Part 7. Battle For Bladehenge
(Bladehenge, A couple of days after part 6)
(Eddie's Point Of View)
Well, it's been a few days since we rendered our first sounder of razorfire boars. Following those ancient blueprints, we built our first set of razor bows. They're kinda like that crossbow that Chewbacca the wookiee from 'Star Wars' used.
Right now, we're currently testing them out on a new firing range we set up.
"Ready?" Ophelia signaled raising her hand. The Razor Girls aimed their crossbows. Then Ophelia brought her hand and shouted "FIRE!" The Razor Girls opened up and all hit their targets. Definitely worth the nights I spent test firing those things myself to make sure they worked, were accurate, and best of all didn't blow up in your face. So far so good.
"Ladies…" Lars walked up. "With this demonstration I officially welcome you to Ironheade." Well, Guess it's official, the Razor Girls are now part of our army.
So far we have the Headbangers as our main infantry.
The Thunderhogs as our medics.
And now the Razor Girls as our marksmen, er, markswomen? Markspersons? Well you know what I mean.
"Excellent." One of the razor girls replied. "When do we attack?"
Next thing we knew, we suddenly heard Mangus shout out. "ATTACK!"
We looked to see him running up to us waving his arms. "We're under attack!" He yelled.
We ran up to Mangus as he pointed in the direction of that anvil-shaped mountain off in the distance. "See the warning lights!?"
Sure enough, we saw the beams of the spotlights surrounding that mountain and heard the alarms. We saw more beams of light appear closer and closer.
"What's happening?" I asked Lars.
"General Lionwhyte's army has been spotted on the move, headed in our direction." Lars answered. "They'll be here within a few days."
"What's the plan?"Ophelia asked.
"The plan?" Lars turned to Ophelia and replied. "The plan is victory."
Something tells me we need a better plan than just victory. I'd prefer to set up a good defense. Make this place a hard target.
"Lars, this isn't a fortress." Lita replied. "How can we stand our ground here?" I kinda agree with her, to be honest.
"I could build to something quick." I added. "Trust me, man. We cal put on a hell of a show in a hurry. Bring your best engineers and meet me in the northeast field. I've got a plan."
"Mangus? Are you an engineer?" Lars asked Mangus.
"What's an engineer?" Mangus asked back.
"No idea." Lars answered. "Come with me."
(The northeast field, moments later)
I waited near a bluff overlooking the northeast field just outside of Bladehenge. You know the field with all those weird green geysers.
It wasn't long before I saw Lars, accompanied by Mangus and several of our engineer Headbangers approach from the north entrance.
"I think we'll be victorious." Lars said as he walked up to me.
"This is the direction they'll attack from, you think? I asked, looking out over the field.
"Yes. From there." Lars pointed in the direction of that big old guitar statue.
"Then that's where we'll build our stage." I pointed back at our north entrance.
I looked around the field, looking at all the stuff lying around. Probably artifacts left over from the titans, despite lying there for who knows how many years, they still looked brand new and still work. Talk about quality.
"I think we got enough stuff to put on, possibly, the best rock show ever." I said.
"A show?" Lars asked, looking a bit confused. Can't blame him.
"Hey, man, where I'm from, this guitar makes noises" I unstrapped and showed Lars Clementine. "Here? It blows stuff up."
I continued. "So I can't wait what a full on rock show does."
Yeah, I know right? I mean back home I would've suggested setting up a firebase with trenches, minefields, barbed wire, machine gun nests with overlapping fields of fire, mortar emplacements, some rocket launchers, some howitzers, and a few tanks.
But here, for some reason, I felt that a rock stage, built from the stuff found here in the Brütal Land, can do all that and so much more. Just a feeling. Weird huh?
But yeah, that's what we're going with. Hope it works.
Then I turned my attention to Mangus. "Young man, welcome to the road crew." I patted him on the shoulder. "Get your friends. We got stuff to do."
"Now?" Mangus asked.
"Yes, now!" I answered.
"Right on!" Mangus enthusiastically replied.
(A few days later)
Over the next few days, following my instructions, we built up our megastage based on the design I first used back in Zaphias. Let's just say there was a whole shit-ton of on the job training. Sure kept Kill Master and the Thunderhogs busy.
While we were building, those signal lights kept getting closer and closer.
Occasionally we had to break off from construction to deal with scouting patrols from the Hair Metal Militia. Don't want 'em peeking under the curtain now do we?
Also we had to do a lot of combat training of all our Headbangers, Thunderhogs and Razor Girls to get 'em ready for the upcoming battle.
Finally the build was finished. The curtains and the scaffolding came down revealing my newest megastage. Built from local parts. Can't wait to see what it does, but first thing's first…
Gotta do the pre-show checks.
"Okay, rear floods." I told Mangus to check the rear floods via walkie-talkie.
"Rear floods." Mangus acknowledged. And he engaged the rear floodlights.
The rear floods all lit up, bathing the stage in blinding green light.
"Nice." I grinned. Man those lights are awesome. "Okay side pots." I ordered next.
"Side pots." Mangus raised the stage's side pots, and all of them lit, each shooting out a ball of flame.
"Awesome!" I said. "Okay. Huh? Wait a minute, glowing people?"
"Check. Wait, where's a button for glowing people?" Mangus called, sounding just as confused as I am.
Well, remember those green geysers I drove by back when me and Lars went to free the Headbangers? Well there's now, you guessed it, a whole bunch of glowing people emerging from 'em. Man that's just spooky. Me, along with Ophelia, Lars, Lita, and Mangus approached the nearest geyser. We all just stood there looking at this freaky spectacle until…
"Whoa." Mangus broke the silence.
"By the Titans." Lita said, hand to her chin in amazement. "I've heard stories…"
Then she began to explain. "The titans were said to have summoned a force from deep within the ground with special rituals, chants and music long forgotten. It's been said that they used this force to power their entire civilization."
"They do seem to have an energy about them." Lars said.
I looked at the ghosts, then I looked back at my newly built stage. Then it hit me. "They're fans." I said. "They've come from beyond the grave for the show."
I turned back toward the geyser. "And yes, with the energy of the fans, we can do anything." I theorized, if what Lita said was true.
Whoa, I mean, just whoa. A rock concert powered by ectoplasmic energy. Man this is one crazy world.
Mangus noticed something with those ghost fans. "They look bored." He said.
Just then, as though on cue, a new tab slab emerged in front us. After it finished activating, I took the post-it note what was attached to it.
You guessed it, it's from the Guardian Of Metal:
…What's up, Eddie?…
...Just keeping tabs, so to speak, and how things are going right about now. And I noticed that you were now looking at a now active fan geyser…
...Guess it's high time I sent you up a new tab slab that'll get those spooks on your side…
...It's called the 'Fan Tribute'…
...Win over the fans and build a merch booth at an open fan geyser. Fans will allow you to summon more squads from your stage...
...Have fun…
...Guardian Of Metal…
...P.S. The blueprints for the merch booth should be taped to the back of the slab...
Fan Tribute huh? Well let's give this here solo a go, then. I unstrapped Clementine and played Fan Tribute. Next thing you know their glow went from black to bright green and they started to look very excited.
"Ohhhh." Lars, Lita and Mangus all said as they looked on on awe.
"Yeah!" I said. "They're definitely OUR fans now!" I re-strapped Clementine to my back before continuing. "This is what it's all about, guys; the fans. Be true to 'em and you can never go wrong. The more fans we have, the bigger shows we can put on. All they need from us? Rock 'n' roll."
Then I realized something else. "Oh, and merchandise."
After I got and read the blueprints from the back of the tab slab, I looked at Mangus. "Quick, Mangus. We need to build a merch booth." I ordered. "Fans are gonna want t-shirts, posters, maybe hats."
And that's what we did, we quickly threw together a couple of merch booths over the fan geysers, and decorated it with t-shirts, posters and hats. Once it was done, the fans started flowing up through the booths. Coming out through the exhaust pipes and the custom skull atop the two booths. And finally, flowing straight into the Ormagöden head above the megastage, powering the whole thing up.
"You see, Mangus, band merchandise is like a wedding ring." I explained as we watched the newly built merch booths do their work. "It's a material thing, yes, bit it's also a symbol of a deeper devotion that helps remind you…"
Then I suddenly get interrupted by Lars. "Lionwhyte's men have been seen approaching the field!" He told us.
"What should we do?" Lita added.
Well, time to get to work. We got a bunch of hair metal militia dudes and maybe demon dudes in serious need of a collective ass-kicking.
"Alright, it's show time, folks!" I shouted. "Everyone to your stations!"
I looked at Mangus. "Mangus, get in your booth and fire up the teleporter and I'll call you when it's time to send someone onto the stage."
"Got it." Mangus dashed back to the stage. In moments I heard him on the walkie talkie. "Okay, boss, I'm already in the booth."
"Right, then let's get some Headbangers out here!" I ordered.
"Headbangers coming right up" Mangus acknowledged. Then the rear floods lit up..
…
Now before we continue, I guess I should explain something:
While we were building our stage, I kept getting visited in my dreams at night by a race of tall blue-skinned alien dudes calling themselves the Skolarians. Melissa and Leslie mentioned those dudes as being the reason why they were turning a VW micro bus into a spacecraft capable of going to mars.
They showed me how to build stage teleporters using the parts found throughout the Brütal Land.
I might have mentioned 'em before, but this is the first time I've 'met' 'em. (Back in 'Victory Tour', part 11 if you're wondering, Author).
They told me they knew Oswald and that he asked them to help me with the megastage.
And when I woke up, I remembered their plans perfectly and drew up the blueprints for those teleportation devices.
Pretty weird, huh? Anyhoo let's get back to the story...
"Ah look at the lads." Lars grinned as our first platoon of Headbangers teleported on the stage and then jumped off. "Nothing on their minds but the battle before them."
The Headbangers quickly formed up. Swords, spears and axes at the ready, and shields too. "Ironheade!" One of 'em shouted.
"Awesome. Okay, how about some of Ophelia's Razor Girls?" I ordered.
"On it." Mangus replied.
"Right Get those Razor Girls set up backstage." I ordered.
"Check. Give us a sec." Mangus replied.
"Now we're cookin'." I said to myself.
Just then the stage's rear floods lit up again and the Razor Girls appeared next. Crossbows locked and loaded. They jumped off the stage and formed up next to the Headbangers.
"Alright, girls, make sure those boars did not die in vain." Ophelia told the girls as she readied her own crossbow.
"Looking good, girls!" I gave 'em a thumbs up.
"It's like they're born warriors." Lita said.
Alright, moving on. "Mangus, equip the stage for Thunderhogs." I ordered.
"Thunderhogs, check." Came Mangus's reply. "One Thunderhog coming up." The stage lit up once more, teleporting Kill Master and his ride onto the stage.
"Man this is weird." Kill master said as he started up his trike and rolled of the stage and drove up to us. "I still think we should run more checks on that teleporter."
"Kill Master! I feel better already!" Lars greeted.
"Well I do what I can." Kill Master shrugged.
Might as well get a couple more squads out here. "Mangus, send some Headbangers to the stage right now. And more ladies, armed ladies." I ordered.
"At the same time?" Kill Master said. "Won't they get a bit, well, mixed up?"
Oh right. "Mangus send out the headbangers out first. And once they clear the stage send out the Razor Girls."
"On it." Mangus replied. "Coming your way!" The next group of Headbangers appeared first. And half a minute later the Razor Girls appeared on stage.
"Keep the guns pointed up when you run, girls!" Ophelia ordered the new group.
Before long we got our four teams lined up in front of our stage, with Kill Master in the centre.
Lars looked over out army, arms folded. "Now that is what I call an army!" He declared.
"This is going to be a bloodbath." I added, smacking my fist into my palm.
"Well some sort of bath id definitely in order." A new voice added.
We turned around to see who said that, and we saw this snooty looking long haired dude that looked like he stepped right out of an '80's hair-metal cover. Wait a sec. Doesn't he look like those busts we smashed up in the Crushing Pit a few weeks ago?
"Well well, nice of you to drop by, Lionwhyte." Kill Master replied while flipping the middle finger.
"Deal with you in a moment, Kill Master." Lionwhyte replied. "I'm here to talk to Lars."
"Uh huh…" Kill master leaned back in his seat.
Lionwhyte looked at Lars. "Lars Halford. Why are you poaching my employees?" He asked pointing his microphone crossed with a spiked mace at Lars.
"You're one to talk about poaching." Kill master said.
"Let me deal with him, Kill master." Lars replied. Then he turned his attention back at Lionwhyte. "Your former slaves are revolting, Lionwhyte. Just like your clothes." He pointed back at Lionwhyte.
"Hm. We'll see about that." Lionwhyte sneered.
Just then, right on cue, an army of Hair-Metal Militia appeared on the hill crests behind Lionwhyte.
"The more sophisticated miners, my hairbangers have remained in my employ." Lionwhyte looked at his still loyal miners. All dressed like Van-Halen fans.
"As have the girls, my groupies, who know what's best for them." Lionwhyte looked at the still loyal slave girls. All dressed like, well, groupies. And they were armed with crossbows as well.
"And Kill Master. Even some of your own men, now my glamhogs, have decided that there is profit to be made in those little spiders of yours." Lionwhyte looked at one of the former thunderhog. Mounted on his custom trike.
"Are you done talking?" Lars replied. "I'd like to get this over with."
"Don't worry. This won't take too long." Lionwhyte grinned back. "I know how to handle petty labor disputes." Then, now get this, his hair turned into wings and he took off into the sky, flying into position above his militia.
(BGM, One Shot At Glory by Judas Priest)
I ordered The Headbangers to form up on me to form a 'Mosh-Pit' and we charged into the formation of hairbangers. Stomping, bashing and mashing our way through 'em and leaving a real mess in our wake.
Just as we turned around to rush back to the stage to protect it from another squad, we came under fire from the groupie's crossbows, fortunately they kept missing us quite a bit. Guess they weren't as well trained…
Unlike Ophelia's Razor Girls. Who with one well aimed volley from their crossbows, mowed down half of the Groupies and forced the remaining Groupies go scrambling for cover.
We soon took out the Hairbangers that were attacking the stage and pushed them back across the field.
While both our armies were regrouping for another round, I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my back. "AHH! Oh, m baaack! RRAH!" I yelled in pain as I collapsed to me knees. Fuck! That hurts! Did I get sniped by a groupie!? Man I forgot what that felt like(I've had my share of flesh wounds caused by bullets back in mt U.S.M.C. says).
"Eddie! What is it!?" Ophelia said as she ran towards me to see what 's wrong.
I looked back up at her. "Nothing. I think I got shot in the back." I replied. "Is there something stuck in there? Can you pull it out?"
Ophelia examined my back to check where I was injured. "I think whatever hit you, it's gone." She said. Not to mention the pain was gone too.
So I stood back up. "Ah, don't worry about it then." I said. "I'll feel better after I kill some guys."
Then I heard Mangus on my walkie talkie. "Eddie! More dudes on the way!"
"Which direction are they coming from?" I pressed the button and asked.
Mangus answered. "From the far side of the field. They're coming around that big guitar statue."
"So like eleven o'clock?" I replied as I saw the next wave of Hairbangers and Groupies, and a few of those bouncers, coming around said statue.
"No right now, man! Right now!" Mangus answered.
"Eleven o'clock is a direction, Mangus." I corrected. "See that dial on your soundboard? With the twelve at the top?"
"Ohhhh, so that's what it's for." Mangus replied. "Yeah, man. Bad dudes at eleven o'clock."
I directed our army to attack that new wave. "Ass kickers unite!" I shouted as I charged at 'em as well and began fighting one of the bouncers. Before long he was a pile of bouncer bits.
Almost bought it when the groupies started shooting at me. But they were so busy with me that they didn't notice a group of Headbangers, in mosh-pit formation lead by Lars & Lita approach until it was too late. The groupies didn't last too long.
I immediately got another group of Headbangers to form up om me and we mosh-pitted another Hairbanger squad and the bouncer they were escorting.
Then we heard Mangus shout out. "Incoming uglies. Ten o'clock!"
We saw the third wave approaching. Three bouncers, a platoon of Hairbangers and a squad of Groupies coming from that spiky looking statue.
Before I could reform my army to engage, I was suddenly attacked by Lionwhyte himself! He came down from the sky and floored me with that microphone club of his. Fuck that dude can hit!
"Do you know who you're dealing with?" He asked as I got back on my feet and readied the Separator.
We dueled for a few minutes as the battle continue around us. We couldn't get a good enough of a hit on each other.
"Not bad for an ape." Lionwhyte said as decided he had enough and took off back into the sky.
I turned my attention towards a bouncer and a few Hairbangers that were trying to trash my merch booth. I took out the Hairbangers with a 'Facemelter' solo, then I fought and defeated the bouncer.
We just about mopped up this wave when…
"I see somebody!" Mangus called out. "Not friends! Not friends! Twelve o'clock!" Three platoons of Hairbangers, half a platoon of Groupies and at least five bouncers.
By this point, we were down to about half our starting strength. Kill Master was healing as many headbangers and razor girls as he could. And I was ordering Mangus to call up our reserve groups.
"We need to buy some time before the stage charges up, Eddie!" Mangus called back. "I don't think we'll be in time!"
"Set the stage effects to 'defense mode'." I called back as I got up on the stage. "I'll handle the rest." I plugged in Clementine.
"Got it! Defense mode ready!" Mangus said. "Speakers are locked on! Take it away, Eddie!"
I looked out on the field at the approaching group and played the Facemelter solo, wiping out half the hairbangers and groupies.
The bouncers weren't effected, however. Then I played the Call Of The Wild solo and summoned a sounder of razorfire boars, who peeled off the stage and charged full tilt into that group, mowing down all but the bouncers, who scattered the boars before resuming their attack.
That's when I told Mangus to hit the floods, blinding the bouncers and activate the side pots. The pots rise up revealing themselves to be the barrels of some custom- made flame-thrower turrets, courtesy of Jack. Well let's just say they roasted the bouncers, reducing them to carbonized statues that crumbled into piles of ash.
By then, our reinforcements(two platoons of Headbangers, two squads of Razor Girls, and an extra thunderhog) teleported up on stage just in time for…
"Got some mean looking dudes headed for us, man!" Mangus called out. "Three o'clock!"
We immediately formed up and engaged the next wave of the Hair Metal Militia.
I teamed up with Kill Master and we drove into the attacking groupie squad. Floored 'em with a shock chord using Kill Master's bass guitar and his trike's speakers.
Lita and Ophelia led a couple of mosh pits at the hairbangers while I shock chorded a couple of bouncers. Had to get off the bike to finish 'em off.
Lars and Lionwhyte traded blows until Lionwhyte flew off when Lars started gaining the advantage. What a chicken. BWAK BAWK BAWK BAWK BAAAWWWK!
I took out a few more hairbangers using both the Separator and Clementine. And maybe a few of those cool combat moves.
Just as the remaining Militia were running away…
"Oh jeez, this looks bad!" Mangus called out. "I see a lotta dudes, Eddie! Twelve o' clock!"
Oh man that has to be the biggest group yet. At least six platoons of Hairbangers, two platoon of Groupies, and two platoon of bouncers!
"Mangus, get as many of our crew out here as possible! I called back to Mangus. "Kill Master, I need a lift back to the stage." I hopped aboard his trike. "How do you feel about performing a duet?" I asked as we approached the stage.
"A duet?" Kill Master replied once we came to a stop at the stairs leading up to the stage. "Nothing personal, Eddie but last time I checked, you don't look like a razor girl."
"Well, you don't exactly look like my type either." I replied as I plugged in both Clementine and Kill Master's bass guitar to the stage. "Besides I said 'duet', not 'date'. We're gonna use our musical skills and this here stage to wreck that attack coming at us."
"Oh, why didn't you say so." Kill Master strapped on his bass guitar. "I always wondered what I could do with those speakers. Might actually live up to my nickname this time. Want me to shake the earth?"
"Mangus, are those speakers locked on?" I called Mangus.
"Locked on, Eddie and in range!" Mangus replied. "This I gotta hear."
I took the microphone. "Lars, Lita, Ophelia! Make sure everyone's outta the way! I wanna make sure were hitting Hair Metal, not Ironheade!"
"Understood!" Lars replied and our Ironheade soldiers moved to the sides of the megastage making sure they weren't in the way of our mega-speakers. "All clear, Edward!"
"Okay, Kill Master, SHOWTIME!" I said.
Kill Master performed an earthshaker solo. WHOA! I knew his own version of the earthshaker was powerful, even more than mine before I had the strings upgraded. But through those speakers…
Holy fuck! That was the loudest…
*BOOM*
I ever heard! My ears were ringing!
The ground in front of the stage was violently shaking, buckling, and rippling in twenty foot waves of earth and rock. Radiating out in a ninety degree arc and going out for several miles. It was making that guitar statue out there pitch and roll like a ship in a storm.
And that was nothing compared to what it was doing to that wave of Hair-Metal Militia dudes. They were being tossed and flipped around like jacks or tiddly-winks! And I can see that a lot of 'em was throwing up their lunches from all that tossing. Even the bouncers.
"Well that certainly shook those bastards up." Kill Master commented on his stage enhanced handiwork. "Hey, Eddie, let's see how those new strings perform on stage."
"Huh? Oh yeah sure." I replied. I was still fucking awestruck at what Kill Master did, But I guess it's now…
"MY TURN!" I started off with the shocker solo. Thanks to the megastage I ended up summoning a full on lightning storm. Dozens of lightning bolts raked the field in front of the stage, and shocked up a third of that attacking wave.
"Hey! Watch where you're shooting those things, you idiot!" Lionwhyte shouted as he dodged the lightning bolts until…
"GYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA YEEYEEYEEYEE WAWAWAWAWAWA!" He got struck by one of em. I didn't know he had a skeleton. He ended up falling to the ground.
"Gotcha! Now where was I?" Then I followed up with the pyro solo, it was raining fireball down on that group. Burning another third of 'em into ash.
The reaming third…?
"Fuck this! I'm outta here!"
"RUN AWAAAYYY! RUN AWAAAYYY!"
"MOMMY!"
Yeah, they turned tail and ran for the hills. And I was hoping to try out the shock-bomb solo on 'em too. Oh well, "CALL OF THE WILD WAS MY FAVORITE BOOK!" I played 'Call Of The Wild' and sent a stampede of raptor elk after 'em.
"Whoa, Good thing we stayed out of the way." Lita said as the raptor elk herd thundered over the hills and out of sight.
"Ugh, What is that smell? Is that burning hair?" Lionwhyte said as he watched his last wave run away like a buncha chickens. "GAAAH! IT'S MY HAIR!" He realized it was his own hair that was burning off his head. Took him a while for him and that glamhog to eventually put it out.
"Oh enough! I never liked this town anyway." He said as the glamhog healed him.
Then he looked at Lars as he approached. "I don't know what's gotten into you, Lars, but I know one thing. You'll regret what you started here."
Lars glared back at Lionwhyte, hand on Battle Cry's hilt ready to draw.
"Humph!" Lionwhyte stuck his nose in the air, hopped onto the glamhog's trike and they rode off back to his Pleasure tower.
Everyone started cheering as Lionwhyte rode outta sight. Well I guess it's safe to say that our battle ended in a…
***BRÜTAL VICTORY***
Lars turned around to look at us. "For too long we have lived in pits, waiting for good fortune to trickle down to us. But our days of waiting are over. We will not sit here and let Lionwhyte decide what happens next. We will gather up this great army…"
He raised his fist in the air.
"And take it on the road!" Lars declared. "We will march on Lionwhyte and free every man, woman and child in that city. And then we will bring it crashing to the ground!"
We all cheered enthusiastically at his speech.
Looks like I'll be a bit busy in the coming days as we get Ironheade ready to march on the Pleasure Tower to free everyone still enslaved up there…
And liberate the brewing stills for the mead. Still wanted to have me a big ol' flagon of mead.
End part 7
Author's Notes:
Well after a year or so of radio silence I finally got this chapter finished. Sorry 'bout the delay.
For this chapter, I thought I'd give the megastage a bigger role in the battle than just being a staging area for troops. As well as give my explanation on hoe it works.
Look for a reference to 'Zak McKracken And The Alien Mindbenders' In this chapter.
Next chapter, The Tour Of Destruction begins.