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Disclaimer - you know how it goes..... I really actually would like to own Draco... he's so awesome ... Sometimes, I even feel in love with him .... he's so quick ass.... Draco, my dear Draco .... but since I can't have you .... anyways, I wouldn't dare spoil my own story XD ! (it's not like it's not obvious or anything, but maybe some people are still wondering.... )

A/N- Blink rocks my socks. They're the best eveeeeeeeeer ..... MARK, TOM, I LOVE YOU !!!! (I don't like Travis as much...... he isn't as hot...) anyways ..... (Draco's sexier :L .....)

Thanks to my 2 new reviewers ! :D

random91- your review was so darn nice ! :) I actually haven't written anything before. This is my first fic ever in my whole short life. ;) I'm so happy you like it, it really does make me feel good :) .

AJ586- thx for the review ! XD That was..... kinda weird, but still, THX ! :)

You guys (well... even though you are more likely to be girls :p ) make me keep on going !!!!! :)

school sucks you knew that ? .... it's all right, I won't update every night, or else, I would either 1) get to bed really late 2) make my fic become really crappy (which I really want to avoid at all prices...... well no, actually, I'd rather have my fic get crappy than die, but well ....)

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LET ME LOVE YOU

chapter 5 - so fragile

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Things were not good. Teachers were missing, mostly because of urgent meeting among the Order members', and the substitutes often lacked knowledge, discipline or other required qualities.... Everyone was aghast, and it wouldn't be very probable to find anyone wandering around in the castle. Hogwarth never looked this dead. Even Peeves wouldn't show up anymore. Not that he had to fear the deatheaters, but most likely because he had no one to bug anymore. Students and teachers didn't talk much, and if they would, it'd only be whispers. This stillness made me grow restless. I hadn't seen Malfoy after this last night. I needed to see him, to make sure he was all right. Only, I was scared that he would came back to his senses, or that he would not, and push me away like he knows so well how to.

I was walking aimlessly in some part of the castle, more or less lost in that giant jigsaw of couloirs. For the last three days, I kept remembering the moment he hugged me. And the moment he confessed he cared about me.

Well, after that, he did ask me if I called him Draco. I had to admit it. He made me. He is the kind to always get what desired. Spoiled brat. When he actually heard me admit I called him by his first name, he didn't even react in anyways. he wasn't flattered, nor disgusted. I hated that. I left him emotionless. Well, it isn't like he would be easy to tame. If he even could be tamed.

I also kept wondering about those sounds I heard in Snape's office. They obviously came from Draco. What in the heck would he be doing with metal thingies ? (If that was what he was playing with.) So this night, I finally decided to go to Snape's office to investigate. I didn't have anything to do anyways. Ron and Hermione wouldn't be mad at me for not spending this time with them, since they were way too worried about the last events. They hardly even dared leave the common room besides classes, breakfast, lunch and dinner.

When I finally found my way, after having been lost a shameful number of times, I hurried toward Snape's office. This time, it was locked.

"Alohomora"

It clicked and open slightly. I still couldn't believe Snape didn't lock his office better than that, but anyways. I opened. It was all dark.

"Lumos" I whispered.

I look around and saw nothing. I looked a second time, and I noticed. Blood. Blood stains on the floor. I got down. There weren't much of them, but sort of large. I would have said, the size of a large coin. They weren't new. Most of them. Some were still fresh. I followed the path, and got to the exact same place as where Malfoy appeared three days ago. they led to the secret passageway, or whatever it was. I stuck my ear on the wall. Nothing. Really. I waited. It paid off : almost inaudible sobs were coming from inside...... those were strangely a lot like ----

WHAT THE FUCK ? MALFOY ? WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO HIM ?!?

At the cost of priceless efforts, I managed not to make any sounds. If I told him I was here, he would not tell me anything about it. I thought. I began searching the wall for something that could put the wall to action. Nothing, no matter what pressure, no matter where, the wall was all flat and bare. I tried to think up of some sort of spell, but none came to my mind.

"I need to know... oh please, let me get in, I need to know what's going on......" I whispered. I leaned on the wall. I could still hear the sobs.

"I need to help him in some sort of ways........."

Sometimes, when you think really strongly at what you want to happen, it ends up happening. But this time, it didn't appear it would be this way. The time kept its slow track, and I could do nothing but listen to him, on this other part of the wall. I felt miserable. He needed something, someone.... and I wasn't able to be there, to comfort him.

I decided I would not stay any longer. I got up. Even though I decided so, I couldn't get myself to actually leave the place.

Never mind. If I can't get to him, I'll wait for him to come out.

I hated this situation. I had always been able to make up schemes, or to get to my goal. This time, I could only wait and watch.

After endless minutes, the door finally opened. I had put out my wand light, so Malfoy didn't notice I was there. I caught a glimpse of what was behind the wall. Basically, it was a bare room, with three torches, hanging in the air, burning. The light coming from the room reflected on something that Malfoy was carrying. I wasn't wrong. it was metal. A metal blade. Something like the length of a teen hand. Blood was badly cleaned off it.

Then Malfoy noticed me.

"Who are you ?"

"It's me."

"You... you..... What are you DOING HERE ?"

"Let me ask you first this time, what were you doing ?" I answer calmly. I knew something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

"WHY SHOULD I TELL YOU ? YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO SEE...--"

"Malfoy, I cannot have you hiding this kind of stuff.... what IS it ?"

"I AM NOT GONNA BLOODY ANSWER YOU ! THIS IS PERSONAL, YOU ARE VIOLATING MY PRIVACY" he shouted. He was so angry his whole body was shaking.

"I need to know.."

" WHAT WERE YOU EVEN HERE FOR ANYWAYS ? I KNEW I COULD NEVER TRUST YOU !"

"You're wrong Malfoy, you can trust me. You just won't."

"NO WAY YOU.... YOU.... FUCK YOU ! OUT OF MY SIGHT! I DON'T EVER WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU ANYMORE ! YOU DISGUST ME ! AND DON'T YOU DARE SAY ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU JUST SAW !!!"

"I won't leave until you tell me."

"I.... I..... I AM not.... I'm ....." .....He got suddenly lost in his thoughts. He fell silent. And he added

"You bloody disappear Potter......."

"I won't."

"Leave me alone... Leave me, leave my business... don't want you out of all people trying to.. get into it. Leave me alone...." He looked down.

"I won't."

"You... stop it Potter..... You fucking leave now or else.... or else...." he pointed his wand at me.

"Or else ?" I kept my head cold. All of this time, I had an amazing energy, to keep on going. I knew he would end up telling me.

"Or else I'll... hex.... you...... with ......" His hand that pointed toward me began shacking violently. He made a face. he was in deep pain, I could see that. He was wearing a tight black shirt with long sleeves. I noticed the wrist level of the sleeves were slightly darker than the rest of the shirt.

"I'll hex you with Crucio..."

He gave me a supplicating look. I saw a tear running down his left cheek. His hand let the wand fall to the floor. He quickly grasped his wrist, and got it against his belly. He moaned.

I didn't know what to do anymore. I went to him. He didn't back up. So I embraced him. I held him tight against me. He muttered

"I hate you Potter.... you are the worst thing Earth had ever bear."

"I know... you don't have to tell me that.... here.. here..."

"you truly are the .... you're so .... you're such ..... you're a fucking asshole and you're abusing of me....." he murmured

"Anything more to add ?"

"You're a sickness inflicted to humanity, you're abominable, detestable, gross, nauseating, not to mention obnoxious, odious, plus repugnant, and shameless......and and......"

"That was nice......." I grumbled..... I decided I would not loose this time ....

I held him a little tighter. I closed my eyes. I felt he finally held me back... He was crying, I knew....

"You're evil.... why.... Potter .... Harry ..... why...? Why don't you go away ? Why do you keep coming back.... didn't I hurt you ? Won't you ever give up...."

"Here ... here.... don't worry, I'm here.... I won't let you down... I swear I will never."

"I thought I could keep you away.. I thought I could make you think I.... I hated you ...." he confessed... and he held me tight. "I... I hate you for making me so weak. I hate you Harry you get that ? You're horrible."

"I don't care what you say. You need help. I'm here for you. I said I care about you....."

"I... I know .... stop hugging me. Don't touch me. Please. Stop it please." he begged. I finally obeyed. I pulled back. To my surprise, he didn't.

"Harry .... I hate you.... well I ... I don't know anymore.... you're.... I ....--"

"Hush now..... here.." I decided I would embrace him again.

We stood there. I don't know for how long.... I was surprised he wouldn't let me go. I was in heaven. After what seemed only a few seconds and an eternity at the same time, he loosened his grip. He wasn't crying nor shaking anymore. He was calm and peaceful.

"Draco....?"

"Hmmm....?"

"You're okay....?"

"I hate to tell you this, I actually hate you, but anyways.... I ... I must admit I feel better.." he sighed.

"Now, please. Tell me. What were you doing....? In the room... I need to know. I promise I won't tell anyone. Please."

"This doesn't concern you." he muttered against my head. He had laid his face against the side of my face. His eyes were closed. He was frowning. I slowly pulled back from him. When all physical contact came to an end, he rubbed his eyes. I noticed his hands were bloody. He looked at me like a lost kitten. He actually made a move forward, grabbed one of my arms, and pulled me against him. He cuddled against me. I couldn't believe it.

"I don't want you to get away from me...." he grumbled, trying not to make it audible to me.

"I thought you said you hated me..."

"I do." when he said so, I pulled back. He came back to me.

"You hate me then ?"

"Okay, you may be right. I might not hate you ....." he said moodily. "now don't you dare get away from me."

"Please tell me..."

"You wanna know.... he wants to know ..... let him know then !" he pulled back his sleeves. His right and left wrists were covered with cuts. At least ten new ones figured not each of his wrist. Countless others had been cut there before. I took his delicate hands, and looked at the wounds. I was .... I couldn't believe it. Malfoy, actually no, he was Draco now, mutilated himself.

"Draco, what the ......" I whispered...

"Aren't they beautiful ? " he smirked.

"You ... oh my .... oh Draco ..... you ......." I found nothing better to do than to take him against me. "Why.....?"

"Why ? .... Why ? Actually, yes, why can't you enjoy a good moment when it is given to you...?"

"You're right.... we'll talk about it tomorrow.... let's just....--"

"Lay on the floor and sleep. I am getting migraines from lack of sleep."

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TBC

A/N- tadaaaaaaaa !!!!! So how was it ? tell me tell me !!!!!! I think I did okay .... I isn't this great, but it basically follows the plot I planned :) . THX for making it up to here ! I love you ! please review to make me feel like keeping up ! :) (hu-ho ... it's almost 1 in the morning and I have to get up a 6 tomorrow..... what wouldn't I do for you ? XD ... lol....) Thx again for reading ! LOVE YOU ! :)

(omg ! I thought my PC froze when I was about to save the whole thing ((which I didn't save from the beginning...)) ... scaaaaaaary .....)