Eternity
Chapter III: Arachnophobia
By EclipseKlutz

Classification: "Lord of the Rings": Action/Adventure/Drama

Rating: PG-13

Pairings: Uh… now it's up to you guys to review me and tell, or I just play around with couples for a while evil laughter

Disclaimer: Do you think I could ever own this? Gees, I'm flattered… except Lord of the Rings was published in the early-mid 1900s. How old do you think I am? Anyways, I own a few characters (hopefully you'll know who they are), and the plot… JRR Tolkien owns the rest. Fallsville doesn't exist by the way.

Spoilers: Takes place a few years after the movies

Summary: After given a science project that's worth half their grade, school nerd Amy Gidget and the punk-rocker Tess Fields are pretty much forced to work together. But when the project goes awry, they're pulled into Middle Earth; a place Amy only has little knowledge of and to which Tess is completely illiterate. Now they have to return to their own time… but another war has started.

A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed—it helps a lot! And Tess seems to be the favorite from what I gathered…? 'K then. Just as a pre-note, I highly doubt that Tess would have gotten away with half the chastisement she does in here had this not been fanfiction, so don't bring it up, okay?

"I don't see why you didn't come straight back here," Aragorn stated in an almost patronizing tone. Tess had just finished telling half of the story to the present ex-members of the Fellowship, making it sound much more heroic on her part then it truly was, even after Amy had attempted to intervene with the truth.

"'Cause," Tess began, rolling her eyes, "Amy had to play Miss Goodie-Two-Shoes and get the old guy with three teeth intact some water."

"Old guy?" Gimli repeated.

"Senile, half-dead, graying, wrinkled—old. Man, dude, imbecile, male—guy," Tess explained, folding her arms across her chest as she did so.

"I know what it means," the dwarf snapped gruffly. "Did you ask his name?"

"No. Didn't see the point—she gave him the water, he told the gods or whatever to bless us and we left to go straight back here," Tess stated, laying it all out again as her mood steadily decreased.

Beside her, Amy sighed and shook her head. She'd given up on trying to offer the facts long ago, but she couldn't help but inquire now, "Why?"

Legolas and Gimli exchanged looks before the elf offered calmly, "From what you've told us someone had a particular reason to assassinate you. This man may have set you up. Did you see anything peculiar about him at all?"

There was a slight hesitation before Tess looked over at Amy and asked, "Didn't he tell you it hurt him to walk or something?"

"Yeah, I think so…" Her voice trailed off as realization set in, "Then he walked away with no problem after we gave him the bucket."

"After you gave him the bucket," Tess amended, still grumpy and annoyed from repeating the story so many times. Yawning slightly, she looked over at their interrogators and added, "And he was way too nice to be a good guy."

"Well, I suppose we'll look into the matter," Aragorn cut in in a resigned tone. "Meanwhile, I suggest that neither of you wander into Minas Tirith until we know what is going on."

Tess shrugged, "No problem by me."

"Or strut around here," Gimli interjected, glaring pointedly at her.

"I don't strut," Tess responded quickly, looking slightly offended, "I mosey. Big difference."

"Do you even know what either means?" Amy asked, cocking an eyebrow at the other girl.

Tess shrugged, "Strut doesn't sound… right. Mosey sounds a bit more graceful-like."

Amy sighed, "In laments-I mean, your terms: strut is drunk; mosey is aimless; graceful is glide."

"Well, then, I got it right," Tess stated, her expression a mock version of pride.

"I give up," Amy mumbled, looking at the floor. "I give up."

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Amy yawned, pulling the covers farther over her shoulder and allowing her head to sink deeper into the pillow. She needed the sleep, she really did… but the prospect of it was being stubborn and not exactly forthcoming. Which was the last thing she needed.

Increasingly uncomfortable on the thing they were trying to pass off as a mattress, she rolled onto her back, staring unblinkingly at the ceiling, trying to find better options then the two she already had—find a caffeine fix, or wander around like the living dead.

Suddenly there was a loud knocking at the door, and with a slight groan, Amy scrambled to get out of the bed, and in the end wound up falling headfirst to the floor. Rubbing her head gingerly, she hauled herself to her feet and opened the door.

Tess.

Tess in pink.

Tess looked really annoyed in pink.

"Remember that alternate plane we discussed?" Tess inquired, inviting herself into the room and shoving a pink bow into Amy's hands, "Are you sure we didn't create that instead of Central Earth?"

"Middle Earth," Amy corrected automatically, wasting all of her self control in an effort not to start cracking up. Finally composing herself again, she cocked an eyebrow and asked, "What's with the… the pink?"

"I open my closet and that's all that's in there," the punk rocker huffed, collapsing to the bed as Amy shut the door. She motioned down at her outfit, which currently composed of a knee-length pink nightgown with floral embroidery along the bottom and her black jeans inhabited by an abundance of pockets.

Amy hesitated, "Is that all you came here for? To complain?"

Tess thought a moment, then, "Do you have a shaver? Please? There's so much hair on my legs I'm going to barf if--"

"Tess, please!" Amy cut her off, "TMI. Big time."

"Well, I was just making a point."

"Not so vividly next time, 'k?"

Tess shrugged, "Whatever… so, do you have one?"

"I-I don't know," Amy answered timidly, afraid of what would happen if she told Tess that she didn't believe there was one in her bathroom. Pointing to the door off the far wall (which wasn't all that far away, maybe three feet), she suggested, "Why don't you go look?"

"You're a life saver," Tess responded, climbing to her feet and strutting to the bathroom door.

She turned around quickly though, just as she reached the doorframe and Amy plopped down on the floor beside her bed, unable to get any farther. Tilting her head to the side in an almost concerned manner she inquired, "You okay? You look… no offence, like crap."

"Can't sleep is all," Amy replied, leaning the back of her head against the bed. "I think I'm suffering from caffeine withdrawal."

Tess frowned, trekked across the room, and hovered over her like a frustrated babysitter who couldn't get anything to go her way and was therefore about to start patronizing, "You sleep. Do you not recall how you're my only advocate, and person I can stand really, in this godforsaken place?"

"Yeah, 'cause dying of lack of sleep is really the plan," Amy replied in a groggy-sarcastic way.

"I'm rubbing off on you," Tess mumbled, shaking her head.

But she turned on her heel none the less and wandered into the bathroom, muttering something under her breath that sounded oddly like "she's gonna wind up dead by the time we leave".

Amy frowned, and heaved herself onto the bed. It wasn't that hard—she weighed, what…? Ninety-eight pounds? After another couple of moments of fumbling with the covers, she onto her side and once again pulled the patched quilt over her shoulder. God, was she tired…

She closed her eyes, buried herself a little farther beneath the covers, finally almost to the point where she was nodding off…

"THEY DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO SHAVE WITH AROUND HERE!!" Tess's frustrated yelling spree broke through her daze and the odd silence that had settled over the palace of Minas Tirith. She stomped out of the bathroom angrily, hands clenched tightly in fists.

Stating loudly how she was going to complain to whatever authorities there were around here, Tess stormed off, pink nightdress and all, to do just that.

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The man standing before Aragorn had yet to give up his pleading and desperate attempts at persuasion. He seemed to act as though his very life depended on the message he had brought them and whether or not they complied.

"Oh, yes, Sir, there will be a very many folk there," the man informed him eagerly, as though silently praying he could get the King to bite the bait, "Think of it as a… celebration for the anniversary of the return of the king—you, sire."

Aragorn cocked an eyebrow at him, "I shall take it to council."

"But you are great, and you must not need the opinion of others to make your decisions!" The man didn't seem to know what he was talking about.

Frowning, Aragorn motioned to Legolas and Gimli, both of which had been standing politely by the wall the entirety of the time, "I'm sure you recognize these two."

The man nodded unsurely, "they were other members of the Fellowship, were they not?"

"As of current, they are my council as well as friends," Aragorn said it in a tone suggesting that he was speaking to a rather dull child. The man didn't seem to pick up on it.

It was then, of all times, that Tess barged into the room, fire in her eyes as the light pink nightgown rippled around her.

"Do you people know absolutely nothing about female hygiene?!" She half-screamed at the occupants of the room. "I searched half the castle and there's not a razor in sight—how the hell do you people keep from growing a beard or mustache or whatever it is that…" her tone dulled as she spotted the man, "Who the hell are you?"

The man looked at her, a glint in his eye that is often seen amongst some of the more competitive and ferocious salesmen. With the mind of a conman quickly working away in his head he approached Tess and knelt before her, taking her hand in his and gently kissing it. "My, you are a lovely lady."

Tess resisted the urge to kick him as she pulled her hand away and looked down at him with disgust, "Are you a sales-dude?"

Aragorn, who'd placed his head in his hands in slight shame at being seen with such a lunatic as she was presumed to be, looked over at the two and informed her quietly, "We'll deal with your issue later."

"No. We'll deal with it NOW," Tess glowered, folding her arms across her chest, "First you stick me with only pink frilly…things and then you give me no way to freakin' shave my legs! This is cruelty, and I want it fixed!"

The man chose then to once again intervene, "You look very… nice in this color."

"You are one of those sales-dudes, aren't you?" She snapped at him, stepping back and therefore away from the man that was severely creeping her out.

"No," the man insisted, "I'm simply a humble server of my lord."

"Sure you're not his lapdog?" Tess returned bitterly. She didn't like to be put in situations in which witty retorts had no effect, sarcasm drowned, and violence wasn't permitted. This seemed to be one of those rare occasions.

'Brilliant, Tess, brilliant,' she thought, glaring daggers into the man's head as he simply smiled at her.

"Tess," the familiar voice of her lab partner hissed from the doorway, "What are you doing?"

Tess turned, grateful for Amy's timing, which currently seemed to be oddly impeccable. She stood in the doorway, one hand rubbing sleep from her eyes, the other holding the thin cerulean blanket wrapped around her shoulders in place. Amy had at least had enough common sense not to wander around the halls in only her pajamas… unlike some.

Amy strode forwards into the room, shaking her head, "I'm sorry, sir, she's tired… and… um…"

"Delusional," Tess chirped, happy enough to help Amy with the lie.

The man tossed an unconvinced glance in Aragorn's direction, who nodded. After a small sigh escaped his parted lips, Aragorn explained, "That one, I'm afraid she is… delusional. Very tragic story, we keep her here because we trust no one but the elves to treat her—it's a very severe case."

Tess was stunned for a moment, and slightly impressed, at how quick and fluidly Aragorn submitted the lie. It sounded incredibly believable, but Tess wasn't exactly sure if her earlier actions supported it. 'Ludicrous,' she thought, 'Everything you do supports it.'

The conman nodded, realizing that the road he'd attempted to take was bumpy, short, and dead-ended. He looked over at Amy, and scrutinized her for a moment, his eyes widening very slightly as he took in her face. Without another moment's hesitation, he knelt before her, took her hand in his, and repeated his ritual of kissing her hand and offering compliments, "What a beauty this one is."

Tess covered her mouth to keep herself from laughing. 'Suck-up.'

Amy bit her lower lip and pulled her hand away, apparently appreciating the compliments as much as Tess did. "Um… thanks…?"

"You speak strangely, dear, where are you from?" He inquired, his voice almost sounded genuinely interested if it hadn't been for the slightly smug tone that had mostly been drowned out.

Amy's mouth opened and then closed, as though she had absolutely no good responses for what he'd asked.

This time it was Legolas who came forth with the suitable lie, "I'm afraid we're unsure. We found her one day a while back by Rivendell, or what's left of it, and she's no memory of anything before."

Amy nodded, unconvincingly, but still nodded.

"Oh, how… sad. May I ask your name, darling?" the man asked, laying the sweetness on fairly thick. Too thick. Whatever it was he'd been pitching earlier, he really wanted it to sell.

"A… Arcadia," It took her a moment, but at the warning glances thrown her way by the members of the room that weren't reminding her of poisoned honey she gave him the name that Tess had originally dubbed her before.

"Pleasure," the man said, bowing slightly before her. He turned back to Tess, and as though she couldn't be qualified to answer a question about herself, inquired of Amy, "And who's this one?"

"Melanie," Tess spat out the name bitterly, and it took Amy a moment to realize that she'd only inserted the first name that came to her head out of pure spite for the man.

Aragorn picked up on this and turned to the dwarf in the room, "Gimli, could you please escort these two to Arcadia's chambers? I will need to discuss… Melanie's medication with them."

Gimli nodded, only too happy to oblige. As he passed him by, Aragorn tapped his arm gently and whispered, "And for God's sake, lock them in."

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"Why do I feel unwanted and unloved?" Tess mumbled sarcastically, playing cat's cradle (or rather, attempting to) with the pink ribbon she'd left behind in her earlier haste to leave. "They're probably gonna start telling that salesdude we're whores, you know, or at least Far-mirror would."

Amy mumbled her response, her voice muffled and inaudible through the pillow she'd spoken into. Again, she was attempting to get some sleep, and again Tess found ways of interrupting it, even when she was on the other side of the room glaring holes into the door.

Tess shuddered, apparently not noticing Amy's desperate tries to block out her voice as she put her thoughts into words, "What if they tell him that and then they rent us out or something?"

Groaning, Amy moved her head to the side and pointed out with mounting frustration, "They'll already have thought of that. Besides, we're probably not even being discussed right now."

"I hope so," Tess stated, looping her thumb through the strand wrapped around her opposite ring finger, "'Cause if there's anything other than failing school I'm afraid of, it's becoming a hoe."

"We both know the last one at least will never happen," Amy replied, "First one, I'm not so sure."

Tess stuck her tongue out at her in a very immature way, "Yeah well, at least I'm not—Amy, stay very still."

Amy tensed up, looking over at Tess, yet not moving all the same, "What?"

"You don't want to know," Tess stated, her voice quiet and slow as she stared wide-eyed at Amy's shoulder. Reaching out with her left hand, she groped the nearby floor for something heavy that could cause a lot of damage.

"Okay, now I'm wigged out—what's going on?" Amy demanded, swallowing hard as she felt something move in a crawling like way up her back and over her shoulder blade.

"You scared of bugs?" Tess inquired, still frantically searching for some sort of weapon.

Amy paused, "Cockroaches… scorpions… do arachnids count?"

"I forgot they had an intelligent-sounding name," Tess muttered. "The big fuzzy ones—they're tarantula right? And those are deadly… right?"

"Oh, God, oh, God—are you telling me that one of those is crawling on my shoulder?" She said half of it through gritted teeth, and Tess thought she might move simply out of fear.

"Um, well, I'm not saying there isn't," Tess offered, looking over at her. "Okay, don't panic and use the big brain we all know you have—what do you know about them?"

"Other than I don't like them?" Amy snapped, but she calmed down as she searched through her memory for anything she might of read. "Um… okay, overgrown European wolf spider which is popularly believed to cause tarantism, or… er… Theraphosidae—um, big, hairy, American, bite, not that poisonous, but it hurts."

"Again, speaking gibberish—what's tarantism?" Tess inquired, closing one pocket of her jeans and opening another, desperately searching for something.

"A nervous disorder—characterized by the need to dance," Amy answered as though it were common knowledge. "Is it gone yet?"

Tess didn't answer her last question; instead, "Do you know if this all is accurate?"

"The Marriam-Webster Medical Dictionary has never let me down before," Amy stated.

"You remembered that whole name? Gees, you need a life, girl," Tess acknowledged, shaking her head. "Is it scared of fire?"

"Probably—just make it get off me," Amy was growing incredibly impatient, and uncomfortable. It was wandering up and down her arm, and she had an odd feeling that it was heading towards her hair.

Tess nodded understandingly, and pulled a small case from one of the jean's many pockets. A book of matches. She slowly fished one matchstick out from its case, and struck it across the sandpaper lining the side of the box. Fire sprung forth almost instantly from the sparks, and carefully, so not to extinguish it or burn herself, Tess moved forwards.

Without much hesitation she looked over at Amy, "When I say three, you move away from here as quick as you possibly can."

Amy nodded as the thing crawled down her neck. It quickly became uncomfortable with the steep decline and hiked its way back up to her arm, where it seemed to enjoy pacing, just as Tess mumbled "one".

Tess leaned forwards, careful to keep the match alight and her eye on the spider as it continued patrolling. "Two."

A very small pause before Tess stuck the burning match just beside the tarantula and called, "Three!"

Amy jumped back, nearly falling off the bed and crashing to the floor where she lay star struck for a moment.

Meanwhile, Tess wasted no time in setting the spider on fire, which didn't exactly make the arachnid happy with her. It sprang from the bed like a cannon, and jumped up at her, she tried swatting it away but not before it's oversized pinchers pierced the flesh of her palm.

"Ow!" Tess cried, flinging it to the floor. If she hadn't been barefoot she would have stomped on it rather than jump onto the bed and command Amy to do the same.

She quickly alit another match, and held it down, once again setting the very fuzzy eight-legged creature on fire. She didn't like spiders. She really, really, really didn't like spiders.

It made an odd squeaking noise, but eventually stopped moving all together. Letting out a sigh of relief, Tess grabbed the nearest pillow and started beating out the fire that was slowly starting to spread from its flayed corpse.

"Okay, let's never ever do that again," Tess stated, looking with apparent disgust on the thing at the floor while gingerly rubbing her palm. "Never."

Amy nodded, mostly still stiff from the events. She could never keep her head when she needed to most, and it aggravated her to no ends. Finally managing to catch her breath she stated, "You realize I'd either be dead, dancing, or in a lot of pain if you weren't here, right?"

"I think that was the original plan, Ames," Tess admitted, tearing the pillowcase off the cushion as she spoke. "You owe me twice now."

"Yeah, and twice in one day," Amy frowned, "No wonder I can't get to sleep."

Tess nodded, scooping the carcass and ashes into the pillowcase before knotting it shut, "I think it's best you don't."

Amy'd been about to demand her meaning for those words, but there had been no time before a rather large stone crashed through the window, sending shattered glass ricocheting across the room. She couldn't help it, a scream escaped her throat as Tess shoved her off the bed and to the floor once again before following herself.

"That's three," Tess mumbled, narrowing her eyes, "You can make it up by finding me a brownie sundae."

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"I'm glad that you accepted, Sir," the man stated, bowing as he handed Aragorn a pack of elegant invitations bound with ribbons of different shades of gold and silver. "But, if it not be to bold, may I request you bring the two girls that stepped in here earlier? They're quite dynamic characters, and I'm sure my lord would love to meet them, he's always complaining of how… dull it is around here."

Aragorn nodded, waving him off and saying in a tone with a note of finality in it, "I'll think on it."

The man nodded and turned on his heel to exit the hall as a scream reached their ears. Legolas looked up from the floor at which he'd been staring with false interest, and Gimli snapped to attention for the first time since he'd returned. The members of the Fellowship that were present exchanged glances and hastily made their way through the halls, the conman following at their tails.

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"Is everything alrigh', you two?" Gimli demanded as he shoved open the door, barely taking the time to hook the keys back to his belt.

The girls sat at the foot of the bed, Tess with a pillowcase in one hand, both staring at a heap of cracked glass that lay on the floor, and a blood-red granite rock tied securely to a black package with thin ropes.

Tess looked over at him, as Amy seemed to be a bit too in shock to actually reply, and started laughing. It took her a moment or so to regain her composure and wipe angrily at her eyes which had been brimming with unfalllen tears, and state, "Alright? Look at me—I'm in Middle freakin' Earth. Everyone thinks I'm nutters; and Amy has some stalker bent on killing her. Not to mention that I just got bit by a poisonous fuzz ball of a spider that tried to gut her—and now, look, package, and what does it say on it? Huh? Read it."

Amy looked at her slightly worried, "Theraphosidae… and 'gut me' is a bit of an exaggeration, don't you think?"

"It would have if I hadn't set it on fire—we both know that," Tess pointed out, looking down at her own hand which had turned various shades of lime green and dark purple.

Legolas approached them, concerned as well, and looked over at her hand, shaking his head, "Poisoned, Aragorn."

Aragorn nodded, leaning over to examine the package. Clearly, in bold gold words it displayed the simple two-syllable name "Amy". Hesitantly he untied it from the rock, and pulled open the lid. Two lilies lay inside, along with a note.

Taking the note from its contents he handed the box to Gimli, who looked down at it with distrust and instant dislike before passing it on to Legolas.

Aragorn read the note over, but he didn't seem keen on reading it out loud. Already pissed to the point of no return, Tess leaned over and snatched the paper from his hand, reading it to herself.

Amy,

I hope you received my gift, by the flowers and Maidie, or theraphosidae as I'm sure you're clever enough to know her as. You evaded my favorite assassin, I applaud your efforts, but don't expect to get away so soon. You have much to learn, and much more to avoid. You will see me in two days time, whether you know it or not. And I hope you are clever enough to piece together the clues by then, if not, I'm deeply ashamed.

Tess silently handed the note to Amy and sighed. "Why do I get the feeling this isn't good?"

A/N: Great, longest chapter yet and it's mostly all talk… kinda sad. Oh, well. Hope you read, hope you enjoyed, please review. Sorry it took so long for me to update…