Disclaimer: Sony and SquareSoft's FF7 characters were used in this story for non-profitable entertainment purposes. No infringement intended.
To Riko-chan, Ah-choo, WrexSoul, malz, moonstorm, CloTi-4ever, Forbidden Wings, JessAngel and Vash-chan aka Makoto Almasy – thank you for reading and reviewing the previous chapter (even if it did have countless of grammar and spelling errors – and I only realized it when I read it the day AFTER I posted it, yikes!). :) I feel that I owe you guys something, so I present you the next chapter. :D And I swear, I read this one over and over just to make sure I'd give you guys an easier time reading this. If ever there are still mistakes, erm, my eyes weren't able to catch them then.
To zelda6... words can't say anything more. c",
To Tiy :)
To everyone else reading this: thank you! :D
The Night A Star Fell
Part Five: Untouched
I don't know why there is always a shadow of sadness hanging around me. It assaults me at the most unexpected moments, and because of it, there are times when I just feel the need to get away... I isolate myself from everyone else, since the emptiness within me just seems to build up. The more I surround myself with people, the more my loneliness continues to grow. But somehow... No matter how much I try to push everyone away, I just can't do it to you.
As much as I want to be alone, I always welcome you. Maybe, just as I need someone to be with me, you're looking for someone who would understand and listen to you. It's possible that you need someone, just as I do...
"A penny for your thought."
I look up from my half-eaten Tupperware of fettuccini, and I see your silhouette looming over me, a coin in one hand. I accepted it from you and smile as a greeting, moving to make space for you on the bench. You sit beside me, and I couldn't help but think that no senior would even want to be caught with someone from the lower year levels...
But you're not just any senior. Then again, you're not just anyone.
I offer my food to you, like I always do whenever you chance upon me in my solitary spot. You shake your head, surprising me more than just a little. Normally, you would jump at my offer – after all, pasta is one of your favorite foods. I've come to know that after having many enlightening talks with you in this exact place.
Now... I see a dying light in your eyes, similar to the fading glow I see in mine... I encounter that failing spark especially when I look at my reflection on the mirror. And very much like me, you hide it behind a false facade. But I guess... you're much, much more convincing than I am.
Because I haven't seen it ever then and I wouldn't have known it existed if I haven't chanced upon it...
"What's wrong, Zack?" I have to ask, but after taking one long look at you, I realize that this time, I might not be getting any answer at all.
Almost half a year ago, I remember asking you this exact question. I never thought you'd tell me, that you'd trust me with something personal, a problem that anyone shouldn't have had to go through...
But you did go through it. And you did tell me.
And I recall listening as you poured out your heart's pains and anguish over the loss of a much-loved grandfather. Back then, that was all I could do, to sit and listen, to wait – I waited for you to cry. But the tears never came, even if your eyes already glistened with them. I've thought that, perhaps, you've cried enough and your eyes cannot endure any more.
I felt for you then, but don't get me wrong, I still feel for you. You know that I've lost my mother as a child, right? I know how it feels to lose a big part of myself, of my life... And I don't want anyone else experiencing it.
One second, I was crying – the next, I was in your arms. There I was trying to comfort you, instead, you comfort me. The irony of life. I guess, I can say the two of us found solace in each other.
But I don't think that is the only reason why the two of us are friends. Believe me, there is so much more...
"You know Tifa... Life sucks." You speak up, and, snapping out of my reverie, a smile ekes out of your face and I stifle a laugh. You always say that with your distinct comical way, your personal approach to somewhat lighten the mood... And, well, it works.
I softly hit your shoulder, an action you've probably grown used to. "Zack, you always say that!" Listening to my own words, I pause. And I think that, perhaps, what you say during your attempts of cheering both of us up is what you really intend to say...
But... things couldn't be that bad. I mean, you're one of the most popular bachelor on campus, the class clown, the guy even the teachers can't help but love...
On the other hand, I don't know everything, do I? I know... Because even if I'm well part of your life, I've only been to its threshold. And from there, you've shown me only a small glimpse of what your world and thoughts are like.
But you should know, I've always tried to show you, that I'd always be here when you're ready to let anyone in.
"Zack, why do you always say that?"
You shrug. "Well, because it's true..." I watch you lean back on the bench and prop yourself on one elbow as you gaze up at the sky. "Erm, most of the time anyway." You catch me staring, and I look away. "I mean... If people keep paying attention to the dirt on our feet, they'd never appreciate the sky's beauty."
I look up. "The sky is beautiful." It always is...
"Yeah... Beautiful." You repeat after me, and I smile in agreement.
There is a comfortable silence afterwards, a particular calm that even I do not wish to break.
"Tifa..." Your voice is soft, the wind could have drifted the sound away, and yet it found its way to my ears. You say my name with such care – and for some reason, it alarms me. I know something is wrong.
I look into your eyes, where I know I'd find even a piece of an answer to my unspoken question. But you avert them from mine, settling your gaze elsewhere. "Zack?"
"Nothing." You flash me a grin. "Life sucks, huh?"
I smile sadly and with half-hearted effort...
Only now do I notice how much the two of us are alike. And now I know how frustrating it is to try helping someone who always shies away.
"Not really, Zack." I put a hand on one of yours. "You said it yourself, right...?"
You've hidden yourself inside your shell while I try to conceal myself behind a mask... It's funny. And a little sad.
Maybe the two of us can learn from each other... After all, humans, as much as they don't want to be unaffected by anything, can never live untouched.
TBC
Author's Notes: Gah... :D I'm on a roll! Erm, okay my "on a roll" could still be slow to other people, but point said, let's go to the important stuff... laughs ;)
Nothing much happening in this chapter, just shedding light on Tifa's friendship with Zack. Funny how some people don't look close friends at all and yet they are the close friends, neh? Err, am I making sense?
Actually, this chapter was long finished even before the Cloud&Zack chapter was put up. winces YES, I know it's mighty weird for someone to write Part Five BEFORE FINISHING Part Four but then when I was just struck by an idea and I had to write this Zack&Tifa moment . Now, we all know how dysfunctional my brain is (erm, not to mention, the person who owns the brain ).
Hmm... okay, some of you may think that Zack is a bit withdrawn, even "emotionally constipated" (as I would say) BUT he has a reason for being a bit distant. I mean, if you have feelings for one of your friends, you would do anything to keep that in check, right? For example, s/he may share things with you regarding her/his significant-other while you can't tell her/him as much since s/he IS the one you love. (I hope I didn't confuse anyone with that). So, as much as Zack trusts Tifa, he can't simply tell or even show her that he loves her (especially since he knows she loves someone else AND things would be more complicated than they already are). :D BUT this could just be my opinion, I'd gladly hear your sides, guys.
Oh yeah, I have a question...
If ever the opportunity presents itself, would you ever tell your friend that you love her/him (not platonic love, mind you) even if you already know that s/he loves another?
I need everyone's help with that question though. Each and every thought, opinion and argument from each of you would really help me. I just thought that since I'm a bit unsettled with one chapter, and since you guys would be the ones reading this, knowing your answers could help me decide (I'm seeking help from the majority ). Erm, actually, this is not a voting thing. As I said, it would just help me resolve certain issues...
Egad. You'd have my head for sure... winces
Btw, if ever any of you guys is part of , feel free to message ole' rachie there. I'm using my old email ad (the overquota one, harhar! )
Oh, and next chapter has Cloud and Zack, again. grins
Riko-chan – ;) last chapter was a pain to write, I really, really appreciate your telling me that reading this made you see more into the characters I'm trying to portray. it makes all the strenuous efforts worth it accepts Zack plushie and cookie there's a trailer for FFVII? Advent Children? claps yay, are they carrying over the FFVII characters if ever?
Ah-choo – I've read some of your works!!! I've reviewed 'em too! :D I can't help but admire people who can write poetry since I've long lost my "poetic" side, if ever I did have one snickers when you write more, feel free to tell me winks I'd love to read more!
WrexSoul – gives Sarah a light tap on the shoulder there, I hit ya back! heeeeeey, I've finished reading "Water Under the Bridge" and the only other reason why I haven't reviewed yet (but expect at least ONE long review, ok?) is because someone is hacking our internet!!! grrrrr... now, I'm using the "back up" one, and it's a bit overpriced (i forgot how much per minute) compared to the other one... smiles talk about mood swings! hehe, back in highschool, when we were reading Julius Caesar, we had a discussion about friendship. The type where one is obviously "dominant" over another. Hmm... in Cloud and Zack's case, it's not a matter of who is dominant, it's all about who needs who and what... huh? :D egad, I'm ranting! I'm not even sure if I'm making sense.. Sheesh... I haven't gotten a decent night's sleep in a while, after all. :P
malz – cringes eep, sorry for taking so long! Now, this chapter took only a week and a couple of days, neh? :D haha, first person perspective IS confusing (there was a time I kept writing s/he instead of "I" because I've grown so accustomed to writing in third person perspective! Bleh!) things are gonna come naturally, dear. And I WILL write. that's my hobby, my own "abstract art" :D
moonstorm – :D thank you, thank you, thank you! I wanted to portray the said sadness and other emotions from love (whichever kind it may be) and having people assure me of my writing... sighs yep, reviews can make a person's day!
CloTi-4ever – I fell in love with the txz pairing after reading works by GlassShard, Ani K and zelda6. zelda6 is definitely the biggest supporter and lover, and well... :D here I am now! Hmm... ;P haha, there was a time when I loved Aeris, and there was also a time when I hated her. Now, I can say she's one of the most intriguing RPG characters I've ever "seen" (and she's the only one –that I'm aware of, anyway- who dies because it's part of the story flow) but I myself don't really read any Aeris/anybody fics winces I DON'T hate her, I read some Aeris/whoever (I've liked a handful, too) but then it just doesn't strike me as much as most Tifa or Yuffie fics do. (to any Aeris fan reading this, no offense meant, ok?) so... now you know, neh?
Forbidden Wings – ;D yeah, I'll go on with the email thing. hahaha, updates are a joy to readers... :D that's why I do my best to write and post in time scratches head Come to think of it, I've yet to write the next chapters of my other fics! grimaces but... first things first... thinks
JessAngel – haha, being a girl has it's advantages huh? The only drawback is that I have no or very little idea what guys are thinking! As for Cloud and Zack, heck, despite the tension, they still are friends...I say things are harder for Zack, though... that's only one of the reasons why love triangles suck... :P I used to think those stuff never happened in real life but... whistles dammit, I was sooooo wrong! ;) about cute boys... hehe, are you familiar with HongKong actor/singer/businessman Edison Chen? ack, he's my dreamboat!!! ;P can't hurt to have cute boys like him! giggles
Vash-chan aka Makoto Almasy – fireworks? for me? haha, dream on rachel! :D haha, well... I didn't say I don't read shonen ai, some of my friends are shonen ai/yaoi fans and when they feel that a certain story is nice, they send it to me. laughs they're particularly fond of gundam wing (Heero and Duo ;P) gravitation (yuichi something... :D) and, if I'm not mistaken, Weiss. :D oh yeah... you're not reviewing much? You mean you're not really reading as much stuff in ? dang. I haven't really done much reading too... :P only a couple of works here and there and I haven't even reviewed yet! smile slips from my face hmm... I owe those people, neh? Anyway, if ever you have some stuff up, tell me? I may read it late, but I WILL read it anyway, we both know that huh? :D
To everyone else: thank you for taking the time to read this!