Building Blocks
I can see it out of the corner of my eye. She's clinging to him like a magnet to metal, and his face is lighting up rapidly. I'm unable to do anything but stare. I can't scowl or cringe, though it would be nice. No, if I expressed my opinions through my face, they'd surely see, and I'd just be the jealous ex-girlfriend.
I watch subtly, pushing my hair back from time to time and shoving my head deep into my locker. I adjust the mirror tacked to the door, as I steal another glance. She's all over him.
Girls like Manny need that kind of attention, I tell myself, trying to ease the jumping heart inside my chest. She needs that kind of comfort, because she has nothing. No self-respect, no clear judgment, and obviously no personal values. She needs Spinner in a way that I never did. I was always much more independent than people gave me credit for.
She holds his hands tightly, and he leans down to kiss her. I squash the urge to roll my eyes, to wince, to do something. This self-restraint stuff was tricky. I watch as she leans in, deepening the kiss. Something I know Spinner would welcome graciously. I can feel my brain pounding and my heart doing somersaults. My grip on the locker door tightens and I feel my teeth begin to clench.
His arms are wrapped around her, touching her, feeling her, getting to know her, if you will. I want to go up to him and slap him with my bare hand; yell at him for doing this in front of me, for making me act this way. What did I do to deserve this again?
I'm like layers of walls made up of children's building blocks. Each time I get halfway through to the top, I lose my balance, and the wall crumbles. Down fall the reds, the blues, and the purples and greens.
I don't bend or break; I wobble and destruct. I'll eventually rebuild a better me, only to find that I'm wobbling again, or that I've run out of blocks.
And down I fall…
You can't save building blocks from falling. Once the block has descended out of place, that's it. You can put back again, but you always remember the fall.
Perfection can never be reached on the first try.
The one wall I want to fall so badly, hasn't. My Spinner wall. I'm still holding on. My building blocks are glued tightly together, and while parts are missing, the wall altogether is not ready to come down. I'm not ready to let go.
I see Manny's shiny, black hair cover her face as she kisses him. Thinking of three hundred ways to kill her with my bare hands won't help, because she's his now.
The sound of a crash startles me, but I haven't given up on the Spinner and Manny entertainment hour. That grade ten, Toby falls and I see Manny about to rush over to him, but Spinner pulls her back, wanting just another kiss. Guys like Spinner need this kind of attention; someone who will put him first, someone who will always lean in for one more kiss. No matter what.
I say silent goodbyes to Spinner, erasing him from my heart like a message on an answering machine. Someday the Spinner Wall will come down, but I'm not going to wait around until it does.
A/N: Very short, but I had to get it out. I'm very into writing Paige fics and I wrote this as I'm in midst of writing a full out chapter fic with her as the main character. Hope you enjoyed this. Reviews are nice. )