Title: Christmas Skies

Part: Oneshot

Genre: Darkfic; kind of Slash, but only if you want to o.o

Warnings: OOC (Out of Character); a bit depressive

Summary: Christmas Eve at Malfoy Manor and Lucius realizes things, which are not good for him…

Written for: Fishnetfairy's challenge

Note: Yeay, the story is really OOC. Well, Lucius is OOC and Severus, too; Rodolphus had never been described in the books, so I don't know whether he's OOC or not (but I don't think Rowling will made him this way o.o Whatever…)
In case, you don't know: Rodolphus is Bellatrix Lestrange's husband; Rabastan is Rodolphus' brother. The two Lestrange brothers were the two other men in the trial with Bellatrix and Crouch jr. Harry saw through Dumbledores pensieve in book four.
Ah, yes, I'm pretty sure there isn't any religion in the Wizarding World of Rowling, but I wanted this grace in the beginning. I don't know why o.o I just wanted it. See it as artistic freedom coughs
I don't like the end, but… couldn't thought of something better… shrugs Enjoy reading

Thanks to: clueless1der ) for betareading

Disclaimer: "Harry Potter" and its characters belong to J.K. Rowling, I just borrow them and don't earn any money with them. The content of the story is mine and when you don't like it, please ignore it (I don't mind real criticism, but I don't want any flames or something similar).

Christmas Skies

"Bless us, Oh Lord, and these thy gifts which we are about to receive from thy bounty, through Christ, Our Lord.
Amen."

Lucius watched his son as he spoke the grace. The grey eyes of the man were half shut, but through the small slits he could see well enough the expressionless face of the boy. No, boy was not the right word any longer. Draco was 17. Of age in Great Britain and therefore a man. But the pride Lucius should have feel by this thought did not come. Instead an unlikely feeling of sadness found his way to Lucius' mind.

"Amen." Echoed the other guests. Narcissa, all three of the Lestranges, Pansy Parkinson and… no, not all guests. Severus Snape sat at the other side of the table, looking out of the window, seeming to pretend he was not there. Lucius was sure the other man was rolling eyes innerly. He had never been very religious.

"Enjoy the meal!" Lucius lifted his arms. Currently the other guests began to eat. It was a great feast as usual. Turkey and rabbit. Plumpudding, salads, potatoes, noodles. You could eat whatever you want. Champagne to drink. Red wine, white wine, a scotch for afterwards. Nothing missed. Lucius could afford everything. Not like poor Arthur who hardly could pay for a turkey, and count on it being big enough to feed his family. Yes, Lucius lived a rich life. A luxurious life. But was it also a good life?

The blonde slightly shook his head to ban those strange thoughts. It was Christmas Eve. A time to wallow in his luxuary, and not in depressive thoughts.

The dinning room was a immence room, surrounded by glass, so one could see the snow-covered garden of Malfoy Manor. The table was huge, the chairs comfortable. Nothing to complain about.

Lucius did not eat very much. He was not hungry, although he had not eaten much over the day. There was something in his stomach that did not allow him to eat. So he just sipped at his champagne, watching his guests.

Narcissa to his left ate in silence. Also not much, because of her figure. Small, almost tiny parts on her fork, lifting it to her perfectly drawn lips, then vanishing behind them. Her eyes remained focused on the plate, or occasionally on the floor. It was her nature; she had been raised this way-to do what she was asked to do and not to object.

Draco to Lucius' right ate in silence, too. But not out of the reasons his mother had. He hated those family dinners; Lucius' was aware of this. Every boy at his age did that. But Draco knew that he had to obey and tolerated it. He would use the first excuse that presented itself as a possibility to flee.

Pansy Parkinson sat beside Draco. Lucius watched her some seconds. His future daughter-in-law. A young girl with black hair and brown eyes. His grandchildren would not have the blonde hair of the Malfoy family. But there was always a time when things began to change. She also was silent and Lucius was reminded of Narcissa.

Next to Pansy sat Severus. His cold black eyes were looking annoyed at his plate. He listlessly poked his fork at the turkey meat. He hated turkey. He hated dinners. Well, he hated Christmas. And he did not make a secret out of it, but as everybody knew, nobody cared. Severus would flee by the first possibility, too.

On the other side of the table, Rabastan and Bellatrix were talking. Rabastan with his cold appearance; Bellatrix laughing her insane laugh. They ate as if they had not ever eaten turkey, and as Lucius thought over he realised that in a way they had not .. He was pretty sure the Dementors of Azkaban did not serve turkey at Christmas.

Finally, his eyes found Rodolphus, sitting on the other end of the table. Lucius winced as he noticed that Rodolphus' amber eyes laid on him. An intensive, frightening look, but as Lucius looked away, the other man did the same and began talking with his wife, who fed him with a fork of noodles. Lucius felt a hit in his heart and looked away again.

Feast went on and ended. Draco excused himself and Pansy and disappeared with her into the upper rooms. Severus, the Lestranges and Narcissa went into the salon to have some drinks. Lucius said he had something to do and would come later. In truth there was nothing to do, but he did not feel like sitting in the salon and drinking alcohol. He wanted to be alone, somewhere where nobody but him existed. But as he had a duty as the landlord; he did not go far away. Only into the garden.

The snow under his feet cracked and it was cold despite the warm cloak Lucius had put on. The light of the Manor got weaker and weaker as he walked the covered path through the hedges, which seemed to be a wall of powder sugar. Lucius took some snow into his bare hand, watching it melt as he continued his way. Again that strange feeling came.

Lucius headed for the part of the garden outside the labyrinth of hedges. He had to walk for some minutes, but finally he arrived. There was nothing but pure white. After the hedges the earth was even, no hill, no slope, no forest. Only the wide land covered with snow.

Lucius looked above, seeing the full moon, the millions of stars and the black of the sky. And then again, the feeling came and in this situation, Lucius recognized it: loneliness.

A sigh came out of his throat. He rubbed his eyes, then looked up again. He knew it was not good for him, but could not help and did it against every better judgement. Loneliness was the price one had to pay when you lived in Lucius' world. It was a cruel and terrible price, but the only one. Not that one had the possibility to choose. One is born into that world, one is not able to decide whether one want or not. Lucius was born into that world without being asked, Draco was born into this world without being asked. And Draco's child would also be born without the possibility to choose. It was a vicious circle. The vicious circle to carry on the bloodline of purity.

If Lucius had been able to choose, he would not be married to Narcissa. He had loved somebody else. A girl of his age, sorted to Hufflepuff in Hogwarts times. A bit naïve, but with such a friendliness, that she had succeed in breaking Lucius' cold mask and made him laugh. She could light up his heart with just one smile, could make him happy just by her existence. He would have done everything to live his life with her, but there had been no chance to make it that way. And so he followed the order of his father and married a woman, who was six years younger and still more girl than woman. Narcissa had been 18 as she gave birth to Draco. Pansy would not be much more older when she would give birth to Lucius' grandchild.

Another sigh escaped from Lucius' mouth. He had never forgotten the Hufflepuff girl, who could make him happy, but he never knew what happened to her. Perhaps she was married with a man she loved; perhaps she was as lonely as him. Perhaps she was dead. Lucius did not know. He just knew she was not there and that was cruel enough.

As he looked into the sky, he tried to remember her face. To remember the smile that warmed him. But he did not succeed. From day to day the picture went paler and some time in future it will disappeared completely. Lucius did not want to think of that day, because he knew, that day would be his last. The thought of being loved – even if it had been years ago – was what let him live. And when it disappeared, he would not breathe anymore. His heart would break and the splitters would cut wounds into his soul and body nobody could heal.

Lucius' thoughts went back to his family. To his wife, who was not much more than a doll. To his son, who seemed to hate him. Lucius preferred not to think about that. It sounded ridiculous, but it was true. Lucius was sure Draco hated him. Why not? He had never done anything that would Draco have made love him. He always had been strict, had pushed him around, never told him something nice or complimented him for something. Everything Draco had done had not been good enough in his father's eyes.

In reality Lucius was very proud of his son. He loved him more than everything else, but he did not show. He must not show, because if he would show, Draco would get weak. And weakness was something in wizarding world that is your sentence of death. Rankle and being rankled. Hunters and prey. Survival of the fittest. The basic principles the world was ruled by.

Lucius lowered his look to the ground. The sky made him feel lonely. And accepting this made him weak. Lucius could not afford being weak. He had to be strong, had to fight. He had to! But he did not want to. But between want and must, there is a huge difference and so he had to fight down his weak feelings and returning to the emotionless man he had acted almost his entire life. He-

WHOMP!

Lucius' head jerked aside as the snowball hit his face. Some moments he blinked startled, then he turned his head into the direction the ball had come from – and froze. Rodolphus stood some steps away, throwing another snowball up and down and smiling his more than psychotic smile.

Rodolphus was six years younger than him, same age as Bellatrix and Severus, but he had not any respect of Lucius. And he had a very good reason for that.

Rodolphus as well as his wife and his brother had not denied the Dark Lord after His downfall. They had searched for him, leaving a trace of blood and dead behind them. They had even gone to Azkaban for the Lord and patiently waited there until they were freed. Lucius had never been able to understand that. Sure, he also had sworn faith to his Lord, but going to prison without knowing if the Lord was actually alive… No, Lucius had not been willing to risk his status for somebody probably dead. And because of that mistake, he had to live with the consequences.

But the lack of respect was not everything. Rodolphus was not quite sane. Better said, he was really insane. A psychotic murderer, who loved to play with his prey. Lucius prefered the clean Curses to kill, Rodolphus prefered to do it with his own hands. He had no fun, if he was not covered in blood afterwards. Additionally, the man did not make differences at his victims. He killed men as well as women and even children. Everybody, who made trouble, was executed in a more than cruel way. And what made Lucius frightened in this situation was, that Rodolphus never liked him and they were all alone here, where nobody could hear his cries.

Then Rodolphus moved that quick that Lucius was not able to react and-

WHOMP!

- another snowball hit his face.

Rodolphus grinned. "Erm… oops!"

Lucius blinked.

"What are doing here, Lucius? It's cold and snowy and I know that you're a man who likes it warm and comfortable, don't you?"

Lucius' eyes narrowed. He knew what Rodolphus actually meant, but he would not give him a chance to defame him and turned away. But unfortunately he looked above to the sky and immediately the feeling of loneliness returned, which showed itself clearly on Lucius' face.

From the corner of his eyes, Lucius could see how Rodolphus leaned his head to the side and blinked a bit puzzled.

"Huh? What's wrong with you? No counterattack?"

"Wouldn't change anything, would it?" Lucius grummbled.

The other man shrugged. "Well… it would be more fun mocking you, when you would try to defend yourself."

"Charming…"

Rodolphus grinned again.

Some seconds passed in silence. Lucius starred to the bottom and cursed hiself for making that stupid mistake. Why had he looked into the sky?! He had known what would happen. He had known that he was not able to hide his feelings in his current situation. Nevertheless he had done it and Rodolphus had seen it. There was no way back now. If he was lucky, the younger would only make some jokes and leave it at that. But Rodolphus never did anything that made Lucius lucky…

Then Lucius heard the footsteps come nearer and soon a pair of amber eyes tried to look into his grey ones.

"Yeah, Lucius, what's wrong? That's not you… or is that your true self?"

Lucius looked up in shock, noticing too late that it just had been a joke. But the joke had become truth and Rodolphus had realised it.

"Wow… that's really your true self." He had hoisted his eyebrows and was watching Lucius. Originally, he had just wanted to tease the older one a bit, but know the things had changed. That man in front of him was not the man he knew.

"It's not my true self", murmured Lucius.

"Yeah, sure." The sarcasm in Rodolphus voice showed he did not believe the other man's words. "Oh man, Lucius. That's not a small thing. From cold to lonely it's a wide way…"

Lucius starred at the floor once again and he saw only the feet of the other man, which surrounded him. Then they stopped in front of him and a strangely gentle hand made him lift up his face.

"But don't we all play our roles?"

Startled Lucius looked into the amber eyes opposite of him. There laid a warmth in them, which he had never seen before. He knew those eyes looking cold, cruel, once expressionless, but never warm. Then those words. As Lucius thought he understood, he narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth to ask. But Rodolphus destroyed his ray of hope.

He laughed amused. "Oh no, Lucius. Don't count me to 'all'! I'm not all! I'm unique! Totally unique!"

Lucius blinked once more, then again as Rodolphus drew him into a hug.

"Yeay, sweetheart. I think you need a bit interpersonal warmth. Hm… don't get much with Narcissa and Draco, do you?"

"What do you mean?" Lucius wanted to make his voice sound sharp, but as Rodolphus pushed his face against his chest, it just came out pressed.

The younger one gave him a reproachful look.

"You know what I mean, sweetheart. Narcissa isn't that kind of woman that comforts you, when you come home after a long and hard day. And Draco… well, I don't think I need to explain."

Lucius eyes narrowed and he succeed to push Rodolphus some centimetres away.

"I raised him that way."

"I know. And you always hated it."

Lucius did not respond and looked aside. He did not want to say it, but Rodolphus was right. He always hated the way he had raised his son. Lucius would have prefered to raise Draco with all his love, not with strength and punishment. But love does not make you strong, it does not help you to survive this world you are living in. And so Lucius had chosen the cruel way to make his son strong although had he had a choice, he would not have done so.

Again some moments passed in silence. Rodolphus let Lucius finally go and stood beside him. Then he rest his arm around the older man's shoulders and drew him a bit nearer.

"What were you looking at?"

"The sky…"

"Why?"

Lucius shrugged.

"And what were you thinking about?"

At first, Lucius remained silent, but then he started to speak quietly. "My life… Draco… about everything a bit…" He sighed and opened his mouth again, but rethought and closed it. With an unsure look, he glanced at Rodolphus. That one noticed the glance.

"I won't say anything, I promise. What you tell me tonight will be our little secret. If you tell me tomorrow, I'll tell everybody I meet, but not what you say tonight."

Lucius blinked once again and asked sceptical: "You don't play a role?!"

Rodolphus grinned his psychotic grin. "No, I'm shizophrenic. I don't play different roles, I am!"

Lucius sighed and let Rodolphus cuddle him.

"Why are you doing this, Rodolphus?", he finally asked. The other man shrugged.

"Don't know. Bella wasn't in mood for sex, so I need somebody other to hug. And you were the first I've met."

"You hate me…"

"Oh no, sweetheart! I don't hate you! We've just different worldviews that often collide, that's our problem."

Lucius shook his head and leaned against the younger one. It was as if Rodolphus had pulled down the last barrier with these words.

"What's your real problem, Lucius?"

The blonde took a deep breath, then he started to speak.

"I always longed for another life. A life not so cold and lonely. There was that girl in school. So naïve and pure, full of joy and warmth. She could make me smile and feel, but I couldn't stay with her. I had to return into this cold world of ours. I had to pretend that I'm strong and cold, that I don't feel and don't concern for anybody. I never wanted to be so, but I had to.

As Narcissa got pregnant I thought that I could give Draco another life than mine, a better one. In a warm world, not in this cold one. But as he was born and I first hold him in my arms, I looked into his eyes. These grey eyes so similar to mine and I knew that I didn't want to loose him. I wanted him to live, but for that I had him to raise in that cold manner I've always detested. I raised him the way I've been raised and now he hates me…"

Lucius voice broke. He couldn't bear it now that he said it aloud. His heart broke. Rodolphus hugged him harder.

"He doesn't hate you."

"But he doesn't love me either…"

Lucius covered his eyes with one hand. He wasn't crying, but he would start, if he would look into the sky. So he hid his face at Rodolphus' chest. The younger one stroke over his back.

"You know, Lucius, our world is not perfect. Just like our lives and we ourselves. Not now. But… I believe that there will be a time when our children can live like they want. When they can love whom they want. Not today, not tomorrow, probably even not next week… but one day in future that time will come! And then they'll stand here and think about their ancestors who laid the path for their happy lives!"

Lucius looked up, but Rodolphus was looking into the sky. The grey eyes followed the amber ones and whether it had been Rodolphus words or his hug, Lucius could bear the sight and for the first time for years, he did not feel totally lonely.

"Utopia?"

"Yeah, Utopia!"

"Wishful thinking…"

"Stay positive, Lucius, stay positive!" Rodolphus grinned at him.

Lucius did one last sigh and leaned once more again the younger one. Then he whispered: "Thanks…"

Angry footsteps made them look around and after some seconds they could see a shadow coming towards them from their left. As both of them reached for their wands, Severus became recognisable. They blinked puzzled. Severus just hoisted an eyebrow as he reached them.

"You're still here, Sev?! I thought you already took flight…", Rodolphus said amused, but the answer of the black haired man was just a counterquestion.

"What the hell are you doing out here? It's bloody cold!! Aren't you sane?"

Rodolphus opened his mouth, but Severus cut him off. "Not you! I know you're not sane! I meant Lucius… ah, whatever… stay here, not my health, not my problem", he murmured and shook his head.

Lucius and Rodolphus exchanged a glance. Then the younger one asked: "By the way, Sev… What are you doing out here?"

"Me?! I'm searching for those bloody mushrooms for that bloody potion that bloody headmaster wants, and which only grow at that bloody place at that bloody time of the year!!"

"Potion?"

"To make bloody artificial snow for the bloody school and the bloody brats, who tomorrow will be moaning in my ears, that they are so happy but also so sad because her parents are busy and they have to stay in the school! Oh, I really feel sorry for them!"

Lucius' eyes were a bit wide, he did not know Severus in that way. Rodolphus just grinned. He knew pretty well that Severus could get these cynical attacks when he was really brassed off. It did not happen often, normally he was just brassed off, not really brassed off, but when it happened, you better took flight. Potter and his friends could just hope that the black haired man's mood would have bettered in the morning.

"So, I'm going in now and I will drink every single drop of alcohol you've got. I don't care what you two are doing, but I will definitely not make any damn anti-chill potion for either one of you!"

And with these words he was gone. Rodolphus and Lucius followed him with the eyes. After they where sure Severus couldn't hear them, Lucius asked:

"Why, for Merlin's sake, did he become teacher?!"

Rodolphus laughed and shook his head. "I've not the faintest idea, but when we also want some drinks, we should go, too. He doesn't look so, but he can really drink tons!"

And so the other two men followed and Lucius had his first Christmas, he wasn't feeling totally lonely at all.

The End