Chapter 4
The Bachelor Party
"C'mon, Stoppable, this is going to be your last night of freedom, and I wouldn't be doing my job as Best Man if I didn't throw you a Bachelor Party." Drakken said, tugging on Ron's arm, he was trying to get Ron up from the sofa he was sitting on,
"Do I have to?" Ron asked, trying to use Kim's puppy dog pout, to no effect,
"Yes, you have to," Monkey Fist said, now pushing Ron off the sofa with his feet, "We're all going to be there, and besides, what good is a Bachelor Party without the guest of honor?"
"Just one dance?" Ron asked,
"I think not, laddie," Duff Killigan said, now standing in the doorway, "I got a limo waiting outside, and it's off to the hotel with ye, and to the best Bachelor Party I've ever seen."
"Oh, great, I'm gonna show up at my own wedding with a hangover." Ron grumbled as he walked to the waiting limousine, and to the party.
On the way to the Bachelor Party, Drakken, Monkey Fist, and Duff, had put a few shots of whiskey down Ron's throat, making him a little buzzed, but the fun would really start when they arrived at the hotel, and into the room, the three attendants rented for the party,
"In ye go, laddie." Duff said, pushing Ron in the back, and into the room, the party was in full force, people were drinking as though it was the last night on earth, and several were already so drunk, they were passed out in several places in the huge suite,
"Oh, this is great." Ron said, looking around, and heading straight for the bar,
"For a man who didn't want to come to his own Bachelor Party, he's having a lot of fun." Drakken said, looking at Ron, who was now downing his ninth shot of Southern Comfort,
"And he's drinking that rotgut Southern Comfort again. Someone get that bottle away from him." Monkey Fist said, but before either of the three men could move, someone had beat them to it, a tall, slender man, with brown, and blond hair,
"Who is that?" Killigan asked,
"Dunno, but Ron seems to know him." Drakken said, watching the two men talk, then, without warning, Ron lunged at the man sitting next to him,
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU, MANKEY!?" Ron shouted, loud enough for the whole room to hear,
"Uh-oh." Monkey Fist said, making a beeline for Ron, while Drakken, and Duff went for Josh Mankey, the source of the trouble,
"And just what is going on between you two?" Monkey Fist said, keeping a strong hold on Ron's shirt collar,
"That no good little liar is after Kim, again?!" Ron fumed, his buzz from earlier, gone, and his hands balled into fists,
"I didn't say that." Josh said, trying to act innocent, a feat at which he was failing miserably,
"I don't believe ye, laddie." Duff said, pinning Josh's arms to his sides,
"Me either." Drakken replied, locking Josh into a half-nelson,
"Nor do I." Monkey Fist chimed in, maintaining a firm grip on Ron's collar,
"It's true." Josh lied,
"What did he say, Ron?" Drakken asked,
"He told me that he was going to get Kim when I wasn't around." Ron said, his face turning redder than a sunburned lobster,
"That's not kosher," Drakken said, now releasing Josh from the half-nelson he had him in, "to say that about another man's woman, you're lucky to still be breathing, whoever you are."
"Josh Mankey." Josh replied,
"Hmm, let me consult the list." Monkey Fist said, pulling out a piece of paper from the inside pocket of his blazer,
"Mankey . . . Mankey," he said, a finger sliding down the paper, "not on the list, Mr. Killigan, Mr. Lipsky, if you would kindly do the honors."
Drakken, and Duff hoisted Josh high into the air, and walked to the door, when they arrived at the door, Monkey Fist opened it, and Drakken, and Duff threw him out of the door, and into the hallway,
"And don't come back!" Drakken shouted, as Josh scampered down the hall, when the three men turned around, they saw Ron walking to the door,
"What's up?" Drakken asked,
"That's not going to stop him, the only thing that will, is a major attitude adjustment." Ron said, pounding his fist into his open left hand,
"What are you saying?" Monkey Fist asked,
"That he'd try to rape Kim because we threw him out of your Bachelor Party?" Drakken added,
"That's exactly what I'm saying." Ron replied, the three men's faces dropped,
"Are ye daft, man," Duff said, jerking the other men around him to his eye level, "if any man tried that on Kim Possible, they got a death wish, she'd kill 'em before they could even get within a few feet of her."
"If Shego doesn't get them first, Kim's bridal shower is tonight, remember." Drakken said,
"Yeah," Ron said, "but, suddenly, I don't feel in the mood for partying, I'm in the mood to kick some backside."
"Who's?" Drakken asked, a scared look coming across his face,
"Mankey." Ron said,
"And end up in jail two nights before your wedding?" Monkey Fist said, "Kim would come down to the jail, bail you out, and then proceed to kick first, your backside, then mine, then Drakken, then Killigan, you for doing it, and the three of us for letting you."
"And I, for one, get enough grief from Shego, I don't need that from Kim as well, so think about it, Stoppable." Drakken said, a hint of fear in his voice,
"As long as Shego's there, I guess I'm all right." Ron said, then, turning to the bar, he began to go on another binge,
"Hey," Drakken said, walking up to Ron, pulling out a bottle of Cognac from a bag he had placed into a small icebox, "wrap your lips around this."
"What is it?" Ron asked, as he watched Drakken pour four glasses of the dark liquid,
"Cognac, only the best." Drakken said, handing one glass to Monkey Fist, one to Duff, and one to Ron, while he held onto the last,
"A toast," Drakken said, hoisting his glass, "to the groom, who goes to his death in two days, may his last days as a free man be nothing but blurred."
"Here, here." Monkey Fist said, stifling a laugh as he followed Drakken's lead,
"To the groom." Killigan said,
"To me." Ron said, as the four men let their glasses touch, then, in one motion the four drank at the same time,
"What's the vintage on this, Drakken?" Monkey Fist asked, looking at the blue-skinned, evil madman,
"I believe it's 1783," Drakken said, looking at the bottle, "oops, I'm wrong, it's 1873." Drakken said, a slight slur in his voice,
"Lightweight." Monkey Fist muttered, so that only Ron could hear him.
The party lasted until the early hours of the morning, when Killigan, Drakken, and Monkey Fist loaded Ron back into the limo, for the ride home,
"That was shomefing wasn't it?" Drakken slurred,
"I still say you're a lightweight when it comes to holding your liquor, Drakken." Monkey Fist said, he, and Duff were the only ones that appeared as though they were not drunk, Ron had passed out as soon as he was helped into the limo.
Ron woke up the next morning with a headache so bad, he thought his head was going to explode, and with no memory of what had happened last night, as he went into the bathroom he grabbed for the aspirin, and a razor, today, he was going to get rid of the fuzz that had sprouted across his face.
Luckily for Ron, the only thing that needed to be done, was to take his attendants to the rental store, so they could get fitted for their tuxedos, once inside the store, Drakken was the first,
"He's going to be the Best Man, so I want him to look different from the other attendants." Ron said to the tailor,
"No problem, Mr. Stoppable, how do you want him dressed?" the tailor asked,
"I would like him to be dressed with pants that match the groomsmen, and a jacket that matches me." Ron replied,
"And what color will you be wearing, Mr. Stoppable?" the tailor asked,
"Silver grey. The groomsmen will be wearing black, with green ties, and cummerbunds."
"I can put him into a white jacket, but not silver grey." the tailor said,
"That's doable." Ron said, nodding his head, then Drakken stood on the stool, to have his measurements taken, once he was finished, it was Monkey Fists turn, then Duff, who flat out refused to be sized for pants,
"I'd rather wear me kilt, if ye don't mind, Ron." Duff said,
"I kind of thought that's what you'd want, so I came prepared." Ron said, throwing Duff a brand-new kilt, in his family colors,
"A new kilt, thank ye, me boyo." Duff said, smiling at Ron,
"No big." Ron said.
Meanwhile, at a nearby bridal boutique:
Kim was walking through the boutique, looking for the perfect dress, when Shego brought up a question,
"What color will the attendants be wearing?" she asked,
"Green." Kim said simply,
"Cool, 'cause I just found three dresses that would fit all of us in the party." Shego said, pulling out three identical green dresses,
"Did you take a look at the price tag on these. They cost a fortune." Kim said, looking at the tags, her mouth dropping to the floor,
"Don't worry about it. It's all on me." Shego said, pulling out a large wad of hundred dollar bills,
"Where did you get those?" Kim asked,
"Liberated them from my bank account. You didn't think I'd live on what Drakken pays me, did you?" Shego said, but before she could go any further, the familiar beeps of the Kimmunicator sounded Wade's need to talk with Kim,
"What up, Wade?" Kim asked, looking at the face of the rotund African-American
boy,
"You're not going to believe this, Kim, but Josh Mankey was thrown out of a room at the Middleton Towers last night by Drakken, and Duff Killigan." Wade said,
"Ron's Bachelor Party," Shego said, laughing, "Drakken, and Monkey Fist went in half for the Presidential Suite, just for the sole purpose of getting Ron so drunk, he wouldn't remember what happened that night."
"Oh, great, Ron with a hangover at the altar, just what I needed." Kim said, frowning slightly,
"Yeah," Wade said, letting Kim know that he was still there, "apparently, a few threats were made to Ron, from Mankey, and Ron nearly choked him out, right there in the room."
"Served him right," Kim said, "what did he say this time?"
"Something about getting you when you were alone." Wade said,
"Information we didn't need to hear, nerdlinger." Shego said, looking at Wade, who now had a huge frown on his face.