Why I'm standing in the Scott's living room... I finally accepted to come to this party and more I'm here more I regret it. Nathan isn't even around, he talks with Tim and his father about basketball or something close. Brooke and Lucas are with Karen, and somewhere I just know it isn't my place right now. Peyton is with Jake and they talk about Jake's daughter. I see Deb come towards me and I feel very ill at ease.
"are you Haley ?"
yes, it's me, your son's pregnant girlfriend... no I can't say that.
"yes, nice to meet you Mrs Scott"
"Call me Deb, please since you are nearly in the family"
Ok, so she wants to talk about this... and suddenly I am feeling uncomfortable. She nods to the kitchen and I follow her. When we come in, she sits on a stool and I do the same.
"so, when I first meet my son's girlfriends, I ask their age or what their parents do but... it seems we are others subjects to discuss..."
Girlfriends ? how many girlfriends Nathan did bring in his house to meet his mother ? I know there is Peyton but I never saw him with others girls in a real relationship
"yeah... I know Nathan told you about our situation and you have to know that I very love your son and I don't want him for his money or anything else..."
"I really hope that... Nathan is a little boy and you are a teenager... do you know how many responsabilities drag along a baby ? I was in your situation and I understand your wish to keep your baby, but you have to make sure that you'll never regret it"
"do you regret Nathan ?"
"I regret my sacrifices. My son is the most beautiful thing I have in my world and I'm proud of him but I can't tell you that I never imagine my life whitout him. I dream about this everyday, I wonder if I didn't do a mistake..."
she doesn't reassure me, she is pretty scary... I don't want to have regrets and I don't want that for Nathan neither...
"I am against an abortion, but you don't have to keep the baby after the birth... adoption is one way, maybe it will be hard but..."
"I'm ready... I want this baby and I'm sure Nathan wants it too"
I stand up and I start to walk away.
"I don't want you to do an abortion or an adoption but I need to know my grand-child will be happy with parents who will love him"
"we will..."
I get out of the kitchen and I bump into Nathan.
"hey you. I didn't see you much since the beginning"
he starts to kiss me and I lose my control. There is only one thing in this world who can have a such effect on me and it's him. When he holds me, I really feel we are going to be together and he is the only man I want.
"you look beautiful... new dress ?"
"yeah, Brooke gave it to me telling me that I need to be more sexy before... you know"
"before you start being fat and ugly and before I start being ashamed of you ?"
"like I said, being a jerk is really easy for you"
I move away from him as he moves to extend his arms to catch me
"Haley, I was joking, baby, you know that"
"no it was so true... you were ashamed of me before and when I'll be fat you will be even more..."
"come on, you are beautiful and you'll always be while your pregnancy..."
I smile a little, he is good to ask forgiveness... he knows that and when he touches me, I relax.
"so you still think this is a bad idea telling to everyone now ? because if you aren't, I'll be happy"
"why did you change your mind ? you told me you doesn't love me so what is it ?"
"Haley, I don't want to talk about this here"
"good, we are going in your room"
I sit on the bed and he rests again his desk.
"so you sure you want to talk and not be something else now we are in my bedrooom ?"
"damn boy, do you think with anything except your dick ?"
"God, here the bitch again... I said that because we never did it in my bedroom, that's all"
I lie down and my hands come on my belly.
"I wanted to talk to you about your change of mind and you still didn't answer me"
"what do you want me to say ? that I love you ? that I always wanted to have a family with you ?"
"tell me the truth now. I want to know. I don't want you with me because you feel guilty and your mother is right, baby involves responsabilities and sacrifices. I have to be sure you are ready for this"
"Haley, you need to stop thinking. I already told you... I want this"
"no you said you wanted me whitout the baby and the next minute you told me that you are ready to have a family now"
he comes near me and lies on his back.
"Haley, you have to trust me... this is now you have to make a choice... you are afraid and it is because of this that you don't stop asking me questions with nonsense"
"Nathan, you mother has scaring me"
"what does she have to do with us ? it's our life ok ?"
I'm standing near Nathan and his father continues to speak about basketball to the public. Nathan is uncomfortable and he takes my hand gently. I stroke his arm and I feel him relasing the tension inside him. He looks at me and smiles. This is so good to reveal to everyone our relationship.
"and I hope the Ravens will win the championship this year... but I know they will be excellent because I trust them, I trust my son to make the good decisions for his team... to the team"
"Cheers"
Nathan let go of my hand and starts walking near his father.
"I need to tell you something very important"
"speak my son"
Nathan starts to speak aloud.
"you must know now that I have a girlfriend and I care about her..."
what ? did he have to tell that to everyone before he told me ? and now I'm frightened at the following. He didn't dare tell them I'm pregnant with his baby ?
"she is now pregnant..."
there is a long silence, everybody start looking at me and Nathan. I want to run away, I turn around to leave but I found Lucas and Brooke. After I heard a slap, I look to Nathan and I see him on the ground, his father has big eyes. God what's happen ? Lucas rushes to push Dan away from Nathan and Tim helps him. Nathan gets up and walk away.
"don't dare come back here... I don't want you anymore, you are not my son anymore"
Nathan jostles me and makes his way toward the door. I run after him and I catch him outside.
"Nathan ?"
"and I forgot my keys... great"
he punches his car. I never deal with an angry Nathan, I mean sometimes he gets angry but not like that. He continues to hit his car furiously.
"Nathan stop it"
"do you have a car ?"
"no, I came with Lucas"
he starts walking quickly, I have to run to catch him and when I finally do it, I heard Lucas's voice.
"Nathan ? Haley ? wait"
"Nathan, would you stop ? Lucas is calling you."
"why do I have to care ?"
"because I tell you... now, you stop walking"
I grasb his arm and forces him to stop. Lucas runs towards us.
"hey, where do you go ?"
"somewhere else..."
"you need a car ?"
"no... you can go and have fun at your father's party..."
"Nathan"
God, here the jerk again... I have to stop him before anything else.
"Nathan, please, let him to take you where you want... I don't want you to be alone when you are like this..."
"I'm not alone, you stay with me"
Lucas doesn't like the conversation, he grabs my arm and press me against his chest.
"you really think, I want her to go with you. No way"
Nathan reaches my arm and tries to take me away from Lucas's embrace.
"she is my girlfriend, not yours... I need her, she goes with me"
"she is my best friend and I know her more than you, and I know what it is good for her"
"yeah but I'm the one who makes her scream at night not you"
this is too much. I put myself away from them and look at them.
"now, you stop everything... Nathan you have to calm you down and Lucas will gives us a ride..."
Nathan knows he talks too much but if he is angry I can too...
here, we are... the beach house. Nathan wanted to come here so I followed him. Lucas leaves us here. Nathan sits on the couch and I do the same. He switches on the tv and put his legs on the table. He is watching a basketball's game and don't even care if I'm here or not. I don't know what to do. Maybe I can take his hand... I look at him and something tells me I better don't do it.
I lay my head on my arms and I fold my legs on the couch. Only my feet touch him and I have the need to retract on myself. I start to cry silently. All the emotions are running in my body, I can't even describe them. I feel Nathan's hand on my leg. He leans over and start to kiss me.
"I'm sorry Haley... I didn't want you to cry, you have to know that"
"I told you to keep your mouth shut but no, you have to challenge your father"
"I'm so sorry... baby, you have to believe me, I didn't want to hurt you, you are too important to me now, I need you to calm down, please."
He starts to kiss my arms and leans closer than me... something his mother told me is always in my mind and I really want to talk tonight.
"how many girls did you bring home ?"
"what ? what are you talking about now ?"
"your mother said 'girlfriends' not 'girlfriend' and I just want to know."
He sits down and turn off the tv.
"Haley, you really want to talk about others girls now... because there are plenty of things we can do other than that"
"you know your problem Nate, you are a perverse. We never talked and I need to know things about you, it isn't a crime, is it ?"
"ok, you want to know. A lot of girls but I never care about any of them except Peyton. She is the only one that I once loved"
ok, he is honest but he could be more nice and spares me the fact he doesn't love me like he loved Peyton.
"you ? how many guys ?"
"except you, only Lucas."
"did you date him ?"
"God, no... this is wrong... no he was my first friend and my only when we were children and my house is his."
"so you never have a real boyfriend ?"
"no, you are the only one."
"I'm glad to be your first about everything"
"who said you were my first kiss ?"
he looks at me like I'm crazy.
"you..."
"no I said you are my first boyfriend. My first kiss was Lucas..."
"you know, I really hate this guy ans you are always talking about him, this is annoying"
"are you jealous ? I can't believe this, you are jealous of Lucas"
"I'm not. Afterall, I'm the one who is with you now"
I sit down next to him and I put my hand on his leg.
"yes, you are but you need to talk to him. He is my best friend"
"so, you want me to go talking with him about our crazy nights like I do with others guys I really like ? because there is no way I can do that"
"what did you say ?"
he talks about me... interresting but he talks about our nights together and it's very wrong. Tim and the others of the basketball's team know about us... maybe he talked about this when we weren't dating and they think I'm a slut.
"I don't want to talk to Lucas, he is not my friend and he never will be."
"no, about your discussions with your friends ? you talked about us to them ? how can you do that ? it's personal... my life and especially my sexual life is mine not their"
"Haley, we are boys, we talk about this. You talk about this with Brooke and Peyton too."
"yes, I told them that I sleep with you but I never gave details... it's... God, I don't believe you. You knew you were my first and it was important for me... did you tell them when we are not together ? when we are just friends with benefits ?"
he says nothing and I understand. I stand up and start to walk in front of him.
"so, you did that... I always think it was a secret between us. This was a part of the deal..."
"Haley... Tim knew about the deal before you accepted it..."
"great... so what did you say ? I was good in bed ? or maybe you talked about my beauty spot on my ass ? did you said what I did to you during our crazy nights ? because I really want to know... next time I'll see Tim we can discuss about that... oh and maybe, I'll tell him to come and check about every details you told him on me..."
"would you stop ? I already told you, you were not important to me but it changed..."
"I felt very bad about you seeing me naked but now I know your little friend know everything about me so... not a big deal right ?"
"your friends know about me too..."
"because you slept with Peyton but I promise you I never talked about you with her"
"listen, I didn't know it will hurt you, but guys do things like this..."
"I don't approve"
"I never asked you to approve... and personaly I would prefer you never know this but we don't always have what we want, huh ?"
"I don't even know why I'm here"
I take my jacket and I go out of the beach house. He is so stupid and I'm too. I can't believe he talks about me to his friends... they know how I'm, they always knew.
"Haley, wait"
I turn and see Nathan running to me. I wait for him hoping he has a good excuse for all this shit.
"you forgot that"
he shows my mobile. I can't believe he is so a jerk. I take my mobile and I glare at him.
"thank you. With this I can call Lucas."
"why ?"
"I need a ride to come home"
he didn't think I will walk... this guy is stupid. I turn and start to walk away.
"Haley, go walk a little on the beach and after you come back here ok ?"
"why ? I don't want to fight with you, I have enough of this shit..."
"listen, I need you tonight and I want you to stay with me, please"
"I don't know..."
"don't let things like this between us... you don't like that and I don't either. So, after you'll come, we will be able to talk gently... but come back"
"what about I go to my house and come back in two days ?"
"what about you don't go ?"
I want to stay to be with him but I'm angry with him... I start to walk and I see him turn to the house. I really don't know what I can do. I look to my mobile and dial someone who could help me. I walk on the beach, I am far away from him and I can sit and look at the sea. I try once again to reach Brooke and it's again her voicemail.
"Brooke, I need to talk to you. Call me when you get this message"
ok, Brooke is not available so I try Peyton.
"hello ?"
"Peyton ? I need to talk to you"
"Haley, where are you ? are you with Nathan ?"
"yes, I'm with him but no, I am not with him"
"let me guess, a lot of drama after you are leaving the Scott's house ?"
"did you know he talk about me to the guys ?"
"it's a good thing, no ?"
"he talked about our sexual life before we were together officially"
"Haley, what's the big deal ? you know him and you knew him before, it's Nathan, he is a jerk"
"but I don't want him to be"
"where are you ?"
"on the beach, I was to the beach house with him but we started fighting and I leaved"
"you need to talk to him"
I know that but everytime we start to have a conversation it's ending in fight. I hang up with Peyton and I start to walk to the beach house. When I can see it, I see Nathan on the porch. I walk towards him and he doesn't see me. the sun is setting and Nathan looks very focusing on that. I don't want to disturb him so I don't talk. When I reach him, I seat next to him. He doesn't move. I look at his face and see he was crying... I settle my head on his shoulder and wait for him to talk. I don't want to start. He doesn't talk but he puts in hand on my leg, squeeze it a little. Why did he cry ? Nathan doesn't cry, it's not in his character, he is always so strong and confidence... I can't stop thinking it's about our fight... maybe he starts loving me...
"I don't know what to say to make you feel better. I made mistakes, it's me, you know that"
"yeah... but I'll like it if you don't do that now... everytime we talk, in the end, I'm hurting and I want to hate you... but I can't"
"because you love me ?"
"yeah, maybe. I have to ask you one more question"
"God, this is your fault you know... all this fights between us, you always ask wrong questions"
"would you love me someday ?"
I really need to know there will be a future for us, for the baby.
"I already told you I wanted to learn, it isn't enough for you ?"
"I don't know... you loved Peyton but I know you cheated on her, everybody knows it so if you don't love me, you could cheat on me too"
he doesn't say nothing... and I'm scared again but I don't want to leave him again...