When I was nine I hit Dom in the chin because he said I punched like a girl.

I did.

He and Vince had just started high school and suddenly I went from the little sister to this ghetto rat that they couldn't be bothered with. Five years was a far enough gap, put that in high school terms and it's more like thirty.

So when he literally told me to "fuck off" one time he was messing in his dad's garage, I hit him. Hard.

When that didn't work and he laughed at me, I ran home, got a bunch of throw pillows, and started hitting that. Wrecked five of them before I moved on to the spare pillows.

I discovered that when I thought about Dom's snickering, my blows seemed to come faster.

That when I thought about my dad, coming home then getting drunk, they seemed to get harder.

That when I thought about my mom, how she calmly walked out that door with not even a duffel bag saying that she was going to fucking abandon us, a pillow just wasn't enough.

So I ended up punching a wall.

My dad came home to see my busted knuckles, took down the first aid kit and smiled worriedly as he patched me up.

Later on, with my hands stuck in a bunch of ice cubes and him plunking the rest of it in his glass, he asked me why I felt the need to hit that hard.

I told him that I was pissed off at someone, and hitting the pillow made me feel better.

And in his fucked up way of showing fatherly affection, he got me a punching bag. Told me how to fucking box, too.

Two weeks later I went up to Dom and at the first sign of teasing split his upper lip.

Tony told me he was very disappointed (though I could tell that he was slightly proud), then turned and told Dom that he probably deserved the licking.

Dom apologized and promised to quit teasing me. Then, giving me a gentle shove, he asked me where I suddenly learned how to punch, and I just gave this small shrug.

He told me I hit pretty good, that I was better than some of the wussies in his school. And through that pack of ice and a swollen lip, he smiled.

And fuck it, if I didn't spend the next ten years trying to earn that smile.

No matter what I had to do, or what the fucking consequence was, Dom's smile made things okay. And that childhood case of hero worship just screwed things up as I grew up seeking more of his approval.

Dom this, Dom fucking that, and shitty as that might seem, I didn't really care because that was the way it was for everyone else.

Leon, Mia, Vince, Jesse, even Brian fucking Spilner—a.k.a. O'Connor, everyone wanted to please him. Even Dom, in this demented way, wanted to please this guy that everybody looked up to but somehow only existed in our heads.

That Dom died the moment he started hitting Linder with that wrench, yet he's spent every minute since he got out of jail pretending that he's still alive.

And we would have figured all of that out if only we weren't so into this dynamic that we were afraid to disturb and somehow just ignored.

Because when you're 20 years old, and in a relationship that that's been going on for nearly all your life, it's really hard to distinguish where their shit ends and your life fucking begins.

And it may have been an admirable cycle if one of us or-maybe even the both of us-hadn't been so broken.

Flashback

Orange County in far out California. Antique Malls. Outdoor cafes. Genteel old couples. One of whom has been thanking me for the past ten minutes for helping them start their car.

"Thanks again for helping us" this wrinkly old man was smiling at us

"No problem, I do this stuff everyday" I told him "Just bring to a garage for a closer look sometime this month, problems like these usually lead to bigger ones, especially in old cars"

He laughed and ran a hand through the dash of his eleven year old Toyota Avalon "Will do!"

His wife, who looks like an older version of Gidget, pokes her head out of the car "Are you sure we can't repay you for your trouble? We've ruined your dress."

I could hear a snort behind me as I somehow try and widen my smile "It's no trouble"

"Okay" she smiled, then looked at Jim "You take care of your young lady, you understand?"

I bit my lip and just wave. Wave. And hope they get out of this parking lot fast enough.

As soon as they're out, Jim completely loses it.

"Oh, fuck off" I grumble "She's an old lady, she's nice to everybody"

"Whatever you say, young lady"

That earned him a shove.

"Ow! Hey watch it, you might ruin your dress" he laughs, practically crying now

I could land him one that has him falling on his ass, but Jim can take a hit harder than most guys. Probably because he's a street cop.

I dismiss that thought and concentrate on wiping that shit eating grin on his face without using my knuckles.

"Relax, Let" he smiles, calming down "She's what? Seventy years old? Anything with a skirt for her is a fucking dress."

I flip him the bird as I flop into his car, looking for some Wet Wipes to take the grease off my hands.

There's sand on the floor mats, from when we went to the beach earlier.

We put in a couple of miles earlier when we woke up. Retribution for all those 4am wakeup calls I'd done, because running in the sand for close to an hour sure ain't Baywatch.

The guy was fast, and he wasn't sorry to leave me the couple of times I slowed down to catch my breath.

"Those are gonna be a bitch to get out"

"What is?" he asks me, starting the car

"Sand, it's all over the place" I muttered, looking at the amount of grit in the interior "Jesus, when was the last time you ran the vacuum here?"

"I dunno, a couple of weeks ago? A month?" he answers, handing me a drink and a pretzel before heading out

I can't decide whether to be shocked, annoyed, or let the thing slide.

Vince, who is undoubtedly the biggest slob on earth, has car mats clean enough to eat chips out of. But that doesn't really matter, since none of us really like to bring food in our cars.

While with Jim...the food doesn't seem to leave.

"Isn't this from a month ago?" I mutter, holding up an ice cream wrapper

"Ermm, no that was the other days" he says, taking it and...shoving it underneath his seat "And don't start, I don't rag on your baby so don't diss mine"

"Yeah, but mine's clean"

And I would probably end up cleaning this.

I can't stand a messy car. I fucking don't like Jim's car, but since I have to be in it a lot of times, I try and do what I can with it. Like toss half the shit that's in the backseat once we get back home.

And I am fucking getting rid of all this sand.

"So, how long did you say you were going to be out for?"

"A week...I told them I'd be out for a week."

He's got the long weekend off, and since we haven't been together like this for quite a while, I thought I'd just screw it and head off with him.

"What'd you do this time?" he smirked

"Nothing" I answered "I told Dom I needed some...alone time"

"Alone time?" he sniggered "And he bought it?"

"Yeah. Asked me if this was some PMS shit, or if I'd been sneaking in some Oprah with Mia."

I wasn't lying too, that really was all it took.

Okay, so maybe I'm not going to tell on that weird look that Dom had in his eyes, or how Leon and Vince kind of laughed and said I was getting all funky and shit. Jesse...Jesse knew something was up though. He doesn't know what it is, but he knows something. Kid can be pretty perceptive if he's not spaced out.

But the important thing is that Dom let me out okay. I kind of needed a vacation anyway. He had me do an overhaul on three cars for straight weeks. I was shit tired and needed to be out.

So here I am.

Usually, I only get to be here when Dom and I have a fight. Or when I've caught him with some hoe, which turns into a fight anyway.

We've been doing a lot of that recently. Fight. Sometimes I pick a fight just so I can get away with Jim. But lately, Dom's been pushing my buttons all too much.

It doesn't make me feel good that I have to fight with my boyfriend just so I can have the opportunity to cheat on him, and I know it doesn't sit well with Jim either.

But lately getting away has been pretty easy, since things haven't been so great with Dom.

Of course, I've been fucking another guy behind his back, so no Letty, things aren't so hot with Dom.

But Dom's been complacent. He doesn't usually let me get away with things. Not that easy.

Something's wrong...

"Hey, wake up!"

I snap to and find ourselves close to the house. We had a lot of traffic coming back to the city which should piss me off but makes me happy.

The guys hate traffic. They're all hiding in the garage right now, so no worries about me being found out and shit.

"You're really tired, aren't you?" he laughs

"Dude, a five mile run every freaking morning isn't on my daily agenda. I appreciate the lost pounds, but damn dawg, when I tell you to stop can't you at least pretend to wait up?"

He laughs and I laugh, but there's something there. I dunno. Tension.

"What do you feel like havin' for dinner?" he asks

"Chinese take-out" I answer immediately

"Damn, young lady, you are tired aren't you!" he laughs

Then we kinda stop.

I know it didn't escape him, what the lady said.

Your young lady. Wasn't the first time someone made the mistake, and it's happened so much lately that we're in danger of fucking believing it ourselves.

"I got my first notice today" he says "I'm taking the first batch of SWAT quals next week."

"Oh" I answer, not really knowing what to say

He's been wanting to apply for a long time. SWAT. Best of the best of the LAPD and all that shit.

"Yeah, that's why they let me have the long weekend off. I have to be at the training facility starting Monday."

"How long will you be gone?"

"About three days. Depends on how I do. I don't know what kinda schedule they're having, but I'll try and call you if I can."

"You don't have to--"

"But I will" he smiles, turning into the alley near his apartment, right next to my car, which is hidden under a sheet "I want to. Just don't sit by the phone waiting for my call."

I let out a little grin for having my words thrown back at me.

"If all goes well, things are going to get busy for the next few weeks. And I..." he paused "I don't want you to worry if you don't hear much from me during that time."

He turns off the ignition and we just kind of sit there, thinking.

How the hell did we get here so fast?

But it's been a year. Fuck, it's been more than a year. And even though we've tried to just run around in circles, somehow we still managed to get ahead.

"I don't want things to change" he said "I know they will, but..."

I sigh. "Why don't we see how things go. Don't need to borrow trouble if we don't have to yet."

"Yeah" he pauses, then turns to me "In the meantime, we have this week..."

"Yeah, we have this week..."

Present Time

Dom's gripping the steering wheel so hard that I feel like getting out of the care and just hoofing it.

He's never had a good temper. When we were kids, he was always getting into fights. It stopped in high school, but he got into racing then. Put whatever that was in him that needed to get out in a quarter mile, even before he was old enough to drive.

Then in Lompoc they put him in these Anger Management classes. He came out looking like a guard dog on a very short leash. He still had that rage in him, but he was more contained. Not controlled, but contained.

And now, after the heist, after Jesse...Dom's more...sedate. It's like he's all raged out. That whatever it was that he was trying to kill had already gone. And even though he was still passionate, everything always stays in a simmer.

I came home and found that Dom had grown up, but I really didn't know how to react, because in those six short months I'd done a lot of growing up too.

But one thing will always stay the same.

When Dom turns introspective, it's never a good thing. You have to prepare for demons to come out.

"Do you know that we've only been apart a total of three times in our lives?"

My eyebrows reach my forehead. I hadn't expected that.

"When you were born, dad took me to the hospital to see you. Mama was home with Mia, so we were there in her place" he smiled "The nurses...they put you in mah arms. Soon as I got you, you waved your fist and hit me then grabbed me in the nose."

I didn't smile. I was more confused than amused at where he was heading.

"The doc said that newborns weren't supposed to do that, said that you liked me. I was the third person to ever hold you, after your mom and dad, and that really...it was the start of things Letty."

"Since I was five, we've never been separated for more than three days other than those three times. Know when they were?"

I could guess two, but not three...

"The two years at Lompoc...those six months in Mexico..." he said, counting his fingers out "And the nine days you disappeared on me three years ago."

Shit.

I looked out. I didn't think he'd remember that. I'd gone two days over my one week request for vacation. I thought they'd throw a fit for dissing two days of work, but when I came back, they all acted like nothing had happened. Except for maybe Mia.

Mother hen was worried shit when one of her chicks had gone astray and didn't call when she was supposed to back in the nest helping in the store but broke her fucking one week curfew instead.

"I was supposed to come looking for you, but Mia told me to leave you alone. Reamed me out too" he bit his lip "That wasn't a good year for us."

"No it wasn't" I muttered "And from what I remember, you didn't seem to care."

"Oh, I did" he answered "Thought long and hard on why you were gone. I know things weren't going great, but I didn't think you'd ever leave just like that. Never even occurred to me."

"Is that why you screwed around?" I bit back "Because Little Letty's so in love with Dom she'll look past the cheating? That she'd always forgive him? So fucking stupid, that she'd let her boyfriend whore around with the racer sluts right in front of her fucking face!"

"Fuck you Letty" he yelled "You're one to talk, you were banging a cop regularly behind my back for a year!"

Angry Dom has now come out to play.

Him I know. Him I can deal with. He was familiar.

"So I guess this makes us even!"

"Bullshit!" he boomed "It's not fucking even when those skanks that I screwed meant nothing to me while you fucking loved him!"

Things happened so fast, neither of us had the time to stop it.

I just heard the crack, and next thing you know Dom is clutching his eye and I feel like I sprained my wrist.

Fucking shit with the big, hard head.

The two of us were panting with anger. I rarely get violent with Dom, and he doesn't with me. We know first hand how things can get when you mix violence and anger.

"Jesus Dom, I'm sorry"

He groaned. "I deserved it."

"Yeah, but I shouldn't have given it to you."

I turned around and got a beer from the pack he bought from the store.

Moments later a pint of Guinness gets schlepped on his face.

Irony. Who fucking knew.

"You were with him, weren't you" he asked quietly behind the cold can

"He what?"

"That one week, when you said you were with your friend in San Francisco. You were with him."

"Yeah, I was."

He put the beer down. There's a big welt on his face that's going to turn a mighty shade of purple the next few days. The guys won't ask, but I'm sure Jim and Brian will raise their eyebrows.

"But I came back Dom, every damn time."

"But that doesn't mean you can never leave."

The tension in the car is interrupted when the phone rings. He reaches in and opens it, wincing a bit when forgets and puts it on his bad cheek.

"Hey Mia."

There's frantic questions coming from the other line, and I can hear Mia starting to raise a hissy fit.

"No, Mia. She's here. I've got her. Are they? Okay. Nah, we just went for a drive. We'll be there in ten minutes. Tell Jim that he doesn't have to put up with the Corona's since I got him some Guinness."

There's a pause as Mia asks a question.

"No, things are okay." Dom answers, then looks at me "We're both okay"

God, I hope so.

Authors Notes: Holy cow, thanks for the reviews. And for the people who asked—and you know who you are-the answers been there since the beginning. But then...nothing's sure until I end it, right?