Title: Illusion Versus Reality

Author: Isabelle Ashe

Rating: PG

Category: Daniel/Janet, episode fix-it

Spoilers: Chimera (episode tag)

Summary: Fixing Chimera, at least in one respect

Disclaimer: not mine

Archive: well, if you really want it, knock yourself out!

Author's Notes: "Chimera" is still one of my all-time least-favorite episodes (if anyone cares why, I have a list, but I won't bore you with it now). Right after it aired, in a fit of depressed fury, I dashed off a very angsty little ditty called "Discarded" (archived here).Meg and Michelle then helped me to see more hopeful possibilities in "Chimera," and although I continue to dislike it heartily (and for many reasons other than the infirmary hug, which was the cause of my initial outrage), I really thought very little about it for a long time. For whatever reason, months later, I found myself re-reading "Discarded" and wanting to write a fix-it of sorts for not only the episode but for my previous fic. This one will make a lot more sense if you've read "Discarded." Oh, and this one's pretty darned sappy and not at all the best thing I've ever written… ;)

chimera: an illusion or fabrication of the mind; esp. an unrealizable dream

Janet was exhausted and depressed as she pulled in front of her house, much too late. The house was dark, and she immediately regretted that her little pity party with the Colonel had prevented her from getting home before Cassie went to bed. No matter how much her own life might feel like it was unraveling at the edges this week, she needed to be there for her daughter.

Janet sighed heavily as she climbed out of her car and walked toward the door. Compared to some days, the workload today hadn't been unbearable. Sam's boyfriend's injury turned out to be far less serious than it had originally looked, and although she had been the physician overseeing the removal of Osiris from Sarah, the Tok'ra had done all the work.

Emotionally, however, the day had taken its toll. Janet had become quite adept at keeping her emotions under wraps most of the time, but if there was one person who threatened the walls she maintained, it was Daniel. After several months of building what she hoped was a promising relationship—romantic dates, passionate kisses stolen behind locked office doors, amazing lovemaking—he suddenly shut himself off from her. As it turned out, he was dreaming of Sarah.

All afternoon, she tried to celebrate the fact that they had saved the host while killing the Goa'uld. She was deeply disturbed when she couldn't conjure any kind of heartfelt joy. This woman is free from her slavery; she is alive; even if Daniel marries her next week and never speaks to you again, you should be glad she was saved. The arguments weren't really working, and she cursed her emotions for getting the better of her.

As soon as she had gotten off duty, she desperately wanted to go home. First, however, she had gone to check on Sarah once more and hopefully speak to Daniel alone. She wasn't sure what to say to him, but she knew they needed to talk—or at least she needed to talk to him, and she hoped he felt the same way.

She had made it halfway through the door to Sarah's room when she was frozen in her tracks by what she saw. Sarah was awake, and Daniel was holding her in a long embrace. Janet's stomach lurched painfully, and tears stung behind her eyes. She had backed out of the room, grabbed her things from her office, and left, trying everything she could think of to shut the scene out of her mind.

She had ended up at a bar near the mountain, and somehow she wasn't surprised to be joined by Jack O'Neill. Focusing on Sam and Jack had helped to diffuse her own situation a little bit, but confronted with her dark, quiet house, the painful image of Daniel holding Sarah came back to her. A few weeks ago, she and Daniel started to discuss the possibility of him moving in with her. She shook her head ruefully as she considered the unlikelihood of that possibility now.

She flipped on the hall light and checked the notepad where she and Cassie left notes to one another. "Hi Mom," she read, "Sorry you're late. I hope everything's okay. I went to bed, but I'll see you in the morning. By the way, there's something on the back porch that you should check on before you go to bed. Love you, C." Janet frowned. Something on the back porch? She was exhausted and wanted to go to bed, but suspecting this was Cassie's understated way of telling her about some domestic disaster, she crossed the house cautiously and stepped out onto the porch.

The dog came running, and as she stood up from petting him, she gasped in surprise. Daniel was sitting on the porch swing in the dark.

"Hi," he said softly. "I was getting worried. Lt. Graham said you left the mountain hours ago."

"I—what are you doing here?"

"I thought we should talk. I've been an ass this week, and I wanted to apologize." He paused. "And I miss you."

Janet wasn't sure what to say to him. She walked to the porch rail and gripped it as she stared out into the backyard. "What about Dr. Gardner?" she finally asked, not being able to bring herself to call Sarah by her first name.

Although she couldn't see Daniel's face, she could almost feel the confused frown that crossed his face. "Uh, she's still in the infirmary. She should be fine."

"I'm surprised you didn't stay with her," replied Janet, her voice more bitter than she meant it to be. This conversation wasn't going well, she decided.

She heard Daniel get up from the swing and cross the porch to stand behind her. He laid both hands on her shoulders, and Janet stiffened involuntarily. Daniel sighed but didn't move his hands. "Janet," he began slowly, "I'm so sorry. I've gotten so wrapped up in these dreams and this whole Sarah thing this week that I have been shamefully neglecting the other aspects of my life, including the most important person in my life—you. I love you, Janet. I want to be with you more than anything. Can you please believe that?"

Janet wanted to believe him, to take him back with open arms, and she was beginning to suspect that she had been foolish to despair of his love. Yet she still couldn't shake the image of the hug she saw in the infirmary. "I saw you holding her, Daniel." Her voice was deceptively calm; she was glad that it wasn't accusatory.

"I suspected as much when I found out you had left." His fingers absently traced patterns on her bare upper arms. "Sarah woke up and was upset. I wanted her to know she was safe. On top of the way I've been behaving this week, I can see how you would be hurt by seeing that. But if it's any consolation, these dreams about my relationship with Sarah have only made me remember why she and I were so unhappy together—and at the same time they have reminded me how happy and healthy I have been with you. Would you please forgive me, Janet?"

Janet turned around slowly and looked up at him sheepishly. He looked adorably penitent, and she was quickly reminded why she could never stay angry with him. "If you'll forgive me for being an ass myself and doubting you. I've always been a little intimidated by the thought of Sarah, and then to have her safe and sound in my infirmary—well, I guess I let my imagination go a little wild. I was all convinced you were going to marry her and never speak to me again."

Daniel managed to look completely dumbfounded. Janet blushed with embarrassment and hid her face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tightly to him. "Promise me that we'll never have this kind of communication problem again?"

She giggled in response. "I certainly hope not. Although we both seem to be just self-destructive enough that I will make no absolute promises." She looked up at him and became more serious. "But I do want us always to talk to each other before we go jumping to any wild conclusions."

"That's a deal," Daniel replied as he leaned in to kiss her softly. Pulling back a long moment later, he looked at her quizzically. "You taste like vodka. Did you go drinking after you left work?"

"Uh, I wouldn't exactly call it 'going drinking.' But, yeah, the Colonel and I had a couple of drinks."

"You went drinking with Jack!"

Janet felt the blush rising again. "Bit of a pity party, actually," she admitted.

Daniel nodded thoughtfully. "Unfortunately, it may have been warranted in Jack's case. You, however," he continued, a wicked gleam coming to his eyes, "should have no reason at all to feel sorry for yourself because presently I intend to make you the most well-loved woman on the planet."

Janet couldn't suppress a slight squeal of surprise as he reached down and scooped her up in his arms and carried her into the house. "I love you, Daniel Jackson," she said with a satisfied giggle as he kicked the bedroom door closed behind them.

The End