Winter's Rime
Chapter Four
Sara discovered that even after apologizing to Grissom about her outburst two weeks before, it was still awkward working with him. Especially with Sophia around. The sexual tension between the two of them was not only obvious, it was mounting. Sara had narrowed her eyes at their interaction several times throughout shift, and then she realized, Grissom must have reacted the same way when she found out about Hank and now, about her and Alex. The games they played with each other were getting more twisted and more hurtful.
Sophia seemed truly interested in Grissom. Just as Sara had been years before the shake up Ecklie caused. Not working with Nick, Warrick, and even Catherine, considering that she wasn't the best of friends with the older woman, threw her off immensely. She had no one else to rebound with when things weren't going her way with Grissom anymore.
Sara had learned how to repress her emotions over the past year because she knew that people would start feeling sorry for her and she didn't want that. She preferred to just keep it all inside until she got home and then let it out for hours with crying and a beer. Of course, she over did it a few times, and Brass happened to pick up on it but only because he'd been in her place more than a few times in his life, and he wanted to help her in earnest and he didn't judge her either. She was thankful for that. It was then that she realized that she did have a problem, but she didn't know who to turn to.
Her father had always told her that she had an odd habit of waiting until the bottom dropped out to finally face what she was running away from.
Memories of the night she almost got arrested flooded her, and the memory of Grissom's hand in hers, wanting to take her home made her feel more emotion than she wanted at work. All of it hurt so bad. She remembered how she cried in his arms at her doorstep as he tried to tell her that everything would be okay. She was embarrassed beyond anything, and she sobbed as she told him how sorry she was and how stupid she had been.
Grissom was benevolent to her. He advised her to go to some counseling, sensing that she needed to unload more than just her emotions from the Parker case. He also told her to take some time off to get out of the city.
Facing herself and her past was the hardest thing she ever had to do. Her problem was not Grissom and that was something else she had to admit.
She went to Boston and stayed with her parents, who welcomed her with open arms when she stood on their doorstep sobbing. Her mother hugged her tightly, and Sara hugged tighter.
Sara stayed in bed for three days, crying off and on, barely eating anything. When she finally emerged, Sara divulged everything that had happened since she left Boston, all the way up to her DUI. Her mother and father talked to her lovingly about what she could do and about trying to make some changes. They offered her a chance to move back to Boston, but Sara would hear none of it. She wanted to face her emotions and her fears, no matter how painful they were.
"Sara?"
She jumped a bit in her chair and she looked around and found Sophia by the counter in the break room.
"Are you okay?" Sophia asked.
"Uh, yeah," Sara said. "I was just finishing up some paperwork."
"Sara, you might want to start over," Sophia said with a small smirk of earnest.
Sara raised an eyebrow.
"Why is that?" Sara asked.
"Look for yourself," she said, chancing sitting next to the woman.
Sara looked down at the paper she was working on and she sighed a curse under her breath. There was a big spiral where she thought she was writing during her moment of introspection.
"Oh God," Sara sighed.
"Let's go get some lunch, shall we?" Sophia offered. "To break the ice a little."
They went to a nice buffet that had a salad bar. Sara admitted that she was a bit hungry.
"You're eating just a salad?" Sophia asked.
"Yeah," Sara said. "As a start."
Sophia nodded as she sat down with a plate of food. She had a steak, mashed potatoes, broccoli, and a roll. She smiled before she dug into her lunch.
Sara picked at her salad for a bit, deciding that she wasn't as hungry as she thought she was. She had to stop this. She never really ate anymore. It took up too much of her time. She snacked. She felt the same kind of loss of appetite when she had breakfast with Alex. She ate half of her plate when she went to dinner with him. She noticed how pale and thin she was getting again. She felt better for a while, being around people she loved, mentoring Greg out in the field. But lately, she had gone back to what she normally did and she realized that it probably wasn't the most healthy thing to do.
Just as she realized how uncomfortable she was around Sophia, she stabbed her salad and stuffed it into her mouth with a sudden bout of both hunger and rage that she couldn't explain. Taking her frustrations out on the salad was not the answer.
"So, I heard about you and Detective Vartan," Sophia began.
Sara picked up her tea and sipped at it nervously. Catherine probably told the entire state of Nevada the way she gossiped.
Sara said nothing as she focused on the Christmas music being played over the intercom.
"Look, we're going to have to work together for a long time coming whether you like it or not," Sophia began. "I just want to get to know you, that's all."
Sara sighed and looked down at her hands.
"I just don't want people mumbling about Alex and I every time I come to work," Sara said. "I mean, we kind of have a good thing going and I don't want a thousand people knowing about us. It's so personal right now…"
"I understand," Sophia said with a smile.
Sara nodded in appreciation.
"Thanks for lunch," she said before leaving.
O-O-O
Sara relished being in Alex's arms as she sipped at a cup of coffee. She felt all of the day's trifles melt away as she snuggled closer to him on the couch in the lounge at the station. Alex's friends were teasing the both of them as they sat.
"How much flack have they been giving you?" She asked.
"A lot," he chuckled. "Pretty much everyone in the station knows about us now."
"Yeah, same at the lab," she agreed. "So much for keeping a clandestine relationship."
Alex nodded.
"You going house hunting after work?" He asked.
"Yeah," Sara said. "I think I may find the house I want today"
"I thought you said you liked the one on Thornberg?" He asked.
"I changed my mind when I saw how small the bedrooms were," she said. "I'd never get my furniture in those rooms."
Alex took her cup when she finished with her coffee and put it in the sink. Sara sank further into the plush couch. The couch was bigger than she was, and her small frame seemed engulfed by it. Her hair was a little mussed from resting her head on the back of the couch. Alex stared at her with a bit of a smirk.
"What?" She asked.
"You know, I never really realized how little you actually are until I saw you sitting on the couch," he said. "You're going to sink in if you're not careful."
Sara stuck her tongue out at him and pouted.
Alex came over and sat back down next to her. He kissed her cheek and put his arm around her shoulders again. Sara's break would be over in a few more minutes, and she wanted to spend those minutes in his arms. She had never felt so much emotion before. Her relationship with Alex was still very new, but she felt that he might be the one.
When her break was up, she was forced to put those thoughts to the back of her mind until later.
He stood up first then helped her out of the plush couch that had nearly swallowed her frame. They both chuckled at the couch before heading out together, him walking her back to the lab.
"Thanks for the coffee," Sara said with a smile. "So I'll see you after shift?"
"Yeah," he said. "After, do you want to grab some lunch or something? I know this great place that serves the best pizza."
"Sure," Sara said, inching closer to him. "Then, maybe after, I thought we could…"
Several different thoughts ran through Alex's head.
"What?" He asked, almost faint from her proximity.
"Cuddle," she said with a smile. "I like you holding me."
Alex sighed and brushed a strand of hair from her face.
"That would be nice," he whispered before pulling her gently closer for a small, light kiss. "I'll see you later."
"Bye," Sara said with a smile as he left.
Sara looked forward into the labs and sighed with a slight grin as she began to head toward one of the layout rooms.
She was reeling.
Is this for real? She asked herself. Am I really feeling this way after only two dates? I just kissed Alex in front of the LAB. I sat with him unashamedly at PD. I let him hold me without hesitation, and he let me get closer to him without tensing up. I don't feel afraid anymore. He makes me feel beautiful and special. I haven't felt that in a long time.
She asked herself.Sara saw Grissom working on their case.
"Hey Grissom," Sara said cordially as she took a seat next to him.
"Hey, where have you been?" He asked. "I didn't see you in the break room."
"I was just out for a bit," Sara explained away, not wanting to divulge everything.
Grissom nodded, thinking nothing more of it. As long as Sara was actually taking a break, he didn't much care where she went as long as she was back on time. She seemed more relaxed than she was earlier in the shift.
"So, I heard that you and Sophia went to lunch," Grissom began.
"And who'd you hear it from?" Sara quipped. "Sophia?"
Grissom furrowed his eyebrows at her.
"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked defensively.
Sara smirked and rested her head on her fist.
"It's just a question," she said nonchalantly.
"Sara," Grissom began, looking at her. "Sophia and I are not a couple, if that's what you think."
"I don't think anything," Sara said as she slid one of the crime scene photos into her view.
Not pleased with her reply to all of his questions, he turned to her completely.
"Sara," he sighed. "Look. I need you to look me in the eye and tell me that you're not dating Detective Vartan just to make me jealous."
Sara swiveled in her chair to face him with benevolent and soft eyes that Grissom remembered that he instantly fell in love with from the moment he saw Sara.
"I'm not dating Detective Vartan to make you jealous," Sara promised. "I'm not even doing it to hurt you. Look, I need a friend, and Alex gave me that. He's caring, and he listens to what I have to say, even if it's about dead bodies. He cares about my thoughts and feelings. I have shared things with him about myself that I haven't even told you and I don't normally do that," she paused and sighed. "It's all so new to me and I like it and I want it. I want to be able to talk without worrying about being judged or feeling guilty."
"Sara I thought we had that," Grissom began. "But there's just so many things I-"
"I know," Sara said. "I realize that. But I've got to take a chance this time Gris."
"But Sara-"
"Please don't," she interrupted. "Just, give me my space for a while okay?"
Grissom nodded in surrender to her wishes and said nothing more of the matter of Sara and Alex Vartan.
O-O-O
After shift, Sara and Alex passed a little of their time kissing passionately and letting their hands caress places that hadn't been caressed before in his car when they stopped at his house so that they could both freshen up a bit.
Alex loved the way she smelled, even after twelve hours. She smelled of vanilla still. The smell had seeped into her skin and made her smell more sensual and taste more delicious to him. His hands rubbed the small of her back as Sara cupped both of his cheeks in her hands, kissing him like there was no tomorrow. When her hands reached a place that was still forbidden, he squirmed and pulled away.
"Whoa, not so fast," he chuckled. She smirked challengingly.
"Am I too much for you?" She asked in a husky tone.
"God no," Alex breathed as he leaned in to capture her lips again. "You are so sexy. You don't know how much I want you, but let's just wait a little longer, okay?"
"Okay," she whispered. "Thank you, for taking this slowly. You've been so good to me over these last two weeks."
"As you have to me," he said. "I cherish you, and I respect you. I would never do anything to hurt you Sara. You have my word on that."
Sara smiled and kissed him one last time before getting off of his lap.
When they entered his house, Sara looked around. It was clean and quaint. Perfect for one person. Or two. The color scheme seemed strangely out of character and balance for Alex though, and Sara furrowed her eyebrows at the décor in the house.
"My mother fixed this house up for me," he explained right away. "I know that's what you were thinking about."
Sara smiled.
"It's nice, but it's not your style is it?" Sara asked.
"Nope," he said. "I'm a white wall man."
"Well, I like a little color," she said. "But not bright colors."
He smiled.
Sara loved it when he smiled. He had beautiful teeth and the perfect expression of true humor and delight. There was nothing fake about Alex Vartan, and she liked that very much.
"The bathroom's this way," he said, taking her hand.
There were two sinks and they made use of them to brush their teeth. They glanced at each other every once in a while as they brushed. Sara was blushing madly at his scrutiny. When he was finished, he placed his toothbrush on the counter instead of back in the holder, and she felt herself cringing. He kissed her on the cheek on his way out and grabbed an extra shirt to put on.
Sara finished brushing her teeth and ran her toothbrush under some scorching hot water before she placed it back in a plastic bag. Sara looked at herself in the mirror. He thought she was sexy. Not just beautiful. Not just hot. But sexy. That was a whole other degree of beauty that she never knew she could reach.
She reapplied some lip gloss and lipstick before heading out since Alex had sucked away her lipstick when they were kissing madly.
When she met up with him in the living room, they linked hands and walked to his car together.
O-O-O
Catherine placed the bowl of popcorn on her kitchen island as Warrick brought the glasses for the spiked apple cider. Grissom was sitting, looking thoughtful as ever, and Catherine and Warrick glanced at each other as they sat down.
"What's troubling you Gil?" Catherine asked as she took some popcorn.
"Nothing," he lied.
"See Gil, you're doing it again," Catherine said. "You're running away from your problems and waiting for the bottom to drop out."
"The bottom has dropped out," he said dejectedly. "Sara's dating Detective Vartan now. He's younger, better looking, and obviously more interesting than I am to her. She seems…strangely comfortable."
"Is she happy?" Warrick asked, pouring some cider into a glass and handing it to Catherine first.
Catherine thanked him with a kiss to his cheek before staring at Grissom, waiting for his answer.
"I think she is," he stammered. "But I don't know what happy looks like on her anymore because, she's been in this dark place for so long. It's because of me."
"It's not just you Gris," Warrick said. "I'm sure there are other things bothering her too. She could have pursued you too. It's not like you haven't opened the door for her a few times."
The three CSIs sat around the island sipping at their cider for a few moments, Warrick rubbing the small of Catherine's back every once in a while when she winced in pain.
"So," Catherine began as she straightened her back a little to relieve some stress. "Sara and Vartan? Match made in heaven?"
"I don't know, they seem pretty heavy to me," Warrick said as he ate more popcorn. "I heard one of the officers going on about them at a scene. Apparently all the guys down at PD have a crush on Sara."
Grissom smirked.
"She does have a way of intimidating people that's actually kind of appealing," he commented.
"In lament terms that means he thinks she's sexy," Catherine chuckled.
Catherine winced in pain again and she rubbed her lower back.
"What's the matter Catherine?" Grissom asked.
"Oh, nothing," she said. "I've just been having these back pains for a few weeks now. This one really hurts."
Tears began to well up in her eyes a bit as she tried to relieve the tense pain in her back. Her muscle aches were getting bad and she'd been feeling gross and uncomfortable in her own house.
"I think you have the flu babe," Warrick said.
"No, it's not the flu," she said. She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Would you stop thinking worst case scenario Rick? You're not helping."
O-O-O
Sara bit into her large slice of vegetarian pizza. She nodded in approval of taste and Alex grinned.
"Told you that Hot Iron Pizza was the best in this city," he said. "But for real pizza, and real hotdogs, nothing compares to New York."
"Hmm," Sara mumbled skeptically. "I believe that's an urban myth. Pizza is pizza and a hotdog is a hotdog everywhere you go."
"You're a killjoy, you know that?" He chuckled.
"No," she objected. "I'm a realist."
"Killjoy," he insisted good naturedly.
He leaned over and kissed her cheek again as she smiled in jest.
"So, what are you going to do now?" He asked.
Sara shrugged.
"I'll get the guys to help me out and I'm going to put some things into storage and take some out," Sara explained.
Alex nodded.
"How does it feel being a home owner?" He asked.
"It feels pretty good," Sara giggled. "Wow, I can't believe I bought a house. I never thought I'd get out of that stupid little apartment."
"I'm happy for you Sara," Alex said.
They kissed sweetly.
"Mm," Sara hummed. "Let's hurry up and finish so we can do some cuddling. I miss you holding me already."
They finished up their pizzas then they headed over to his house.
They got settled on the couch with a blanket before Alex turned on the television. Before the end of the news, Sara was fast asleep in his arms and he smiled.
Sara's the one, he thought to himself. She's the one, I know it. I feel it deep in my soul. She's beautiful, and intelligent. I know more about dead bodies now because of her knowledge. I know her fears, what makes her laugh…all of it. Thank you God.
he thought to himself.