Okay, so what did u guys think about the first chapter? Pretty good, huh? e.e that's cuz I wrote it, dur. Anyways, some other stuff that's gonna be going on.

Couples! Yup, everyone thinks about them. I think that Ron likes Hermione, but Hermione likes Harry, and Harry is just oblivious to what's going on. And yes, in this case, he will like Cho, and Cho will be torn between Harry and Cedric.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. Though I wish I did… I also do not own most of the plot.

Chapter 2: A Peck of Owls (Vernon Dursley)

Petunia was downstairs doing the dishes, and I was in my room taking a well deserved nap. I leaned back on my bed, thinking how life would be without that horrible and troublesome, wretched boy around to ruin everything. I was glad that that boy was not in the house bothering us, but at the same time, I couldn't wait until he got on that wretched train to the horrible place he went every year. The only thing I would look forward to is when he would leave this place forever and never come back. I sighed. That would be the day.

"The newspaper is here!" Petunia called from downstairs. I unwillingly got up and went downstairs to see if there was anything important worth reading. Probably not, though. I wondered aloud where Dudley might be. It was dark after all, even though I knew Dudley could take care of himself. The only thing that I really worried about was if my strong Dudley was attacked by one of them. Petunia was about to reply when the bell rang. She went to the door to open it.

"My Duddykins is finally here! Goodness, I was wondering where he was," she said, muttering to herself.

Petunia opened the door, and I heard her say, "Diddy! About time too, I was getting quite … quite … Diddy, what's the matter?"

Petunia was probably overreacting again. Nothing could ever happen to Dudley. However, I was beginning to doubt myself when Petunia shouted, "DIDDY! Diddy, what's the matter with you? Vernon? VERNON!"

I ran out to the hallway and saw my big Dudley throwing up on the marble floor. The endless possibilities that could have happened didn't leave my mind.

"He's ill, Vernon!" Petunia cried.

"What is it, son? What's happened? Did Mrs. Polkiss give you something foreign for tea?" I tried reasoning with myself and started off with something most likely.

"Why are you all covered in dirt, darling? Have you been lying on the ground?" Petunia said with tears filling her eyes. Oh the possibilities… What if my son had been robbed?

"Hang on, you haven't been mugged, have you, son?" It was not highly likely, though. I was proud of my son's talent in boxing. Surely he could defend himself…

Petunia screamed. "Phone the police, Vernon! Phone the police! Diddy, darling, speak to Mummy! What did they do to you?"

I closed the door to prevent any insane murderer who was after my son to come in the house.

"Who did it, son? Give us names. We'll get them, don't worry." Whoever did this to my son would have hell to pay once I found out.

"Shh! He's trying to say something, Vernon! What is it, Diddy? Tell Mummy!"

"Him," Dudley said pointing at the stairs. Petunia's and my eyes followed his finger and found that boy lurking on the stairs. So he had done it to my son, huh? There would be no retribution for such an abominable crime!

"BOY! COME HERE! What have you done to my son?" If that boy lies one more time….

"Nothing." I needed to teach that boy a lesson that he would never forget!

"What did he do to you, Diddy? Was it, was it you-know-what, darling?" asked Petunia. If that boy did, there would be hell to pay.

My strong Dudley nodded. I glared at that wretched boy who would dare stand in front of me after attacking my son.

"I didn't!" that boy said. "I didn't do anything to him, it wasn't me." That wretched boy was a lying hooligan. How dare he lie in front of my face!

One of those wretched birds flew in from one window, dropped something in the boy's hand, and flew out another window. I couldn't stand any more of those owls! "OWLS! OWLS AGAIN! I WILL NOT HAVE ANY MORE OWLS IN MY HOUSE!"

That wretched boy read the letter and started to leave, he was about to leave without my permission, and without telling us what he did to my son!

"Where d'you think you're going? I haven't finished with you boy!" What did he do to my son with that stick?

"Get out of the way," he said. He had no right to order me around.

"You're going to stay here and explain how my son," I started.

"If you don't get out of the way I'm going to jinx you," he said with his thing out. I'm a lot smarter than he thinks. As if he can trick me again….

"You can't pull that one on me! I know you're not allowed to use it outside that madhouse you call a school!" HA! Let's see if he can get out of that one!

"The madhouse has chucked me out, so I can do whatever I like. You've got three seconds. One, two…" On the count of three there was a loud crack. I ducked, and Petunia screamed. If that boy just used it on us, he would pay with his life! I looked up, and there was another ruddy bird outside the window!

"OWLS! I WILL NOT HAVE ANY MORE OWLS I TELL YOU!" I said, but that wretched boy just walked away and let it in!

"Right, I've changed my mind, I'm staying," he said. Why? I would have been grateful if he just left, but all he did was just sit at the table and look at us! I might as well get him to explain some of these things that was going on.

"Who are all these ruddy owls from?" I asked. He had better answer me!

"The first one was from the Ministry of Magic, expelling me. The second…" he said. I didn't hear the rest.

"Ministry of Magic? People like you in government? Oh this explains everything, everything, no wonder the country's going to the dogs…." I expected an answer from him, but he didn't say anything. I might as well ask another question…. "Any why have you been expelled?"

"Because I did magic."

"AHA!" So the boy did magic on my son, huh? "So you admit it! What did you do to Dudley?"

"Nothing. That wasn't me…."

"Was," said Dudley. So that boy magicked my Dudley, huh? What did he do? "Go on, son, what did he do?"

"Tell us, darling," whispered Petunia.

"Pointed his wand at me," Dudley mumbled.

"Yeah, I did, but…" That boy had no common sense.

"SHUT UP!" I yelled. "Go on, son," I said. This was time to find out the truth to what had happened.

"All dark," Dudley said, shuddering. "Everything dark. And then I heard … things. Inside my head…." I nearly cried. My Dudley, my Dudley, hearing voices? It was all that boy's fault!

"What sort of things did you hear, popkin?" asked Petunia.

This was going nowhere. "How come you fell over, son?" I asked.

"Tripped, and then," Dudley said. He gestured at his chest. What could it mean? "Horrible. Cold. Really cold." I couldn't make head or tails of what he meant.

"Okay, what happened then, Dudders?" Maybe he caught a cold, although it was highly unlikely. Petunia put her hand on Dudley's forehead to feel his temperature.

"Felt … felt … felt … as if … as if …" What happened to my poor little Dudders? I had tears in my eyes now.

"As if you'd never be happy again," that boy said. So that wretched boy put a spell on my son, huh?

"Yes," Dudley whispered. That boy will pay.

"So," I said, trying to get that wretched boy's attention. "So you put some crackpot spell on my son so he'd hear voices and believe he was … was doomed to misery, or something, did you?"

"How many times do I have to tell you? It wasn't me! It was a couple of dementids!" That was the lamest excuse that I've ever heard.

"A couple of … what's this codswallop?"

"Dementors. Two of them." That boy was lying.

"And what the ruddy hell are dementors?"

"They guard the wizard prison, Azkaban." I thought that that boy had said it, but it seemed to be coming from the direction of my beloved Petunia.

"How d'you know that?" What was going on? So these dementoid thingies were real?

"I head … that awful boy … telling her about them … years ago," she said. So these things were part of their world, huh? I knew that this boy was up to no good. But they were guarding a prison…. That nasty hooligan probably escaped from something. I wouldn't put it past him.

"So … so … they … er … they … er … they actually exist, do they … er … dementy-whatsits?" I asked, trying to ignore the boy. Petunia nodded. I didn't know what to say, and obviously neither did anyone else. Another of those ruddy owls burst in and landed right in front of us in the table, scaring the wits out of me.

"Enough … effing … owls …" I muttered, closing the window so no more of those pesky birds would enter my house again.

"Well? What now? Have they sentenced you to anything? Do your lot have the death penalty?" It would be good to rid this pest once and for all.

"I've got to go to a hearing."

"And they'll sentence you there?"

"I suppose so."

"I won't give up hope then," I said. His world would get rid of him for me, and I wouldn't have to do anything! It seemed exciting, but there was obviously a catch. There's always a catch.

"Well, if that's all," the boy said, about to leave. He didn't even explain what had happened to my Dudders!

"NO, IT RUDDY WELL IS NOT ALL! SIT BACK DOWN!"

"What now?" that boy asked. I needed to knock some manners into this boy.

"DUDLEY! I want to know exactly what happened to my son!" That boy will go absolutely nowhere until he explains completely and fully!

"FINE!" he said, with sparks coming out of his thing. Was he really going to curse us? "Dudley and I were in the alleyway between Magnolia Crescent and Wisteria Walk. Dudley thought he'd be smart with me, I pulled out my wand but didn't use it. Then two dementors turned up…."

That boy still didn't explain. "But what ARE dementoids? What do they DO?" They couldn't be just a figment of his imagination, not anymore.

"I told you, they suck all the happiness out of you, and if they get the chance, they kiss you…."

"Kiss you? Kiss you?" They boy wasn't serious, right? What kind of world did he live in?

"It's what they call it when they suck the soul out of your mouth."

"His soul? They didn't take … he's still got his …" Petunia said. I was quite worried myself. What could happen to someone without his soul?

"Of course they didn't get his soul, you'd know if they had." So if they didn't get his soul, what happened? My son had fought them off. That was the logical explanation. My strong Dudley had fought off these dementids that tried to kill him.

"Fought 'em off, did you, son? Gave 'em the old one-two, did you?"

"You can't give a dementor the old one-two," said that boy. If you can't why isn't my son empty then?

"Why's he all right, then? Why isn't he all empty then?"

"Because I used…." the boy started as another owl came from the fireplace. For God's sakes!!

"FOR GOD'S SAKE! I WILL NOT HAVE OWLS HERE, I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS, I TELL YOU!" I will not have owls treat my house like a resting home! "A peck, I mean, pack of owls shooting in and out of my house and I won't have it, boy, I won't…. I want the truth about what happened tonight! If it was demenders who hurt Dudley, how come you've been expelled? You did you-know-what, you've admitted it!" That boy will go nowhere until he answers truthfully!

"I did the Patronus Charm to get rid of the dementors. It's the only thing that works against them."

"But what were dementoids doing in Little Whinging?"

"Couldn't tell you. No idea." This was no coincidence. What was the chance of one of them dementoid things coming across a … one of them?

"It's you. It's got something to do with you, boy, I know it. Why else would they turn up here? Why else would they be down that alleyway? You've got to be the only … the only…. The only you-know-what for miles."

"I don't know why they…."

I put two and two together. "These demembers guard some weirdos' prison? Oho! They were coming to arrest you! That's it, isn't it, boy? You're on the run from the law!" They did, after all, sent a letter expelling him.

"Of course I'm not."

"They why…."

"He must have sent them," that boy said. He? He who? Did I hear correctly?

"What's that? Who must have sent them?"

"Lord Voldemort." Something clicked in my head. I heard that name before.

"Lord…. Hang on. I've heard that name … that was the one who…."

"Murdered my parents, yes."

"But he's gone. That giant bloke said so. He's gone." That Lord whatever died years ago. He couldn't be back.

"He's back."

I was thinking hard about what that Lord thingy was famous for. "Back?" whispered Petunia who looked a little frightened. I pondered harder. What was that Lordy famous for?

"Yes. He came back a month ago. I saw him." My mind reeled. I was adding everything up.

"Hang on. Hang on. This Lord Voldything's back, you say."

"Yes."

"The one who murdered your parents."

"Yes."

"And now he's sending dismembers after you?" The boy muttered something I didn't hear. "I see. Well, that settles it." I will not have that wretched boy put me and my family in danger! "You can get out of this house, boy! You heard me … OUT!" I shouted, but the boy seemed to not want to move. "OUT! OUT! I should've done it years ago! Owls treating the place like a rest home, puddings exploding, half the lounge destroyed, Dudley's tail, Marge bobbing around on the ceiling, and that flying Ford Anglia … OUT! OUT! You've had it! You're history! You're not staying here if some loony's after you, you're not endangering my wife and son, you're not bringing trouble down on us, if you're going the same way as your useless parents, I've had it! OUT!" No matter how much I yelled, the boy just stayed where he was. What do I have to do to get rid of him? "You heard me! Get going! You were all keen to leave half an hour ago! I'm right behind you! Get out and never darken our doorstep again! Why we ever kept you in the first place I don't know, Marge was right, it should have been the orphanage, we were too damn soft for our own good, thought we could squash it out of you, thought we could turn you normal, but you've been rotten from the beginning, and I've had enough of y…." But before I could get the rest of the sentence out, something same flying down the chimney, AGAIN! "OWLS!"

I was expecting that bird to drop it to that boy. I would force him to read it out loud, but that owl dropped it on Petunia. It began smoking. It was a bomb! It would explode and destroy my family!

"You can open it if you like, but I'll hear what it says anyway. That's a Howler." Howling or not, I would not let Petunia be tricked into letting the bomb explode.

"Let go of it, Petunia! Don't touch it, it could be dangerous!" Could be dangerous? It was dangerous. That boy got someone to send my Petunia a bomb!

"It's addressed to me. It's addressed to me, Vernon, look! Mrs. Petunia Dursley, The Kitchen, Number Four, Privet Drive…."

"Open it!" that boy said. "Get it over with! It'll happen anyway…."

"No…."

I was about to warn Petunia again as the envelope burst into flames. A deep voice that I had heard once before said, "REMEMBER MY LAST, PETUNIA."

Petunia was as pale as a ghost. I didn't understand what was going on. First dementoids and now this. "What is this? What … I don't … Petunia?" Petunia said absolutely nothing. "Petunia, dear? Petunia?"

"The boy … the boy will have to stay, Vernon." I didn't understand. Why did she want the boy to stay? I knew as well as anyone else that we never wanted that boy in the first place.

"What?"

"He stays," Petunia said, standing up.

"He … but Petunia …"

"If we throw him out, the neighbors will talk. They'll ask awkward questions, they'll want to know where he's gone. We'll have to keep him." Nothing she said made sense. Her explanation seemed logical, but I knew there was something strange going on.

"But Petunia, dear …" I wanted a chance to talk to her on her own.

"You're to stay in your room. You're not to leave the house. Now get to bed," Petunia said to the boy. Maybe my chance to talk would come much sooner than I expected.

"Who was the Howler from?"

"Don't ask questions."

"Are you in touch with…."

"I told you to get to bed!"

"What did it…."

"Go to bed!"

"How come….?" I had personally had enough to deal with without a whiner teen wiz, er, it.

"YOU HEARD YOUR AUNT, NOW GET TO BED!"

A/n I'll update on 1/03 at the latest.