Three-hundred Foot Tall WATSON
By a small bomb
a/n: hi.
…His usual asperity of temper was as clear as ever, but a faintness now coloured the apples which made Sherlock turn an odd colour of bright green, sorta like the Hulk, only different. Watson, who was now 300 feet tall, decided that he would take over the world. He started by kicking Sherlock all the way to Charing Cross station. Then he used him as a surf-board and won the international surfing great-cool championship. Sherlock didn't really like that, so he barfed. Watson simply laughed at this pathetic attempt, and then grew another 2700 feet or so. Then Sherlock got real scared and started running back and forth wildly hitting people and cats with purple bricks. Watson laughed again, but then choked on some guy he had been eating. The guy didn't have a name because he wasn't very important, although if he had a name, it might have been Joe. Or maybe not. Maybe it would've been Orson. Anyway, there was Watson, eating half the population of London, and spitting on the other half, and there was Sherlock, who now couldn't find any more people to hit with his purple bricks. This made him sorta upside-down, and THAT made him even more upside-down, which caused a miniature nuclear explosion to take place inside his hat. This nuclear explosion was so small, that it killed every canary in London. Why? I dunno, so don't ask me or I'll throw Frodo's finger at you. Meanwhile, back at the lab, Moriarty was cookin' up some carrots in his pink cauldron, but nobody really cared that much, so lets skip that part. Back in London, Watson had finally finished eating and spitting on everyone in town, so he then belched so loud that everyone who hadn't been eaten (except Sherlock) were turned into flowery garbage cans. Sherlock looked around in amazement, not seeing Moriarty sneaking up behind him, holding a pink carrot that was stained with ketchup...
...but suddenly Sherlock spun around and said in a deep, booming voice "Moriarty, I am your father!" Moriarty stood staring blankly at Sherlock for several seconds while the gods ate popcorn. Finally, Moriarty commented "That wasn't very ni-" but before he could finish, Watson squashed him flat. "And I am your father." he said to Sherlock. "Yes daddy." said Sherlock meekly, and went to bed without any supper. Only he didn't have a bed, because Watson had eaten it, so he couldn't. He came back to tell Watson, but as soon as Watson saw him he roared "GET ME MY PEANUT BUTTER!". So Sherlock went and got Watson's peanut butter out of Moriarty's left ear, brought it back, and put it a really large piece of bread for Watson. "Sanch." said Watson as he picked up the bread, but before he could eat it Moriarty ran around the corner and snatched it out of Watson's hands and quickly stuffed the whole thing back in his left ear. Watson roared his terrible roar and quickly used his Legendary Strength (TM) to beat Moriarty into an even flatter pancake then he had been before and pulled his bread out of his right ear this time, just because. Sherlock stared with a look of cunning at Watson's ankle, and with a scream of terror he charged up Watson's leg and spiked his peanut butter. He then proceeded to sneak away covertly, grinning like an idiot. Watson, blissfully ignorant of the large amount of alcohol in his peanut butter, proceeded to scarf it down with Gusto, who was unlucky enough to fall off a near by building into Watson's lunch. Immediately after eating, Watson became 130 drunk and started singing drunkenly and crashing into buildings. Of course Japan swiftly declared war on him and sent Godzilla to toast him like a marshmallow...
...but Godzilla was on vacation in the Caribbean with his wife, so he couldn't. Wing Shoozoori Ding-Dong, the president of Japan, fasted for seven days and thirteen nights trying to think of a solution, and on the fourteenth night, after drinking three entire bottles of vodka, the solution came to him. He knew what he had to do, and he would do his duty bravely to the bitter end! He called for his secretary and ordered her to bring him six Hyper-Ultra-Mega-Monster-Really-Darn-Big® nuclear bombs. She left and was back in 12.8 seconds which was a new record for bringing back six Hyper-Ultra-Mega-Monster-Really-Darn-Big® nuclear bombs, which doesn't matter. At all. Really, I mean it. Anyways, meanwhile AND back at the ranch President Ding-Dong had his bombs, and so he used them. In 3.7 seconds the entire country of Japan was vaporized.
"Wow." said Sherlock, right before he was blown 3001 feet high by the shockwave, which inexplicably reached England 5.7 seconds before 3:00 PM. He landed on Watson's head with a loud crackle, killing the entire population of Non-Crackle-Land, whose inhabitants only survived as long as nobody landed on anybody else with a loud crackle. But Nobody cared. And since it was un-cool to care about the inhabitants of countries that are obscure or don't exist, a mob of 12 year-old girls parachuted down on top of Nobody and massacred him.
Back to Sherlock. He stood up shakily. Watson stumbled drunkenly around, crashing into buildings and generally making a mess of something that was already quite messy enough. Sherlock clung to one of Watson's hairs' and desperately tried not to fall off. He failed. With a small squeak of dismay he toppled off and began the long, long fall to the ground.
Skip back a little. Adam and Eve were- no, wait, that's a little to far. Fast-forward a little. The aliens started destroying- errrrr… oops. Sorry about that. Little to far. Sorry, I'll get this stupid thing working eventually. Bear with me, please. Anyway, back during the whole Japan thing Moriarty was planning to plan out an evil plan on planet Plahn, which was in outer-space. His plan involved a tremendous death machine, a dozen chickens, kidnapping the president and two (2) sticks of chewing gum. Not a single element of his plan succeeded, not even the gum, and he ended up losing everything that ever mattered to him, which was precisely nothing, so he pretty much broke even.
The problem was that all this stuff had somehow ended up directly under where Sherlock was falling, which was really bad. Skip forward a little to when George Lucas makes a good Star Wars movie and- DARN THIS STUPID SKIP-O-MATIC, WHY WON'T IT WORK! STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID, DIE DIE DIE!
Uhhhh… really sorry about that, won't happen again. .;; So, go, not skip, to when the president revives from the drug-induced sleep Moriarty managed to put him in before the Secret Service showed up and called him mean names, spit on him and cruelly twisted his nose until he went home crying to his mommy. So, he revives and immediately sees the death machine. A look of horror and disgust completely failed to cross his face as he quickly picked up the death machine and hid it in his pocket, then, whistling nonchalantly, he walked away.
So, back to Sherlock. He was plummeting towards the ground very fast and it was starting to look like he was going to hit it pretty hard, so he tried the obvious solution. With lightning speed he passed a law against people named Sherlock hitting the ground at more then two (2) MPH (miles-per-hour).
Sherlock then broke that law and hit the ground going about 117 (one-hundred and seventeen) MPH (miles per hour). Not surprisingly he was splattered all over the ground, but that didn't stop the police from arresting him on charges of speeding, suicide and gross negligence. It took them a few days, but they eventually collected all the bits and pieces of Sherlock and threw them in jail.
To be continued...