Was listening to The Middle by Jimmy Eat World, 'Kagirinaku haiiro he' and 'Hello/How are you' cause I both cringe and miss my emo phase though it's not really a phase cause my ass really needed meds anyways just came up with this scenario, and I sort of relate to 'Kagirinaku haiiro he' and it felt like something Kuroko probably thought at one point

There is mentions of Parental neglect and Depression, anxiety and panic attacks, mentions of eating disorders, mentions of cutting, I still am trying to make this as fluffy as I can though.

So in this story, Mibuchi's experience as an onee, is what the west would've called a feminine boy, (Not sure what the term is now) this is also heavily inspired by my cousin's experience, I have no problem with a Trans Mibuchi and will never have a problem with a trans Mibuchi. I'll have this fic have Mibuchi as their cisgender, but is not opposed to being called Reo-nee as they are in touch with their feminine side, this story will also focus on that as well in future chapters.

Life was always a struggle for Kuroko, due to his low presence and his lack of expression, considering the traits were inherited, his grandmother was overprotective for most of his primitive life so he didn't have many friends, his parents were good to him but they were also constantly on business trips, he didn't blame them, adult life was hard, there was taxes and bills to pay, it still did hurt, a bit, just a bit but he'll swallow is selfishness, after all, it is only because of those business trips to Europe or America he was able to live a luxurious life, though the house itself was small, considering it was only him and his grandmother that occupied it most of the year it was more than spacious.

Ever since the Winter Cup Kuroko according to Kagami seemed to 'have more light in his eyes' whatever that meant, though it didn't help that some days he if he'd just not wake up and sleep all day and night he wouldn't have it any other way.

It wasn't noticeable to his teammates because of his natural poker face that only got better from his Teiko days but to his grandmother, it was more than obvious, his drive for anything was diminished, things took energy, the energy he didn't seem to have, his body was simply on a sluggish autopilot, it was awful.

His grandmother couldn't take it anymore and under the advice of a friend over a Saturday bingo night at the country club, signed him up for a group therapy session.

It was needless to say Kuroko was not very keen on the idea, he had several colourful friends both literally and figuratively, but in nature he wasn't a very sociable person much like his father.

He tried convincing his grandmother not to go but to no avail, he hadn't known if she was oblivious or just chose to be oblivious, with her,

"Oh dear it'll be fun this therapist is rated very highly across Tokyo, it's private it'll be a wonderful experience."

His face remained impassive as all his excuses were met with the same line just in different orders, he shouldn't expect differently after all this is how it was once his grandmother was adamant on something.

As the week passed by he became ever so aware of the day Saturday it was all he could think about, the gruelling feeling in his stomach just couldn't seem to stop, messing up passes in practice much to the disappointment of Riko, fidgeting in his seat during classes, picking and biting at his nails especially this gradually becoming more of a habit.

He doesn't need help, everything is fine his friends are like they were before, basketball is fun? Kagami is an amazing friend, Kagami won't leave him? he's fine, he's totally fine.

Yet why can't his grandmother see that, sure he was tired but it must be the practice it's obvious,

He sighed there's no way of getting out of it, unless he ran away, but no, he can't after all his grandmother will ask him as many specific questions about the session as she could.

He hated even thinking about what would happen the following day.

He groaned into his pillow, careful not to let his grandmother hear, frustrated yet slowly falling asleep. Possibly subconsciously he just wanted Saturday to come and go.

Saturday morning at ten was coming dreadfully yet he was ready to just get on with it, the car ride on his grandmother's end didn't help that fact, after all, it's just her way of saying 'I know you'll try to run away if I don't drop you off

Needless to say, though he knows she's right he hates it.

"I'll see you later Tetsuya, call me after the session."

Inwardly he groans, but gives her a little nod and flashed what he could only call a fake smile.

Walking through the almost empty walkway to the old community centre building proved to be almost a Herculean task, his stomach twisting and clenching, his legs and hands giving attacking sensations of both hot and cold, becoming oddly moist, God it was awful.

It's almost as if his legs couldn't take anymore, he dropped to his knees near the sinks, he couldn't be more thankful despite being so disgruntled, after all those sinks weren't so far away from the entrance to the building itself, where the overwhelming feeling of being green with sickness, he felt himself gagging, about the third time he felt some bile come up he pushed it down, gasping for air, awfully starring into the sink as his throat burned from the stomach acid.

"Oi Are you okay?"

Kuroko recognized the voice, as such he nodded weakly.

"Wait Kuroko, I don't expect to see you here, what a surprise." That voice was awfully teasing

It would seem Imayoshi truly had an awful attitude both on and off the court, he gave his most stop-talking-or-I'll-ignite-pass-you look.

Imayoshi grins admittedly causing Kuroko to flinch a bit as he waved his hands sighing

"I want to be here as much as you right now Kuroko, with that reaction I'm positive you don't want to be here."

Kuroko eyed him, almost impassively, but not without feeling his earlier wave of nausea, he swiftly turned his gaze to the sink, unable to swallow it back down this morning's breakfast was staring back at him in chunks, he felt Imayoshi patting his back, as he gagged and coughed, it was awful, he didn't understand it but in that moment Imayoshi was comforting, soothing him by rubbing his back reminding his to take deep breaths.

"Don't look so surprised Sakurai usually gets panic attacks or anxiety attacks I'm used to handling them, you see Wakamatsu doing that, plus Aomine would be awfully upset with me if I left you like that"

He chuckled at the statement.

"Thank you." He softly whispered splashing the cold tap water on his face, as unpleasant as the Toō captain maybe he still helped him a great deal, "I'll be okay now, thank you Imayoshi-san." bowing this time,

"Young ones these days..." the sighed gesturing like a man in his thirties.

Walking in was an enigma in itself, he didn't understand why his grandmother saw to fit him in this group therapy session, when after all most of them were recovering teen drug addicts or abuse victims, he was clearly in no need of help, after all these people have been through worse than him, so he had no right being there.

He swallowed his thoughts and quietly sat in the empty seat a bit close to Imayoshi considering he was the only one there he knew and he seemed to be saving the seat next to him.

As if things couldn't get any worse the next person to walk in was Hanamiya, Kuroko spent those few seconds cursing all the Gods he could think of, especially after he took a seat next to the Toō captain. He could feel his head heating up with rage, as his mind played over the scene of Kiyoshi covered in bruises.

He was sure to keep his expressions in check, the last thing he wants is for the first day to get into fight and gain enemies, especially in a group therapy session. At least Imayoshi seemed to be keeping his presence a secret from Hanamiya, it was moments like this he was ever so thankful for his low presence.

"Good morning, everyone."

Such a presence, that would make many shiver, it was none other than Akashi, yet there he was met by judging eyes, a hum or scoff if he received any acknowledgement at all, he nodded awkwardly, possibly due to the fact he wasn't used to such treatment.

'But what is he doing in Tokyo?'

Following after him was the shooting guard Reo Mibuchi,

'What are they doing in Tokyo?'

Akashi sat right next to him and Mibuchi took the seat next to Akashi, they didn't greet each other, he was glad Akashi was great at reading the expressions of those around him, he wasn't even sure if Reo noticed him, either way, he wasn't complaining until.

"Can your Miracle ass find literally anywhere else to sit other than so close to me?"

Kuroko held his breath, as he inwardly proceeded to curse all the deities he could think of.

"Well, I don't see you complaining about Kuroko."

'Fuck you Akashi-kun.'

With that he earned several screams just as he expected, all including Hanamiya and Mibuchi, meanwhile Imayoshi grinned widely at Hanamiya and him.

Keeping himself as calm as possible despite all the eyes on him, bowed "Hello everyone," quite frankly if it wasn't for causing a scene, he would throw out his long-suffering respect and cuss Akashi but he has his dignity, besides he rather not tarnish his reputation.

"How long have you been there?"

This question is starting to grow too annoying, now, no not just now, for a while now.

"I've been here the whole time." He remained deadpanned, yet at this point, he might just carry an audio player with that line alone recorded onto it.

"You should stick a bell on ya or something." Hanamiya snickered.

"Hana-chan!" Mibuchi exclaimed, "cut it out!"

He clicked his tongue at Mibuchi, but perhaps as a fellow Uncrowned King he respected him, or perhaps it was who's shadow he recognised, quickly approaching ever so clear with the click-clacking of high heeled shoes.

The chatter quickly died down, reduced to a few snickers or murmurs when the therapist entered the room, the sinking feeling that had earlier subsided resurfacing its ugly head.

Yet again Kuroko's face ever so slightly twisted, the pain in his stomach threatening him, he took in sharp breaths, as deep as he could without making much audibly obvious, it helped a bit, the cold sweats that had accompanied the sharp pain in his stomach that was not subsiding, the pain was there but he was determined to stay, no that wasn't it to not cause a scene.

The inquiries from the therapist to other attendees fell to deaf ears in those few minutes, he noticed his posture, his head slightly tilted down looking at his lap, he tried looking up just a bit, quickly glancing across at Akashi, to anyone else it would seem he was looking at the therapist, but he knew his former captain very well, he was looking at him.

Kuroko felt like crying, but he composed himself as much as he could at that moment,

'Clear mind, it's okay, it's okay,' chanting that to himself like a mantra.

"Reo-chan how is school, do you wish to share anything, you've made a big step after all?"

The therapist's voice was soothing… very soothing, she sounded kind, yet her voice was also sharp, being sure to speak with authority, from her voice alone, it was clear she was the type of person who will respect you as long as you showed her respect, Kuroko wondered about what she must've looked like, as a matter of fact, he did not see her face, did he? All he truly saw was her shoes after all that's the only thing he could've hyper-focused on at the moment.

"Oh, I don't have much to share Tanya-nee, there will be those who of course will judge and dislike me, while it gets me down at times, I am just glad to have teammates that accepted me for me." Mibuchi stated looking over at Akashi flashing him a slight smile, that spoke the words that were left unsaid 'Thank you'

Kuroko pondered Mibuchi-san has probably been through a lot, considering what it means when a male comes out being gay in Japan especially if you're famous by any means. Truthfully the therapist's voice was extremely calming, accepting almost he now really wanted to know what she looked like.

Looking up shyly he looked at her face, by all means, she was quite a good looking lady, he had to admit she wasn't what he was expecting, usually from all the books he's read they seemed rather uptight, having their hair tied up in tight buns, in formal office wear, their legs described to be coated in a very formal boring black pantyhose, this lady, however, was so much different than that, her hair sported a lovely ombre of hot pink to baby pink, clearly dyed, she wore a very decent frilled blouse of baby blue that complimented her slim fitted black dress pants which all seemed to blend well, it was clear she kept up her appearances, perhaps she was very open to people like Mibuchi was because she was a mixed returnee which deals with their own discrimination themselves if the name wasn't a dead giveaway.

"This may be touchy Reo-chan if you wish to answer it, you mentioned in the session of your second year middle school, that were unsure of whether or not you wish to be referred to as your cisgender, is there anything you would like to say, such as a change in pronouns or anything."

Mibuchi smiled almost remising on his middle school self before answering "The reason I specified an onee was because I was unsure at the time, I didn't know if I was male or female because, it was pounded into my head that makeup, frilly clothing or soft colours were for boys, I told myself 'well I must not have been a boy then,' because that's what I was told by others, but Sei-chan asked me something, 'What do you want?' I wasn't sure, I may change later I'm still trying to live for myself, but I think at least for now, I wish to remain a male that likes to have what is considered a girly nature and wear what is considered girly clothing, and a boy who likes boys I think I feel comfortable with myself like that." Mibuchi seemed content with his answer, confident even.

"And tell those fuckers who say jack shit to go fuck themselves!" Kuroko whipped back a bit he wasn't expecting the shout, from Hanamiya no less.

"Hana-chan!" Mibuchi scolded "Language!" covering Akashi's ears.

"While I must agree with Makato-kun in a less vulgar manner, I am curious Hana-chan how are you, do you wish to share?"

He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to rub off the tinge of pink on his cheeks possibly from the embarrassment of being called 'Hana-chan' by the therapist.

"Nothing much really, just sometimes it irks me my deadbeat Dad wants to see my sister, Mom's been trying to live with him visiting and all that, I know he hates my ass though he makes it all too clear." Hanamiya hid his face with his hair, resentment seeped out of his aura As Tanya hummed.

"Though I can't physically help you, possibly try talking about it with your mother, if you didn't already, maybe she can sort out something for you, after all you said you two have a good relationship." Tanya rubbed her chin as she proceeded "If it's your sister, I think once she gets older you should sit her down and tell her unless she is able to understand now or at least comprehend what you're saying."

Hanamiya hummed "I kinda talked to her, my mother, she gets how I feel when it's just him coming to our house she lets me stay in my room, even for dinner, but when he wants to take my little sister out I have to tag along, I get that though, she doesn't want her to get like me."

"Makato-kun, you must know that deep inside, you are a wonderful person, especially when you want to be, your alcohol abuse before is not your fault, you've been sober for what two years now, honey you're doing great."

Hanamiya darkly chuckles "I'm trying… though talking here makes me feel better."

Tanya sighs "Don't rush it dear, but I am glad to be of assistance."

Moving along with others Kuroko was anxious, to say the least, he was on edge every time someone stopped speaking and a name was called. It was quite exhausting relaxing then feeling his body stiffen up. He wanted those two hours to end so desperately.

He spent the whole time just sitting there unable to stretch out the twisting in his stomach.

As the other teens talked about their substance abuse and strained family relationships, and the some even about gambling addiction or anger issues, or cutting, of course, Tanya asked if it was okay to breach the topic, waiting for any single protest before letting the few teens who were brave enough to talk about it, though at first Kuroko wondered if it was counterproductive to the group session itself, he remembered his struggle with his eating disorder and sometimes if he heard a story about someone having one and openly expressed how they managed not to eat or purge he would find himself relapsing. So in the end he understood, though regrettably so.

"We have a newcomer, Reo-chan seemed to have brought him, what is your name dear?"

This is where he went pale, if he was looking like he saw a ghost before, well, he probably was the ghost, at one moment he genuinely thought,

'If I don't puke again… I'll shit my pants

She starred right at Akashi, usually, this wouldn't be a problem since he's used to seeing Akashi get swarmed by attention, what made him sick was the fact that he was right next to Akashi, but his worries would grow to be futile after all Akashi's presence was charming extremely charming

This was the first time in a long while he was thankful for his genetics and family traits, in this moment he was glad that he could be so easily overshadowed. It still filled him with such internal dread.

Truthfully Kuroko was curious why Reo saw it fit to invite him, then he took into consideration the call he made to Akashi the week after the Winter Cup.

Kuroko had felt an odd tinge of guilt that odd Saturday night no that wasn't right, thinking about the result, he was anxious for Akashi that whole week, he knew his father was strict, so that Saturday he called him.

"Akashi-kun…, are you alright?"

Kuroko only received a chuckle, but there wasn't a hint of bitterness or sorrow, no it was plain amusement.

"Wouldn't you usually start off a conversation with me with a 'how are you?' Kuroko?"

"I'm hanging up now…"

Akashi sighed "Yes, Kuroko I am fine, my father has heard about my loss, his reaction just um, surprised me that's all."

"I see… how so? It's okay if you don't want to say…"

"Ah but you would worry, so I'll tell you," Akashi sighed again, "His reaction surprised me because after the match he greeted me… at the Tokyo residence… he simply told me he watched it, I did well…, my mother would be proud and to win next time." Kuroko was about to say something when Akashi let out a bitter chuckle "You know, it's funny, real funny… for the entirety of my years, my father would tell me 'I don't care, as long as you win.' I was so scared to disappoint him but… now he's like 'you did great' I can't even be upset…" he sighs again, "my father seems like he wants to mend the bridge of our relationship, truthfully, I want to as well… I miss him, that him when mother died."

Kuroko could just hum, as silence ensued on both ends

"What about you Kuroko?" Akashi asked

It was sort of small talk, still, Akashi was sort of prideful, who was he kidding, very prideful obviously it was an attempt to fill the awkwardness, as he disliked any form of awkwardness on his end, this Akashi wasn't as prideful as his other self so Kuroko smiled just remembering their study sessions at the library.

"Yes Akashi-kun, I am okay." Kuroko was almost sure of it, though the silence from his parents' end was awfully scratching at his brain, but other than that he was okay, at least he told himself that.

Akashi hummed and gave him one of those 'Ah ha's ' "How did your parents react? I'm sure they were extremely proud, especially if they're anything like your grandmother, after the match she practically tackled you."

Kuroko felt his lips twitch, trying to maintain his stoic yet polite and soft approach, he didn't bother lying Akashi would know, "I…um… haven't heard from them."

"I see…"

Yet again with the awkwardness Kuroko couldn't stand the pause despite it being barely seven seconds he decided to just talk about his grandmother's reaction, perhaps some teasing would be convincing.

"She practically tackled you as well Akashi-kun."

Akashi chuckled "Ah yes perhaps that's true, she has quite a grip I must say, her arms are so thin too, I see where you get the strength to do those ignite passes from."

"What are you saying Akashi-kun don't you see these guns." Kuroko simply flexed keeping his trademark deadpan.

"I can't see through the phone call Kuroko, so whatever you say." Akashi was playfully sarcastic.

Just as he was beginning to enjoy the conversation, his grandmother would call him for dinner, with that they hung up and he finally he could eat and sleep in peace knowing Akashi will be safe.

Answering Tanya's question Akashi announced, "My name is Akashi Seijuuro, nice to meet you all." He bowed but that was met with a scoff from Hanamiya, though that was met with a sharp glare from Reo.

Tanya smiled at him "So is there anything you would like to talk about."

"Perhaps…" It was him finally making himself vulnerable.

'Truly Akashi-kun was a strong person, nothing like me' was all Kuroko could think.

Akashi was truthful in his exposition, telling Tanya a snippet of their conversation that night or perhaps he elaborated a bit more

"After so many years of my father being strict, me being so afraid to disappoint him, he loosened up so much, I had my suspicions, perhaps he read me because he outright told me 'I want to fix our relationship' but I don't know if I want to, no I want to but I'm so scared. Reo-nee suggested I come here with him because I needed to 'let it out ' I understand his concern, but really just letting it out, is already so helpful."

Tanya chuckled "Relax dear, no need to be so tense, I am glad that you feel better, but I must ask has he ever?"

"No. never. I know he cares for me, I know he's just afraid to lose me like how he lost her."

She sighed in relief, and continued, "I say give it a try, the air will be very uncomfortable for a while, afterall that's your flight or fight response from over the years. Relationships aren't mended in a month or two, but perhaps if you choose to come back, you can talk about your experience, I'll be able to help guide you."

Kuroko looked at Tanya and Akashi, Tanya seemed to be a lantern for Akashi to hold his thoughts were only confirmed when Akashi smiled at her and simply nodded.

"Remember dear, don't rush it, we'll talk more."

With that Tanya looked down at her clipboard, Kuroko yet again tensed, his heart rate accelerated, the twisting in his stomach that was just dying down raged again, this time with a vengeance, he wanted to double over but he made sure not to, not wanting to attract any sort of unwanted attention.

Breath, breath, breath, Tetsuya.

A silent chant that proved to be meaningless when:

"Kuroko Tetsuya, is he here?"

There it was.

Everyone turned to him, he was to expect that, after all, they met him just a while ago, with everyone's attention on him, Tanya's gaze fell onto him, her eyes widened a bit in surprise, but she does not say anything, Kuroko is unsure if this makes him feel better or worse since that pain in his stomach was just not going away.

"Hello Kuroko Tetsuya-kun, how are you today?"

Her voice was soothing, yes soothing, calming, very calming, Tetsuya there's no need to be afraid, you're okay.

That chanting didn't help, what should've been the words 'I'm okay,' came out in stutters, he wanted to speak but he just couldn't his breathing grew more ragged as the seconds went by, he nervously rubbed his hands together, they were slippery from the sweat it accumulated, his body was sending his odd hot and cold sensations, just like earlier, his field of vision, disorientated by the weird sickening mirage of colours, he was awfully dizzy and nauseous, he wanted to go home, he wanted to cry.

There were stares of concern piercing through him from the others, some turned away, possibly they know the feeling, it was not even five seconds in but Tanya was kneeling down, she was saying something but he didn't know what, all he could see was those eyes now.

Those piercing red eyes, the eyebrows of its owner furrowing in concern or panic.

Tanya looked up to the group, she was gesturing to the door, Akashi was the last one out, it only occurred to him after he saw Akashi's worried gaze walking out, why did everything seem so tall? Why was Tanya kneeling?

It clicked at some point he must have ended up on the floor.

He was beginning to hear Tanya's voice again.

"Breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out…"

He followed her lead.

"I'm going to ask you a few questions squeeze twice if you can hear me."

He does so once and another a minute later.

"Is Kuroko Minami your guardian?"

Once more, he does so, although slow on the responses.

"Do you wish for me to call her?"

His eyes widen,

He shakes his head.

"Alright, I won't call her."

She changes her position, sitting cross-legged now, petting his hair but not before asking.

He sits up after a few minutes, he saw the look on her face, he knew she was going to ask him some questions when he came to.

"Alright Kuroko-kun, do you get these attacks often?"

He gazed to the corner, deeply considering his answer, before responding with "Maybe, I don't know, I started feeling this way in my fifth year of Elementary school."

"I see," she smiled out of pity "honey I think you had an anxiety attack." That 'think' was a 'you did,' so for sure he had to come back.

But his wish came through, the two hours were finally over. He was dismissed.

Waiting for his grandmother to pick him up was the worse, though everyone avoided him, honestly, he would've rather them forget about him, but after that he was fairly certain his presence was marked there forever, but admittedly, he also didn't want Akashi to talk to him or anyone for that matter, he just wanted to go home, lie down and cry himself to sleep.

'Please come soon grandma.'

It would seem that the universe was done messing with him for one day, as if on cue, his grandmother appeared in front of the gate.

He was just so exhausted after that day, he walked briskly and hugged her, it was no surprise, she was taken aback but ultimately hugged back, especially considering he doesn't hug very often, much less in public.

The car ride home was silent, perhaps she found it best not to ask about it, she ordered him a vanilla milkshake from the Maji Burger, which did put some sweetness in his mouth but it failed to cheer him up.

She patted his head when he told her he was going to lie down, the pat was a silent way of both saying 'alright' and a form of comfort.

With that, the moment his head hit the bed, he felt himself drifting off to sleep.

Sunday, was a blur at best, all he knew was he woke up feeling extremely hungry and empty emotionally, he also talked to her but he was neither here nor there, in the end, his grandmother was called over by her bingo and bowling girlfriends, he was invited to come but declined, he ended up just sleeping most of the day.

Monday was much better, his grandmother gave him a salad, some rice, miso and a boiled egg, they talked but, nothing about the therapy session, only about the bingo night apparently she had won a 5000 yen coupon to use at their local supermarket, it was an honest thought, perhaps he should go to some of those bingo nights, as that wasn't the most impressive prize well at least from what his grandmother told him, the top prize was a 5000 yen Amazon gift card all thanks to the old people and the country club.

School was all the same morning practice, go to class half voided of life and probably snag a nap in art class and evening practice, that was until Kise came to check on him.

The blonde arrived at Seirin's gym about twenty minutes before they were to end practice.

He also joined in the practice match playing with Kuroko, going up against Kagami. They won but the second years and Kagami (only switching teams after Kise begged to play with Kuroko and the rest of first years, plus Riko was keen on the idea) put up a good fight.

Walking home Kagami was, of course, upset demanding a re-match, Kuroko could just smile at them.

He decided to break the silence between him and his ex-teammate, "Kise-kun, why are you here?"

He threw himself unto the boy with a shrilling.

"Kurokochii!"

"Oi Kise!" Kagami shouted, pulling him off Kuroko, he rubbed the back of his neck in annoyance, "don't you get tired doing that?"

Kise held on to Kuroko less tightly but still clinging onto him, "of course not, Kurokochii is just so cool!" he then looked at Kagami with a shit eating grin, "Akashichii, actually suggested that I drop him off home today."

It would be a lie to say Kuroko wasn't a bit upset about Akashi setting Kise as a body guard for him, but in an odd way it warmed his heart, he knew after Saturday's attack Akashi would be quite protective of him possibly doing even, to all he may know Akashi probably researched everything he could about Kuroko's attack, but it in a way made him feel so useless.

Kagami clicked his tongue, "We were just going to Maji Burger, we're not skipping ain't that right Kuroko." It was a statement, Kagami probably noticed him being a bit more reserved than usual, and truthfully he just needed something sweet, something that could just for a brief moment get his mind off the fact he had a panic attack and Akashi saw honestly Kise probably knows, that or he's probably suspicious as to why Akashi would ask Kise to walk him home, that or he might just slip up and Kise and even Kagami may see it.

"Indeed Kise-kun, but you are welcome to come." His statement raises a protest from Kagami and Kise whines on about how unfair it is they have Kuroko at Seirin, they bicker for a while, Kuroko takes this time to recollect himself, deep breaths he reminds himself.

He couldn't slip up it's enough Akashi has an idea of what attack he had he didn't want Kise to see him like that.

The universe would not have him so lucky, Kuroko, Kagami and Kise sit at a table for four, as if all the deities were cursing him back, his beloved vanilla milkshake started losing its flavour. Odd it was always so tasty, just as he was faced with complete confusion. Midorima would "unwillingly" join them, Midorima was probably the most emotionally stunted yet simultaneously, he would notice when something was wrong, yet again, the feeling resurfaced.

There was no reason to worry, none at all, they were chatting, bickering even, Midorima was calling Kagami and Kise 'fools' and 'simpletons' until:

"Kuroko are you okay?"

His heartbeat quickened he was determined to not let it happen there or at least rather, not in front of them.

"Ah yes Midorima-kun, I just need to use the restroom." He stood up remaining as stoic as ever, though on the inside he felt like he was melting, "Excuse me."

They nodded.

Kuroko walked through the bathroom doors, going into one of the stalls to empty out his stomach.

He came back after washing out his mouth, as if nothing happened finished up the milkshake and a burger Kagami gave him to avoid suspicion and they split ways, it was just him and Kise.

The area was fairly secluded, the basketball court was empty, looking at it now was, heart-wrenching, it only reminded him of Ogiwara.

"Kurokochii, you aren't okay aren't you?"

"How did you know…?" It came out as a whisper, he felt wetness on his cheek.

"I'm a model Kurokochii, Akashichii called me last night and told me that you probably had an asthma attack when he saw you on Saturday, but I think if Kurokochii had asthma we would've known, I'm a model, I've had panic attacks before."

He felt himself break down, he clutched unto Kise's clothing, he wasn't sure if he was screaming at some points, but from the look on Kise's face from his glances, Kise's was scrunching up his face, some moments he was even pulling him closer to him.

All he knew, was after that, his throat was in unimaginable pain.

The walk from thereon was quiet, defiantly not a comforting silence, far from it, but he just was not feeling to talk, Kise knew this, they separated.

His grandmother was on the couch, asleep, he flashed a small smile, he simply drank some water, he was full with the burger Kagami gave him and the remaining bit of milkshake he forced down.

He made himself small under his grandmother's free hand, it probably woke her up, he didn't look up at her face. She held him closer to him.

It was about eleven when they decided to go to bed.

He instantly fell asleep that night.

This is me projecting, (I'm sorry Kuroko) since I had several panic and anxiety attacks at school, but I live in the Caribbean, and um mental health is iffy here, a teacher does not know what a panic attack is, I'm not fucking kidding, ended up messing up my perfect attendance record in my last three years of high school (pathetic I know). so now the idea my grandmother is looking for a therapist for me is mortifying. Also head-canon Kuroko cusses but in his head, due to him masking his emotions, he swore of saying it for the sake of his grandmother.

Wasn't sure whether to use curse, cuss or swear.

I apologize for any typos, do notify me of those I missed on editing, especially considering my keyboard tends to skip letters, I will keep the Japanese honorifics, as it adds a sort of identity to Kuroko.