Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurts to be with them?

My mother did. She left when I was seven. Looked me in the eye and told me she loved me one afternoon then she left. Never came back.

I think, I hated her for the longest time for walking out on us when I least expected it. I mean, we were happy. We were a family. We had money, not a lot but unlike a most of our relatives, we weren't hungry. We had everything we needed.

Except maybe the fact that my father was a drunk and for a long time I hated that too.

My dad was a private in Vietnam. Worked in the field maintaining choppers. He was nineteen years old when he left, came back three years later a much different man. At least, that's what my mother and my aunts told me.

They grew up together in Texas, and when she turned sixteen my dad asked her to marry him. He got drafted months after she said yes.

They got married as soon as he came back then moved to LA when my dad was offered a supervisor position in a factory. Two years later, they had me.

I didn't understand anything of what my mother told me, except that my dad locked himself in his study after he came home from work because he had "issues".

And we weren't supposed to ask questions on why he tried to drink himself to death after dinner, or why he never talked to us, because he was a "good provider".

Thirteen years. Growing up, I blamed my mother for throwing all those years away. And I blamed my father for letting her.

I guess I will never really understand the reasons why she left, I'm sure she had a lot. And shit, it's still hard not to ask why she fucking left me.

But looking at it now, from an older perspective, I at least believe her when I remember her face saying that she loves me. That there's some sort of credibility to that love.

It doesn't excuse what she did, fucking abandoning her child, but at least now I'm more understanding of what could have been her position.

It's hard to be with someone who still wakes up at night screaming about things you will never know.

It's hard to be strong when you know that no matter how hard you try, there are some things that you will never be able to fix, no matter how badly you want to do it for them.

It's hard to be that, and sometimes people break...and they leave.

But that doesn't mean they've stopped loving you.

Present Time

The tension mounted as soon as we stepped out the backyard and things just escalated from there.

Vince freaked as soon as he saw Dom's face but wisely shut up when the others didn't bother to ask questions.

At the table, Jim was offered the first piece of chicken and ended up saying grace. Catholic boy that he is, he made the sign of the cross and said the prayer before meals without much coercion.

Mia was impressed, I could tell.

Jim and Brian made a show of talking about the Supra, Vince and Leon made a couple of jokes, Mia tried to swat them, but Dom and I kept silent.

Conversation died when Dom handed Jim a Guinness, replacing his Corona.

"For our guest" he tried winking at Mia, but things just stopped right there.

Five fucking minutes into dinner.

Shit, it's going to be a long-ass night.

Flashback

"Letty, can I ask you about something?"

I looked up from the magazine I'm reading and see Jesse coming in.

The kid is drinking a Pepsi and lighting up a smoke, fidgeting as he sits on the counter and stares at me with those doe eyes.

"Sure kid, talk"

I'm covering for Mia at the store, but at this time of the day it's usually deserted. Not much happening between one 'til four pm, and the guys are all busy messing around in the garage.

Save for Jesse, who's probably taking break from being in front of the PC all day.

"Uh, yesterday when you were, um, taking a bath, your cellphone rang and I kind of answered it."

"So?"

"Well, some guy was on the other line and...well, he was asking for you."

I don't know why, but my throat suddenly felt dry.

But shit, ton's of other guys have my number, right? What are the fucking chances that this could be Jim?

"Okay..." I prompted, trying to be the tough and unassuming chick "Do you know who it was or what the fuck he wanted?"

"I don't know Let, he hung up when I told him you were in the shower."

He was fidgeting and biting his nails, wanting to say something, looking like he was about to fall apart when I was just about to implode myself.

"Why didn't you tell me that I got a fucking call?"

"I don't know, Let" he answers nervously "It's just...I feel like there's something fucking wrong"

I swallowed "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"I dunno, Letty. It's just that, you're always out and shit. And when you are, you can't be fucking reached. Like when you went to Frisco..."

"I just needed to be alone, Jess"

"Why? You never did before!" he asked incredulously "And all these PMS crap that you've been into for a whole fucking year, shit you won't even let me look over your emails anymore..."

"Because they're fucking private Jesse!"

"I know, it's just..." he hung his head low, picking on the hem of his shirt "Are you and Dom in trouble?"

"What?!" I balked

"Coz you're always fighting and shit, especially when those skanks--"

"I know about those skanks" I cut him off and slamming my hand on the counter "I get to see what they fuckass do every single race, so I don't need to hear it"

Jesse looks like a scolded pup and I'm fucking irritated with myself for losing my temper.

Jesse...Jesse's incredibly sensitive. I think it's partly the ADD and the fact that he had a seriously fucked up childhood. His mom OD'd in front of him when he was fucking six and his dad got locked up for holding up a bunch of 7/11's, with twelve year old Jesse in the fucking backseat.

What happened in between the time he met Leon and Social Services is pretty much anyone's guess, but he was jumpier than a fucking rabbit when we first met him.

The kid tries to be tough, but with the way he's built and how he bumbles all the time, we can't help but be overprotective.

"I hate it when you two fight" he mumbled "You think we don't fucking care, but everything just turns to shit when you're gone Let"

That caught me offguard. "What?"

"We need you Let, and you know he fucking needs you" he explains "This past year has been hell for all of us, and you don't even notice."

"Hey!"

"Letty..."

He's looking at me with those eyes again. Those strange eyes that just damn, they see right through you.

And right then and there I almost want to tell him everything. But he loves Dom so much that I know he'll shatter when he finds out.

"We're six months behind with the mortgage, and with the store not doing as well as it should, we just need to cut on Mia's tuition."

My eyes widen at that. "What? But the garage--"

"They pay the bill's Let, but even with what we're making and Dom racing, he says it's not enough if they decide to foreclose."

"Shit, why didn't Dom tell me this?"

"He says he doesn't want to fucking bother you."

Ah. The story of us. Dom not wanting to bother me because he doesn't want to fucking talk to me.

"We need the money Let, and fast."

I sighed. "I'll see what I can do..."

"Do what, Let?" he asks "Get a loan? Get another fuckass job?"

"I'll come up with the money..."

"What, with your secret stash?" he smiled wanly, shoving another cigarette between his lips "Gonna dip into your inheritance money again, Let?"

I'm a bit shocked, but then again, I shouldn't be. This was Jesse we were talking about here, and if he can't find out about something, one of his friends can.

"You can find out anything you want over the internet, just need to know what the fuck to look for" he answers "I don't think Dom knows about it yet, he think you spent it all on the Silvia."

"I nearly fucking did" I told him

"Nah, your old man took good care of you" he answered sadly, probably remembering his dad "I could give you a really sweet upgrade and you'd still have some money left...doesn't matter though. Still wouldn't add up."

"Jesus, just how much money are we talking about here?"

"Besides the mortgage?" he asks "Dom's still paying for those fucking legal fees, Linder's medical, Dom's tab at Harry's...but the mortgage is the biggest thing. We're not gonna be homeless, but we could lose the garage."

And that was infinitely worse, wasn't it? Dom would rather be homeless than lose Tony's garage. But with five other people being thrown in the streets with him, that's really not an option is it?

"It's a lot of money, Let..." he sighs, rubbing at his eyes "But Leon and Dom have got a plan"

A plan. What kind of plan rakes in that kind of money in a year? Save for selling our cars, which isn't worth a lot, considering that Dom's got the only car that's souped up enough to make some major money.

"Just make sure you stay in for this week" he says

My eyes narrow "Of course I'll stay in, where the fuck would I be?"

"Around" he says "Somewhere. Doesn't take the internet to spot a purple Silvia Let, it's a pretty rare car."

Holy shit...

"Jesse--"

But he holds up his hand, his eyes begging me not to tell him much else.

"It could be Dom, it could be those emails, or those phone calls, your fuckass friend in Frisco who gave you those sneakers when you don't even fucking run...I'm not stupid Let, but I don't care...we just need you right now Let" he cries "Please, don't leave"

"Jesus, kiddo"

I reached over and gave him a hug.

That was Jesse to me, my little kid. I had to take care of him. Even if he didn't say it, I would never leave him, or the team. Never.

But somehow I wish that it was Dom who asked me to stay.

Present Time

"Sure you can't stay longer man?" Brian was asking Jim, as we started walking to the Escalade

"Yeah, I've got an early day tomorrow. I've got some stuff to do before I go to work, then me and my partner are gonna have to go through some training exercises again. My team's breaking in a new man."

Brian just nodded. "Yeah, I read about that in the papers. I couldn't tell you, but sorry about that man."

Jim just shrugged. "Just another day, you know how it is."

Neither of them says anything, and I feel like the ground should swallow me whole. It's times like these when I feel left out, when the two of them talk about what it's like to be a cop.

For my part, I've never tried to keep up on what was happening with Jim.

Pretty easy, since I'm not a fan of the daily news. I watch the world news on BBC and CNN some mornings. I read Time at the store, sometimes even Newsweek.

I just don't fucking read the newspapers. I don't watch the evening news either. And I don't pay attention to the SWAT beat, even when something like Alex Montel started dominating the news.

I turn and see that there just the three of us.

Mia has long since dragged Vince and Leon by the ear, which she discovered in Mexico was an effective way to get them to help with the dishes.

Dom...well, Dom is somewhere.

I feel slightly guilty that I didn't even notice that he snuck off, but my mind is somewhere else as I try and drag my feet as we head off to the Escalade.

We reach the side of the SUV and we all just kind of...stood there.

It doesn't take too long for Brian to notice that he's being the third wheel and says goodnight to us both.

We watch as he shuffles back towards the house, hurrying and delaying at the same time, nearly tripping in the process.

He takes one last look at us before he finally opens the door and gets in, leaving the two of us to discuss things in the darkness.

Yet again.

It's a bit awkward, but one of us has to start. If it were up to me, we'd be standing here for the rest of the night just looking at each other, fucking coward that I am.

Fortunately, Jim has enough courage for us both.

He takes a deep breath, running his hand through his short spiky hair, which is something he does when he's nervous.

"I'm sorry for dragging you into this again--"

"Nah, had to happen sometime, right? Better now than later, when things are more complicated."

He smiles, and it doesn't too much of an effort for me to smile back.

"I really need to talk to you."

"Okay."

We just stood there, looking at each other.

It felt so...different, yet so familiar at the same time.

Last time we were like this I had the team waiting for me in Mexico, and he had Gamble and his career to deal with. Basically our whole lives placed on hold.

Now we were free of those distractions.

I had my family with me, safe and unharmed, and he was obviously back in the division.

It was nice to see each other whole.

"How ya livin', Jim?" I asked, breaking out into a full grin

He laughed. "Never been better, Letty girl."

"That's nice to hear."

"Yeah" he said, then reached out to cup my cheek "I missed you though."

I hesitated for a bit before I leaned in "Well, I missed you too"

As if on cue, we look up towards the house and see a shadow in one of the rooms. I don't have to try very hard in order to know that it's Dom.

"He makes a poor job of being invisible" Jim smirked

"No...heck, I don't think Dom can be invisible even if he tried. I mean, you've meet him right?"

"Yup, finally" he said "And you were right about him."

The shadow just stands there, watching us, not moving. I can feel Dom's gaze as he sees me, nearly in the arms of another man.

I want to say that this is revenge for all those times that he had those bitches crawl all over him, but he doesn't deserve that. Not anymore.

We both move away at the same time, eager to resume talking.

"God Let, there are so many things I want to tell you, but now hardly seems like the right time to do it."

"It's been a big night" I inform him "Be glad that the boys didn't beat the crap out of you when they saw you"

"Me? You were the one who fucking laid it on Dom!" he joked "But seriously Let, I need to talk to you."

"And I need to talk to you. Maybe tomorrow, if you're not doing anything..."

"Nah, got something planned for the rest of the day. Am free Friday though"

"Then Friday it is" I answer, shoving my hands into my pocket "Same place, same time"

"I'll pick you up in the Mustang" he says "I swear it's clean"

We look at each other again, stalling.

I really do miss Jim, he was my friend. We went through a lot together. And at the same time, I really don't want to go in. I'm sure the guys have, by now, figured out just who Jim was, and are anxious to see me.

"I gotta get in there" I finally tell him

"Okay" he says, then leans in

I close my eyes when I feel his lips on my forehead.

For a moment it feels like old times. Like we were in one of our days in Orange County, or just finished running at the beach close to his place.

But all too soon he pulls away and we're back to now, where Dom is waiting for me up in our room.

"I'll see ya, Let" he says, then gets in, starts the car. Drives away. Raising his hand to wave.

I wait until the Escalade makes the first turn before I slowly walk back to the house.

I wonder what the guys are thinking?

Not really gonna know, since the house is dead quiet when I enter.

Mia must have locked the boys up. I would have loved to talk to Brian right about now, but I'm sure Mia's got him corralled too. Probably getting him to confess.

I'm gonna have to talk to her tomorrow. Explain everything. Gonna have to talk to the boys too.

In the meantime, I have someone more important to talk to.

Authors Notes: In case you're wondering, Letty's car is the one in Tempest Races "Tough but Tender". Big thanks to Tempest for lending me Letty's car, even though at this point, it's nowhere near the kickass car that Letty has in her fic...at least, not yet.