Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. I make no money from writing this.
A/N There is a warning with this scene, but it's not unexpected.
Lost Chapter 15
Her horse was a sweetheart. Frank had gone to some trouble to pick her out of the three most likely new mounts, and he had gradually come to realise that the pretty black filly would be Lilian's horse. She called her Edie, though Lilian would not tell him exactly why – but her eyes had twinkled when she had told him the name. Some old memory she would tell him about some day.
The horse was placid, amenable and steady, and Hidalgo seemed to take to her, look after her even, so Edie was given a new saddle and bridle, and Frank did his best to cure Lil of a few bad riding habits she had acquired. At least she looked more relaxed than she had on her previous horse, but she was never going to be a natural horsewoman.
"I don't think like a horse," she said crossly, jumping down one afternoon after an hour's ride.
"You sayin' I do?" Frank said, sitting easily on Hidalgo's back.
"Well – I guess you're just a bit cleverer than a horse. And I trust you. So maybe you don't exactly think like one. But you sure do understand them."
Frank patted Hidalgo's neck and the horse shook his head in appreciation. "He understands me, at least." He climbed down and went to stand in front of his horse. He had something awkward to say, and he felt easier standing there, where he didn't have to look Lilian in the eye. He was glad that, for once, there was no one else around.
"Lilian?" He cleared his throat. "Lilian? I was wonderin'…"
She took Edie's leading rein and came to stand next to him. "You were wonderin' what?"
"Whether you wanted to ride out this evenin', take a look at the house. I've been workin' on it but I need your say-so now, before I do any more."
"This evenin'? Wouldn't it be – well, better to go tomorrow morning?" She was looking at him curiously, he could see that out of the corner of his eye, but he was studying a knot in Hidalgo's forelock, then carding the hair through his fingers to remove it.
"It's warm now. The stars, you know, night time. Stars. I want to – I want you to …" He stopped, helpless in the face of what he had been trying for three days to get up the nerve to say. He couldn't believe it could be this difficult. He'd done the difficult stuff, the proposal, the finding out when a preacher would be in those parts. And he was no novice, though he felt like one as he tried to say the words. But the waiting. He found he was not able to do the waiting any more.
He felt her come stand close to him. "I'll think on it, Frank, if it's all right with you. We have another three months, if we stay here and just wait. It's a long time. And we said the words in front of the family. I feel like time's wasting, same as you. But I'll think on it."
He nodded. She would come up with the right answer, and whatever she said he would live with, as best he could. She might say yes. He hoped she'd say yes.
At five that evening, having finished all his chores, he was waiting with Hidalgo and Edie. She had given him her saddlebags about an hour before, and hadn't had to say yes after all. He had put his own saddlebags on Hidalgo, plus something wrapped in an oilskin that he was keeping quiet about.
She came out of the house, hugged Mrs. Watson and then stood, smiling shyly at him. She was dressed in clothes he'd not seen before, deep blue riding skirt, white blouse, and a short, tan leather jacket.
"Darlin', you look like a spring sky," he said, tipping back his hat.
She might, before that evening, have teased him for the compliment. But she ran down into his arms and hugged him tight. He picked her up, swung her round once, making her shout out with the speed and the fun of it, then up onto Edie's back. Edie stood there as calmly as if humans playing around her was entirely natural. She hardly even twitched her ears.
"Frank!" Lilian complained, trying to re-settle herself in the saddle.
"Ma'am?" he replied, coming to stand by her foot. "Get your foot in that stirrup real solid now. How many times I gotta tell you?"
She shoved her foot forward. "Stirrups are too short. You said I always had them too long and now they're too short."
He put his hand on her ankle. "Better put that right then, hadn't I."
Between the two of them teasing each other, and Hidalgo playing up because he seemed to know a good deal more about the situation than Frank thought he knew, it was a good ten minutes before they we ready. And then again, the delay might have been a reluctance on his part, or hers, to take the final step. They were going to be a family, and that would begin tonight. There would be no turning back from that, no walking out the next morning with a payment to finish the matter. He was prepared but still scared and when he kneed Hidalgo into a trot, he kept checking that she was with him, taking the steps with him, his companion in all his future life.
She was there. She was close and she was smiling, smiling at him now. They rode into the sunset, leaving all others behind them. The sky was a calm wash of yellows and blues, cloudless, and the horizon line was a sharp cut through the sun as it sank. The pasque flowers, flowers of the prairie and of Passiontide, bloomed all round them. They reached the new house just as the sun was consumed by the earth. It was very quiet and still.
Frank saw to the horses, giving Hidalgo and Edie his time, and letting Lil settle in. When he returned to her, she was standing in the doorway, leaning, her feet bare, her hair down, her jacket gone. Over his arm, he was carrying his gift to her and as he came closer, he shook it out and held it for her to see.
"I brought you this," he said quietly. "I wish I could say it was my mother's, but I don't have anythin' from her, 'cept my life. But my father married Ma this way." He took the blanket he was holding and put it round Lil's shoulders, drawing it round her. He knew what it meant. He knew she knew, too – that telling her about his mother, as he had already done, had been the right thing to do.
"Never thought," she said hesitantly, then cleared her throat. "Never thought to let another man take care of me this way. Maybe I thought no man would." She stood, held by the blanket, by him, as the light and colours faded away and the stars began to appear.
"I got the fire going, Frank, and there's food and a place to sit by the fire."
But he would not let her go, not for another few moments. "I thee wed, Lilian," he said.
"Me too," she replied and pulled a face. "That didn't come out quite right. Till death, Frank."
He nodded and let her go inside, where the fire was warm and the bed was soft.
In the deep blackness of the night, Frank woke. The dream he'd had for so many weeks had returned, leaving him shaken. This time, she was there. She didn't make everything better but she sure helped.
In the first light of morning, he woke to find her staring at him, her eyes full of tears. He reached to brush them away.
"You all right?" he asked, momentarily worried that he had hurt her somehow.
She nodded. "We don't have to go back just yet, do we?"
"Go back? No, they won't be expecting me back for a while yet. You can stay here, long as you like. This is your home now."
She looked up at the ceiling. "I'll have to throw out some spiders first."
"And put up them blue curtains."
"And cook you a fancy meal for when you come home again."
"Yes."
"Frank?"
"Yeah?"
"Can't do that. I'll have to come back to the house for some provisions."
"Oh. Didn't think of that. I can bring some things back tonight," he offered, sitting up and taking the warm covering of blankets with him.
She protested and he smiled, lying back down next to her. It was warm and safe, being together like that. He had not felt such utter contentment for longer than he could remember.
"No – no. I want to stay with you today, Frank. Tomorrow, I'll start being here. Today, we stay together."
"Whatever you want, honey. Now, you just settle down here and we'll wait till it's lighter, all right?"
She turned to him. "All right." She stretched. "Don't think I feel sleepy, though."
He grinned. "You don't?"
"Nope."
They didn't sleep any more.
It was full day before they were up and ready to face other people again. She was wearing her sky blue skirt and he helped her onto Edie's back. They would come back in a wagon.
He chased her back across the countryside, the horizon close, the buildings of Mr. Watson's spread approaching rapidly. She was whooping with joy and when Edie fell, her foot caught in a hole, she was silent very abruptly. One minute there, the next, lying on the ground face down, utterly silent and still. Her arm was stretched out, as if reaching for him. Edie was hobbling away, then was stilled by reins trailing on the ground. She stood, shivering with the pain and shock of her broken leg.
Frank jumped from Hidalgo's back and ran to Lilian. As he kneeled by her, and then heard men from the ranch come to stand silently, he could not grasp what had happened. He thought, if he wished hard enough, she would sit up and be with him again. If he could go back, if he could make her go slowly, if he could have remembered to tell her enough times to be careful, and sit her horse properly. The horse he had chosen for her.
He put the horse out of her misery himself. He supervised others while they took Lilian's body back to the ranch. He was not truly there, not while the doctor was called, nor while Mrs. Watson gave him coffee then sat with him. He was not there. He was lost.