11/14/2022

I am God. You are trash. I single handedly founded the basis of feudalism in this household, they even named an entire four by four area of floor tiles after me!

Who am I?

I am the shogun of The Land of The Rising Son, Kamakura!

I worked hard to get to where I am. After a decisive victory at the Battle of Countertop with Taira Toaster where I had lost a portion of my gorgeous white coat to Toaster's lightning jutsu, I had finally formed my shogunate. I was not always called Kamakura… There was a time when I was known as The Great Minyanyoto Nyoritonyo! But with a new nation, comes a new leader and a new name. I reign over this dimly lit and dust-fertile land with an iron fist! The rats tell me everything- I bribe them with cheese and promises of damp, dark, and supple territory in the form of crevices in the walls. So long as they loyally serve under my commission, of course. I call them… samurats!

"Onii-chan, welcome home!" Ah yes, my personal masseuse and waitress (she hand feeds me sustenance in the form of small pieces of spineless fish and the occasional noodle.) had just welcomed my most trusted confidant. He is judged for his unflattering appearance and uncomfortable lap, but he gives the best chin-and-ear scratches out of all of my subjects.

"I'm home."

My ears twitched. He could do without opening his mouth, though.

"Onii-chan… what are you holding?"

"Meet Kurekure."

Hm? Kurekure? Is that another one of those warm paper beds with scantily clad human women on them that he brings home occasionally?

The girl squealed. "Did you tell mom and dad you were adopting a duck!?"

A duck? What is-

*Flashback start*

"General, some of our scouts off the coast of Franto Dor have spotted Mongducks crossing the puddle on the vast black plain!" one of my loyal vassals, Nyakku, reported. "They have already passed the White Line Straight and seem to be heading straight for our territory!"

I said nothing, licking my pristine white paw before raising it above my head. The slick snowy fur of my hand rustled in the chilling breeze. It felt… especially cool.

"Have no fear, Nyakku." I proclaimed, "They shall never reach our land, for we have the massive metal monsters on our side!"

Soon after, a harsh tsunami splashed from the puddle, repelling the Mongducks back to their side of the road.

*Flashback end*

Those bastards! They dare try to infiltrate my home once again?!

I hissed, baring my deadly fangs at this… 'Kurekure'. His beady eyes remained unfocused, but my keen eyes didn't miss how a part of his feathers rustled. Perhaps in fear, or… a challenge?!

"Calm down Kamakura, Kurekure will be staying outside so you don't have to worry about him." my deliciously fishy-eyed aide reassured me. And while I did trust his judgment, there was a chance his perception might have been flawed.

Even if the dastardly duck was confined to the lands of Uto Sydo, that is still territory dangerously close to the capital. If he were to make a move, there would be less time to react. However, there is still the geographical obstacle that protects the capital- Do Or has repelled many-an-enemy in the past. I have confidence in the strategic advantage it holds. However, being complacent is the quickest way to defeat. I must remain vigilant.

The duck released a wicked sound. A harsh and throaty laugh that mocked me and everything I stood for. But alas, a leader must remain calm in the face of mockery and adversity. I will watch this… 'Kurekure' with great care.

"Quack."

"Hisss~"

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Onii-chan?"

"...I might need to ask for permission to keep Kurekure at school." the man with uncomfortable lap frowned, "But in the meantime… I hope they don't mess with each other."

I do not blame his foolishness. He doesn't know any better.

After all, it was only a matter of time…

Credits

- Something: wanted shenanigans with Kamakura.

- Xynovitch: inspired and helped with the chunni. in many, many ways.