Present

I was still teasing Brian when Leon poked his head in the door.

"You two done gabbin' in here?"

Brian snorted while I ran my hand through my hair, trying to get it to at least look half-way decent.

"Brian's got some news" I said slyly, then pretending to wince as Brian jabs be in the ribs

"That all cool, but I thought you should know that the two are out"

I don't fucking know who made it first but from the way we it sounded, it all must've looked like the three Stooges making an entrance.

We stumbled out, then kinda froze, watching as Dom and Jim chatted quietly in the distance while Vince shot his mouth off about something.

"Fucking shit" he was grumbling "Can't even give his brotha a break"

"Shut up, V" Leon smacked back, sitting on the table next to him and passing him a Corona "The boy did good not messing anyone up. Here, I got you a beer"

"Thanks" V muttered, taking the drink with his good hand

"Don't mention it" Leon answered smartly "By the way, you owe me two hundred dollars"

V whipped out his wallet while Brian and I looked over, mouths hanging open.

"You fucking bet on whether or not they were gonna fight each other?" I yelled incredulously

"Yeah, and my boy let me down" V muttered darkly, handing over a wad of twenties

I was about to let em have it when I heard a chuckle behind me.

"Damn, man. I wish you coulda let me in on that one!"

I turned around and glared "Chumpy!"

He just shrugged "What? I knew they weren't gonna fight, I coulda won some money. My baby needs some new floor mats and Vince would have covered them nice"

Vince throws a rag at him and the three of them start dishing out shit, horsing around like nothing happened and making dirty jokes while they were at it.

Fuck, I will never understand men.

I look back at where Dom and Jim are standing, watching them finish up their conversation.

It seems…weird, seeing the two of them standing there, so close together. Two of the most important men in my life, the two great loves of my life, in the same space…and nothing happened.

I felt like time should have stopped or the sky should have caved in or I should have spontaneously combusted. Fuck, something big and important!

Instead, there they are, standing there, looking like two grown men talking about lawn mowers…if I didn't feel like there was some other shoe that was about to fucking drop, I would have said that it was anti-climactic.

Except nothing in my life is anti-climactic.

Suddenly, both of them looked up and saw me watching them and it was surreal. I can honestly say that this is one of those times where you wish you had a button to show the subtitles to people's thoughts.

What could they have been saying about me?

It took a few, but Jim finally nodded and reached out to shake Dom's hand, which Dom—let's not be so surprised—fucking took.

I took a few steps while Jim met me halfway, donning his sunglasses in the process and keeping me from seeing his eyes…okay, so I won't know what went on in there…at least, not yet.

"You ready to go?" he asks, smiling at me

I nod. "Yeah. You figured out where?"

He laughed. This was always our discussion. Before we went anywhere, we usually had a small debate on where to go, since neither of us could ever.

"Yeah, got it all set up."

We walked out, not saying anything as we felt the heat of everyone's stares. I could feel the tension kick up a notch and a knot started forming in my stomach.

Jim walked on to his car, but I stopped as I reached the edge of driveway and looked back.

Dom had just called Brian and was asking him to come in with him for a minute. Brian was already making his way towards him, but at that exact moment, Dom looked up and saw me staring at him.

And the way he stared back…

His face was a total mask, blank and completely unreadable. This wasn't like Dom, who kept everything on the surface…I could see in his eyes that he was hiding something…

"Letty?"

I shook my head and looked back at Jim, who had started the car and was done warming her up…

Just like how I'd taught him to.

I nodded at Jim and started walking, but I took a second to look back, only to see Leon and Vince having a beer, Brian going inside the house and Dom hurriedly following him in.

Flashback

According to the map, it would have taken just a few hours to get to Baja, give or take 24 if you were once a possible ex-convict.

It's been a day and six hours, and I'm stuck at the side of the highway arguing.

I'm sure that if I were the highway patrol, I'd be glad to stop and assist the dubious looking rental pulled over at the side of the road, probably asking why the two young bone tired individuals like us were doing fighting in this fucking heat.

If there was a highway patrol…if you can even call this a damn highway.

All it is deserted cracked street barely wide enough to fit a semi. It's been fifteen minutes, and so far, no one has passed by. No one. Not even a single fuck ass Mexicali. I think Jim intended it to be this way.

Fuck.

"Are we lost?" I ask grumpily, just having woken up

"No."

"Then why are we here?" I seethe, opening the windows and hoping to get rid of some of my steam

"We're here because we need to talk"

"We already did that, several times, as I recall."

Jim slams his fist on the dashboard, swearing when he hits a button and water squirts out on the windshield.

I watch as dust and grime gets washed away in front of me, the dirt mixing with the water, before it gets whisked by these mechanical wands…

You know, if you stare at it long enough, it can be pretty mesmerizing, especially when you're trying to avoid a conversation.

Finally, Jim finds the right button and the whisking stops. He sighs and I try to burrow myself down my seats.

"What are we doing here, Let"

I bite my lip and look out the window. "We're heading out to Baja, Mexico."

I hear a long pause as he finally cuts the engine.

"Why?"

"You know why."

"No, what I know is what you've told me, and—fuck it, look at me!"

I tear my eyes from the hot, bright Mexican landscape and focus on Jim, squinting as my eyes adjust to the dimmer interior lighting, willing the slight headache that comes with it to go away.

"You need to go see the team, you need to tell them you're okay, I understand that, I get that, but…why end all this Letty?"

My hand digs into the seats leather interior as I rehash my decision.

"Because this ain't right, Jimmy."

He whips back into his seat and slams his hand again on the steering wheel, and I wait—yet again—as he cools off.

Off and on, stop and go. We've been doing that since we crossed the border. It would have been annoying, we could have gotten there sooner, but I know Jim just wants to change my mind.

And for the life of me, I don't understand where he gets the strength to ask me over and over and over again.

Because I'm running out of energy to answer him…and I can't stand to see him hurt when he hears that I haven't changed anything.

Jim's eyes were focused on the horizon, his hands red from hitting the stirring wheel.

"What the hell did I do wrong?"

"Nothing" I answered weakly "You did nothing wrong"

"I—we could run away Letty" he argued "We could, we could move back to New Hampshire, and…"

I squeezed my eyes shut and sank further down the seats, trying to drown out his explanation.

It's the same one I've heard since our last stop. He's been giving me plan after plan for the past week, ever since I told him I needed to go back.

And he…he doesn't get it. He just doesn't get it.

"I thought we were over this" he says helplessly

"We are" I answer him, trying hard not to hit anything "And I gave you my reasons."

"They're not good enough"

"Then they're just gonna have to be" I reply "Because you just can't help who you love"

I wince as I hear his hand pounding on the steering wheel again.

Present

I sigh as I take in the salty air.

The sun is almost down touching the horizon, skimming over distant rocks and boats, the bright burning ball that reminds me of all the sunsets that I've watched here before.

I heard him come up behind me and I smile.

"How's Richard?"

"Busy" he answers "He's in town, but left for a couple of hours so we can talk. He wants to see you though, so if you don't have any plans tonight…"

"I'll stick around" I say, sitting down on the blanket he's just spread

We look out at the ocean, drifting back to all the hours we'd spent here, talking. We first came here as lovers, and now we're here as friends.

Some people never make that successful transition.

We spent a few more moments admiring the beach before I heard Jim take a deep breath and speak.

"You have no idea how many times I've gone back here, thinking about us" he said "At first, I didn't think I could come back here…because I…I missed you. And after a few days, I thought I was gonna go out of my mind…so I finally just came back to the house."

I didn't say anything, couldn't even look at him. I knew this was hard for him, fuck it's hard for me too. But right now he needed to talk, and it was my responsibility to listen.

"I really hated you for a long time. I didn't think it was fair that you had to go. You'd left me twice and…" he paused, trying to find the best words to continue "It fucking hurt, and it was worse the second time, because the second time I knew you really tried. You really wanted things to work…And I…I wanted to hate you, for not making it happen."

He didn't say anything again at first, and I looked at him to see if he was okay.

He was staring at the ocean, looking at the surf, letting the sun hit his eyes while his hand played with the sand.

He looked…like he was at peace, like he'd gotten over whatever it was that he needed to get over, and that this was just something that he needed to do, in order to move on.

"But the day I came back here was at a party. It was a few months after and…I'd already been back to the house, but not to the beach" he said "I walked out here…with someone. And we…we were talking, just talking. I didn't intend to be out here, but we started walking from the house, and next thing you know we were just…here."

"I thought I'd feel bad, it was only after a couple of months. And when I didn't…Fuck, I didn't get it."

But I did.

I saw it. In his eyes. And fucking knew.

"So I thought" he said "Thought back hard to that day, and remembered what you told me."

Flashback

I didn't think it would happen, but we're finally here.

Three days. That's all it took. Through everything, all it took was 72 measly hours for me to separate my life to what was before and now.

I knew deep down that if I walked away now, I would never be allowed back into Jim Streets life. Ever. There's only so much that a person can fucking take, and this is it.

We're parked a few meters from a medium sized beach house. It's not incredibly impressive, only slightly bigger than the house we had at Echo Park. It's not the fucking mansion like most of the houses farther down road are.

This one's older, maybe a run down seventies style. The neighbors aren't big houses with hulking satellite dishes, it's a bunch of tall reeds and a huge expanse of sand. And it doesn't have a five car garage, but it does have a nice circular driveway, with four cars already parked out front, one of which is a dusty orange Camaro SS with a black stripe.

Dom's.

Right now the team's probably inside getting ready for dinner.

Mia's probably finishing her cooking, and one of the boys is helping to set up the table. The rest should be out washing up, probably from another day at the garage.

They have a life here, one that I'm about to step into.

I take a deep breathe and place my hand on the door handle.

"Don't do it, Letty"

I pull my hand back to my lap and stare at it.

Fuck, this is the fifth time I've stalled, but this time I was actually going to go through with it.

"Jim, please"

"I…" he struggled with the words, giving up when he couldn't find the right ones "I just wish things could have been different."

"I know."

Three days, it doesn't seem enough. But a lot can happen in three days, lots of things you can never undo, and will probably take a whole lifetime to explain.

"Deep down, I knew that this was going to happen, and that I shouldn't hold it against you" he said "But Letty, I just had to try"

"And I understand." I answer softly

I understood fully.

We don't choose the people we love. It just happens.

We can love someone with all our heart, and sometimes they can never love us back, and that's okay. Sometimes love is unconditional, and just giving that love is enough. And over the years, I've had to learn that the hard way.

Loving someone without expectations, without complications, and without deceit…a quiet kind of love that baffles your mind but your heart comprehends.

And that makes that kind of love worth it.

But sometimes, when you're lucky, you find that one kind of love that's both unconditional and sacrificial…and the other person loves you back. Full force.

And in that love, everything is heightened: anger, possession, caring, sharing, jealousy and rage…it's sometimes explosive and passionate, sometimes quiet and gentle…but always, always complicated and intense.

So that makes that kind of love rare. Not everyone can find it, and even when they do, not everyone can survive it.

And that makes that kind of love worth it.

"Tell me Let, did I ever stand a chance?" he asked "After all this…I just gotta ask…would I ever have made you happy?"

He had a resigned look on his face, but his eyes were still fighting.

"If I hadn't been a cop, or I didn't have SWAT…if you weren't a street racer…would this have worked?"

"Jim…" I start, hoping that what I would say would be the right words

See, it was never a question of careers.

The first time we broke up, maybe it was. I was a different person two years ago, I wasn't strong enough to let go of anything that I considered as my life.

But now…Maybe I could have done it.

Moved back with Jim to New Hampshire and let him join the force there. And maybe I could have lived with the fact that this wasn't what he wanted. That even though he told me all this with such conviction, I could see in his eyes that there was a certain light missing, like a dream had just died.

And maybe, I'll believe myself when I say that I can be a mechanic in any state, in any garage. That I could start over without my family and my friends. That I could give up street racing, and the hot cars, and live the normal life of a citizen.

Maybe I could do all those, maybe I could live with all those sacrifice for myself…but I couldn't accept Jim's.

Not with what I still had in me.

"It was never because of that" I told him "It was never a question of what state we were in, or what kind of jobs we'd have…I have no doubt that I could have been happy…"

He looked at me, searching, trying so hard to understand and take it all in.

"But Jim…I don't think I'll ever be completely happy…not without him."

And I could see, could almost feel, that dam break, as I told the truth.

"We could be together, have that family you want, make a new start…but there'll be a part of me that will always look back…searching for him."

And I wrung my hands together, happy that I was finally learning this about myself…but sad that I had to let go of someone because of it.

"And that part of me…Jim, that part's just too big. And I can't…I can't let you make that kind of sacrifice for me, knowing that you can't have everything."

"But I don't need everything" he pleaded

"But I do" I told him "and soon enough, you'll want it too. You deserve it, we both do."

"You said it yourself, sometimes the one you love won't always love you back" he reasoned "Heck, in most relationships, one person almost always ends up loving the other more and it still works."

"Yeah, but what if you knew that you could have it all equal?" I asked "There may be some kinks there Jim, but I at least owe it to myself to try."

"What if he hurts you again?"

My mind flashed back to all those times Dom made the mistake of sleeping with other women, all the times he ignored me…and the effort he made to stop it, and how he succeeded in the end.

"That'll be my choice, and I'm going to have to live with it."

I reach out for the door handle again, and this time, I know that he's not going to stop me.

I'm going to step put of this car, and out of his life, possibly never see him again.

His hands are gripping the steering wheel, and he's looking ahead at the beach house, where I'll soon live.

"I don't understand it, and I don't think I'll ever understand it. I love you and I hate you…and I don't think my mind will ever--"

"You will" I said, pressing the button and opening the door "Someday you will"

My feet hit the soft sand, legs and limbs protesting as I make my way out. His eyes don't even follow me as I stretch, getting rid of the kinks acquired in three days worth of driving and sitting.

"This is the last time" I heard him say

And I just nod.

A part of me hopes that this isn't goodbye, but a bigger part of me, the part that knows Dom, that knows Jim, knows that what I'm doing is the right thing.

My hand grips the door but somehow…I still can't bring myself to close it.

"Someday you'll understand what I'm trying to say" I say suddenly "You'll look back and you won't be able to remember the hurt that this caused you. And when that happens…I hope you'll be able to accept it, and maybe even thank me."

Present

"Was I right?" I asked smugly

Jim snorted. "Not quite"

I elbowed him in the ribs, bringing back some of that old banter.

Jim and I were always great friends, and looking back, I think this is the life that the two of us were meant to live.

"C'mon, admit it, just don't wanna tell me that some Oprah changed your life."

He gave a slight chuckle. "Hey, things haven't gotten that far yet…but it's getting there."

We pulled our eyes from the horizon and looked at each other, happy with this new understanding that he just discovered.

"I didn't think the best of you when you left, and I thought my life was a fucking wreck. First Lara, then you…then going back to the gun cage everyday, and having to face all that criticism on my own…It was pretty bad for awhile."

I narrowed my eyes…the suspense was killing me. I knew there was something big at the end of this discussion and I wanted to fucking know it…NOW.

"But then SWAT came calling again…"

"Ha! See! I knew it!" I smiled "You're too good with what you do Street, way too good. I didn't fucking like it, but you were good. I know you're in the force, but how long did it take for them swallow their pride and take you back in?"

"A few months after you left…a year for me. They didn't come begging if that's what you're thinking, I had to re-qualify all over again."

"And?"

"It was the best, going back…I knew I missed it, but soon as they put me on that training field, I began to realize just how much" he said

"That's good…" I said, and waited for the following. He wasn't quite done yet. "So?"

"They put me on the same team, and with a buncha new people. And not to mess with my old crew, but this ones just fucking sweet Letty, you gotta see these guys. They're the best."

"And?!" I ask "Spit it out Street, coz I know there's more of this coming."

"But they are the best!" he argued, teasing me

"Street!" I yell "Own it Street, admit it, you finally understood, what! What! What!"

He laughed, and I ranted a little bit more before settling down.

Finally, he looked back down on his hand. And with the last rays of the sun hitting his face, he blushed as he made this one fucking shy admittance that put a smile to my face.

"Well Let, you were right" he beams, then takes a deep breath and looks at me

"I met someone"

Authors Notes: Okay, I know of ten people who probably want to string me up in a pole and gut me right now…but hey. And for the rest of you who are probably rejoicing…There's still one chapter, and I can assure you that the story ain't over until the big guy sings.

PS. I live on the other side of the world, so I don't know how long it takes to get to Baja. Allow me a little artistic license on this one if I'm wrong.