Uncanny X-mas
(With Super Baby)
Do you get it, X-men, X-mas? It was funnier in my head.
The Institute Dining room….
All the X-men gathered round the dining table, ready for a lovely Christmas Eve dinner, everybody put their presents around the tree, set the table, everybody was happy.
"Dinners, almost…ready" Said Ororo, she was trying to push a goose into the oven, and she didn't realise that the vegetables were on fire.
"I said I would cook, but noooooooo, you didn't need any help" Jean pushed her chair in and went into the kitchen, Ororo stopped pushing the goose and let Jean look around the kitchen; after a few moments Jean and Storm were both pushing the goose.
"Oh dear Aunty-O, the vegetables are on fire!" Evan pointed at the burning vegetables.
"Shut the hell up Evan" said everyone else, even Super Baby.
Evan just sighed, pulled his underwear up and walked away.
Professor X turned to Super Baby, and the Baby Crusade.
"So, this is going to be your first Christmas here at the mansion?" Professor X asked.
"Yes, me Mugsey, Dugsey, Poodle and the Bag usually spend Christmas down at the bar for superheroes" Super Baby looked into the kitchen, Storm was pushing the goose, and Jean was drawing a plan for getting the goose into the oven.
"There's a bar for super heroes?!" Scott asked, he slammed his fist on the table.
"Yeah" Super Baby answered.
"Oh" Scott settled down again and started talking to Logan.
Meanwhile, at the Brotherhood war room……"Okay, that was just fabulous. Tabitha's own recording of It's Raining Men". Lance clapped then sat down.
There was a long silence.
"Shall..I….sing it again?" Tabitha asked.
"Would you?" Lance asked.
"Yes! Tabitha's time to shine".
Just then, the Brotherhood boarding house exploded.
Everybody crawled out of the rubble and rock.
"Is everybody okay?" Todd asked.
Lance got up "Is everybody alright?" Lance asked, ignoring Todd's question.
"Yeah, my-fall-was-broken, by my spine" Pietro got up and pushed his back so it clicked.
"My fall was broken as well" Fred got up and looked where he was lying; Jim lay there, twitching from time to time.
"Is he gonna be okay?" Fred asked rubbing his head.
"Of course, he has super-strength and regeneration" Lance said holding Fred's shoulder.
"No he hasn't" Said Wanda.
"Oh" Said Lance, removing his hat and bowing his head.
Meanwhile, at the Institute…..
"No, you have gat it all wrong, the inter-dimension of my mines is a horrible place, it's like hell!!" Yelled Super Baby at Forge.
"But I looked at one of your mines, and it teleports them to a world called 'The Sound of Music Land'" Forge was getting angry.
"That's what I just said!!" Argued Super Baby.
There was a knock at the door, Kurt 'bamfed' into the hall and answered the door.
The Brotherhood stood there, slightly singed.
Kurt stared wide-eyed at them. Wanda spoke:
"I know it may be a shock but… "
"Oh cool man, you bought presents!" Kurt said, ignoring her. He gathered the presents then 'bamfed' back into the dining room.
"Look what the Brotherhood bought us". He looked into the bag to see some underwear, six toothbrushes, a stuffed toy called Brownie and a wooden badger.
"Wow cool, I've alvays vonted a vooden badger" Kurt took it out of the bag and played with it.
The Brotherhood walked in, Toad noticed what Kurt was doing.
"Hey, that badger's mine" Todd leaped forward to grab the animal; there was a long struggle.
"Charles, darling, I wondered, could we stay with you?"
Lance put his hands together.
"Why" The professor looked at them suspiciously. "You're not working with that insurance company are you? Because if you are, I did not burn my Picasso on purpose!" The Professor started to sweat violently.
"No, we just came to see if we could live with you, you see, our house exploded" Wanda explained.
"How did that happen?" Asked Scott walking into the room wearing his Chicken costume again.
Wanda was then suddenly wearing an army hat and had a long stick. Pietro pulled a lever and a map of the Brotherhood boarding house shot down from the ceiling.
Wanda pointed at a point on the map.
"We think the problem arose here…" she pointed with her stick "…in the bomb room"
Scott examined the map "You think it arose in, 'made in Taiwan'?"
Wanda looked at the map then moved the stick to the actual 'bomb room'.
"Well, Wanda - everyone, you are welcome to stay" Professor smiled. "But you have to live with Rex the Chihuahua"
"Give it up professor, everybody knows you just say that to make people leave" Scott crossed his arms.
"Oh fine then, but you all have to share a room with each member of the baby crusade; from now on, Fred you will be sharing a room with, the Bag" Fred raised an eyebrow.
"Wanda, you will have to share with Mugsey" Wanda scratched her head.
"Pietro, you have to share with Dugsey" Pietro smiled
"Just as long as Mr.Psychic can live with me, I don't care" Pietro rubbed the air above his shoulder.
"Alright, Tabitha, you have to share with, the poodle" Charles pointed at poodle who was chasing the goose (and Storm) around the kitchen.
"Doesn't the poodle live in a kennel?" asked Tabitha, crossing her arms.
"Yes, yes he does" replied the Professor. "And Lance, you have to share with Super Baby, I think that satisfies everyone" Professor looked around, ignoring Toad.
"What about me" Jim walked through the door, not a scratch on him.
"JIM, I thought you were dead" Fred hugged him tightly.
"Nope" Jim smiled evilly, nobody listened to him.
"Jim, you have to sleep downstairs, in the sink" The professor wheeled into the dining room, all the Brotherhood following him.
"Diner is at six, which was three hours ago" The professor looked at his watch, then at Storm.
"I slave and slave, and all you do is criticise" Storm stopped chasing the goose and turned her back on the professor.
"I wouldn't criticise so much if you did something RIGHT!" The Professor scowled at her.
"Oh, I don't do anything right now?! Well how about we swap places for a day?!" Storm turned around and started shouting at the professor.
"I wouldn't want to, with all your plants, and EVAN as a nephew" Professor wheeled closer to her.
Evan peeked his head round the corner of the door; and wiped a tear from his eye, then walked off.
"Oh yeah, well, just leave my plants out of this!!" Ororo stormed out (Get it?) of the room.
Professor wheeled after her. "Storm, STORM!!, I'm sorry, I said some things I didn't mean but…" Their voices muffled into nothing.
Everybody was wide eyed and confused.
Scott smiled and nodded "They are gonna sleep tonight" Everybody stared at him and raised an eyebrow.
"Well, I suppose I should, put some finishing touches to my…home" Tabitha went to get her kennel ready.
"It vas long and drawn out, but I got Toad's undervear" Kurt held up a pair of underpants.
"Kurt, weren't you suppose to get his badger" Kitty pointed out.
"Oh Crap!!!" Kurt threw the underwear on the floor.
"Gee Kurt, I have never noticed, like, how pointy your ears are" Kitty looked at Kurt and smiled.
"I know, zey are pretty pointy" Kurt stroked his ears.
"When you two hens have finished clucking, I would appreciate getting some FOOD!!" Logan said, angrily.
Kurt and Kitty 'bamfed' into the kitchen.
"Diner's ready" Jean walked in carrying all the plates with her mind; she put them on the table.
"Jean, I was just on the computer looking at por…. Portuguese art pieces" Scott looked from side to side. "Then I got an e-mail, or as I like to say an X-mail, from your Dad, your Mums really sick, she wants us to go there"
Jean gasped, "Gasp" she went and then raced to Scott's car.
"Jean wait I'll come with you!!!" Scott screamed after the zooming car.
"Hey-who-was-looking-at-Portuguese-art-pieces?" asked Pietro.
"Apparently Scott" Answered Logan
"Well, come along Toad, lets sort out our rooms" Lance started up the stairs and the rest of the Brotherhood followed.
"For God's sake, go away, I can see you behind that fork, swamp rat" Rogue shouted at Remy.
"So, we settling on Swamp Rat? Cause I 'tink that prince charming would be cooler, or , oo oo oo, or He-man, I just love that show" Remy smiled.
Rogue raised and eyebrow "Beast please take Remy's drink away, Beast? BEAST?!!"
Meanwhile, in the park…..
Beast was standing on top of a statue, hugging it tightly and singing:
"What the world needs hiccup now, is hiccup love sweet…" Beast fainted.
All the people in the park looked at him.
Back at the institute….
"Well, never mind, just leave me alone" Rogue ran out of the room, Remy chasing after her.
Logan looked around the table, all the new students were in bed, Evan wasn't allowed to eat anything, Rogue had just run out, with Remy, Beast had gone somewhere, Storm and Professor X had gone off arguing, Jean and Cyclops went to see Jean's mother, The Baby Crusade went off with the Brotherhood, Kitty and Kurt had gone as well, and Super Baby and Forge were at each others throats, it was just him and fifteen diners!
Another nonsensical story, for some of it to make sense you have to read 'Once upon a time in Coolville' but most of it makes sense if you don't.