Disclaimer: I didn't make Digimon. Boooohooo!

Today was the first time I've seen Tamers season in like, half a year. I freaked. It was the introduction of Culumon. I guess I missed the first few episodes over Spring Break. Damn incorrect ABC Fam schedule. And stupid dubs! Oh well. When Rika came on and fought the creepy gremblin dude, it was nice to hear her snappy remarks. So cool

And another add-in, I got a new account. I didn't know you could change your user name... my new name is pafechikku. I won't be adding Taming Rika there for a while, I still have to go through and edit Bachiatari, aka that Inuyasha ficcy I wrote whose original name I can't remember. Plus I have to complete this little bitch. I'm so scared of citrus!

Takato!

Takato, wake up!

"TAKATO!"

Takato snaps awake. Water drips down his face. "Wha.. where am I?" He looks around. A stream of light comes from the only window in the rusty jail cell.

"Jeri put us in here," Guilmon says, slumping against the wall. "You've been unconcious for hours!"

Takato stands up and stretches. He rubs his arm. "I feel molested."

Guilmon's eyes dart around the room and he whistles quietly.

"I wonder how we're going to get out of here." Takato grasps the metal bars. "Hello?" The sound echoes down the hall.

Guilmon comes up next to Takato. "Help!" He shakes the bars violently. The cell door creeks open.

Takato gets a sweatdrop. "Why didn't you check the door?"

Guilmon puts his head down. "Because I'm an idiot."

Takato stares at Guilmon for a couple minutes. "..alright, let's go!"

'So what Jeri said is true.' Ryo saunters down the corrador. 'Rika loves Takato. Never thought I'd lose her to a guy like that.' He stops. 'I never thought I'd lose her. That curvy body, that volumptuous figure...' He pictures Rika naked. "Oh God!" He rips his pants off.

"So Guilmon, what were you doing when I was asl.." Takato freezes. He and Ryo gawk at each other. "Ryo.. eh..."

"Are there any boy scouts in here? Cause someone pitched a tent!" Guilmon shouts, pointing at Ryo's crotch.

Ryo blushes and covers himself. "Shut up!" He jerks around and puts his pants on. A key falls out of his pocket, but he doesn't notice. Takato does. "What are you even doing here? I thought Jeri took care of you."

"We escaped!" Guilmon retorts, making a V with his fingers.

Takato shakes his head. "The door wasn't locked."

"Heh." Ryo turns, running his fingers through his hair. "She is pretty pathetic. I didn't think she could really get rid of you two." He snickers. "Good thing I checked.."

Takato steps forward. "And what are you going to do about it?"

Ryo's cool act turns to rage. "I'm going to kill you!" He lunges at Takato.

Takato catches his hands. "What's your problem?"

"If you die," Ryo laughs a little. "Rika will be mine."

Takato struggles against Ryo's weight. "Rika? Is that what this is about?"

"It's more than that," Ryo grins vilely. "We're fighting physically now, but the real battle is a mental one."

Takato smirks. "If that's right.." He slides his foot next to Ryo's. "Then I'll win both!" He kicks Ryo's leg out from under him and Ryo falls on his back.

Takato wipes some sweat off of his brow.

"Good job, Takato!" Guilmon cheers from the side lines.

Takato gives him a thumbs up.

Laughter.

"Rika will be mine.." Ryo is propted up against the wall. "..again."

Takato's face drops. "You mean..?"

Ryo stands up and pouts. "She never told you?"

Takato shakes his head slowly.

"We battled once, at a digimon tournament. She won using Renamon." Ryo smiles softly. "I'd never been beaten by a girl.. especially one with such a tight ass." He sighs. "The digimon King and the digimon Queen, we belonged together. We went out for four years." He chuckles to himself. "Man, those were some good times."

Takato crosses his arms. "S-so what, you guys had a long-term relationship. Something made it end."

"It was her. She.. left me..." Ryo looks out a window beside him. "I don't blame her. I didn't show her my love in the right ways."

"Give it up," Takato remarks, obviously annoyed. "You treated her badly once, what makes you think she'll take you back?"

Ryo snarls. "You don't get it." He turns back to Takato. "When two people make love, their bodies make a promise."

Takato's eyes widen. "No.."

"That's right," Ryo sneers. "I took Rika's virginity."

Someone broke my heart..

"Over and over..."

She's gone.

"Sweat stained sheets.."

Is she all you think about?

"Breathing heavily..."

I'm sorry, Takato..

"Her soft skin against mine.."

I'm sorry!

"Best lay I ever had.. except maybe for Rumiko." Ryo rubs the back of his head. "Like Mother, like daughter..."

Doshin---

Ryo falls sideways onto the floor. He wipes the blood from the corner of his mouth and stares at it.

Takato rubs his knuckles. "You don't deserve to know her." He grabs the key that Ryo dropped earlier and slips it into his pocket.

"Ai to seigino!"

Takato freezes.

"Noo!" Guilmon shrieks. "Takato, she's here!"

"Digi fuku bishoujo senshi!" She throws a blast of lightning at Guilmon. He barely eludes the attack.

"Run!" Takato yells, motioning to his digimon.

Guilmon snaps out of his stupor and charges past Takato.

"..Clitmon wa!"

Takato catches up to Guilmon. "Why.. why does she keep saying that?"

Guilmon avoids another lightning crash. "I... don't know!

"What does it mean?"

"Tsuki ni kawatte!"

"I don't know," Guilmon breathes. "It's Japanese."

"But.." Takato struggles to escape the explosions. "We're Japanese!"

"Umm," Guilmon slows, thinking hard. "Oh my gosh!"

"What!?" Takato gasps, almost tripping on a piece of up-turned cement.

"..Rika... Henry.. ....we're in a dub!"

"What? Why!?" Takato and Guilmon turn a corner, narrowly missing an attack. "How can Clitmon still speak Japanese..? It's against the laws of dub!"

"You..you're right!" Guilmon looks behind him. Clitmon is slowly gaining on them. "Clitmon!" He shouts. "You're American! Stop speaking Japanese, you stupid Japoser!"

Clitmon's foot gets caught on some rubble and she falls flat on her face.

Takato and Guilmon stop. They watch her cautiously.

Clitmon digs her hands into the soil floor and pushes herself onto all fours. "Japoser?"

"Uh-oh.." Takato takes a step back.

"Japoser!?"

"Takato..." Guilmon squeeks, gazing over at him.

"JAPOSER!?" She screams, her eyes turning red. "I.. am not... a JAPOSER!" She stands up slowly, her hair blowing from her increasing power. She points at Guilmon. "I will PUNISH you- Ah!" She jumps. "What happened to my cute Japanese phrases?"

"We're in America now," Guilmon replies. "You're not allowed to speak Japanese here."

"Nooo!" Clitmon howls, grabbing her head and dropping to her knees.

"I'm sorry, Clitmon," Takato says, taking out his digivice. "But we're going to have to destroy you!" He raises his D-arc in the air. "Guilmon, go!"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going." Guilmon rolls his eyes. "This isn't Pokemon."

He charges at Clitmon, flames slipping past his lips. "Pyro.."

"It's alright..." Clitmon whispers, now curled up in a ball on the floor.

Guilmon stops.

"Without my phrases, I have nothing to live for."

Guilmon shrugs. "Alright then!" The fire returns to his mouth. "Pyro sphere!"

"Guilmon, wait!"

Clitmon is hit with Guilmon's attack. She whimpers and disperses into data.

"Whoops," Guilmon rubs the back of his head. "Sorry!"

Takato buries his face in his hand. "It's alright.. she just would've gotten in our way again." He puts a finger up. "I just need a minute."

He looks up at Guilmon and grins. "Alright. Time to save Rika!"

So.. yup. Is a lemon coming up? I think that question is rhetorical!

Wooah! They DO beep! Haha, the digivices actually beep, awesome.

Looks like Jeri's case of the crazies has jumped to Ryo. Must be all that free love they're spreading. Damn STDs.

"Doshin" is the sound of an impact, i.e., someone being punched in his big head. Just putting "Punch." looked dumb. I added the --- at the end to make it look more sound effectish. Did you catch that? Woo

Everyone out there who is not Japanese and has ever uttered a Japanese phrase such as "kawaii", this is for you! Embrace your Japoserness! Love it! Because someday, when you grow up, you WILL have enough money to get that eye operation that will make you Japanese!