It's a twenty minute drive from the fort to the point, fifteen if you take a chance at the speed limit.

No races tonight, so it's just me and the stars, with my car warming my back.

Not a good idea to hang around an abandoned warehouse on your own, especially if you're a girl on top of an expensive car. But it's better to be here than at home.

I didn't see Dom when I left, but I did see Vince.

It wasn't so bad. He looked like he wanted to roundhouse me and hug me at the same time.

The guys spent close to ten hours in the garage, although I don't think they spent most of it working. Brian looked fried when I saw him, like he'd been through another round of interrogations.

I wonder how much he told them, which parts he left out.

It's frigging unfair how, when a girl cheats, it's a universal catastrophe, like angels falling from the sky and landing straight to hell. It's unforgivable.

But when a guy cheats...it's just a fucking glitch. It's wrong, you know it's wrong, they fucking know its wrong, but deep down, everyone kind of fucking lets it slide coz they're guys.

And they'll throw all that fucking bullshit about genetic disposition, survival of the species, or pick up a fucking Cosmopolitan and say all the fucking right things.

It ain't right, but it's fucking society and its bullshit that they get away with.

And its bullshit that I let Dom get away with it, let the rest of the boys get away with it.

I don't know how many times I've seen some girl cry at the races coz she caught her boyfriend banging some skank. I wasn't some special case, it's just that all the skanks were banging their way to Dom.

Some of them stick to their men, some of em don't. Some of them try and get revenge—sometimes using Dom.

All the months that I was with Jim, I never really stopped to think of it as cheating. It felt too good, too right to ever be that.

It was another relationship, where we had ups and downs, we fought and made up, made concessions and decisions...and I just kept thinking: how in the world could this be wrong?

When Dom was out banging his skanks, oblivious to all this?

But at the back of my mind I knew it was wrong. I knew, eventually, that I'd have to give one up. It's was just logic. But you don't think like that when you're in the middle of it all, and you just plain don't want to think about it when you're nearing the end.

I hear the roar of an engine closing in from a distance, and I sit up to see who or what it is.

Its dark out here, but I can make out the candy orange of the Supra making it's way to the middle of the drive.

Shouldn't really be surprised, we've gotten pretty close in the past few months. He'd be first one to know where to find me.

He stops a few inches from my car, a testament to his new and improved driving.

"Nice job, Chumpy" I tell him, not bothering to get up

"Thanks" he answers, coming out of his car "You know you shouldn't just take off like that. Leon's freaked out, thinks he drove you away."

"He didn't" I say "I just...I need to think."

I hear him sit on the hood right next to me, but makes no move to lie down.

"He asked me if Jesse suffered" I told him "He asked me even if he knew I didn't visit. I think he's testing me."

I take my eyes out from the sky and look at him. He's got his feet up on the bumper, and his elbows propped on his knees, contemplating.

"They fucking hate me."

He sighed. "You did cheat Letty, it's a bit natural that they feel betrayed."

"Oh really?" I mutter snidely "I didn't see them giving Dom the cold shoulder whenever he cheated on me. I haven't seen a single guy get busted at the races for cheating on their woman, yet I've seen plenty of girls whose necks nearly got broken coz they got caught with the same thing. Now why the fuck do you think that is?"

He couldn't answer.

Not like I expected him to. Coz if he did, I'm pretty sure he'd have come up with a book by now.

"For what its worth Let, I understand, and Leon is trying to understand, and Dom is taking it quite well."

"And Vince?"

"Well, you know Vince. He's a bit more...stubborn."

I let out a snort, and he kind of chuckles.

"Mia was scared that you'd go missing again. I told her that I knew where you were and I'd come get you, but I wouldn't tell where you were."

"What did she say?"

"Nothing. They're still getting used to this, Letty, it's only been a day."

It hit me then.

A day. Just one fucking day, and everything was different.

I shouldn't be surprised, a lot can happen in a day. Heck, a lot can happen in less than that. But somehow, I still can't fucking believe it.

A day.

"Hey Letty?"

"Yeah?"

"You think..." he pauses a bit, looking at his shoes for a bit before turning to face me

"You think the two of us would have gotten to be this close if all that shit hadn't happened?"

I didn't expect that...

I sit up and move next to him by the bumper, copying his position while I thought of my answer.

"To be honest Chumpy...I don't know..."

Flashback

It's dark.

Not much light out in this section, but the streetlamp in the corner gives out just enough for me to see the dark stones.

Rows and rows of them, one after the other. Some tall, some small, but somewhere in the middle of them all was Jesse's.

I bit my lip and just stared.

"Which one is it?"

"Third one on the fifth row" Brian told me

I just nodded.

I didn't really want to go out, didn't seem right that way.

The last time I was here...was for my father.

I was seventeen and the whole team was there with me. I'd never met any of my dad's relatives, but the lawyer called them and some of them drove down to see my dad for the last time.

My Tia Letty, whom I'd met only twice in my life, kept me propped up between her and Mia. Dom had attended to the guests while Vince and Leon had miraculously grown up for a day and helped him.

But it was Jesse, who'd been a real kid then at fifteen, that stayed with me at the cemetery long after everyone had left. After I'd told everyone I wanted to be alone.

Not that I did, I just...didn't know what to do. Everybody was trying to do something for me, but I wasn't really sure what

Jesse didn't try to do anything, he just stayed there, watching me from the Jetta, waiting until I was ready to go home.

"We can go some other time, Letty" Brian said softly and I just looked down at my lap.

I wasn't even there when they buried him. Jim didn't think it was a good idea, and Brian agreed. They let me pay for the lot and pick out a headstone, but they wouldn't let me see him one last time.

Brian started the car and I didn't stop him.

Maybe one of these days, I'll be able to go. But when that happens, I want it to be with my team, my family.

Not on my own, in the dark, with Jesse's laugh still familiar in my ears.

It's around three am, Thursday morning. There's no traffic anywhere, and Brian's navigating through the streets, just wandering around, not really picking a direction. Finally he gets this determined look on his face and does a sharp turn.

"Where are we going?" I ask

"You'll see."

It takes awhile, but we finally get to the point.

Brian parks Richard's Expedition and leans on the steering wheel, looking out at the warehouse.

It's the middle of the week, there were no races tonight. And the lot just looks lonely and desolate as it sits there, devoid of fast cars and young people.

"Looks different" he says

"Everything looks different when it's alone." I murmur

We just kind of sit there, staring at it.

"I think" he suddenly says "That this is the first stock car that's ever parked here since that warehouse closed."

I give him a wry grin. "Yeah. Not even a decal in sight. Wouldn't they love this."

"They'd probably just ignore us..."

"They probably would."

There's another long pause and Brian reaches out, fiddling with the heat.

"Jim's a cool guy" he says "I hope he gets out of the cage, that shit with his partner shouldn't be enough to keep a good cop out of the field."

The tension in the car heightens and I frown.

Brian and I have talked a lot more since Jesse died, and he's looked after me for the most days of his suspension.

And to be honest, I kinda liked Brian, as a person I mean. He was—is—a nice guy.

But just coz I think he's nice and we've been talking, it doesn't mean I won't get pissed when he starts asking about certain things.

"Spit it out, Brian"

"I need to know where you're going on this thing with Jim"

I roll my eyes. "Jesus, you sound like Richard."

"And he's right" he argued "You gotta decide Let. We've tried to stay out of it, but one day you and Jim will have to move on and Let, that day's fast coming."

I open my mouth to say something, but no argument comes out.

What's to argue anyway? I can't go anywhere, not with a warrant out for my head. Not with me still half doped and healing.

"I'm quitting, Letty"

My head snaps up "What?"

"I'm quitting the force. They've cleared me, I'm outta this case. All they're doing right now is putting together some paperwork to sanction me for botching up a case, but even I know that I'll never make it to Detective after this."

His hand tightens on the wheel and his eyes are these chips of ice. I can see how much he's disappointed with this.

This is his whole life that he's throwing away, something he's been after since he was a kid. He told me so. His whole family's in law enforcement and it's really the only thing he's ever known.

Giving this up would almost be like giving them up.

"I'm not sorry for doing it" he says, looking at my face "I haven't been happy with it for a long time and...I thought...I thought of getting out before, but I just...I didn't know what else I could do, you know?"

He bit his lip and looks down, and I almost feel sorry for him.

I know how hard it is to have to live up to other people's expectations. You hate it, but sometimes it makes you feel safe. Secure that everything else has been decided.

"When this case came up, I thought it was a sign that I should stay in. Finally, something I wanted to work on. I'd be out of uniform, in a car, and it'd be the perfect way to make detective real fast. Guess it didn't work out that way huh?"

"Have you told your folks?"

"Yeah...yeah. I told them last week. They're not speaking with me. I talked to Jim and he helped me decide and I just...I wanted to tell you when I was completely sure."

I have this sinking feeling in my stomach, and I just know what he's going to say next.

"I wanna go to Mexico Letty. I need...I need Mia." he says, looking at me "I knew this case was going to change things for me, I just didn't expect it to be this way. I just...I love her Letty. I need to be with her."

"And what does that have to do with me?"

His eyes are pleading with me as he goes on.

"I need to know where they are. No one's figured out where they've run off to, and I never told them it was in Mexico, but I still need to know where" he says "And I know you know where, because you were supposed to follow them, that you're supposed to be with them."

I tear my eyes from his and look out, staring at the inky lot, the tall buildings.

"And how'd you figure that out?"

"You fucking talk too much when you're delusional" he said wryly "Can't blame you though. Richard had to put you down enough to do emergency surgery. You must've been high as a kite those first few days that you came out. Said a lot of nice things. Why'd you think Jim called me up?"

"Coz he's an ass?"

I look down on my hands. They're clean. Haven't had a single grease stain on em for two months. I remember how, when I was a kid, the nuns would get pissed at me for showing up with dirty nails, and they'd drag me off to wash em before the start of class.

...Oh fuck, I'm going to tell him.

Present

"So what did you guys talk about today at the garage?"

I turn just in time to see him grimace. "What do you think?"

"Dom give you a hard time?"

"Nah, Dom didn't do much talking" he sighed, rubbing his knuckles "It was Vince who wouldn't shut up, Dom just stayed in the office and Leon just kinda refereed."

This is the first time I noticed that his knuckles are busted. There isn't a mark on his face, and I didn't see any on Vince. Not that I took time to look...

"Jesus, when's V gonna learn that he don't know how to box?" I smirked "You go easy on him Chumpy?"

"On Vince?" he guffawed "Never!"

We laughed a bit, letting the easy banter break the tension.

"Damn, been a long time since the two of us got to talk like this." he said

"Yeah...yeah."

Vince and I, we grew up together. But it had always been that Vince was Dom's best friend, and I was sort of the girl he looked after, coz I'd always been around. Then Leon and Jesse came, and Leon looked after me coz I was Dom's girl, and Dom ruled. And Jesse and I looked after each other coz we were the two kids.

But I'd never really had a big brother until Brian came.

I mean, it's not because he's protective of me or anything, but because he understood. He was there when all of this shit happened, and he knew Jim well enough not to judge me for what I did.

"Dom really loves you, Let."

I gave out a snort.

"He does" he answered "And Jim does, too."

"Why do we always have to talk about this shit when we're here?"

"Coz this is the point, Let. This is where it all started."

Flashback

We're sitting on the hood of the Mustang, a pack of Corona's between the two of us.

There's three more left. He's had two and I'm still nursing one, though I don't think I can have any more.

Richard's stopped most of the hard meds. I'm just on muscle relaxants now. Not as good, but it's better than having none.

"So when's Jim comin' back again?" Brian asked, kicking on some beer bottle that some racer left her last night

"Tomorrow. That job at the cage is killin' him." I answer, picking at the label of my Corona "But at least he's safe."

Brian looks at me "Is that why you broke it off?"

I shrugged. "Well, it's one of them."

The air shifts and Brian takes another swig. "He's SWAT let, he'll always be SWAT. What he is, what he wants."

"I know" I murmur "There was also the team...Dom. He needed me."

"Okay" he nods, fumbling with the piece of paper that I handed to him earlier this night.

I've thought about this for the past two weeks, ever since we buried Jesse.

Brian looks like an amputated dog and it's just...it's sick. Seeing him so...lost. Incomplete. I knew I was going to give in...I just didn't think it would be this soon.

"Don't you think he needs you now?"

"What?"

"Dom" he stated, holding up the piece of paper "Don't you think he needs you now..."

I close my eyes. I think I'm coming down with a headache.

I know he's going to be gone tomorrow. He's been packed for weeks. And Richard's going to be in some three month fellowship in Boston.

This is it now...I'm gonna have to make a decision.

"I know Dom needs me" I answer, taking a deep breathe "But Jim needs me more"