What's that shit they say? That life is like a rollercoaster, it has its ups and downs?

I don't know whether I hate that fucking saying because it's so fucking cliché or because it describes my life so fucking well.

Not only do I have my more than my fair share of ups and downs, but it's doing all that in 2G's.

Fast and furious, don't think I've ever had it any other way. I lived for speed, never once slowed down. Not since I walked down that street with my dad and started my life with the Toretto's.

I don't really want it to change, but sometimes…sometimes you just wonder you know?

Like what would life be like if it were slower?

As a kid, I used to think of it as living in a small yellow house with white picket fences. A dog and three kids, a two car garage with an SUV and a luxury vehicle…regular nine to five jobs and kids who's only problem was schoolwork and how to fill their social calendar…walks in the park, Sunday mass, and a vacation in Hawaii every two years.

Normal.

I don't think I've even had a normal vacation. Not something that didn't involve cars or car parts or auto-shows or a rave or someone throwing up. To just relax, and not sit there with your guts twisting because you're fucking waiting for the cops to come busting through your door.

Normal.

I've stopped wishing for normal. I used to want it so badly when I was younger, but I've come to accept that I don't think I was ever cut out to be that. Don't even think I could ever live like that.

Truth? Mediocrity scares the shit out of me.

But still…some days I think about what it's like. To have days to myself…to have life slow down for one minute, one second. To have a moment of clarity just so I can at least see where I'm heading.

Flashback

You ever get those times when everything clicks? Like for once, the universe is working for you instead of against you?

This…this is one of them.

"What are you thinking?"

I feel a jolt down my spine when I feel Jim's warm breath in my ear. His hand automatically comes up and rubs my shoulders, trying to create some heat.

"Nothin' big" I smiled "Just that I missed going out, being out…walking around…I'm just…relieved"

His brows furrow and he let's out this huge sigh. "I'm really sorry for that Let, but with everything going on, we thought it was better for you to stay in until things settled down a bit."

I bit my lip.

All throughout the day, while we were going around the city—eating, window shopping, just walking around—I couldn't believe that it was all real.

I looked over at him and braved the questions that I'd wanted to ask for a long time.

"Have you heard from Brian?" I asked

He nodded. "Yeah, he called yesterday. Payphone. He says without his or the truck driver's statement the bureau doesn't have a case."

I swallowed, hoping for some good news. It would be a shame to ruin such a perfect day. "Can't they make him talk or something? Like serve him a subpoena?"

"No. Brian's done his job for the force, and the truck driver's not going to talk without admitting that he was in possession of an illegal firearm, not to mention that shit he was moving."

Of course.

High priced stereos and DVD's can only go so far, this last truck was the mother load, with enough contraband good to have the FBI, customs, and the DEA to be all over it.

At first, I didn't really care about what we stole. We only found out what trucks to hit on the day of a bust and took whatever was in it. No questions asked.

It's was like opening a present, we never really knew what we got until we opened that truck door.

There were a lot of DVDs, flat screens, and pricey stereos. That was easy, that kinda shit is easy to move. We simply dropped them off to our dealer and paid us.

We could have paid off the mortgage after that first bust, but we didn't want to draw attention to ourselves by making any outstanding purchases.

So we split the money up and started with little things.

Mia's tuition. Stuff for the garage. Shit for our cars. We saved some, but Dom started betting higher on races, and soon we were racing too, and we needed money for that.

Amazing how fast money can spoil you.

I thought things would be better after the first time but it wasn't. If anything, it got worse. Because this time it wasn't about need, it was about wants. Wanting more money, fast money.

And we just kept doing it and doing it…it doesn't get easier, stealing. But you learn how to numb things, to make yourself forget. To push the guilt out of your head and twist logic so that for ten minutes, what your doing makes sense.

Pretty soon, we were finding more interesting things mixed with our precious cargo: liquor, guns, drugs. Not enough to make it significant, but enough to make you think.

The last bust was carrying a lot of "delicates". We didn't know what was in it, but we were told in advance how much it was worth, and no way could a bunch of appliances amount to that much.

Looking back, I don't know which one was more stupid, following blindly after Dom, stealing or pretending that everything I did was fine.

"It's over Letty" Jim said, breaking into my thoughts "Without any evidence or a witness, this case is gonna be buried in paperwork…"

I blinked, the words not really sinking in…

"All we need is a little inside shuffle and you guys can walk out with a slap in the hand for reckless driving."

"And Tran?" I asked "What about him?"

His brow furrowed. "Johnny Tran's got his own shit, he can just afford better cover. With him dead and his inside man out of a payroll, it won't be too hard to dig something out for him."

I couldn't believe it. I can almost hear gears turning and locking inside my head…

"Brian's got a friend in Evidence who can lose some shit, and I know someone from the Bureau--"

"Okay, stop" I immediately said "Jim, don't drag yourself into this. I don't want you to get involved--"

"I already am" he answered "Unless you already forgot that I took you in as a wanted criminal."

That didn't stop me though, and I tightened my grip on his shoulder.

"Don't" I told him "I can't…you've already done so much. I can't ask you for anything more Jim. You're putting yourself at risk. Fuck Jim, think about your career!"

The moment the words flew out of my mouth, I knew I said the wrong thing. His face immediately darkened and he turned away, looking out at the city at night.

Today wasn't just a break for me, but for Jim too.

We'd been so focused on my recovery that I'd forgotten to ask about Jim.

Things…haven't been the same since we last saw each other. I didn't think that much could change in a year and a half, but considering what just happened to me it would be stupid to assume that it couldn't happen to other people.

Not that our lives were like most peoples.

I didn't want to ask about what happened. Most of the information I got from Brian and Richard, but it's enough for me to know what exactly happened.

At this point, I'm more interested in how he is. Maybe someday he'll tell me what happened, but right now knowing is enough. Even if it hurts that he didn't tell me, I at least understand why and that's enough for me.

"That's not important right now" he says, running his hand on his spiky hair

I opened my mouth to protest, but the look on his face made me stop.

The bright lights brought in little illumination, but it was full moon tonight and I could see every little detail on his face. And he…

He looked like Jim. For the first time since I'd seen him again, he didn't look tired, or worn, or frustrated or disappointed.

He looked like Jim, my Jim, that I left standing in front of a pub, hope lingering on his face as I watched him from my rearview mirror, for what I'd thought was the last time.

"I've had…I've had a life, Letty. Without you. I knew I had one before you, but after the two of us…I couldn't remember what it was like. It's as if you were there from the beginning and I just didn't know it…"

My breathe caught and I thought I was going to pass out…blood rushed to my ears with his confession and for a moment I felt trapped.

"Lara was everything you weren't, but she was everything I'd wanted. She was…she was the type of girl I went for before I met you."

Lara…

So that was her name. Some days, usually in the early morning when he's just woken up after a two day shift, he calls me Lara.

Not that I mind, I was glad that Jim was able to find someone. That it didn't last long made me feel…triumphant, and disappointed at the same time.

I didn't want Jim hurt, but anyone or anything. I didn't care if I wasn't the one with him, I just wanted him to be happy.

"Her brothers SWAT and her dad's a retired cop, so she knew what it was like. Didn't really mind the late nights, the 24 hour calls…"

I nodded.

This was a girl who understood his world, something which I couldn't even begin to imagine as being a part of.

That she left when he was at his lowest point pissed me off…but now wasn't really the time to bring that up.

"Jim, you don't have to explain…" I said

"No, but I need to" he said "A lot of shit went on after you left, Let. Things were great for awhile, but when Gamble happened…"

I flinched. "I'm sorry about that. Never really liked the guy…"

He sighed. "He was okay, Let. He just let it get in his head, that's all. It's just…I didn't need to lose another friend. Brian was my partner for most of my time in Metro. He trusted me."

I realized then why he always insisted on calling Brian "Chumpy" or "O'Connor".

I thought Gamble was a jerk, but he was Jim's partner. Jim never said anything, but even then, I could sense this strong bond between the two of them. They were a unit, and they carried that unit from the dregs of Metro to the elite levels of SWAT.

Trust was the number one thing that kept them alive, whether in or out of uniform. And now that trust was forever broken.

"I know partners are supposed to watch each other's backs, but that doesn't mean you have to shovel up his crap" I told him "You guys function as a team, I get that, but there's a limit to sharing each others culpability"

I stared out at the city, remember a certain partnership of my own forged by fate, blood and time.

"He made a mistake Jim, one that could have cost the lives of a lot of other people—including yours. You think he was thinking about your ass every time he disobeyed orders?"

He was looking down at his boots. I know he knows that I'm right. Fuck, I know he knows all the shit that I'm saying, he wouldn't have stuck with the cage if he didn't.

He just needed someone to make him realize it.

"Someday, we'll look back…" I started, my voice trailing off…

Shit, I don't think there will ever come a time where the two of us will be able to look back and laugh at this…roll our eyes with stupidity maybe, but mostly…

This is the kind of shit that you want to repress from your memories…the kind of shit that you want to run away from…

This was the kind of shit that made you change who you were, and question who you want to be…

I gave him a wry grin. "I guess we don't have much like with Brian's, huh?"

He snorted. "At least yours turned out okay. I don't think this thing with Gamble can be fixed."

"But we can forget" I blurted out

His head snapped back to me, his eyes boring into mine…

I knew that by next month, Johnny Tran would be exposed for all those underground deals he managed to make and we'd be nothing but a folder in the FBI's cold files.

By next month, Jim would be ending his probation and he would be eligible to either re-apply for SWAT or file for a more regular schedule in the gun cage.

By next month, I could come out of hiding. Go to the traffic court, pay a ridiculous fine, and have my life back for three thousand dollars.

By next month…I could be free.

Author's Notes: This one's a bit short, but don't worry. We're close to the end people, so barring any complications from real life, updates should speed up. And Steph! Thanks for reading this girl. It makes me feel extremely proud that I managed to make someone crossover from another category. I promise to update 'Remember'. (I'm sure that after I'm done with this, I've got all the Vin Diesel research I need to beef up Jake's role.)