Title: If You're Gone
Author: Beth M.
Rating: PG
Category: Post Ep for Impact Winter
Spoilers: Impact Winter
Disclaimer: Donna, Josh, Leo, Matt Santos...everyone else are not mine.. They belong to TPTB.. If they did belong to me... well I wouldn't be paying any massive school loans... The song If You're Gone belongs to Matchbox Twenty.
Feedback: Please.. This is only like my second fic…
A/N: Also this is unbeta'd...
A man was walking across the parking lot of the airport towards his car. He felt extremely jetlagged from flying to Houston and back in less than 48 hours. He got into his car and just sat there for a few minutes before heading home. All Josh wanted to do was to clear his mind of everything that has gone on in the past few days. He was thinking about this as he started his car and headed home.
There was one thing, rather a person that wouldn't leave his head. She had been occupying his thoughts since the day that she left. "Damn it Donna…" Josh said out loud as he turned on his radio, he thought that maybe some noise would be better that the silence.
"And here 'If You're Gone' By Matchbox Twenty. Yes it is a few years old, but it is a personal favorite, so enjoy." Josh was about to change the station after the DJ was done speaking, but he stopped once the song started.
I think I've already lost you
I think you're already gone
I think I'm finally scared now
You think I'm weak - but I think you're wrong
I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door
I thought this place was an empire
But now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure
Josh was glad that he was at a red light because all of his thoughts and concentration turned to Donna and the last few months since she came back from Gaza. He was drawn out of his thoughts by the car behind him honking his horn to make him aware of the fact that the light turned to green.
Josh shook his head to try to clear his mind. After he did that he went back to listening to the song.
I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - I think too much
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing
If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you
I bet you're hard to get over
I bet the room just won't shine
I bet my hands I can stay here
I bet you need - more than you mind
I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - that I know too much
I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling
If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you
I think you're so mean - I think we should try
I think I could need - this in my life
I think I'm just scared - do I talk too much
I know this is wrong it's a problem I'm dealing
If you're gone - maybe it's time to go home
There's an awful lot of breathing room
But I can hardly move
If you're gone - baby you need to come home
Cuz there's a little bit of something me
In everything in you
By the time the song was done, Josh was pulling on to the street to his apartment. He didn't remember driving there, but he knew that he was pretty much on autopilot. He was so tired that when he walked into his apartment he didn't notice the person that was lying on his couch sleeping.
He walked into his bedroom and after he was done changing out of his suit and into a new pair of boxers and a t-shirt, he pulled down the covers on the bed, got in and fell into a deep sleep.
Meanwhile, in the living room, Donna woke up when she heard the door open and close. She didn't want to scare Josh so she listened to his moments, thinking that he would turn on the light and check his messages. She opened her eyes to watch him and what she saw surprised her.
His shoulders were slumped over, he was limping like he usually did when his back started hurting him, and the look on his face looked so sad and hollow. All she wanted was to go up to him and comfort him, to tell him that everything was going to be ok but she couldn't. She watched him head to his bedroom, then heard him get ready to go to bed.
After about a half an hour, Donna got up off of the couch and went to look in at Josh. She knew that she should wake him and let him know that she was there, but she didn't wanted to. She got up, threw the cover she was using on the couch and headed back to see him.
Josh was lying on his back in what looked like the middle of a nightmare. Donna didn't think twice about the fact that he didn't know what she was there. She crossed the room and sat down on his side of the bed. She ran her hands through his hair as she whispered calming words to him.
He clamed down, but he started talking in him sleep. "No, I'm sorry, Donna. Dad, Joanie, I'm not ready to stay with you yet…"
"Josh it's ok. You are fine, I'm fine. It's ok." At Donna's words she noticed that Josh calmed down and seemed to drift back into a dreamless sleep. After a few minutes, Donna went back into the living room. She knew that she should leave, but she didn't want to do that. So she decided to stay on the couch. She figured that since she wanted to talk to him anyway, it was the best thing to do.
A few hours later Josh woke up when the pain in his back became too much to bear without pain medication. With this being his only thought, he got up and headed to the kitchen to get some and a glass of water. He walked to the kitchen in the dark so he still didn't notice that Donne was sleeping on his couch.
He turned on the light in the kitchen to find the stuff. He figured that while he was doing that he would go through his mail. Josh was standing at the doorway looking through it when he noticed someone on his couch. He knew that he should be worried about who it was, but he knew who it was.
Josh walked over to the couch and sat on the coffee table that was directly in front of it. He smiled and shook his head as he ran his hand through Donna's hair. He somehow knew that she was near. He wasn't really sure how he knew, he just felt her presence. "I'm so sorry that I drove you away Donna. I understand that you had to leave, but it doesn't mean that I have to like it. I knew why you wanted to talk to me, but I wanted to avoid it… That was where I messed up… I'm so sorry. We have to talk in the morning about everything, and we will. Because I want to also talk about our personal relationship, and I hope that the status of it changes soon."
Josh got up and kissed her forehead. He turned the light off in the kitchen and started to head back to the bedroom. But was stopped when Donna called out to him.
"Josh…" Josh smiled at the sound of her voice. She sounded sleepy.
Josh turned around to look at her. "Hey Donna. Why don't you go to sleep, we will talk in the morning, ok."
"Ok. I mean no.. I mean, well." Donna stopped talking as Josh went over and sat down beside her. She took a breath before starting again. " Ok. Yeah, we can talk in the morning. But, ok this is going to sound strange and I'm sorry about that, would is be possible for me to sleep in your bed with you. And before you get any idea, this couch sucks and I don't want to hurt in the morning."
Josh looked at her. He wasn't going to say no. "Yeah, that's fine." He got up, walked in front of her and offered her his hand. She took it and let him lead her to the bedroom. Each one knew what side the other liked, because they did this a lot during Josh's healing process.
Josh stayed on his side of his bed, wanting to give Donna her space. Donna fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.