This is my first OTH's fanfic and i'm sorry for the mistakes but English is ot my maternal language... So i hope you like it... Rewiews are welcome..
Pairing : NALEY
My phone bells, I look at it some seconds before I take it. I don't even need to check the ID to know who calls me, it can only be him. Every night, he calls me and every night, he says the same words.
"Your parents are here ?"
I think before answer to him. I want to see him, really but I know that what I do is wrong and yet I can't move away from him.
"No"
"I'll be here in 15 minutes"
He hangs up and I lie down on my bed. I watch my photos and any is of him. There is Lucas, Peyton, Brooke but Nathan don't. I close my eyes trying to remember me why I allow him to come to my house at night to shower him and I remember... This is because I want him too.
Every time that he reachs me, I feel alive and I think that he gives to me more than his body, I think I have his heart. While few minutes, I don't care anymore about my family, my friends and my problems, I concentrate only on his face and particularly on his eyes.
He always looks at me deeply, I feel that someone understands me but when everthing ends, I realize it wasn't love. It was something he wanted and he taked it whitout thought or any feeling. When I see him stand up and get dress, I feel empty, dirty and unfinished.
I heard three knocks on my bedroom's door. I don't even have to open my eyes, it's him. I picture him against the door, looking at me, preparing what it comes after. I heard him moving near the bed. I heard the sound of him when he removes his jacket and put it on the chair, after he removes his sweater.
The tentation to see him bare chest is too strong and I finally open my eyes. He has this beatiful smile, his eyes shine and he doesn't move. I know he wants that I get up but I don't do it. I can't, I don't want to do it anymore. It is not me, I don't like do that. Betray my closest friends and my convictions, I don't want to do it anymore.
When he notices that I'll not move, he sits on the bed and turns to face me. His hand slides underneath my top and his lips attack my neck. I know that I won't resist longer but I try anyway.
Nathan Scott has always have anything that he wanted, even me. He saw me, he came, he conquered. He takes me in his sheets but he doesn't know he is in my heart. I don't want to be used anymore, I want to be loved, to believe I'll spend my life with him even if he doesn't feel the same.
I close my eyes again, his lips are still on my neck. I feel tears in my eyes but I don't want to cry in front of him. I prefer to cry on my shower or when I go to sleep. I don't want him to know what I feel because I know it'll scare him. But this time, I can't hold myself back.
Tears run on my cheeks and I feel his lips starting to get higher on my face. Suddenly, the heat of his mouth goes away and I feel his breath on my face.
"Why do you cry ?"
I open my eyes and I see him watching to me oddly. I don't know what to say and even if I knew it, I won't be able to talk as dazzled by his face as I am. I feel him dry my tears and he does it, I cry harder.
"everything is ok, I'm here"
this is my problem, he is here. He is with me, near to me, he touches me, strokes me, kisses me, had sex with me but I know he don't love me. I'm just at his disposal.
"Did you have a bad day ?"
I shake my head in no whitout looking at him.
"Something happens at work ?"
I nod once again a no. This time, he hesitates to ask me his next question but I see he understand the situation.
"It's because of me ? I did something which hurt you ?"
I can't lie. We never talk about our relationship, except at the beginning to set up the rules. But since it was just sex, no talk, no soft gesture, no feeling... of his part.
"why do you do this to me?"
he move away and looks at me, not understanding everything.
"you come, you take what you want and you go"
This time, no doubts in his mind. Our arrangement "Friends with benefits" is questioned. He carresses me slowly to reassure me but I guess he doesn't know what to say.
"I think it was good for you.... Since when do you dislike this ?'
No turn back, I talk too much, I can't be silent any longer and I have to say the truth.
"since the beginning"
I'm feeling free. No more lies, no more scruples, no more fears... until I look at him. His eyes show everything except delight and I have this feeling that our relationship is going to end tonight.
When I wake up this morning, I knew that everything will be hell... after I reveal to Nathan my feeling, he suddely backs away and said that he didn't need a relationship now, he just wanted sex... I cried again and he comforted me after that he was gone.
Now, I'm standing in front of High School and I can't decide if I go or not.
"Hey, Looser"
Lucas. God, I'm so glad he's here. I look at him and he smiles to me.
"What are you doing here ? You need to walk a little more to go to class"
"I don't want to go"
He watches me and I know that he knows something wrong with me.
"You are ok ?"
I want to tell him everything but I can't do that to him. He is my best friend and I slept with his brother who is also his enemy. I put a smile on my face.
"yeah, sure. I'm perfect. You ?"
"Well, there is a party at Dan's and my mother and I are invited. I think it's a trap !"
"Your mom wants to go ?"
"yeah. Nathan's mother asked her to come"
Why did he have to mention this name ? I need to forget everything about him.
"So you have to go ?"
"Yeah and I have to have a date so..."
No, no, no. Please don't say that.
"go with Brooke !"
"Brooke is a... we... it was more like a one night stand"
"please, she is into you since you joined the basketball's team"
"anyway, tell me you are going with me !"
"no way"
"Why ?"
What can I say ? I don't want to go to your brother's house because I love him so much that it hurts when I see him... not so great.
"It's too weird. Me in dan's house... come on I hate this guy."
"yeah but you love his son..."
What did he just said ? I love this son yeah but how does he know it ?
"I'm not proud to be his son but you love me you can't refuse this to me. Your best friend, your buddy"
"hey Peyton !"
I just saw Peyton and it was the perfect distraction. She walks to us with a smile.
"hey you two, What's up ?"
"Are you going to dan's party ?"
"every year, cheerleaders have to go to this crappy party"
I watch them with a smile. They are so perfect for each other, maybe too perfect that's why they can't be together like Nathan and me. They talk a little but I don't listen anymore. I see Nathan and Tim walks to the High school. They laugh and I can't remember the last time Nathan laughs. It's good to see him smile.
"earth to Haley."
Peyton snaps one's fingers in front of me and I realize that I was in my dream far away from them.
"yeah ? what ?"
"You have to come"
"ok, where ?"
"Scott's party !"
"I already say no, I don't want to go there because of... everything, it's... wrong and I have to stay away from him"
I realize that I made a mistake. Peyton notices but she says nothing, unfortunaly Lucas notices too.
"who ?"
"sorry ?"
"you said him ? Who is he?"
"euh... Dan... I mean this guy is a jerk and if I see him, I so gonna slap him hard and..."
"You are so violent"
Peyton watchs me... God, she is scary sometimes.
"Hey, Haley, we need to go to class. See you later Luke"
She grabs my hand and pull me to class. I know she thinks that something is up with me and I know she knows that I don't wanna tell this to Luke.
The ring bells and I can escape to Peyton's question. I sit down and I open my book. I have forget that Nathan is with me in this class. He walks in and looks to me, god, he looks so fine. He smiles at me and I know I turn red. I remark Peyton watching our exchange and suddenly I feel really embarrassed.
The teacher come in and everybody shut up. I have this taste in my mouth and I just want to run out and go to the bathroom to throw up. I feel dizzy and I hardly heard the teacher. God this taste is so degusting... I need to go out... I don't even go to the trouble of ask to the teacher and I run out to the bathroom.
Once I finish to throw up, I look at myself in the mirror, I'm so pale. I rinse my mouth and I take my breath. I'm sick. Maybe I'll be still sick for the Friday's party and I will be able to escape to Lucas.
The bathroom's door open up. Peyton rushes on me.
"Are you ok ?"
"Yeah, I am sick I think"
she strokes my hair and my back.
"you don't seem fine to me. You look tired"
"I am"
"you want me to take you back home ?"
"no, it's ok, really"
I try to walk away but she holds me up.
"What happens between you and Nate ?"
"Nathan ? Me ? I don't think this two names are good in the same phrase !"
"I saw the smile, I saw glances between you two. The way you avoid Lucas when he asks you something about Nathan. This is so obvious."
"Listen, I don't know what are you talking about but this conversation is over now."
"Haley, I don't want too push you to make confession about your life but if it is what I think you can't talk to Lucas because of their story, but you have to know that I'm here too. I'm your friend and I know pretty well Nathan..."
"Peyton, stop it and listen to me. There is nothing between Nathan and me, we don't even know each other and this is the last time I say it to you ok ?"
I just want to end this conversation, this is embarrassing. I don't lie, there is nothing between Nathan and me... not anymore and we don't know each other very well.
During lunch time, I sit alone on the bench. I don't want to be with people... this is the only way to clear my head and to think about my mistakes... Where do I start ? I slept with Nathan, I fell in love with him, I confess my feelings and now I'm sick... and I have nobody to talk about all this shit... Well I have somebody, I have Peyton but... I just can't talk to that with her, I mean she's is Nathan's ex girlfriend and it is too weird even for me in this moment.
"Tutor-girl"
Brooke Davis. The slut of Tree Hill High School, Lucas told me she was nice sometimes and she was very devoted to her friends. I can't imagine this. Come on, it's Brooke the girl who was in Lucas's car partially nude to slept with him...
"Tigger ! Can I help you ?"
"Easy... I just want to know why you aren't with Lucas or somebody else, this is... weird... I mean weirder than usual"
She always has the right word to make me feel better. I glared at her and she knows she talks too much.
"Trouble in paradise ?"
"What paradise ? my life is hell"
I just need to shut me up... Brooke is the queen of gossip... I have to stay strong and shut my mouth.
"Hell ? you have Lucas, a family, a work... What could be wrong with your life ? Except love but you have nobody..."
When I say nothing, she looks at me. She opens her mouth and shut it...
"ok, so it's a guy. Want to talk ?"
"Why do you care ? You always slept with Lucas, you don't have to be nice with me"
Now, I become aggressive and I hate it. She starts to walk away and I feel more angry at myself.
"Brooke, I'm sorry, I didn't mean this... It's just that..."
She turns over and put her hands on her hips.
"I have this problem, I can't deal with it, it's just too big. Lucas can't help me and... I..."
She is still silent and looks away. I don't know what to do, I don't be used to silent Brooke, she is always speaking about anything and this is how I can deal with her but now I just watch her.
"you have a problem, I have a car... want to go somewhere else ?"
suddenly, I just want to listen to the bad voice inside my head and follow Brooke. I smile and she starts to walk to her car, I come after her and I just don't think about my problems anymore.
So what do you think ???