Disclaimer: I didn't create Digimon or any of the stupid dub names.

This chapter is where the R rating comes in. I'm sure I could've gotten away with a PG13 rating because of all the innuendos, but who actually reads PG13 :B

* * *

Beep. Beep.

What is that?

Beep.

Rika groans. She feels her way through the dark until she finds her digivice. "Dammit." She throws on some jeans. "Renamon!"

Renamon steps out from the shadows. "Yes?"

"There's another digimon."

Renamon nods.

*

By the time Rika gets to the digital field, the wanker twins have already started the battle.

"I will kill you all!" Fuckermon cackles.

"Oh no, I am scared!" Guilmon cries and tries to run away.

Takato grabs his tail. "Guilmon, you have to fight."

"No!" Guilmon wails. "I would like my anal cavity to remain intact!"

Terriermon jumps off of Henry's head. "I'll fight!"

Henry holds him back. "You can't battle," he says, getting teary-eyed. "Little Fuckermon might get hurt!"

Rika wants to hurt Henry. "You guys are such little bitches." She sighs. "Renamon, go!"

Renamon disappears into the thick fog.

Where did she go? Rika points her digivice at the enemy. "Fucker... mon?"

This sounds bad.

"Oh God, the penis, it's too much!" Renamon screams.

"Renamon!" Rika runs into the fog.

"Rika," Takato starts after her. He stops at the edge of the field. "Rika!"

Rika puts on her sunglasses and makes her way through the mist. It looks like a parking lot. She kicks a license plate. Hopefully no one got hurt.

"Renamon?" She calls, looking around. She hears footsteps and spins around.

Renamon's limp body is thrown at her feet. "Renamon!"

* * *

"Takato, like, pull yourself together." Henry says, watching his friend cry on the ground like a little girl.

"But... Rika is going to lose her virginity to that stupid Fuckermon." He sobs. "She was supposed to lose it to me!"

"Lose what, Takato?" Guilmon asks blankly.

Henry rolls his eyes. "Honey, that trick ain't got nothing on you. And who said Rika is a virgin?"

Takato sobs.

Henry sighs and sits down next to him. "Look. Renamon is a strong digimon. She would never let anything happen to Rika. And Rika can take care of herself too. Don't worry so much."

Takato wipes away a tear. "You sure?"

Henry smiles. "I'm sure."

Culumon randomly bounces onto the scene. "Hey guys, what's the matter?"

"It's Rika," Terriermon answers. "She and Renamon are in trouble with Fuckermon."

"Fuckermon?" Culumon blushes.

Guilmon is confused again. Takato holds back tears. "Maybe you can help her?"

"I got this, G," Culumon chirps, bounding into the foggy darkness. "Wessside!"

* * *

"Renamon!"

Laughter.

"Who's there?" Rika yells.

A giant phallic-looking creature appears in the haze. Its brown body is covered with thick black hair. Its rounded head is capped with a purple helmet.

"You!" Rika growls. "What did you do to Renamon!?"

Fuckermon laughs again. A gooey, white liquid oozes from his skull. "You want to see?" He says, a lecherous grin spreading across his face.

Rika jumps up and pulls out a card. "Digimodify!" She swipes it on her D-Arc. "Energy activate!" That should do it.

Renamon leaps into the air. "Diamond storm!"

Fuckermon stands there, unfazed. Renamon grits her teeth and tries again.

He towers over her. "Dick slap!" Fuckermon whips it out and smacks Renamon around. She screams and falls to the ground.

"Renamon!"

Rika pulls out another card. "Digimodify!" She slides it through her digivice. "Digivolution activate!"

Digivolution. "Renamon digivolve to Kuubimon!" Renamon transforms.

Fuckermon watches silently.

What, no smart remarks now?" Kuubimon mocks.

Fuckermon stares at her. "Dude, you are so hot."

Rika and Kuubimon fall over.

"Enough!" Kuubimon barks. "Let's fight."

"Fine, bitch," Fuckermon snaps. "I'm going to bang you so hard."

Bang her? Invisible needles prick Rika's skin.

"I thought you liked it hard."

Her voice wavers. "Renamon, be careful."

Kuubimon runs towards Fuckermon. "Fox tail inferno!" She pauses, flames flying from her seven tails.

"Super plasma cornhole!" Fuckermon shoots a sticky, white fluid from the hole in his head. It catches on Kuubimon's fur. She tries to move, but she's stuck fast to the ground.

"Eat through it!" Rika yells.

Kuubimon looks reluctant, but chows on the splooze anyways.

Rika pulls out yet another card. "Digimodify!" She slides the card through her digivice. "Hyper speed activate!"

Kuubimon starts to spin, blue flames emitting from her body. "Dragon wheel!" She rolls towards Fuckermon, hitting him in the chest. Fuckermon slides across the lot.

His eyes glow red. "You cum-guzzling slut!" He screams. A lump grows from folds of loose skin and soon a giant phallice is projecting from his groin.

Rika steps back. What the hell is that? "Kuubimon.."

"Kukuku." He winks at Kuubimon in his perverted way.

"You can do it, Kuubimon!"

She can do it, can't she? Rika looks at Fuckermon's projectile. She better. After Kuubimon, Fuckermon will come after her. She couldn't take something like that.

Kuubimon looks up. "Yes, I will, Rika. For you!" She charges at Fuckermon. "Ahhhhh..- Wha?" She slides to a stop.

The dust settles.

Culumon sits happily on Fuckermon's head. He smiles at Kuubimon. Kuubimon looks over at Rika, who nods in return.

"Digivolution activate!"

Matrix Digivolution. "Kuubimon digivolve to Taomon!" Kuubimon transforms.

Fuckermon's jaw drops open and he starts to laugh uncontrollably. "You're a beast!"

Taomon growls. "Beast this! Talisman Spell!" She pulls a paintbrush from her sleeve.

Fuckermon's face goes straight. "Penis envy!"

"Damn, I best get up outta here afore that bitch pop a cap!" Culumon jumps off of Fuckermon and bounds to safety next to Rika.

Fuckermon thrusts his projectile at Taomon. It catches Taomon's arm. She is thrown backwards and lands in the rubble.

"Taomon!" Rika runs to her. "Are you okay?"

Taomon sits up and rubs her head. "Yes, I'm fine."

"Finished so soon?" Fuckermon taunts.

"I'm not done with you yet!" Taomon jumps up. She does a front flip and lands in front of him. "This time you will not escape! Talisman Spell!"

Fuckermon flexes, increasing the width of his bulge. He lunges at Taomon, his phallice visibly aching for a piece of Taomon. "Cherry Popper!"

She evades his attack and paints a Japanese symbol on him. He moans as he diminishes into data, which Taomon absorbs.

"Good job," Rika says, showing more enthusiasm than usual.

Sappy music plays and Taomon smiles.

"Woo!" Culumon bounces into the clearing lot, Takato and company tailing behind.

"Are you alright, Rika?" Takato asks anxiously.

"Like you care," she scoffs. "Where the hell have you guys been?"

Henry and Takato exchange looks.

Henry twirls around. A card appears in his hand and he kisses it. "Digimodify!" He leaps into the air, lands on one foot, and spins around. He stops in an awkward pose, his legs spread out, one arm in front of him holding his D-Arc, the other at his side, clutching the card. "Digivolution activate!" He swipes the card, embarrassingly overemphasizing his movement.

Henry freezes. He turns to Takato. "How was that?"

"Good," Takato says. "Now watch mine!"

"We were, uh... talking." Takato replies quickly.

"So Renamon is working her ass off while you twats are over there gossiping like a bunch of girls?"

"Excuse me, hunny," Henry snaps his fingers. "Guys gossip just as much as girls and you can bet your little Salvation Army jacket that what we talk about is ten times more interesting then anything you could ever say so why don't you take your angsty bitch ass right up out of our conversation and go slit your wrists."

Rika rolls her eyes. "I haven't heard this much lisp since the Fab 5 came to redo your tacky house. You must've been straight because I thought a gay man would at least know how to put together a decent color scheme."

Henry's eyes get wide. "Oh no you didn't!"

Rika and Henry start arguing, Terriermon jumping between them, frantically yelling "Momentai!"

Somewhere, a figure fidgets with his lighter and backs into the shadows.

* * *

Why didn't Takato come to the rescue? Where is Guilmon? Who is this shadow person? If you don't know the answer to that one, you're an idiot.

I'd like to thank Sam for the idea of "Super plasma cornhole", and Lex for "Penis envy".

On a side note, the part where Henry is prancing around swiping his cards is a flashback in case you didn't pick that up. I couldn't remember what D-Arcs do when a Digimon biomerges, but it's my story, so they beep. Mwhaha. I feel all powerful :B

And in case you are totally TV deprived, the Fab 5 are the five "gay" men that give a straight guy, his home, and his life a makeover on the show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Carson

And you are probably sad because Fuckermon didn't get any explicit ass, but don't worry, there is a lemon in the not too distant future!