Querida de Mío

Summery:  A month after Paul and Jesse's brawl at the hot tub party, things have almost gone back to normal at the Ackerman house.  Almost.  How can Susannah Simon concentrate when her class thinks her boyfriend is imaginary and Brad is acting so weird around her?  Not to mention those stolen glances Jesse's been giving her.  But what worries Suze most of all is the fact that Paul Slater has been quiet this entire time, even about their little promise up in shadowland. 

The truth is he's just planning a little lesson about the gifts of a shifter, starting with one day in 1850.

In the battle of the shifters, Jesse's would-be murder is at stake.  But Susannah has to decide what's more important: Jesse's love or his life?

Prologue:

I was running.

I heard something close behind me, but it didn't matter.  That's not what I was escaping.

In a fog-filled hallway, I was leaving behind something terrible.  Something tragically terrible that would tear me apart.  And it was for the best.

I found that glowing red door and groped for the handle.  Opening the door, I saw nothing more.

Chapter 1:

"Jeez, Suze, get much sleep last night?"

I was rummaging around in my locker like a zombie when I heard CeeCee say my name.  I looked up from grabbing my Chemistry book and saw both her and Adam standing by me.  I probably looked horrible too.  I didn't get much sleep from all the tossing and turning last night.  Stupid dreams.  For about a week now, I've been having that dream with the foggy hallway except now it was different.  No falling, no blue-eyed maniacs, not even my 18th century boyfriend.  Just little me, alone, in shadowland.  And trust me; I would never go to shadowland alone.  I've only been there twice now.  And the first time was at the risk of my own life to save said 18th century boyfriend, Jesse, from eternal wandering.  

Trust me, it was worth it.  Jesse de Silva is a hottie from old California in the days of petticoats and ranchers, or something like that.  Now his ghost is still here, and nobody is quite sure why.  Still, that gives him and me a great chance at dating – or courting, whatever they called it back then.  Sure, he hasn't got a pulse, but that hasn't stopped us before.  Get your mind out of the gutter, nothing like that.  Just a few kisses, all of which have been mind-shattering. Although I do wish he'd do that more often.  I had no idea a ghost could be such a great kisser, but it's not like I go around testing that theory.

Anyway, yes, Jesse was the first reason for my little visit to the smoky views of shadowland.  The second was an impromptu escape route from a hot tub party.  My two idiot stepbrothers decided to throw a keg party while the folks were away and guess what happened?  One ghost tries to drown his brother while Jesse and Paul duke it out on the deck.  Not really great for our social standing at Mission Academy, especially when it looks like I'm talking to thin air.  After ridding myself of the ghost sibling, Paul struck a deal with me.  As long as he didn't mess with Jesse, I would let him teach me about being a shifter. 

And here I thought for seventeen years I was a mediator.  According to Paul, they're different.  Unlike Father Dom and Jack (Paul's little brother who I liked much more) we apparently have other powers besides just talking to ghosts.  Going to shadowland by sheer will seems to be one of those, as I learned before. 

If it was anyone else, I would be glad to have such a good deal.  But it's not.  It's Paul Slater.  The same Paul Slater who didn't help his brother when he was freaking out over the mediator thing, the same guy who stood there while I almost died, the same guy who tried to force himself on me when I was at his house.  So you can see why I wasn't too eager to be around him, right?  Not when things were going so nicely between Jesse and me, who I might add doesn't know about this arrangement.  Thankfully, Paul hasn't taken me up on my promise, and I'm kinda hoping he never will.  I'm all for finding a way to help Jesse, but spending time with Paul is one of the last things I want to do.

But just to throw another complication into the mix, Mr. Slater – Or should I say Dr. Slaski – Paul's very own grandfather tells me to stay away from shadowland and not believe a word Paul says. 

I swear someone up there hates me.  Or at least laughing hysterically.

Anyway, here I was, sleep deprived at school and not exactly looking my hottest.  As I gathered my things and the three of us walked out to lunch, we passed by the table of the school stars which included Brad, Kelly, Debbie, and their clones.  You know that group. The air-headed-watch-my-peroxide-hair-swish-in-the-wind group.  Yeah, them.  I could hear Kelly Prescott talking to Debbie, "Oh, there she goes."

I didn't even need to turn around to know they were talking about me.  Ever since that party at our house, I was branded as weirdo.  Although I can't really blame them since I am.   Being able to see ghosts isn't usually on the top-ten list of things normal girls do.  What did bug me though was that I knew what they were smirking about. 

Jesse.

I'm pretty sure everyone at that party heard me talking to Jesse when it was clear – to them anyway – that there was no one there.  Since then, I've been marked as a freak with an imaginary boyfriend.  Now, they can mock me all they want since I can just break their fingers in retaliation but no one messes with my Jesse.  Not Paul, not Kelly, no one.  But I haven't got a single bit of evidence to show that he exists.  Except maybe the tombstone, but somehow I think that would just make matters worse.

CeeCee just frowned and said, "C'mon, don't pay attention to them."  Ah, CeeCee, my brave friend.  She was the only one that knew about Jesse's secret.  I'm not quite sure how much she did figure out, like the whole mediator thing, but she did know about Jesse.  And not even Gina knew about that.  Adam on the other hand, was completely clueless. But that didn't stop him from defending me.  He took up CeeCee's example and said that he knew Jesse wasn't a figment of my imagination.  As we walked to our usual bench to eat, I heard Brad at the table mumble, "Stop, you guys."

That was surprise.  Dopey Brad was taking a stand, no matter how small, for me?  Someone stop the presses!  My stepbrother has decency!  Although it might just be insanity, to be honest.  Brad's been acting weird ever since that day.  I don't think it was just because of that long, loud lecture he and Jake got either.  He's been avoiding me.  But then, everyone was doing that nowadays. 

CeeCee and Adam were engaged in a conversation about Mr. Walden's pop quiz, when someone decided to materialize right in front of me.  A certain someone with tight black pants and that sexy scar right on his eyebrow.  I almost fell off the bench in surprise, but thankfully caught myself.  Jesse smirked at me.  And damn does it look good on him.  Jesse's been doing a lot of things that surprise me lately.  He still visits my room once in awhile, just to talk, or read in the corner while I'm doing homework.  But I swear that once in awhile, I catch him gazing at me.  Really, gazing.  No one gazes at me.  Leer, maybe.  Scowl, of course.  But not gaze.  Somehow I find this extremely pleasing, and I grin the rest of the way through my homework.  And from a glance, I think he was doing the same.

But before I can get my heart to stop beating like crazy, I have to wonder what he's doing here.  Jesse never visits me during school.  Sure, he just lives – err, stays anyway – at the rectory close by, but it's just too risky.  If he saw Paul, they might have another duel over me.  While an amusing thought, I can't take the chance.  I stare at him and glance around nervously, hoping he'd get my silent message 'What are you doing here?'

He did and said, "Querida, Father Dominic requests that we meet with him."

I blinked in surprise.  We?  Uh, oh.  I turn to Adam and CeeCee, "Hey, I just remembered something I have to do.  Make sure no one takes my stuff, ok?" 

CeeCee looked at me shrewdly.  She never asked about Jesse or the ghost thing after that day at the cannoli stand, but I could tell she was dying to know.  But with Adam and most of the school out there, it wasn't exactly the place to ask questions.  Adam looked up from his sandwich and said, "That's alright, Suze.  Can I have some of your soda, though?"

CeeCee rolled her eyes behind him and said, "Fine.  But you and I are going to have a little talk later, ok?"  She turned back to Adam and kept talking about the answer to number thirteen.

Great, from one disastrous talk to another.  I stood up and walked next to Jesse as we both headed for the principal's office.  I couldn't ask him directly without looking like I was talking to myself, so I just gently tugged his sleeve and gave him a questioning look.  He looked down at me – Jesse had to because he was more than a head taller than me – and said, "I don't know what the father wants either, Susannah.  Although I can guess what, I suppose."  He looked a bit sheepish.  I couldn't blame him.  Discussing your odd love life with a priest, no matter how friendly the terms are between us, will always and forever be uncomfortable. 

I groaned quietly at this.  Jesse laughed and put his arm around me, which I must say instantly put me in better mood, "Don't worry, querida.  It can't be too bad.  The father isn't the type who would come between us."  We had been walking by Kelly's table again at the time, and Brad had his head in his hands.  Like he was upset or something.  Maybe he thought if he'd go blind if he looked at me. No one took notice of him though, except maybe Debbie who was trying to cheer him up.  But I couldn't worry about him at the moment, I had my own problems.

I had to admit though, Jesse had a point.  Father Dom would never tear us apart, right?  He had been in love once and with a ghost no less.  If he took Jesse away, who knows what I would do?  Probably hurt some people, honestly.

We finally came to Father Dom's door.  Jesse knocked before opening the door for me.  I love when he does that.  Granted, to anyone else, it would've looked like I was opening the door with the power of my mind, but everyone was at lunch so it was cool.  Father Dom was there of course, behind his desk looking through some papers.  He looked up at us with his baby blues.  Jesse hastily took away his arm from around my shoulders, seeing where he was looking.   I love Father Dominic like a, well, father – or grandfather, I guess – and all but he's such a stickler for etiquette.  I mean, it had taken forever to get Jesse cozy with me.  Cut a girl some slack. 

He said kindly, "Please sit down, both of you."  We did, each taking a comfy leather seat in front of his desk.  "Now, I suppose you both know why I want to talk to you."  Jesse and I glanced nervously at each other.  I wasn't scared or anything, but we were afraid of what the good father might make of us.  He sighed as he looked at me first, then to Jesse.  "I want you to know right now that it's not that I disapprove of your… being together."  I let out a breath of relief I didn't know I was holding.  But it was caught again when he added, "But I want you two to consider carefully what you are doing."

Jesse and I knew what we were doing.  We both talked about it that day at his grave.  He could never actually meet my friends or family.  We could never get married or have kids.  But that didn't matter to us.  What did nag me at the back of my mind though was something that Paul had said. 

"You're just holding him back."

I know I shouldn't trust anything he says, but I couldn't help but wonder.  Was I really holding Jesse back?  I know he's a bit sensitive when it comes to being dead, but when it's about us, we don't mind.  Was I just a big roadblock on Jesse's stairway to heaven?  That would make me the worst mediator ever, wouldn't it?  Almost as bad as that thing I did with the RLS Angels sometime ago.

But Jesse came through.  He reached over and grabbed my hand, saying, "We know, Father."  It was a very simple statement, but it felt like such a burden lifted off of me.  I squeezed his hand in mine and smiled at him.

Father Dom sighed again and looked between the two of us.  "I thought you might feel that way.  Very well, Jesse.  Susannah.  I can only wish you two the best."  Without really meaning to, I stood up and gave Father Dom the biggest hug.  Now, I'm not usually the touchy-feely type but it really meant a lot to me.  That he didn't mind, I mean.  I don't always look for Father Dom's approval on stuff, but this was important to me. And Jesse.

Both Father Dom and Jesse looked surprised by my sudden display.  Father Dom looked embarrassed and patted me awkwardly on the shoulder, "Now, Susannah, did you really think I would do something drastic?"

I let go, much to his relief, and said smiling up at him, "Well, no.  But it's good to know you're ok with it." 

Father Dom smiled back, "I'm glad you hold me in so much esteem, Susannah.  If only you listened to me on other more important matters."

I blinked up at him in surprise and asked, "What matters?"  I turned to Jesse to see if he knew, but he was looking at Father Dom questioningly as well.

"That incident a month ago..."   Oh.  That matter.  After the Jesse vs. Paul bout, Father Dom gave Jesse a lecture I wasn't allowed to be informed on.  Afterwards, I had my own little lecture about booze parties and the evils of fighting.  But since we eventually got to the reason Jesse exploded at Paul, Father D found out about everything that happened back at Paul's place.  And I mean everything.  From Dr. Slaski's shifter information to Paul putting the moves on me.  Needless to say, Father Dom had a better scope about how much a jerk Paul could be.  Assault is on Father D's list of things never to do to a woman.  I guess there is an upside to his etiquette thing after all.  I did make him promise not to tell Jesse though.  Even though Jesse had an idea of what happened, all the facts put together might make him seek bloody murder or something.

Father Dom looked at us meaningfully, "I wanted to talk to you two about Bradley."