Yeah, that last chapter was kinda pointless. But the good chapters outweigh the pointless ones? Right? Right? *sniffs* You're not saying anything! *bawls* Thanx to the ppls I pinched the elf names off. You know who you are, you special special people! Follow that Muse! She stole my wallet! She got me up at one o'clock in the freaking morning, and that's the gratitude I get? Honestly. Oh, and did you spot the movie quote in the last chapter? Also, warnings of references to bi-sexuality.
Virginia ran in, started to go to her desk, then did a double take as she saw who was teaching the class. "Lupin?! Yeah!" She ran up to him and gave him a fierce hug. "Welcome back!" She sniffed happily. "You know, I really like the way you smell."

"Ah, that's great Ginny. Shouldn't you go sit down?" Remus told her kindly as he patted her back, quietly overjoyed at the reception he was getting. Some people just really didn't care, and Ginny Weasley was one of them.

Virginia stepped back and beamed happily. "You know, I hoped you would come back. All that stuff about you being dangerous, total complete and utter f***ing bulls***."

"Ginny, mind the language. Though thank you for the sentiments."

"I've been hanging around Draco, that's my trouble." Virginia told him cheerfully. Remus's smile wavered.

"Draco. . .Malfoy?"

"Yeah, we're sort of a thing. The hickies, in case you're wondering, are his doing. He just, argh!" Virginia made a frustrated sound. Remus held onto his smile by the skin of his sanity. "Ne'er mind me, how have you been?"

"All right. Dumbledore made sure I didn't starve." Remus's mouth twitched bitterly. "I think I'd better get on with this class. Go and sit down Ginny."

"Alright, but I want a proper chat after class. I'll round up the Dream Team and we'll compare notes."

"The Dream Team?"

"Harry, Ron and Hermione. Ron and Herm are going out, by the way." Virginia told him casually as she started back to her desk.

"Well, that's no great surprise."

"I know but think about the consequences for me. Catching them, ew! It's a bad thing that will lead to me spending hundreds of pounds in therapy one day." Virginia laughed. Remus laughed as the rest of the class trickled in. "At least my other brothers are considerate enough to frat with their girlfriends out of sight." Virginia sat down and dumped her bag next to the desk. Rummaging around, she got her notebook and her quill. She prepared to take notes, ignoring the large radius of empty desks around her.

"As some of you may know, I am professor Lupin. I taught here a few years ago, until I had to leave. I am merely a substitute for your regular teacher until he recovers from the kilyakai poison, which professor Snape tells me may take some time." Remus paused and smiled at the students. "Now, I would ask you all to pull down the shades. The topic for my lesson today does not cope well with sunlight." The students near the windows pulled down the curtains, veiling the room in semi-darkness. "Expecto Nox!" Remus said, and the room grew darker, more like true night. "Now all you students near the windows, please come into the middle to forestall any unfortunate accidents. Melanie, are you all right?" Remus strode over to the utility closet and opened it.

"I am fine, Remus. Just get me out of this godforsaken closet." A female voice told him sharply. "Christ, I have imprints of that bucket on my arse." Remus helped the speaker out of the closet. Virginia nodded to herself as she saw the speaker. Vampire. A tall woman, dressed in black muggle jeans and a tight black top, the dark of her attire only accentuating the paleness of her complexion. Red lips, with the merest hint of imprints from the fangs hidden in her mouth. "So are these all your nice kiddies, Remus?"

"Yes, Melanie. Class, this is Melanie Summers, a vampire." Remus told them as he led her to the front of the class. Melanie lay on Remus's desk, her long blonde hair falling over her face.

"Summers being a slight oxymoron, cause I can never go outside again." Melanie complained. "Sun, that I do miss. But if I go out into the sunlight, I turn into a pile of dust. Not comfortable." She sat up and smiled at the class as she swung her legs over the side of the desk. "Now since this is Defence against the Dark Arts, I suppose I should tell you how to defend yourselves against a vampire."

"If you please Melanie, tell them about how you became a vampire." Remus interrupted.

"Well, that's kinda easy. I'd rather teach them how to dust vampires, the way I do. Yep, that's right," She told the shocked class, "I, a vampire, hunt and kill other vampires. I detest them."

"I know Mel. I know." Remus lay a comforting hand on her shoulder as she hung her head.

"Anyway, you want to know how I became a vampire." She swung her head back up, smiling fiercely. "I was a muggle, and let me tell you it was a shock when this guy, who I thought was really hot, and human by the way, turned me. Nightclub, you dance, pick up guys, kiss, go home. Except his idea of a kiss turned me into a blood sucker. And I never went home." Melanie's mouth twitched. "As a muggle, I knew nothing about the magic world. What, you think the dark ones prey only on wizards? They find it easier to prey on muggles, seeing as how we know nothing about them. And we can't defend ourselves either. See, this is when I have a problem with you guys hiding. I nearly killed my own sister, because I didn't know how to cope. And when I come across vamps who are from my world, it just makes me angrier." Melanie's eyes started to blaze blue light. "You hide, we die. We are killed by you, by our own kind, by any one. And we know nothing about the world we find ourselves trapped in."

"Calm down, Melanie."

"It just makes me so mad, I could just scream." Melanie took a few deep breaths. The blaze in her eyes died down. "I killed my sire, the guy who turned me into a vampire, after Remus found me. I've been a vampire for fifty years, and I was twenty when I was turned. My sire, John, was from the fifteenth century. And I've met older vampires than that. One was from Rome, first century. And older. So much older." Melanie looked lost in thought. "The older they are, the more powerful they are, harder to kill, harder to dodge. This one from Rome, she could move so fast. Lightening was slow compared to her. Bianca Prima Caesar. From the family of Gaius Julius Caesar, an offshoot though. My lover." Melanie smiled, lost in memories. "I walk both sides of the road, alright?" She told the shocked class. "Girls are just as good as guys. Sometimes better."

"Can we get away from this topic, please, Melanie?" Remus interjected.

"Oh, I won't corrupt them Remus. Not on purpose anyway. Well, I've been dusting vampires rather then drinking humans for, ah, twelve years. Remus turned me back, so he's done some worthwhile things, hey, Wolf?"

"Yes, well, it was either turn you back, or be killed, if you remember."

"Yeah, and you were just so cute back then. Always was a sucker for a handsome guy." Remus blushed furiously, though in the darkness it was kind of hard to tell.

"You go Remus!" Virginia called out into the startled silence. "Yeah!"

"Thank you for your support, Miss Weasley." Remus said dryly.

"On with the story. So Remus turned up at my crypt yesterday and asks me to come to Hogwarts with him. Let me tell you, the defences around this place are complex, old and powerful. If Dumbledore hadn't asked me in, I couldn't have come. That's a vampiric law. You have to be asked to enter a private building. So I can't just fly in your window at your house one night. You have to invite me in. That is important to remember. Though I won't, cause I don't do the bloodlust anymore. I drink cow's blood and eat an awful lot of beef tar tare. Raw beef." She told the group. "I had to drink before I came in here, because you're so young and full of life." She stared fixedly at them and her fingers clenched and unclenched on the desk top. She licked her lips uneasily. "So much blood, Wolf. I can smell it."

Remus got out a small bottle and gave it to her. She seized it thankfully and took several deep sniffs. "Eucalyptus oil." He told the class. "It helps kill the scent and helps her concentrate. Although most vampires are fully dark, Melanie is one of the few that isn't."

"Now I feel a bit better, how to dust a vampire. Crosses don't work. Well, not anymore. No one believes enough. Silver does, but it has to be a lot of silver. Garlic, yes, but only as a deterrent. Holy water, depends if the priest really believed in God, and his power that he wields through God. So sometimes it does nothing, and other times it burns like a motherf***er. Stakes are still the best way. Where's my crossbow?" She got off the desk and hunted in the closet. "Ah. Here it is." She came around to the front of the class. "This is a double loaded crossbow. See, one stake, two stake. I prefer this to hand-to-hand combat, because the vampires I face are usually older then I am. Anything wooden with a point will do in a pinch as a stake. Now, I don't know any spells against vampires. Are there any, Remus?"

"No. Unfortunately, the physical methods of dealing with vampires are still the best." Remus sighed.

"Tell me about it. Nearly got killed last night when I was saving two teenagers' arses. Another thing I detest is Hollywood. And those f***ing Blade movies. Oh the sheer lack of skill displayed." The muggle born witches in the class snickered, while the magic born ones stared. "Not that the swords he has aren't cool, but ya know. Really. And Buffy. Don't even get me started on that. Though I would like to meet Spike, Angel and Willow. Meow, they look good. If only they were real. . ." She sighed. Remus tapped his foot impatiently. "Do you want me to shut up now? Cause the non-verbal communication skills aren't the best, Wolf."

"Thank you, Melanie. Now, I should get on with teaching this class." Melanie laughed and kissed him on the cheek. Remus blushed. "Ah, well, how a person becomes a vampire. . ." While the class continued, Melanie roamed the classroom and poked at stuff, correcting Remus at points. When the bell rang she jumped onto the ceiling, literally. Hanging upside down she walked to where Remus was standing.

"Wooolllfff, does this mean all the ickle kiddies gotta run?" She pouted. "Cause they're so cute and little."

"Yes, Melanie. So you'd better get back in the closet."

"That's true. I don't want to turn into dust." Melanie sighed and backflipped onto the floor. Virginia clapped in admiration. "Hey, I like this one." Melanie grinned as she saw the girl. "Hey sweetie. Aren't you cute?"

"My boyfriend tells me that all the time." Virginia laughed. "You'll probably see him later. He's called Draco Malfoy."

"Malfoy? Now I know I've heard that name before. . ." Melanie mused as she got into the closet. "Close the door Wolf. I wanna stay corporate." Remus laughed as he shut the door. "Talk to ya later, sweetie."

"Ok, Melanie." Virginia laughed. "See you later too, professor." Virginia swung her book bag over her shoulder and ran for her next class.

"I like that one, Wolf. She's cute."

"Melanie, going out with a vampire probably isn't high on her list of priorities."

"I can appreciate though, can't I?"

"Of course Melanie. Just don't do anything about it."

"Being a vampire really sucks." Melanie complained in the closet. "Sucks. In a major way. Besides the obvious, Wolf." She said reprovingly as he chuckled.

"Of course, Melanie. I'll make sure that you get more blood, and so forth."

"I'll be good. Brooding in dark spaces is what we vamps do best." Melanie sighed as Remus left the room, still laughing. "Wolf? Wolfie boy? Remus? Damn." She arranged herself around the things in the closet, and swore at the bucket. She glared at it, when this had no effect. "Stupid bucket."