I don't know any other way to say this other than life sucks. More and more of my family is dead and there's nothing I can do about it. For the past six months I've just been going through the motions, I haven't really felt anything. But the motions gave me a kind of peace. The knowledge the life goes on, that I can survive, and survive well. If well is what you would call going to school and coming home alone day after day, night after night.
LIFE SUCKS!
Don't let anyone tell you other wise. Because the ones that say 'it ain't so bad.' And 'you'll pull through'. They're just full of shit. They don't even believe it. Not really. Not if they were at the same places you were and felt the same things you did and loved the same people you did; to only have them pulled away so violently that you can't hear your self think anymore without the voices of your beloved dead family slip into your head and talk to you as they did when they were alive.
LIFE SUCKS!
Of course just when you thought that you were doing ok, that you were starting to pick up the pieces of a life shattered by tragedy Life, or the ruler of it, decides to step in again and take the few people you have allowed back into your heart. And then you're expected to pick up the pieces again and move on again, because you are a soldier and that's what soldiers do. At least you think that's what soldiers do. You don't really know because you're not actually a soldier that just what all the nice people at the hospital and the police office say. "That's a good little soldier" or my favorite "Such a little trooper." You start to believe them after a while because that's all you can do. And all the time inside you are aching and hollow. You know that part of it is the grief but you know there is something more, something that everyone else has and you don't. Something important. Not family and friends important because there are others that don't have anyone either. No, this thing that you are missing is something that every human should have a soul.
LIFE SUCKS!
Of course, the thought comes to you one night while you're alone in bed and it hits you over the head like a frying pan and you think you're crazy; that there's no way that you could be without a soul. That no one could exist with out a soul, and you debate this so many times that you finally decide that it's true you don't have a soul. Though you don't know what a soul really is or how to get one and some days you think you're truly crazy and this whole soul thing is just the ideas of a crazy woman. And just when you're about to give up entirely your world comes crashing on top of you.
LIFE SUCKS!
One night while you sleep peacefully, which hasn't happened in ages, you have visions of a life that's not yours, of a duty that's not yours, of a love that's not yours; but you want it. You want it more than anything else in the world, and you feel whole. Even though you're still alone and life still sucks. You feel whole. You cherish these dreams and you savor this feeling and just when you think that this is how life is suppose to be a strange woman shows up and tells you that these dreams are actually memories of a soul. A soul of a protector and that I have to protect that soul for all eternity or until its true master returns to this plane of existence.
LIFE SUCKS!
And as you stare up into those beautiful eyes that are surrounded by such beautiful dark green hair you won't understand anything that she is saying because it is so foreign and strange that you can't even begin to rap your mind around it. But she is beautiful, and you will follow her anywhere because what else can you do.
Hello my name is Kino, just Kino. I am a Soulless. I am a fail safe in the cosmos. In case a senshi dies before her mission can be completed her soul leaves her body and finds the Soulless that had a similar life of its previous master. Thus a Soulless must undertake all the same hardships and blessings as that of a Sailor Senshi, of course we don't know of each other and we spend most of our life alone and die. It is rare that a Soulless is ever used, but we are here anyways. Just in case.
LIFE SUCKS!
My life span is longer now, but I'm still alone. I still dream of the life this soul once had and I morn for people I did not know and I love people I have never seen. That is why I am searching for the others. There must be others. Other Soulless that haven't been filled yet, or maybe some of them have, I do not know. But I will find them, I have to, I don't want to be alone anymore.
Sincerely,
Kino
Jupiter Soulless