Disclaimer: I don't own the Bible (nor any Bible characters whose names appear in this fic).
OK, this is a trial version. If the font turns out funny I will fix it. For the mean time I hope it is readable.
This is inspired by Norman Steve's fic "An Unlikely Hero", which is side-crackingly funny and has been a muse to me ever since I read it. Thanks for your great contribution to FFnet!
To other writers: Doubtlessly this subject has been done any numberof times already, however, if it bears any resemblance to you fics it is purely coincidental.
The Forgotten Gospels
Intro--- Temptation
"I shall give you all the kingdoms of the world, if you will bow down and worship me."
The silken words hung in the air before him; they encircled him eagerly, like a lost kitten, begging to be picked up and patted. But to the Chosen One, the answer to the question was painfully obvious--- like a stake to the heart.
"Get away from me, Satan, for it is written 'You shall worship only the Lord your God!'"
At his reply the words flowing around him faded, but the swirl of the air strengthened, forming a vortex, from which someone stepped out silently.
No one knew for sure why the Prince of Darkness fell from Heaven. Some said his pride could not bear the greatness of God; others suggested that he wanted to taste the power over others for himself. Whatever the case, the fact that he hated God remained undisputed...
He looked like a human, but it was also apparent that he was not one: his body bore no mark of gravity and the wear and tear of movement; his face, untouched by weather and emotion; The one impression he gave Jesus was that he was exceedingly thin, though not emaciated--- like an animal, starved to the brink of death, that had been forced to eat its own kind...
His other impressionable features were his eyes: they were cold and inaccessible, like the face of a glacier; yet at the same time, there was nothing in there at all--- no fear, hatred or guilt. If eyes are windows to the soul, one's gaze could be sucked into those eyes forever--- without finding a trace of one.
Jesus tore his gaze from those eyes with some effort. "Begone! You have been defeated, Satan."
The apparition smiled in a way that meant nothing at all. "Defeated?" It said with sarcasm. "You do not know the meaning of defeat. I have yet to give you the fourth question."
"Aren't three supposed to be the norm?" After all, four wasn't a particularly symbolic number.
"This one is for extra credit," Hissed Satan, walking up to Jesus. As the latter averted his gaze from the devil's eyes, Satan reached out a hand suddenly and placed two cold fingers against Jesus' forehead.
"You shall have time to think about your reply." He whispered. Then there was a bright light...
He got up from his uncomfortable position on the rocks under a flamethrower sun. As the aching of his head subsided a bit, three questions fought to register his attention at the same time:
Where is this place?
What am I doing here?
Who am I?
Can this be--- a warning light started flashing on and off in his head--- amnesia?
Wait a minute--- if he had lost his memory, how did he know what 'amnesia' was?
Deciding that there would be a better time to delve deeper into psychology, he crawled to the limited shade offered by a boulder, and thanked his stars that memory loss hadn't included his survival skills. Actually, his head felt less like an empty slate than a tangled ball of yarn--- it appeared that everything he knew was in there, he just couldn' t make head or tail of it.
With common sense he reached the conclusion that he was in some sort of a wilderness; but as for his identity he still had no clue, although he deduced that whoever he was, he must have been insane to wander around in a place like this. The one thing he wished to know above all others was, however, which way he should take to get outta there...
Don't worry, you can figure this out... just go where the vegetation becomes thicker... a voice in his head told him.
Seeing that there's not much point in staying there, he followed his instincts and set off.
As the vegetation thickened he came upon a stream, and with a whoop of joy he jumped into it, gulping mouthfuls of cool water hungrily. Suddenly, a shadow fell across the water. He looked up to behold a bizarre sight--- a thin, extremely hairy man was goggling at him--- on closer inspection, , however, it appeared that some of the hair belonged to the skins of various animals slung over his body. Shaking as if he had made a great discovery, the man boomed:
"BEHOLD THE LAMB OF GOD!"
Gosh, I wonder what the sun had done to his head,was his first thought, but common sense told him that when someone started thinking other people are lamb chops, there's only one thing to do for it--- run like Hell.
"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Leaping out of the water with the grace of a gazelle, he tore off into the distance with a piercing scream. If he hadn't lost his memory, it would probably have pleased him to know that he had broken his previous track record. Encountering a cannibal does miracles to one's turn of speed.
On the bank, St. John the Baptist scratched his head and goggled some more. He was supposed to be the herald of the Lord, and he wondered what's wrong with doing a little heralding for once...
He scratched his head again, and gave his cheek a pinch. Maybe it's those mushrooms I had... he consoled himself.
Besides... one really shouldn't expect the Son of God to behave like normal people...
... Or should one?
Next: The Sea of Galilee