Flashback

You ever had one of those gut feelings when you're about to answer the phone?

You know, the ones that say "answer and you'll fucking ruin your day"

…but you fucking pick up because you think it's something important?

Jim and I are having a rare afternoon just vegging out in bed, watching DVDs when the phone rang.

The two of us tried to annoy the other in answering the phone, but in the end he pushed me of the bed and that was it. It's bloody comedic, but we're both lazy.

We seldom get to stay at home like this, and so when we do find the time, we try and make the most of it: no going out, no more tinkering with the cars for me, no checking up at work for him, and absolutely no Roxy for the both of us.

"And get me a beer while you're at it, babe!" he yells through the door

"Fuck you!" I yell back, reaching for the cordless we'd conveniently left in the kitchen "Drag your lazy ass out here and get it your fucking self!"

I can hear him chuckle then close the door, drowning out the noise from the TV as I thumb the talk button.

"Hello?" I answer, smiling

I almost drop the phone when I hear the voice on the other line.

"Letty?"

Present

The blood rushed out of my face as soon as I tried to step out of the house. My mind just keeps running these images of blood and broken bones and two fucking bodies being hauled out to the emergency room…

To be fucking honest, I don't really know which one I should worry about more: Jim the SWAT cop, or Dom, a seasoned street fighter. I've seen how each of them fight and I have to say that it's pretty much an even match.

My mind almost explodes when I see Dom clamp his huge hand on Jim's shoulder while the other opens the shed door.

Dear God…

The screen door bangs open and my foot is out the door when I feel a hand on my arm stopping me.

"Shit!" I hiss, stumbling back, meeting a worried set of blue eyes

"Don't go out there, Letty" he says sternly

"Fuck Brian, let me go"

"No" he answers firmly "Let them go. They need this."

"They fucking need what?!" I cry "Are you out of your fucking mind?! You know those two--"

But Brian just tightened his grip against my struggles.

"Look, if they wanna kill themselves, they're welcome to try. We'll just hose em down later" he explained "In the meantime…you owe them this."

My eyes almost bulge as I balked. "Owe them this? You think I fucking owe them this?"

I could feel the heat coiling in my hands and stomach as my head starts clouding with rage.

"What the fuck are you saying?!"

"Calm down, Let--"

"Calm down!" I yell "You want me to fucking calm down! You tell me that this is all my fucking fault--"

This time its Brian's turn to get into a fucking rage.

"Jesus Christ Letty, stop acting like the fucking victim and start looking at the situation!"

What he says hits me like a gale. My mouth falls open, but nothing comes out. Don't need to say anything though.

Chumpy's on a fucking roll.

"This one's not just about you Let, there's other people involved" he explains darkly "Just because you've been hurt Letty, it doesn't you can forget that you're partly to blame"

Flashback

I closed the bathroom door to the sounds of TV explosions and Jim complaining about some moron on the screen.

"Letty? Still there?"

I take a deep breath, sitting down on the lid of the toilet seat.

"Yeah, I'm here" I answer, biting my lip "Where you at?"

I hear some rustling, sounds of the road and some wind before hearing what sounds like a glass door closing.

"I'm calling from a phone booth a couple of miles away. I told them I needed to go out for an hour."

"Damn. They must really love you now, to let you out of the cage for a few hours" I joke

"I had to. I was getting cabin fever" he explained "The team understands, everyone's been staying in and they going kind of stir crazy"

I swallow the lump forming in my throat. "How is the team?"

"Fine. Okay. Vince is doing great. The rest are…they're coping."

"Good." I answer "That's really nice to hear. I mean--"

"When are you coming home Letty?"

Shit.

I lean my head on the cold tile wall and try counting to ten.

"In case you forgot, I'm the one that's in California, Brian"

"You know what I mean Letty" he says, the edge showing in his voice "You promised me, before I left, that you were coming up"

"And I will"

"When?"

I close my eyes.

A part of me wants to kick myself for fucking answering the phone, but another part of me is somewhat relieved.

I knew this was coming, can't avoid it. Sooner or later, I knew Brian was going to ask. He's been patient, and I'm grateful to him for that. But five and a half months should be enough to test anyone's limits, even if they owe you something big time.

I don't really know what to say to him.

I can't…I know it's been five months, but I still don't have the fucking answer.

I've been…I've been thinking about it though. A lot. Fuck, every day for the past month. I've thought about it before, more when I got out of the meds and my head cleared up.

I thought about Mia, Vince, Leon…Jesse. Fuck, Jesse…he's…

I squeeze my eyes to keep the tears from falling, and the images in my head are somehow replaced by one person who's never really been far from my mind.

"He misses you."

I wipe the snot off my nose and blink.

"What?"

"He's been thinking about you everyday, waiting for you, hasn't really stopped…He's different" he says "He doesn't really talk much…at least not since I got here"

"He tends to shut up when he's in trouble"

"That's because it's usually his fist that's talking for him" Brian cuts smartly "Yeah, but this time…it's different Let. He's miserable."

I snort. "Should be, after what fucking happened."

"Is that all you have to say?"

I rub my forehead with the heel of my hand. "I need more time."

"Bullshit!" he yells on the phone "They think you're dead! They think Tran got to you and you're lying in some shallow hole in the desert! If it wasn't for me telling them you were fucking okay, they would have risked jumping the border in order to be there digging for your fucking bones!"

"Brian--"

"This is serious, Letty" he says "I can't keep lying to Mia like this. She knows something's going on."

My blood runs cold as he goes on.

"She's not asking…yet. But soon enough she will, and I think it would be best if you haul ass over here before the shit hits the fan and start explaining."

He had a point. I couldn't…I couldn't stay here forever. Somewhere along the line I knew I was going to make a choice. I just didn't know that "now" would come so soon.

"You need to talk to them before the situation gets worse" he paused "Or you can just walk away…I didn't say anything. You can…you have the option of changing your life and giving them up today"

Present

I sink onto one of the kitchen chairs as Brian's words hit me.

"There's still Dom and Jim here Letty" he explained "And even if he's caused you a lot of grief, don't you think Dom deserves a bit of an explanation?"

"Then let me do the explaining" I argued "Jim's got nothing to do with him"

"No" he bit back "Jim has everything to do with him. He's the man that dropped in on your lives, Letty. He's the man you were with when you left him."

"Fuck! But--"

"He needs this Let, and so does Jim. They both have questions…about you and about each other. It's been a year Letty, and I think Jim at least deserves some answers."

"Then let me be there to keep them from going at each other's necks"

He shook his head "I don't think you need to Let"

I felt like wringing his wiry little neck. Did he not understand? He knows both fucking men, doesn't he fucking get it?

"Step away Let, at least for this one. Let them have control over the situation."

"And let them fucking kill each other in the process?"

The corners of his mouth actually twitches as he tries to suppress a smile, and I fucking want to run my knuckles over it for him to even thinking of it.

"I can't believe you're really worried."

Okay, now he's mocking me.

I slam my hands on the table and look at him like he's grown two heads and I better knock one off to make him normal again.

"How the hell can you even say that?"

"Relax Letty, this is a man thing"

"And men usually settle things with their fists"

This time he actually smirks. "Do you really have that little faith in my kind?"

The lack of a response from my end prompts him to withdraw the question.

"Okay, so you do. But this one's different. Special case. Besides, if a fight breaks out, I'll be the first one to call Edwin and have him set up a tent so I can sell tickets. Those two are so evenly matched that it's bound to be a great fight."

I give him the look that shrivels balls and he immediately wipes the grin off his face.

"Give em a few minutes, I can assure you that's all this one's going to take."

I let out a snort.

"Hey, if you can't put your faith on mankind…then try puting your faith on Dom"

Flashback

I could feel my knees turning into jelly as I hear Brian give me an out.

"I could tell them that they got to you, or that you just…went away. That something came up and your "friend" thought it was too risky for you to stay in one place and that you needed to move around and just…disappear for awhile."

My mind went numb as the possibilities ran over my head.

It could happen. Jim could get a posting some place else. LAPD SWAT was the best, but he could apply for an out-of state transfer and actually have a better chance at getting back into an active team there.

He'd much rather stay here, but he'd do it…he'd do it just for me, if I needed it…

He'd give it up.

"Have you at least talked to Jim?" Brian asks me

"About what?" I ask dumbly

"About stuff, things, your situation" he says "Unless, you don't plan to include him…"

"We haven't really discussed anything" I admit

"Then he's got a right to know by now, Letty" he reminds me "Just like Dom has the right to know that you're really okay"

The dam actually breaks and suddenly I'm crying, with my head resting on the hard cold surface of the bathroom wall and I'm shaking so hard that my hand can barely hold the phone.

This is…this is rock bottom for me. I know it seems like I've gone through worse, but despite everything…it's still the thought of Dom that leaves me fucking undone.

I don't know why.

I've jacked trucks, cheated on the man I loved, lived with the fucking guilt that I might have killed my dad, broke the law, stolen and lied—over and over and over again.

So many fucking things and yet the one thing that still gets to me is still…Dom.

I guess that really says something about me, huh?

"I know it's difficult, but you're gonna have to make a choice Let, otherwise you're just running away from things" he says over the line

"Dom and Jim, they both love you Letty, and you gotta…you have to make it fair for the both of them. You either chose one or lose both, but you can't keep on letting them think they can both have you."

I wanted to bang my head onto the wall.

I knew all that, understood that I had to do something. I've run out of time and now it's time to choose.

I mean…fuck, it's so easy. If you think about it, it's all so easy. I know all the answers to this, it's all fucking common sense. And deep down, I've known all along who it was that I wanted…

But it's the execution that's hard.

The logic is all fucking easy in your head, but doing it…it's doing it that scares me.

I don't want either of them to get hurt. But I knew that if I was going to do the right thing, I was going to have to slice open a few wounds.

Present

I'm slumped over the table with my head on my hands and Brian giving me a reassuring pat on the back.

How he can remain calm amidst all this I have no fucking idea. Maybe something about falling in love with Mia, getting kicked out of the LAPD, getting involved with a gang of street racing ex-convicts, thus changing his life in the process has somehow dulled him to some forms of excitement.

"Not really" he chuckles, making me realize that I've said all this aloud "It's gonna be okay"

"How the hell can you be so sure" I grumble

"Coz I say so" he says grandly

I look up at him and think he's nuts.

"You know, just coz you're back on Dom's good side, doesn't mean you can predict him"

He just shrugs his shoulder and smiles.

"Hey, c'mon. You know I've got your back. My job, besides keeping you in line, li'l sis"

I actually manage a smile at that. Mia had always treated me like her little sister, even before I started going out with Dom. And now here was Brian looking at me at the exact, same way.

"Little sis" I grinned wanly "You don't know how long it's been since I've heard those words with the right affection. So…you gonna make it official?"

It was mean to be a joke, but his face turns beet red and he looks down on the floor at his shoes.

Holy shit, I may have hit on something here.

"OOOOOOOhhhhh, I think Chumpy's hiding something here." I tease "You planning on something Chumpy"

"No" he says quickly, but with a smile on his face "No, I'm not planning on anything"

"Uhuh" I smirk "Then why do I get the feeling that you'll react to the word wedding"

A weird look does come on his face and I know I've hit the jackpot.

"Marriage?"

"Shut up, Let"

"Enagagement" I hedge "Pro-po-sal?"

He rolls his eyes and actually moves to put my head in a lock to wrestle my hair.

"Ack! Chumpy, shit, shut up! I gotta date! I gotta date!"

"You know nothing yet, little sister"

"Oh I think I know something" I yell, breaking out of his hold

Yup, I sure know something. Coz I know from the look in Brian's eyes that someone on the team's gonna get engaged.

Flashback

Fuck.

I've been walking around the living room, wearing a hole in the rug as I fucking try and pace myself to death.

Shit, this isn't fucking working.

It's been ten, fifteen minutes since I hung up on Brian and I'm a fucking wreck.

I know I need to go in there and just…just fucking tell Jim.

I need…

Shit!

Just fucking do it Letty. Just close your eyes and go in.

I stop, take a deep breath, and open the door.

And he could tell. Right from the moment that I opened that door, I knew he'd seen from my face that something was wrong.

He immediately shut down the TV, sat up and looked right fucking at me

"Let?"

Well, here goes nothing…

"Jim…we need to talk."

Authors Notes: I was going to be the mean bitch and thought of drawing things out a chapter just to put you guys into more suspense and maybe even get my own set of "100 reviews", but…I think this is enough. At this point, I can safely say we're in the home stretch and that I just have two more chapters. It's nice to see which readers have been rooting for whom, and I'm going to have to thank you guys again for sticking with me on this. Hopefully, I'll have the next chapter up in a few days. Until then, thanks for the reviews people!