She was avoiding him.
Council meetings became very tense, as Grace minimized her and Cullen's interaction only to the most necessary topics and he was simply too afraid to address the problem at hand.
One of the reasons was that Cullen had no idea how to even begin.
Every attempt at conversation ended up with a cold, reserved and very brief reply from Grace, and after making several efforts during every meeting his only accomplishment was, that the meetings became so unbearably uncomfortable it made Leliana take him aside and she suggested he stopped the awkward advances and dealt with his and Herald's personal affairs outside the meetings. Which was even harder, but at least he was not making it worse. Not only because there were no prying eyes around, but because Grace basically made sure they did not meet outside the professional necessities.
She used to come to get breakfast very early, usually the same time Cullen did while she was in Haven, but now it had already been a few days since they came back from Redcliffe and he never ran into her like he used to ever since.
It was not that Cullen couldn't see her. He caught a glimpse of Grace here and there, while she was discussing with Enchanter Vivienne, who joined them earlier, or when she was headed to the stables and he saw her entering the tavern with Dorian multiple times. He felt sorry for his behavior, considering they even talked about the topic the night before it all went down…
This morning was no different. He woke up early as always and led the drills with the troops. The early spring in the mountains has been kind to them so far, the days were very warm and sunny. Just when the drills were ending, he noticed Herald and her party lead their horses out of the stable. They passed him at the training fields, Grace busy bantering with Dorian and The Iron Bull, Cassandra right behind them, looking not very amused with the giggling and loud company. She explained quickly to Cullen they were headed to the Fallow Mire, where a patrol of soldiers was reported missing. The report must have come in this morning.
When Grace hopped on Eluvia a few moments before, she was very aware of the troops' training.
She patted Eluvia mindlessly as she immersed herself in thoughts. After the events of Redcliffe, the village has calmed down. Most of the mages were already settled in and the rest of them were slowly arriving from the Hinterlands. She made sure to meet every group of newcomers in the hope she'd see a familiar face to gain a kindred spirit of sorts, unfortunately to no result.
Not that Dorian wasn't there for her. She just had many things to think about after all that happened. The future they saw has had a bigger impact than Grace ever expected, however, an even bigger problem, which she would not admit to anyone, had of course been caused by the exchange between her and the Commander.
He made it clear that she was nothing more than another disobedient mage to him, even after what happened between them in Redcliffe the evening before they retook the castle.
They shared a moment - she was sure of it beforehand and even allowed a part of herself to hope for... something, but now that she knew how he felt… No wonder she jumped at the first opportunity to leave Haven, desperate to clear her head. It was becoming too personal to her.
She caught a glimpse of Cullen as he was sparring with one of his lieutenants. He was using a sword and shield, his weapons of choice. The lieutenant, Rylen, as she recalled his name, was using his own sword. The two men were immersed in an intensive training fight, the metal of Rylen's sword ringing loudly as it hit Cullen's shield again and again. The recruits were surrounding the two of them and they cheered for their superiors.
Grace watched as Cullen smirked one second before overpowering Rylen's attack. He pushed with his shield and waved it in a quick arc, which resulted in Rylen's sword ending up on the ground. The fight was done and the recruits respectfully clapped while Cullen lowered his weapons and disarmed Rylen picked up his sword. They laughed about something, and Grace quickly turned her look away as the Commander noticed her waiting close to the stables.
First of all, her own reactions surprised her.
Sure, there may have been a few moments where she dared to think about the Commander another way than… professional, he was quite charming when he forgot about the stuck-up attitude and was also painfully handsome after all, but she suspected the sympathies were just one-sided.
And now her dreams were haunted by a gruesome image of Cullen whispering his last words to her as she held him in her arms and she often found herself up in the middle of the night, her eyes wet with tears and a sore throat from all the crying as his image was placed into the events of her past which she would rather never see happening.
In other dreams, he was one of the Templars in Ostwick and she watched him slaughter everyone, including herself. Sometimes, she dreamt of him in Kirkwall. Torturing mages and forcing the Rite of Tranquility…
She closed her eyes, trying to settle her breath as her stomach flipped in nausea. It was still way too early for her to be recalling pools of blood and gore. Especially, when she finally managed to eat at least a little something before noon. Most of her mornings after Redcliffe she spent walking the mountainside behind the Chantry, as far from training grounds as possible, trying to get rid of the horrors she saw in her nightmares the night before, most of the time ending up in Dorian's hut, where he convinced her to eat before she could drown the sorrow in wine. She had to be somewhat sober to function, but even a little amount helped with softening the rough edges of the memories. The arrival of a raven with the message about the missing patrol felt like a Maker's blessing.
—————————
Their party had been on the road for a few days already, when the first cobweb and algae-covered trees began to appear and soon it was the only countryside they rode through, including shallow and foul-smelling water patches. Being far away from Cullen, harsh and gloomy weather and the demanding journey worked miracles on her broken spirit. And just when she began to feel better, as if he knew, he had to wiggle himself into her mind again.
It was raining heavily the whole day and Grace was curled up in her tent, trying to catch at least a little sleep before her watch.
She had been crumpling a piece of parchment, which arrived with the reports from Haven, it was addressed to her. From the moment Grace recognized the handwriting, she had no idea what to do with it. Her innards were twisting at the thought of replying.
They departed yesterday and Cullen wandered Haven in search of something he didn't know.
He had a few talks with Josephine, who would not leave him alone ever since the friction between him and Grace surfaced during the first meeting. Josie was desperately doing everything she could to protect the sanity of them all.
She stayed in the war room after their noon meeting and watched Cullen as he organized notes from their camps.
"Cullen. We are sending reports out every other day. We are in active contact with Harding and her people in the Fallow Mire."
He hummed indifferently.
"I simply cannot withstand this quietly. The core of our organization needs to stand strong together."
Cullen gave her a stink eye. "Thank you for reminding me, Josephine."
She crossed her arms. "You know what I mean! So you are going to act like a child about it?"
"And what about our Lady Herald? Maybe if she stopped avoiding me…"
She looked at him seriously and interrupted him. "Don't tell me this is what you actually think..."
He shrugged and sighed "Fine… I know, I overstepped. But what am I even supposed to write?! Sorry that I'm an idiot?"
"You can start with that if you wish to. I would not recommend that, however. Make something up. Be bold. Be creative… Whatever. I just advise that this dispute is solved as soon as possible."
He knew Josie was right… but that required much more than just bravery…
A few days of pondering later, he found himself at the table in his tent pinching his nose bridge as he played with the quill nervously.
.
.
.
Dear Herald,
Grace,
Lady Trevelyan
.
.
.
The parchment landed on a small pile of crumpled notes on the ground.
.
.
Lady Herald,
The situation in Haven is stabilizing and I feel obliged to let you know that we estimate the forces will be ready for the final assault on the Breach in less than a month.
We are eagerly expecting your reports on the situation with the missing patrol.
I have been meaning to apologize. You didn't deserve to bear the burden of my own struggles. My demeanor was harsh and unacceptable and I know that what I told you the night before Redcliffe doesn't justify my actions. Especially when I treated you like I did when you came back.
You never had a chance to tell the whole story. If you wish to, I will be eager to hear it.
I hope this letter finds you.
Please, stay safe.
Cullen
.
.
.
Cullen frowned, stopped writing, and gave himself a moment to re-read the letter.
Later that day, he brought it to Leliana, who smirked at his failed attempt to hide the personalized letter in the reports they were about to send.
"I see you've finally decided to listen to Josie."
"Of course, she would tell you." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "She pointed out to me that the situation needs to be solved. And so did you. So don't act all surprised on me now."
"We both agreed on that." Leliana was smiling like a cat who just swallowed a bird. "This is a good first step, Cullen. You two will settle this, don't worry."
Cullen sighed. "I am not worr-… I'll never hear the end of this, will I?"
Leliana didn't answer and set the ravens free.
————
Cullen hesitantly checked every report coming from the Mire, to his disappointment only formal letters were included.
His hopes were lower and lower each day. Then the reports from Herald's party stopped coming completely. It took four more days for another message from the Mire to arrive. There was a small scroll of parchment with "Commander Cullen" written on it in elegant handwriting. His heart started beating faster. He needed to proceed with his duties, but the anticipation in him was building up with each hour the parchment roll laid safely in his pocket.
At sundown he finally stood at the pier overlooking the still-frozen lake, his fingers slightly clumsy as he cracked the wax seal.
.
.
.
Commander,
I feel obliged to let you know that we secured the missing patrol. We encountered no difficulties on our mission, apart from the sea of walking corpses and a few huge and angry Avvar barbaric goat men.
Thank you for the apology, though it is not necessary. You have shown your standing to me before and I need to respect your opinion, whether I like it or not.
I won't be apologizing for who I am, however, I would be lying if I told you that I don't feel any remorse about what happened. I'd wish that my being a mage would not cause such tension, but I suppose it cannot be helped, given our pasts.
We are already headed back as I write this letter.
Grace
.
.
.
Cullen kept reading the letter repeatedly and he squirmed, feeling uneasy. It was even worse than wondering about their next talk and being oblivious.
But alas, he knew it even before he read her reply. The whole letter felt distant and hurtful. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He never meant to hurt her and now that he realized how much he actually did, Cullen felt angry with himself. Of course, he would ruin this. He always did…
Later in his tent, he shifted in the chair and folded his fingers. Then he fished out a parchment out of a chest. His head was pounding with one of his obligatory headaches and he desperately needed a distraction.
.
.
.
Lady Herald,
It is good to hear your journey brings you back safely.
Thank you for your reply, please know that I feel the need to explain myself further. I am truly sorry to read about your remorse. I know I definitely did not act the part, but I wish you knew that I respect you highly, especially for you, being you.
Was it too much to admit? He sipped his bergamot tea and wrote on.
I will find you after the official meeting when you arrive. I want to make things right and I realize no letter is sufficient. Please know that I never meant to hurt you.
If you don't wish to meet, know that I will understand it. I will not stop trying to make things right, however.
Anticipating your arrival,
Cullen
.
.
.
He smiled sadly at the parchment, downing the rest of his tea. Bold. Be bold, he thought.
"Cullen… oh Cullen. Yes. Yes, touch me, please… Yes, right there."
"Grace… I missed you."
The feeling of velvety skin under his hands was intoxicating. He slid his hands up her naked back and grabbed full handfuls of the dark brown and silvery hair which smelled of roses.
"Please Cullen, faster. Please."
"Grace..."
No. Not just roses.
There was something vile there.
He opened his eyes and started screaming.
Half of her face was gone. She started to wriggle and hiss as she turned and grew. Her back became hunched, and the skin, once silky, started to melt and bubble. He has already seen this before in Kirkwall. Orsino. Desperate Enchanter turned to blood magic.
But Grace would never, would she?
"You couldn't protect the mages. You couldn't protect me. How useless are you, Templar?" Her voice sounded distorted and evil as the monster she turned into gurgled and growled, squeezing him harder, making it impossible to escape its deadly embrace. It started biting his shoulder, clawing at his naked body and tearing his flesh off. It laughed hysterically as he screamed in pain.
Time stood still and his throat became sore from the screams he let out.
"CULLEN!"
What?
"Cullen, wake up!"
Leliana?
"Wake up Cullen."
Somebody was shaking him.
"Wake up!" Leliana's voice finally managed to tear him away from the nightmare. He sat on his bed, Nightingale's hand still firmly on his shoulder. A vigorous headache was searing his brain from the inside and he rubbed his temple, trying to ease the horrendous pain. He blinked at Leliana all puzzled.
"It is getting worse, right? The nightmares." The bard asked quietly.
Cullen took a deep careful breath and nodded hesitantly. "I can manage. I just need a different herb mix. What did I scream?"
"Nothing specific. You just screamed."
Good… he thought. The last thing he wanted was his whole army listening to his dirty fantasies about their miracle-maker.
"You need to tell Cassandra..."
"I will be fine. There's nothing more she can do to help."
"Can I help?"
"You already put me under supervision." Cullen grinned at her. "Thank the agent who ran to you for me, will you?"
The red-haired woman smiled softly. There was no use in convincing him it wasn't true. The Commander was no fool. "Alright…"
——————-
"Don't be afraid. We're almost there, honey."
"Oh, thank you for enlightening me, Dorian."
"You have been very silent for the last hour. That is how I know by the way."
"There was simply nothing to talk about."
"Yes, and you have a lot to think about; however, if you keep thinking this hard, your brain will evaporate throughout your ears."
"And thank you again!" She frowned at Dorian and sighed.
"Come on, Gracie, relax, take a breath. He is probably standing at the watch post, eagerly awaiting any glimpse of us."
"What? Why would he even…I mean I'm not… ughh…"
"That sound was very unladylike if you ask me, love. And you apparently think my eyes are sewn shut, right?"
"I am tired, my boots are still wet with mud and corpse bile. I smell like I imagine a Nevarran Necropolis smells…" she said that last remark a little too loud.
"Aaand you're avoiding the topic, here we go again…" Dorian hissed at her.
She shook her head and urged Eluvia to trot off his reach, regretting the mistake of keeping the last parchment. Dorian caught her reading it over twice, much to his amusement. She still was nervous about coming back to Haven and the chills over her body reminded her of this the closer they got.
The sun was setting already as she put Eluvia in her stable, took care of her, and went straight for the war room, accompanied by Cassandra. Her boots were still squeaking with the amount of water and mud in them and she looked horrendous. Her hair, pulled up in a bun was messed up, and there was mud and grime all over her attire.
The war room was surprisingly warm, but she was not comfortable standing there. The residual corpse bile on her's and Cassandra's armor reeked. She shifted her weight nervously and greeted Josephine and Leliana.
Cassandra leaned closer to her and whispered "You have no idea how close you were with that necropolis comparison…"
Grace looked at her amusedly and made a disgusted face as a confirmation she still stood by her little remark.
Cullen entered the room right behind them. Their eyes met only briefly, but her knees started to shake even before she looked at him. His eyes radiated something deep and desperate and Grace realized she had to avoid the gaze if she wished to retain her sanity during the meeting.
Ella, come on. You are reading too much into this. He realized he's been an ass and now he wishes to repent. It's not like you've never been there before… guilt is a strong force. And since when do you care what his Knight-Captain majesty thinks?
Cullen took his place at the table right against her, as usual, and she tried not to glance in his direction.
Considering he acted as he did, she had to admit she had no idea how to feel about the notes they exchanged. There was something magnetic between the two of them, still, she'd never expected him to make the first move or to hold on to his promise.
They went through the mission details shortly, reviewed orders for their new Avvar agent and she and Cassandra excused themselves quickly from the meeting, much to Josie's joy, who held a silk perfumed handkerchief in front of her nose and mouth for most of the meeting.
Grace could not wait to get out of the filthy outfit, so she hurried towards her cottage.
Inside, she quickly heated a basin of water and proceeded to discard the grime-encrusted armor. She spent extra time washing her hair, going through every strand, to get rid of any possible remaining gunk. There was a fresh pile of clothes in the wardrobe waiting for her and she wanted to be over with this as soon as possible.
A good amount of time later, Grace was finally curled on her bed with a book, only in a shirt and her smalls, inhaling the comfort she missed so dearly and enjoying the warmth the fireplace provided.
She did not reply to Cullen's second note, leaving the decision to him. He was the one to proclaim he would find her when they arrived, but she assumed there was no chance he would seek her out. The sun had already set a few hours ago so the chances were even smaller.
Suddenly there was a knock on her door. She frantically began to search for leggings and when she finally opened the door, her gaze met with the amber one for a second time today.
Cullen examined the surprised-looking woman before him. Her wavy hair was wet and her face was clear of any makeup. His breath caught up in his throat as he noticed her partially wet shirt soaked by hair… The only fitting description of that sight was… stunning. His pulse quickened when a familiar hint of roses hit him.
He took a few steps back.
"He… Herald. I'm sorry to interrupt…"
"Commander… I must admit that I did not expect you this late…" Or at all…
"I…uh… I can come back tomorrow." He raised his hand to rub the nape of his neck. She looked at him for a good amount of time, hesitant to say anything. A gust of wind blew some snow on her bare feet, which made her aware of reality again.
"Oh, damn it… just come in, it's bloody cold outside…" She replied quietly and stepped aside to make space for him to enter.
"… I promised to find you after the meeting…"
Grace closed the door behind him and walked towards the small table situated near the fireplace while rubbing her arms for warmth. It conveniently offered two chairs. She turned back at Cullen, silent question in her eyes, and folded her arms. An awkward and tense silence ensued, only the crackling of the fire disturbed the void.
"Ahem… Congratulations on the success Herald."
"You mean the patrol, right?"
He nodded.
"The Avvar were a hard nut to crack… Thank you. Though I am really glad that Bull and Cassandra were there. We have capable friends."
Cullen smiled nervously.
"I came here to apologize..."
"Yes, I got your last note… We've already been there Commander…"
"Please hear me out…"
"I would, but I'm starting to believe that your apologies are becoming way too frequent and they tend to lead to a very temporary feeling of peace." Her innards were in knots again.
"I know you are angry at me. And you have the full right to be… I treated you the way you did not deserve."
"Yes. You did." She muttered and played with her choker, staring at the floor. Cullen's jaw clenched as he heard her reply.
"Please know that I insist on what I wrote, I respect you. I know it doesn't look like that most of the time, but I will try to make it right. You were right. The mages are cooperating. There have been no incidents…"
"I told you we're not hopeless." Grace looked at him hesitantly. The quietness of the moment was making her tremble. The dimly lit room of the cottage made the tension almost palpable.
"I never said that."
"True… you said that even the strongest mages would get possessed in a situation like this. That is basically the same." She shifted her weight and Cullen followed the elegant line of her legs briefly, his cheeks bit flushed when his eyes roamed up to her face, noticing the curve of her breasts under the white linen. Her back was facing the fire and the play of lights behind her shirt made him gulp. This was definitely no time to ogle, and he truly hoped she didn't notice his wandering stare.
Cullen cleared his throat again. "Please tell me how do I make this right? I wish we could start anew if you would agree…" He tried to catch her eyes, but she avoided him, looking at her hands which rested in her lap.
"Start anew? So… no more underestimation and prejudice?" Grace looked at him firmly.
"Definitely not. I am sorry you felt like that because of me... I would like us to get along."
After a minute of silence, she sighed and finally offered Cullen a place at the table and took a seat as well.
"I guess I can go with that… I'd like that too… you know, Commander, I really wish that you would be the man you claim to be and not the Kirkwall Gallows Knight-Captain..." She admitted, ran a hand through her wet hair, sighed, and got up again.
He got up too, in order to say goodbye, apologize to her one last time, and thank her.
"I am not that man anymore… though you probably feel differently… I understand," he mumbled and waited for her to say anything. Instead of getting an answer, he watched Grace walk to the wardrobe next to her bookcase and start looking for something there. He tried to catch a glimpse but with no success.
"I… uh… I think I should go… Thank you, Herald…"
Grace didn't reply, but when she finally got back, she put a bottle of red wine on the table. Cullen looked at her, unsure of what she took it out for.
"Well, the bottle won't open itself if you keep staring at it, Commander." She finally smirked lightly. "We should drink to our newfound common ground, what do you think?" She tilted her head. "I mean… we are both adults. We should be able to act reasonably around each other… and in order to start anew some introductions are in order. We actually skipped that part."
He chuckled lightly, as the atmosphere lightened. "And you are right again…" He replied, but in his head, he was becoming very unsure of that, because the more time they spent together, the more he actually wanted to act very differently from what was considered reasonable in their situation. It has been way too long since he felt at least a spark of longing, but with her, his heart seemed to have a mind of its own. He tried to forbid these feelings to himself, but now, when everything seemed to be finally settled, they crept upon him again.
She turned to the bookcase once more to get the corkscrew and he watched her every move. Every sway of her hips in the tight leather leggings, every movement of her elegant arms.
Grace turned around and caught him looking at her. This look was different from the one in the war room. Hunger was creeping over her own senses as well. His amber eyes were pinned on her as she came back and handed him the bottle opener. Their fingers brushed slightly and she remembered how they held hands in the Hinterlands.
They sat back down and Grace watched Cullen open the wine and pour it for them.
He handed her one of the glasses. "So… to new beginnings?"
She clinked her glass with his and smiled before she took a sip of the wine. "To new beginnings…"
The wine was fragrant and smelled of plums and blackberries. Grace vaguely remembered a noble from Antiva who came to Haven to meet with her. Josie insisted on the meeting, but at least the reward was good.
They sipped the wine silently. The initial feelings of uncertainty soon washed away.
She smirked and relaxed in her chair. "So… where do we begin… Can I ask you a question?"
Cullen raised his eyebrow. "Ask on."
"You said you were a templar… What was life in the Circle like for you? I mean like your normal day… ahem… Not the Kirkwall days… I actually don't want to hear a thing about that place."
"It has been a very long time since Circle felt normal to me…" He chuckled tensely. "The last years in Kirkwall were far from that… but you obviously know that. The last time I felt like that might be in Ferelden way before the Blight. We held our watches, recited the Chant… Apart from the training and the studies, it was actually pretty dull." He refilled Grace's glass before his one. "But let me see… I might have some ordinary stories to share…"
They spend some time talking about Circle life and Templar duties and the contents of the wine bottle shortened quickly. Grace's hair was already almost dry and she was comfortably curled on the wooden chair. Her eyes were sparkling and the conversation went on with unexpected ease, time flying by quickly.
"Sorry to bring the Circle up again, but I have one more question… Did you attend the Harrowings too?"
His face darkened for a moment. "Yes, that is one of the least favorite duties of all Templars. I have been lucky, however. Most of them ended up well…"
She nodded. "You know what? I think the price is paid on both sides…"
"You truly think so?" That opinion surprised him.
Grace nodded. "I didn't think so for most of my life..." She paused to take a sip of the wine. "Becoming this showed me the real toll of killing… It leaves a trace. Every young rebel, every rogue templar… I cannot help but think about how different their fates would have been having they listened to reason. Had they chosen differently…"
He understood. "That is very true… You cannot save everyone however. Their choices are not yours to be responsible for." Her violet-grey eyes seemed unusually dark in the dimly lit room.
A moment of silence flooded the cottage. Grace looked at Cullen hesitantly.
"You cannot imagine the things we saw in that twisted future… I know I can't save everyone, but I need to do my best trying to preserve the reality we live in. It's kind of hard not to think about saving the world as a duty now that I know I am the one who holds the key…"
Cullen watched her quietly and waited for her to continue.
"The trip to the future showed me there are people who care about me, who truly care about our common goal. That is definitely worth saving…" her voice lowered to whisper. "I watched most of you die… for me… in that future Redcliffe…" She dared not to look at Cullen, afraid of what he would say. She downed the rest of the wine from her glass and lifted her gaze carefully. He still was quiet, looking at her with compassion but confusion as well.
"I'm so sorry…" He whispered and her heart picked up a frantic pace as she clenched her fists.
Grace looked up, fighting back tears. She promised herself she was not crying over what happened. There was no room for crumbling down.
She knew she was required to be strong, but the wine, his closeness, and the emotions she locked deep inside got the best of her. The tears started to fall on the wooden desk uncontrollably. There was no sobbing, she was used to crying quietly - the life in the Circle taught her better.
Her voice was breathy and shaky, full of pain she held inside. "I doubted most of you. I didn't trust you. But you still sacrificed for me there. For me to have the chance of making things right… the blood I was covered in when I came back… it was mostly… ahem… not mine," she managed to whisper between quiet breaths.
His hand reached for her hesitantly, but Cullen suddenly pulled it back, not sure what to do, as she tried to stop the waterfall of tears.
Cullen took a deep breath. Her tears felt like his fault. "When you got back I treated you like I did... I... The Inquisition stands stronger than before thanks to you and what you experienced. And we have your back. We have each other's back."
He wished to touch her, but he would not dare.
Grace looked at the floor as she suddenly whispered "Sorry…"
That was it… he really knew he messed up again. Why was this always so hard for him? "You are not the one who should be apologizing here. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for letting me have this chance..."
She wiped her eyes absently, staring at his hand on the table.
"It's getting late… we should probably go to sleep…" she whispered hesitantly.
"Oh… yes of course." He got up, a tad too quickly and proceeded to put his mantle on, Grace watched him silently, her knees were shaky when she got up. She shook her head and accompanied him to the door, maintaining a close distance. And the weight on her chest got heavier. There was no way there could be more between them. There is no way there actually is anything between them. He wouldn't even touch her now that he has a perfect chance…
Love is a weakness… She remembered Senior Enchanter Lydia's words. You can't let them have something to hurt you with.
She looked at Cullen as they stood at the door, none of them too eager to open it and let reality pull them in.
"Ahem… Thank you, Herald." He was blushing. Now it was very noticeable. "For the evening… and everything else." Her heart started to beat faster as the tension got unbearable again.
"I am glad we talked..." She smiled sadly and put a lock of hair behind her ear. They looked at each other for a moment.
"Are you going to be okay?..." He whispered hesitantly.
She nodded in reply and wiped her cheek. "Takes more to pull me under…"
"So… see you tomorrow morning?"
"Of course." She replied simply and reached for the doorknob, opening the door and letting him outside. Before stepping out, he finally reached for her upper arm, wishing for the slightest possible contact.
"Good night, Lady Herald."
The only thing she wanted right now was for him to pull her close and smash his lips against hers… her chest was set on fire by seeing him move towards her. She bit her upper lip, licking the wetness caused by the tears, and smiled tensely, leaning slightly to his touch, butterflies in her belly fluttering wildly.
"Good night, Commander."
He hesitated for a moment and his eyes slid down at her lips. He felt his body respond to her small gesture, and his smile froze.
"Sleep well…" and he was gone. Grace closed the door and turned around, leaning her back against the hardwood. She slowly slid down to the ground and sighed.
Too personal. This was becoming too personal.
The next morning Grace sat in the Chantry in the dining hall. She spent extra time styling her hair to an elegant half-braid and putting on some subtle makeup. All for her own sake of course or at least she tried to convince herself of that.
Last night was more than she could process. For the slightest moment, it even looked like there was… something again. Something which felt too fragile to be specified, but despite all cold logic, her heart was screaming at her to grab it and hold onto whatever it was.
Her plate was almost empty when he appeared, a big smile lighting up his face replacing his worried frown, as he made his way to her. They were alone.
"Good morning Commander."
"Good morning Lady Trevelyan."
He joined her at the empty table sitting at the corner of it, so they were quite close.
He was wearing his armor, and his smile never left his face.
"How are you feeling? Did you… sleep well?" He asked silently when he settled down with his plate of food.
"Quite well… thank you." She smirked. "Apart from the fact that wine stirs many kinds of embarrassing emotions in me, it also makes me fall asleep quickly… not good news for any potential company, but definitely good news for me."
A smirk tugged at his scarred lip. "I am pretty sure the potential company would not be offended, given the circumstances."
She raised her eyes and looked at him from over her mug of tea. This man. Holy Maker, she knew that she should not… but his amber eyes seemed to be sparkling with interest again. She thought of an adequate comeback.
He thinks he is so clever… Two can play this game. A wolfish grin appeared on her face as she straightened up in the chair and played with a free-hanging lock of her hair as she looked him deep in the eyes.
Yesterday she spent much of her remaining night thinking very inappropriate thoughts. And who could blame her after all? Cullen was a very fine specimen when it came to looks plus yesterday he proved himself a great conversation partner again when he abandoned his stuck-up attitude. There should be no harm in having some fun, right? It doesn't have to mean anything, just like during the times in the Circle.
"I see… So… yesterday, you told me about how you joined the order and how the Templar lives belong to the Maker… That was truly an enlightening conversation, but I can't help myself thinking… Are they also expected to give up… physical temptations?"
Cullen cleared his throat, flabbergasted. "Physical?!… Why… Why would you…?" He shifted in his chair nervously, she caught him unprepared with this one. Grace batted her eyelashes innocently.
"That's not expected… Templars can marry with the order's permission… Some may choose to give up more, but it is … um… not required."
She leaned forward and rested her elbows on the table, the amethyst on her choker hanging loosely in the opening of her shirt. "Have you?" Her sly smirk was making his head spin. He felt a blush appear on his face again. So much for his confidence... She was intimidating.
"I… um… myself, have taken no such vows." His voice was deep and velvety before he cleared his throat again and reached to rub the back of his neck in a gesture that was becoming too familiar to Grace. "Maker's breath. Can we speak of something else?"
She straightened back up as he looked at the ground, satisfied with herself. "Oh, I just wanted to find out what the potential company got in store." She finished her line in a playful tone, chuckling slightly, which made her cat-like features look even more enticing.
Cullen glanced at her and back at his plate. "Not his dignity, apparently…" he murmured, which made her chuckle yet again.
They shared some small talk after that, but Grace knew she was supposed to meet with Josephine early after breakfast. And there had been first soldiers and messengers already coming to the hall to eat their meal, so there was no privacy anymore and she definitely didn't want to encourage any kind of gossip.
"I need to head out… Enjoy your breakfast Commander." Grace gave him one last bright smile and left the dining hall, making sure her hips sway just enough to make him stare. She knew he did.
—————-
The nearest days to come were full of responsibilities. The council had been working vigorously on going over every detail Dorian and Grace could possibly put together about the future they have seen.
Their newfound mage allies settled in the Haven nicely and apart from little dispute here and there had been no difficulties whatsoever.
Grace has given up on seeing anyone from Ostwick. She even stopped checking each arriving group. Instead, they made some additional work in the Hinterlands, helping more refugees and a weird cult that settled in the southern part of the area.
The letters from Haven suggested that the mage recruits were finally getting numerous and strong enough to plan the assault of the Breach again. This also meant that Solas and Grace spent a ridiculous amount of time during their travels practicing the powers of the mark, which got stronger just as Grace did.