wear that shirt in PUBLIC?" Boromir asks. He's sitting on the comfy chair next to Denethor.
"Oh, come on, lighten up! Anyway, I'm please to announce that through a very generous grant from the Elrond Education Foundation, Telivision Minas Tirith has made it possible to have me host this educational TV show to educate the children of Gondor, Rohan, the Shire, Mirkwood, Lothlorien, Rivendell, and all those other places where the cable lines go! Even Valinor, or so I'm told!" Denethor says.
"Wow, dad, that truly is fascinating!"
"Isn't it? Anyway, my goal is to help all the children be ALL THAT THEY CAN BE! And that means to teach them everything I know! For example, do you know what combustion is, Boromir?" Denethor asks.
"Eh, maybe..."
"That's a no! The people out there believe you on that one!"
"Well, is it my fault you didn't enroll me in school? NO! It's YOUR FAULT!"
"Ok, don't have a mumakil, just saying! Anyway, let me introduce you to the staff. We have Boromir, the co-host. And there's me, Denethor, the host. And then there's Faramir, who is the lab manager and all-around smart-ass." Denethor says. "Let's flip the camera over to Faramir, so he can show us around the educational lab area!"
"Thank you for the kind introduction, Dad. I feel so loved. Anyway, this is THE LAB. It's got everything needed to perform my dad's crazy experiments. I mean, the scientific experiments that the Gondorian Children's Welfare and Education Society seem to deem appropriate." Faramir explains.
"Yeah, got that right. Anyway, now I'd like to introduce our cameraman, Haldir of Lorien. And our esteemed producer is Celeborn." Denethor adds.
"Wow. Big crew!" Boromir says.
"And then Galadriel, co-producer. And Elrond, the really bad comedian! And Arwen, the other camera person!"
"We have 2 camera people??"
"Yep."
"Hey, dad, did you know that if you put everyone's initials, you get A B C D E F G H??"
"Wow, Boromir, you might be smarter than I think!"
"I find that unfunny, but I have a sinking feeling that somewhere out there people are laughing..."
"Anyway, dear first-born-beloved-kick-arse son, we're going to have a very educational and entertaining programme! Not that programme is spelled with an mme at the end, not like program, which is quite American and looks tacky." Denethor says.
Wow, Denethor talks a lot!
"Anyway, some fun things we hope to do is investigate the relationship of Elves and Mushrooms in Lorien, observe the gentle Shire Tiger, and see why Osgiliath's sewer system is good for the rare Dol Amroth Shark!"
"We have shark? Wow, it never ceases to amaze me that we have such a wide animal diversity. I didn't know the Shire had tigers!"
"You learn something new every day! Now, let's start with a very interesting topic: Fire!!!" Denethor says.
"How am I not surprised??"
"Anyway, fire is a really intersting substance! It can destroy whole things, like houses, cities, and--dare I say it?--people, in instants! Like, I think the town of Edoras burned in under 15 minutes!"
"Edoras BURNED??? Now what football team am I supposed to watch???"
"Chill, Boromir! And, no, that was just an estimate produced and virtually performed by the Rohirrim Science Association!" Denethor says.
"Well, I'm glad to know that the Edoras Chargers are still playing Football in the M.E.F.L. Maybe they can finally whoop the Helm's Deep Survivors!"
"Boromir, I'm shocked to see that you don't like the Minas Tirith Heroes! Surely you jest!!"
"No, actually, that's Faramir's team. Loosing team for the loser, you know?"
"I thought he supported the Osgiliath Arrowheads?"
"No, Dad, I'm wrong. He's for the Ithilien Rangers."
"Yeah...wait, that's Aragorn that supports the Heroes."
"Oh. Hey, Haldir, what's your team? In fact, let's ask EVERYONE on SET what their favorite football teams are!!!" Denethor says.
"Well, the Lothlorien Marchwardens!" Haldir says. (Get it? Haldir's the MARCHWARDEN? Ok, sorry.)
"The Caras Galadhon (did I get that right??) Kings!" Celeborn and Galadriel say.
"The Mirkwood Orc-Smashers." Elrond drawls.
"The Rivendell Rebels." Arwen says.
"That was FASCINATING!!! Anyway, now that we've wasted our viewers precious time talking about football, let's get on topic! Fire!"
"Hey, dad, not to be rude, but shouldn't you stay with the episode thing at the top of the page?" Boromir asks.
Denethor looks up to see 'The Secrets of Study Sucess!' floating above his head in blazing purple letters.
"Oh! So I shall! Anyway, to be a sucessful student, you should always study ahead of time for tests! Don't wait until it's too late! Hey, that rhymed!" Denethor says.
"Dear lord," Boromir mutters.
"And, you should take good notes! It might help you to write you notes in a outline format, and in hot pink gel pens. Then they stand out. Write really important stuff in bright green and highlight it, underline it, and so on." Denethor says.
"Wow, that's helpful!"
"Did I mention that you should never fall asleep?? I mean, I did when my class studied palantirs, and I never was educated about them, and look what happened to me!!" Denethor says, as a flashback begins...
A seventeen year old Denethor is standing in a room with a palantir, staring at it wide-eyed and intently.
"Whoa, man, it's just like a...marble or something! A really giant marble!! I want to touch it! It's so shiny!" Denethor says.
Denethor walks over to the palantir stool thing and reaches a hand out to it.
"It's so...pretty! I'm feeling...happy...which is a big deal! Dude, it's so shiny, and pretty, and, and, wow, man!" Denethor says.
Denethor's hand makes contact with the palantir and instantly, about 300 volts of electricity are sent through his body.
"Dude, it's just like that thing at GameWorks!!!" He yells, as he enjoys the bit of electricity shooting through him, giving him a quite lovely afro.
"Dad, are you sure we should show that to the little children?"
"Eh, who cares? I mean, no, that's just what happens if you don't study! Study!"
"Funding for the program provided by the EEF, and ELFCO united." The announcer voice thing says.
"I'm not done!"
"Yeah, dad, but the time slot is filled!"
A/N: All right, so it was a bit weird. Boromir and Denethor do most of the talking, due to the fact they're the hosts. But we'll get on with science stuff eventually. Leave me a review! Flames or something like it will go to Denethor.