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disclaimer- not much is mine... the basic idea of the fanfiction, but all the characters are JKR's.

A/N- That's my very first fan fiction ! Please, tell me how you think it is :) I've been writing this just like that, and I'm not quite sure about it ... so tell me ! oh, and by the way... slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash. that means male/male pairing.... :p . so if you don't quite like it well..... errr .... don't be upset, just search for something else .

I apologize for the language, but Harry is pretty upset in this first chapter ;;; ....

I hope you'll like it !!!!! o

neko

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LET ME LVE YOU

Chapter 1 - So unfair

Okay. No.

Yeah, but, no. Definitely not. When did it start ? No idea....I mean's wrong with me ? It cannot be. I can't just let THIS happen to me. I have other things to think about ...... and worst of all .... WHY HE ? Out of all the people I know.... I mean, there're like, lots of hot-sexy-deadly-cute-whatever-people-call-them chicks... but it had to be HIM. It is just not right. I'm dead. I'm dead unlucky.

I can't hide it forever, or else, it'll get even more twisted. Well, I'm already deep down in a twisted fuck now anyways. I don't wanna have anything to do with him. Specially that kind of thing. So why do I care ? I don't know, and I guess that's what makes me pissed off.

Okay. Let's just try to make sense out of this crap.

I, I Harry Potter, Harry fucking Potter, have a crush on Draco bloody Malfoy. A crush, or whatever you'd call that. Shit shit shit shit ! ...

What am I gonna do...?

I'm so bloody screwed.

Here I was, in the library, looking at him. How lame was that ? I spied him ... I stalked him ... scary. I faked searching a book. He didn't ever notice me anyways. Not anymore. He used to, but it changed. He used to hate me. He would take every occasion to make my life any worse. He would sneer and laugh at me. But his attitude toward me changed so that he now would be royally ignoring me. And, I have to confess, I missed it. I.... I never felt more meaningless to him. At least, when he hated me, he'd notice me.

He sat there, by himself, at this little corner table. He was alone. He had taken a book, and read intensely. He was gorgeous. Well, when he read at least. He looked so calm and .... innocent. At that moment, I felt like he was a totally different person... frail. Lately, he had lost his badass looks, and given it away for a lost and alone attitude. I saw him staring blankly in space many times. He also looked whiter than ever. At some times, he would look so sad that I would feel the urge all over my body to run to him and take him in my arms to protect him from whatever made him sad. Damn him, I want him so bad ! I want him ...

Calm down. Keep searching for that book Harry. He doesn't even notice you, you bonehead. He maybe even isn't attracted to boys .... and it's not like you have great looks anyways....

I can't help it, but I'm always acting like a stupid schoolgirl when he's around. I hate it, I feel so retarded.

I heard a book closing. That was definitely him. He set the book on the table. I heard footsteps. They came closer.

No way. I'm just imagining things. Still. It does feel like he's getting closer. Don't look. Search for the book. Keep focused dammit ! SEARCH FOR THE BLOODY BOOK !........

Coming closer.

He stopped. He was here. I knew. I was'nt looking, but I just could tell.

"Potter."

Now, you act like you never had those previous thoughts Harry. You can do it.

"It's me alright." I tried to answer carelessly.

"You ..."

He frowned. He seemed like he searched for the right words.

"Now, what about it ? I'm sorry, but I'm busy right now, in case you didn't notice." I answered, faking to be upset. I actually was so happy I could hardly handle the feeling...

How cold was that ? Cold enough I thought. A little too cold. I managed not to stutter though.

"Oh, okay. I came to talk about the, you know, the whole bullshit McGonagall and Snape are so worried about. The "getting along together". But since you are so busy, I guess I don't have to waste your time talking about it right ?" he sneered. He turned away, and began to leave.

Wait a second. He came to me. He came to me to try to hush that adversity. The very one that started since the first day we met. And I blew all that away .... oh God, how retarded can I get ? .....

"Whatever. Did you ever even intended to do that since you knew you would get no benefits ? I'm not that stupid Malfoy."

I answered calmly. I couldn't believe I was actually being this mean to him. I mean, it's not like I wanted to be nice or anything, but I was aggressive... that was bad. That was so very bad.

If I keep this up, I'll never be able to have it my way with him ...

"You're right Potter, not like I cared anyways."

He didn't turn back, and left the room.

Okay. Hurray for you Harry. See, that's great, you're so gonna make it work now.

I let myself lean on a bookshelf. I closed my eyes. I grinded my teeth, calling myself stupid over and over again in my head. I clench my fists.

"Fuck" I whispered.

He was manipulating me somehow. And he didn't even know. If he knew, he wouldn't give a damn about it anyways. He mustn't have done this to me, I should have been the one manipulating him. Not the other way around....

HEY. Wait ! Manipulating.....! I know a little about that now .... What are the three unforgivable spells ? Avada Kedevra, Crucio, and....Imperio. There. Imperio. I could .... I would ... I can .... I don't quite know the spell right ... and it's unforgivable ... but didn't the fake "bad-eye" Moody used the three spells in front of the whole class ? He didn't get in trouble after using them .... he got in trouble when people found out he was actually Barty, but still, he didn't get in trouble for using the three spells..... I guess this is manageable.

I am gonna risk my honor on Draco. Wow, I hardly can believe this.

Wait but ... what after I hex him ? He needs to forget, or else, I'm screwed ...

I looked around, like in some search for answers. Books. Gilderoy.

I hate his books, they bring me bad memor----- !!!! GILDEROY ! Now I have it ! Obliviate !

I'll have Draco hexed with Imperio, and after that, I'll obliviate him ....! I can manage this I guess ....I feel bad though. He's not a toy. I shan't do this to him. He's a dick, but still.

"You're right Potter, not like I cared anyways."

I remembered that. Right, he didn't care. Of course he didn't care. Well, if he didn't, I didn't either.

I'll have him. I will. And ...

Geeeez.. when did I become so perverted ?

TBC

A/N- it's really short, but it's just to settle the whole thing. The following chapters are gonna be longer...... chapter 2 is written down on paper, I just have to change it around a little bit, and copy on my computer...Harry is actually gonna do something khee-khee ....THX for supporting my writing and make it up to here :)

please review ! o

THX

-neko