I hope you like this chapter...
"The mall ?"
"This is the best place to distract you"
"so, we are here because of me and not because you want to buy new clothes ?"
She smiles. Brooke is another person with me. She is a little... well... crazy but she is cool. She have a good taste in fashion, she is funny, she is herself... not Brooke the cheerleader... I know why Lucas fell for her.
"I suggest to go drink a coffee and after that we go to my house and try this new clothes... Ok ?"
"no problem for me"
we spent the afternoon together and she never ask something about my problems. I don't know if this is because she doesn't care or because she don't want to push me but it is good.
we are in the coffee shop and two guys don't stop looking at us. Brooke loves boys looking toward her but I'm so uncomfortable with this. Except Nathan, any guy has ever watch to me.
"This guys over there are very annoying"
"Don't tell me that you don't like that"
"When I see guys looking with insistence I just want to punch them, you know, we aren't piece of meat."
Brooke looks one more time to the guys and laughs... I don't know how react. She laughs once again and I look around us.
"Brooke, will you calm down ? This is so embarrassing"
"did you see him ? he has milk all over his face"
I look to the guys and one of them has milk above his mouth... I start to laugh a little but Brooke stops. I watch her, she stands up and stretch one hand.
"now, you need to get dress"
"what ?"
"come on, we go to my house."
I take her hands and we leave
When we reach her car, I saw my mobile on the seat.
5 missed calls...
I look to the list : 2 calls from Lucas, 1 from Peyton and 2 from Nathan. I sigh and Brooke looks over my shoulder. Her smile grow when she see the last name.
"it's look like pretty-boy wants to talk to you... maybe you should call him"
"maybe I shouldn't"
"maybe I can advise you if you tell me what is going on !"
Now I have no other choice except tell the truth to Brooke.
"I slept with him... two months ago and since that, we..."
"you are friends with benefits ?"
"yes"
God, it is so good to tell the truth to somebody.... even if somebody is Brooke Davis.
"what's the problem ? Are you attract to him ?"
"worse"
"what ? do you like him ?"
I have the response but can I say it aloud ? can I say that I love Nathan Scott, the boy who used me for sex ?
"yes, and I can't help it... but it's too late now... I told him everything and..."
"he frightened ?"
"you can say that"
Brooke takes my phone and call someone.
"Yeah, it's Brooke... listen... are you scared or something like that ? I mean Haley looks really crappy right now and if you wanted to tell her that your relationship is over it is really not the right time ok ?"
now it's me who is scared ! What does she do ? She is not talking to Nathan, it's not possible... please, don't let it be Nate. She gives back the phone when I have it, I look and I see nothing except the photo of Luke and me on wallpaper.
"I didn't call him... but what I said was real, you look like shit and your story with Scott doesn't help it... So you are gonna call him and tell him what you really feel, you will be better after that"
I don't know what to say. A girl like Brooke can solve my problems, it's just too unreal. I watch my mobile and when it rings again, I check the ID... Nathan. I looked to Brooke who smile to me. I press the button "on" and put my phone to my hear.
"yeah... I'm ok, I just wanted to go... to shopping... I'm not there... at the mall... no, listen I'm not alone ok ? I'm with Brooke and I want to go at Brooke's and talk... nothing, everything... talk is something we don't do together so you know, I want to talk with somebody listenning to me... not just using me. Now I have to go bye."
I hang up and look to Brooke. She claps her hands.
"you are so great... no emotion, no tears... you've become a real bitch"
I think it's a compliment so I smile a little. I finally have the last word with Nathan.
"you know what ? we should do this more often... this was fun."
"yeah it was".
When I come home, I'm surprised to see Lucas standing in the kitchen waiting for me.
"Have you had a good day ?"
"It was interresting"
"What did you do ? walk ? run ? work ?"
"I go to the mall and I buy some outfit"
"Who are you ? Haley James don't skip school to go to the mall"
"today she does"
Lucas come to closer to me and I really want to tell him but I can't. Brooke and I, we discuss a little about that and she said that Luke will be angry if I tell him so I have to lie again.
"anyway. About Friday ?"
"what ?"
"the party, tell me you come with me."
The party where I can see Nathan Scott... in his house... with everyone around us... where Lucas will be.
"ok, I'll be there but if I want to go, I go"
he give me this look... I hate this look. Lucas is proud of him, he convinces me to go to this party. I watch him smile willingly and I want to slap him but before I extend my arm, my mobile rings. I look to the ID caller and my smile grows when I see it's Brooke. Lucas stare at the phone, not smiling anymore.
"Tigger ? miss me already ?... yeah sure, no problem for me... no, I don't work. It's cool...bye"
I hang up and Lucas is more than surprised. He doesn't speak but I see he's really astonished.
"well, any questions ?"
"any more secrets ?"
"what secrets ? I don't hide anything from you"
another lie... it will never stop. I hate lying to Lucas but it is better this way. Nathan and I are over and there is no reason that Lucas knows about our love affair.
"Brooke calls you. Since when are you friend with her ?"
"since when have you one-night-stand ?"
"so I slept with her and you become her new best-friend ?"
I don't want a confrontation with him now. I'm tired, I'm sick and I know me. If he pushes me, I risk to be mean and say things that I'll regret. He knows that, he's my best friends, he has to know that.
"Lucas, listen to me and try to understand, Brooke is cool with me and I know I can talk to her about things I can't talk to you, she's very helpful and you have to stay cool with it because... I want it that way ok?"
I finish my sentence and I heard the car's engine. I know that sound, it's Nathan's car. God, it can't be happenning. Lucas goes to watch trough the window and see him.
"why Nathan is here ?"
"Nathan ?"
I try to sound innocent and surprised but I can't really play well. I'm so terrified. Lucas looks at me and tries to guess why his brother is here, in his best friend's house. I heard Nathan's steps closer to the door and now I'm shaking. Nathan is here, Lucas will know the truth, I'll lose Lucas and maybe Nate and I'll be alone. Lucas will hate me... and now Nathan comes in the house. Why he never knock ? He stares at Lucas like me.
"what is he doing here ?"
Lucas watches me, wainting an answer... Nathan doesn't speak and looks at me, almost laughing. I have to say the first thing in my mind.
"I tutor him"
"what ?"
"his grades are very bad and I help him, that's why he is here"
Lucas glances at me one more time before rushes on the door.
"I see you tomorrow, be ready at 7:30"
he walks away and I sigh. God, this was so close. Why Nathan is here anyway ? I looked at him when he closes the door.
"so... it was close"
"why are you here ?"
he comes near to me and put one hand on my cheek. He leans over to kiss me but I avoid him.
"you can't do this to me. You know how I feel and every time you leave, it hurts me."
"that's ok. I just want to talk a little with you tonight."
This is a first, Nathan wants to talk with me instead of sleep with me. Something is wrong in this scenario. I look at his face and he seems to be serious about this.
"if you run into Brooke's arms to talk it's definively that you need someone to talk about us."
"so, it is because of this that you want to talk to me not because I'm hurt or because you feel the need to tell me that our relationship is not only on you advantage. You want to speak because you are jealous of Brooke ? Unbelievable"
now, I'm angry. I hate being mean but it's too much. Nathan has used me for two months and now he decides to talk because of his jealousy toward Brooke.
"who do you think you are ? you are nothing more than a child who wants to be the star. You need to grow-up Nate, because now, you are a man not a boy, you are responsible of your actions, even your actions towards me. I feel the need to be protected, to be loved and I think this is your role because you are here almost every night in the last two months to fuck me and this is because of this that I'm hurt. I'm feeling dirty and I know that I'm your slut but I have emotion, I'm sensitive and I just want to kill myself for what I did with you..."
I never speak like that to anyone... I have this fire in me and it devours me... Nathan just stares at me. He doesn't know what to say... I just want to shake him hardly. God this boy is so idiot. I just confess my regrets and he doesn't even think to tell me that he's here for me.
"you know, every morning when I'm wake up I wish this was a dream... but it's not and my first desire is to cry... every night when you hold me, when you kiss me I want to tell you that I love you since the beginning but I can't because it's against the rules... so fuck the rules because there it is I love you."
I don't know what I want him to do but I'm not expecting what he does. He walks towards me, take my face between his hands and kisses me bitterly. I can't nearly take my breath because his lips are on mine and he doesn't release. His hands fall on my back and he presses me more against me.
"say it again... say you love me, please"
I don't know why it hurts that he asked me this. Maybe because I know that he can't say it back but once more I chock back my pride and I say it.
"God, Nathan, I love you more than anything"
I think it's stimulating for him because his kisses are warmer, tender. Nathan looks at me in my eyes.
"you are not my slut... I promise you... you are not a slut"
and with that he kisses me once more time.
When I wake up this morning, I am feeling good. Nathan was great this night. He stays a little after we had sex and he tells me things about him and about his feeling, not his declaration to me but some nice things. He said that he was a lucky guy because I was beautiful and funny. He said he loved when I stroke the back of his neck or when I smile to him when we are doing it. He was very different, he asked several times to me to say that I love him and every time I said it, he kisses me gently. I really like our night and for the first time, I don't want to cry because I'm his slut...
Suddenly, I get up and run in the bathroom. I throw up again... this is so boring to be ill. I throw up since 5 days and I can't help but feel tired. Maybe I need to see a doctor, yeah, I'll go this week. When I come back in my room, I found a note on my desk.
This was interresting.... Nate
Interresting ? yeah it was. God, I love him so much. I take my pajamas and put on me. When I come into the kitchen, I look to the mess. Nathan and I are really excited yesterday and everything on our way was on the floor now, flowers, books, my mother's vase...
I begin to clean up but the door open up. Lucas enters and looks at me
"What's hurricane was here ?"
"It's just..."
how explain that to him ? Your brother and I were too excited to go to my room so we started to have sex here... on the table... no I think Lucas will have a heart attack. So what can I say ?
"there is... a .... mouse... and I get scared, you know me ?"
"ok, wait, I help you"
he starts to collect the pieces of the vase.
"so you are tutoring Nathan ? why ?"
"because he needs my help"
"or maybe he is just using you to mess with me ?"
this is so real... this is how everything started between us.
"Listen, I won't stop ok ?"
"ok, let's not talk about that, So you and Brooke ? friends ?"
"yesterday, we were together and it was fun"
"what are you talking with her ? me ?"
"sounds like you are interesting"
Lucas smiles and so do I. It's good to have a discussion where I'm comfortable with.
"let's say that Brooke is hot and I'm a man."
"so it's just about sex ?"
"no, I really like her. She's funny and I like stay with her"
"you know what ? ask her a date, she will be glad, I'm sure of it"
he looks at me and this time, I notice something in his eyes.
"but what about Peyton ?"
"she's... too... tortured. And I think she likes Jake."
"really ?"
I don't know why but I'm happy things don't work between us, maybe it's because of Brooke or maybe it's because Peyton have already has her Scott and I don't want her to stole the other from me.
Don't hesitate to tell me what do you think...