I'm standing in a phone booth in the middle of nowhere.

My hands are shaking as I hold the receiver, and my head feels like it's in a vice.

I blink and turn around, away from the neon sign of the Roadside Motor Inn. Its pitch black out there, but the light hurts my eyes.

There's shouting at the other end of the line and I'm finding it hard to focus.

I can't breathe...

"Just wake up Letty! Please, c'mon..."

I'm a bit scared. I can't see anything outside. There's no one there. It's just me and the motel, somewhere in nothingness, and I figure that I'm lost.

Coz I don't know where I am.

I close my eyes and lean into the side of the booth, trying to decide how to give directions.

"Motorside Inn, California" is all I can manage. It's really all I can remember.

"Let! C'mon, hear my voice, please, hear my voice..."

I try to. And it's familiar. But I just...I can't stay awake to remember which one it is...

"Get up!"

I feel a shove on my arm and I pull myself up. I look up and a blinding shaft of light hits my eyes. I close them again and try to sink back into the seats.

Jim is yelling at me. He's really panicking. My eyes are half open and I can see him trying to distract me while he tries to drive. He looks like he's about to cry.

Not a good idea, Jim. We're in the desert. Bumpy roads. You need two hands on the wheel. You could get us in an accident...

I try to tell him that but my voice comes out with this pathetic wheeze...

His eyes bulge out and this time, I'm the one that cries...

I can't breathe...

There are two voices now.

I'm having a hard time keeping my eyes open.

I just want to sleep. Everything hurts. My hands, my legs, my back, my face. Fuck, I think even my hair hurts. Is that even possible? To hurt so much that even your hair hurts?

"Letty, move your legs, I need you to move your legs! Move dammit!"

And I do. I give a kick. It fucking hurts, but my legs are there and I can feel them.

Thank God.

My mind if slowly drifting, and I can feel myself being pulled out...

It hurts and I move my legs again, and my arms. I have to move. They're telling me to move. And I do. I can move them. I can feel them...

But I can't breathe...

I cry out and open my eyes, and see this hulking figure, out to get me. His hand is raised and I can feel the air as his arm arcs down to hit me...

I try and give a scream but I just can't breathe...

Present

"Letty!"

I sit straight up in bed, holding my face.

Mia is there with me, wearing a nasty scowl that quickly melts into concern when she sees me.

"Jesus, Letty..." she sighs in relief

My cheek stings and reality dawns on me...

"You hit me!" I cry "You fucking hit me!"

"And you kicked me!" she bites back

She looks like she wants to deck me again, but settles for this amused worried look instead.

I don't know how she does it, but Mia manages to look worried. All the time. No matter what she's feeling. She could be happy, angry, sad or some shit, but she'd still be worrying.

"You scared me" she said, trying to pull me up "I've been trying to wake you up for the last ten minutes, but you wouldn't even move"

No shit.

The sheets are wrapped tightly around me, soaked in sweat. It's fucking hot outside, but somehow I've managed to wrap myself up like a burrito.

Not an easy feat considering that Jesse's bed is a tiny single.

How the hell that boy got laid with this bunker, I sincerely do not know...

And will never know...

My eyes meet Mia's, and as if on cue, we look around Jesse's room.

I know it's really Jesse's and Leon's room, but in the past couple of months, but now with him bunking in with Vince or out with some girl, the room is simply Jesse's.

All his things are here. His magazines. His laptop. Posters. Books. Toys. Clothes. The damn place even smells like him and in the light of the morning, I'm reminded once again how much I miss him.

And how much this hurts...

"We're gonna have to get rid of this someday" I blurt out

I can see the hurt shoot up in her eyes, but she just nods her head.

One day, we're gonna have to let go. Say goodbye to him within ourselves. His body may be in the ground, but everything about him is still here.

And we can't talk about him, if he's here. We can't remember him, the things he did, how he was, what he meant to us, which is sad, because Jesse deserves to move on to.

He can't be too happy with the car god's if he's looking down at us, seeing us tired and moping all the time.

"I talked to Dom about it" Mia said "He said that it was going to have to be Leon's decision. Since this is his room now and all. He'll decide what to do with it."

My eyes sweep around the room once, taking it all in, before I get up and stretch.

Bones crack as I rotate my neck, and I feel like shit. The heat in the room suggests that it's close to noon, and I know I've overslept, but I feel tired and weary at the same time.

"Bad night?" she asks

"Yeah..."

We just kind of stand there in the middle of Jesse's room, trying to gauge each other's moods.

I know Brian must have told her half the shit that went down by now. She already knows Jim and I went out, but the way she's looking at me suggests that a lot more have been added during the night.

"Dom and the others have already left" she says, breaking the ice "He came by to check on you, but you were still sleeping. He says you can take the day off, if you want."

I just nod.

I don't know what I'd do with the day off, but I do know that I don't want to see Dom, or anyone really. Not yet.

Mia senses this and fumbles around, looking for an out even though she wants to stay...

I know I'm bad company right now, but even though I don't want to see the guys, I can't stand the idea of being alone for the rest of the day.

I don't really want to think. I don't think I can bear all those thoughts alone, even though I've lived with them for a year.

"Nah Mia, you can stay. I just...I don't think I can be alone right now." I tell her, looking around "And I don't think I can be in this house..."

I see it coming, but it still surprises me.

In an instant, I'm engulfed in one of Mia's massive hugs, and even though I'm not a fan of touching, I return the gesture full force.

It's been so long since I needed the affection of a sister, needed the support of a sister.

And if nothing else, I just need Mia right now...

"Jesus Let" she asks brokenly through the hug "What happened?"

Flashback

I hear voices.

My open and my eyes are hit by a blinding light. That hurts. I give out a sickening groan and try roll over on the bed.

Not a good idea, cause my chest hurts like the fucking hell.

"Letty!"

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to wait out the pain "Ugh..."

"How do you feel Letty?" the other voice asks me

"Swell, like a monster truck ran over me, how the shit do you think I feel" I his through my teeth

I can hear a chuckle as someone grips my hand.

"She's sweet, Jim. No wonder you fell for her."

Open my eyes again, slowly this time.

I can see Jim sitting next to me in a chair, holding my hand, tired, scared and confused. Beside him is some idiot in a crewneck shirt, looking all fucking GQ as he leans on a counter with a smirk on his face.

"Who the hell are you?" I whisper hoarsely, looking at him

"Hey, that's not a nice thank you for someone who just saved your life" he says, brushing back his red hair as he makes his way over me "But since you're into some good stuff, I'm willing to overlook all this love and affection"

Jim gives me a tired grin "This is my friend Richard"

"Dr. Richard" he interrupts "You've insisted on calling me with the honorific for the past two days, Jimbo, why stop now that my patient's awake?"

He sighs "This is Richard Collin, MD. We were friends in college."

"Yes!" Collin cries, then pulls a stool and wheels right next to me "And how do you feel sweetness?"

"Like hell" I answer "But well enough to kick your ass if you keep calling me that"

"Ah, some bite" he answers "Not bad Jim, not bad at all."

I groan and try to move, but my chest hurts and my left hand is stuck with an IV.

"What the fuck--" I look around and see that I am...in someone else's house. In someone else's room...

It's...it's the beach house that Jim and I went to our first night...

"I'm sure you're already familiar with my humble abode" Richard answers, taking out a penlight and shining it into my eyes "Look here, sweetness"

The light hits my eyes and I groan.

"Yup, she's fine. Like I said, it was just a minor concussion, not as bad we feared" he told Jim "Though this one...we were lucky with this one."

I look down at where he's point and see tape peeking underneath the jersey I'm wearing.

No wonder I couldn't breathe...

"No, you couldn't breathe because there was a bone digging into your left lung" he told me "By the time Jimbo got you here, the rib poked clean through. You know when someone tells you not to move, you really ought to listen. Especially when chest injuries are involved. How the hell did you get them anyway?"

"I was in a car accident" I answer automatically

Jim's hand tightens, which Richard notices.

"Okay fine, I don't want to know!" he cries, throwing up his hands "You think I'd be able to help more if I knew what happened..."

"You've helped enough Richard, thank you" Jim answers, looking at me while being strangely tight lipped

This strange tension has somehow settled in the room and Richard notices this.

I lock eyes with Jim, and I can see that he's just itching for an explanation.

"I'm, uh, gonna go out for a smoke" Richard tells us

"Take Roxy with you" Jim tells him, not breaking his gaze on me

"Will do"

We wait for a few minutes, until Richard leaves. As soon as the front door closes I beat Jim to the question.

"How long have I been out?"

"Three days" Jim answers, worried "I thought you had a concussion at first, but what you really had was a punctured lung. I had to get someone to help me or you would have died."

I just nodded, slumping back on the sheets.

I'm in the guest room, and I can hear the waves coming from outside. People are passing by, dogs are barking. I can hear some traffic.

But me and Jim are oddly quiet as the two of us wait each other out.

"I...I didn't know what to tell Richard when he asked me what happened" he explained "Took me a few minutes to get a trace on your phone, and I'm just amazed that you stayed awake enough to tell me your other number"

He was tracing his thumb at the back of my hand, biting his lip.

I feel really calm, mellow. It's like the room is fading on the edges and it's lulling me to sleep.

Ahh, the good life.

I fix my eyes back at Jim, but he doesn't want to look at me, which is weird because Jim always looks at me. His eyes reflect his honestly and I've always appreciated that about him, his lack of deception.

But now I'm beginning to realize that you don't need his eyes to know the truth.

Jim will always fucking tell you...

Present

"So that's a Double Strawberry and a Fudge Sundae" the waitress told us "I'll be back in a few minutes to get your order"

She winks at us and I can't help it, but I smile.

Mia and I have been coming here since we were kids, saving dimes and nickels just so we could feel grown up by buying our own ice cream.

Tony would drop us off weekends, leaving us there while he ran errands. The owner knew us, the waitresses knew us, and they've watched us come as we'd struggle up stools to a time when we didn't disappear in the large booths.

Things were easier then. But then, they always are.

"God, I can't believe how little this place has changed" Mia smiles, fiddling with a straw "I remember dragging you here in that dress..."

I just kind of grin at the memory...

Mia was ten and I was eight. It was the first time we'd been allowed to stay without Dom or Vince or Tony, and Mia felt like such the big sister.

Dressing me up, combing my hair and shit. I didn't do dresses. They made me wear skirts and that fucking shit to school, but I didn't do dresses.

But since that was an "extra super special day", Mia came to my house and put me in one of my church clothes.

Thank God I outgrew all of em in six months.

We came in and they sat us on the stool, where they could watch us all the time. One of the waitresses had to help me up the seat, and scrawny little snot that I was, they made me sit on the phone directory.

Charming memory.

"Then you had all those sundaes...you ate so much, I thought you'd throw up in the car. Dad was so pissed" she smiled "Those were good times, huh?"

"Yeah..." I answered "But they're gone now."

The ice cream comes in, weakening the awkward moment between us. After some fuss about asking what the other got and some extra stuff, the waitress leaves and we're left to ourselves again.

And just like before, Mia the big sister kicks into high gear. Taking care of Letty.

"I didn't know your injuries were that bad" she told me "Brian said you could have died."

I shrugged "It was all of those internal bleeding bullshit. My ribs were broken, on the way home one of them just went through. I knew something was wrong, I could have said something, but I didn't think it was anything at the time...it wasn't your fault."

"Yeah, but I'm the one studying to be a doctor" she smiled lamely

"Well, you were otherwise occupied" I told her "And a part time second year med student couldn't really have done much, Mia, not with my injuries. Doc did a pretty good job fixing me up, considering what little he had to work with."

What I said doesn't really help. Not that I was trying to. I just needed to say something, maybe explain to her why I made those choices.

"Why couldn't you have come to us, Letty" she asks "We were all waiting for you in Baja, and when you didn't come in that first week...Dammit, I thought you were dead!"

She's this close to hysterics, but she reigns it all in.

Good ole Mia, who has the control that we seem to lack. While Dom flies of the living edge, Mia meditates on how to express her anger better.

"What would you have done if Brian hadn't agreed to help you?"

"I don't know" I answer candidly "It really wasn't my idea, it was all Jim's. He figured it out when I was knocked cold for three days and he just...he called Brian."

"That was some risk you two took Letty"

"It was a risk, but I knew even from way back that Brian wasn't going to do anything, he had too much to lose."

"What, you mean his badge?" she asked, confused

"No, Mia" I answered "I meant you"

Flashback

I wake up to two voices arguing over my head.

"Do you fucking understand what you're trying to do?"

"What, like you any other choice? You're here now man, there ain't nothing we can do but this..."

"But why are you doing this?"

"Same reason why you're doing this..."

"Letty's not gonna like this..."

"Letty's not in a position to like anything right now."

I give a grunt and try to open my eyes.

"Don't you two fucking know that it's bad manners to talk about a patient over her head?" I grumble "I'm right here. So if you guys ain't gonna talk to me, then you can shut up so I can get back to sleep"

There's footsteps, and in a few minutes two heads are looming over me. One is Jim, but the other isn't the cocky read head that I've become familiar with as of late.

Instead, I'm looking at a set of worried blue eyes and a face that I just want to smash my fist in.

"Spilner?!" I hiss "What the fuck are you doing here?!"

I try to get up, but both of them immediately hold me down.

"Jesus, try not to move Letty, you'll open your wound!" Jim panics

"Then let me go and bust his face" I slur "Or do I have to go through yours first?!"

My head feels like cotton, and I can't feel my tongue. I'm aware that my legs are moving, that I can't move them...but it's like running through water. They feel a little heavy, a bit too detached, like moving limbs that aren't mine...

"Shit Let, you're half shit faced and you can still pack a punch" Brian grunts "I thought you said she was sedated?"

"She's got a strong will" Jim answers, adjusting my IV "Richard put in enough medication to knock out a horse and she can still kick like one...doesn't say much about her cognition though"

"Why's that?" Brian asks

I feel like I'm swimming, and I sink down further into the sheets and just melt into the water around me.

Everything is warm and fuzzy, including Spilner's voice.

At the back of my head, I can hear Dom talking to me. My eyes are heavy, but I answer him back before I go to bed. Saying good night, wishing him great dreams, telling him good luck at the races...

Voices drift and swirl all around me as I close my eyes, listening to Dom as he talks me to bed...

"Are you kidding?" the somehow sings "This much morphine and you can ask Letty anything...fuck, you can ask anyone anything..."