C.M.D: I think my biggest trait (and curse) is writing about obscure characters or pairings, and getting overly attached to these random couples to the point that I want to waste hours looking up art or reading stories about them. But of course, no one else has come to the same conclusion that character A and character B would be the most amazing thing since sliced bread, so then I gotta be the producer of my own guilty pleasures... So, here we are again! Inspired by nostalgic binging of my childhood transformers, procrastination with on-going projects, and my undying love for a certain hopeless shark~
Fishing for Love
It was a pleasant, sunny day as usual in Metro City.
At least, for all but one.
Hidden under the canopy of trees, was a shark. And if that were not shocking enough, it was made of metal and levitating in the very air! It wasn't doing just that either; this creature was busy weaving back and forth in unease, a string of anxious dialogue muttered out lowly.
"...but what if he doesn't...?"
"...Dark Scream said..."
"...surely, the advert I made was believable..."
The unintelligible clips of statements only served to wind up the shark further, until with a panicked huff the metal beast came apart- leaving a tall, Predacon in its place. Sky-Byte, as he was infamously known as, leaned through a spot in the trees, scanning the beach down below the cliff edge and the stretch of road leading to it.
"Should I have said it was a cook-off instead of a racers' photo shoot?," Sky-Byte pondered worriedly. Fingers on his free servo tapped at his fangs regretfully, suddenly very concerned that all of his planning had been for naught. It had already taken him weeks to narrow down on his choices, let alone gather the courage to send out the message.
"Oh, this is completely stupid! A farce!," Sky-Byte cried, throwing an arm over his optics as he spun back under the cover of the mountain's forest. "The tragedy of circumstances! How could I think this was a wise thing to do?! If Lord Megatron ever found out about this, he'd surely chop me up for soup! Oh, I'm a blemish on all Predacon ki-"
The sound of an engine roared through the tiny valley; alarmed, the Predacon looked back in time to see the dodge viper fly from the asphalt and onto the sandy dunes. Tires churned in the wet silt for a few more metres until the vehicle shifted shape with a cacophony of clicks, another mech -decidedly less animalistic but still very metal- rising to his full height.
"Ack! Gross!," Side Burn complained, his vocalizer heard clearly across the empty beach, "It's all over my paint job! Where's the pit crew? The photographers? Is anyone here?! I was promised a shoot and now I need a wash!"
This was it, Sky-Byte told himself, hurriedly transforming and flying down to the beach.
"Helloooo?," Side Burn called, looking the decidedly-empty coast over with a frown. "Slaggit. This was a waste of time! Worse, I bet T-AI is gonna lecture me about this; something about fishing and viruses on the base computer..."
The young Autobot was already turning to trudge up to the road, when he heard a shrill "WAIT!" call out from behind him in a panic- though that didn't even compare to the fright the dodge viper experienced as he saw giant fangs barrelling down on him. Faster than he could think, Side Burn pulled his weapon out of subspace, a rain of lasers peppering the beach as he open-fired at the sea creature.
"No! S-stop, don't sh-shoot!," the beast squealed, twisting sporadically to avoid getting hit.
His little dance had the unfortunate side effect of stirring up a massive cloud of sand and steam, which blinded the Autobot long enough to stop shooting as he focused on purging his suddenly clogged vents.
"S-sky-Byte?!," the younger mech managed to choke out after a klik.
The dust was beginning to settle and, to Side Burn's incredulous optics, yes, it was the bi-pedal Predacon squatting on the beach a few metres across from him, arms held up imploringly as he sat surrounded by still-steaming holes in the ground.
"I-it is I," Sky-Byte confirmed, glancing at the other mech from beneath his suspended arms, "Please, don't fire again; I only wanted to talk. Promise!"
"Fat chance of that!," the Autobot returned snidely, his gun held level towards the shark as he quickly scoped out his surroundings, "I bet your trio of buffoons are just waiting by to tie me up so you can use me as bait again. Or do you plan on feeding me more 'tips' so Scourge can pull off his heists around the city?"
Sky-Byte jumped to his pedes at once, too incensed to consider his actions. "I would rather have my fuel tanks rust than provide that job-stealing exhaust pipe with any help!," he snapped offensively. He backpedaled immediately after, noting the strange look he was getting from the dodge viper. "A-and, no," Sky-Byte added, softer, "I am alone. Those accurately described buffoons are elsewhere... I a-apologize for k-kidnapping you before, also."
A long, strenuous pause passed between them before Side Burn lowered his gun; leaving it dangling down by his side, the other servo resting on a cocked hip. "Alright, exactly what do you have to say that's so important you tricked me into coming out here?," he asked. "And be sure if I don't like it, I will shoot you."
The Predacon only partially took note of the threat, his gaze tracing blue hips with mute hunger. Belatedly, he realized he was being watched by a suspicious dodge viper and reset his vocalizer loudly as he stood up fully.
"Rims of silver,
Hood, colour of the tide,
a passing flame.
Against wind,
free he rides, a storm,
drawn to centre.
A brilliance,
the noble warrior saw,
and so bewitched!
Bright ruby orbs,
perfect angles adorn him,
seductive, oh my!
A crux, born is he,
puppet to thine enemies,
yet, passion thrums.
Burn, flame, burn ever more,
the warrior pulled to side,
netted by a spark.
Upon fate's hook, I
surrender; drowning instead,
fished by love blue."
The younger mech's optics were flared brightly following the end of his stanza. "Umm..."
"O-oh, did you not like it?," Sky-Byte questioned, his posture falling askew as he became flustered. "Allow me to try another. 'Sleek he-'"
"Ah, no. No, no more please!," Side Burn interrupted loudly, already cringing. "Are you seriously quoting your weirdo poems to me right now?"
The shark tried not to appear insulted by the 'weird' comment but could not ignore the uneven twirl of his spark at the Autobot's displeasure. "W-well, yes," he chittered nervously in response, "I-i am trying to court you. Would you prefer we skip forward to token giving? I assembled forty-eight different poetic masterpieces in your honor, but I suppose I can save them for later..."
"Forty-eight-" The dodge viper shook his helm in confusion, a servo gesturing in the air wildly as he jumped from one point in the conversation to the next. "Wait, what? You're putting me on trial?!"
Now it was Sky-Byte's turn to be perplexed. "W-what?! I never said such a thing!"
"You just did," the younger mech insisted. "You said you were 'taking me to court'!"
"That... I said I am 'courting' you," the Predacon returned, finding his patience beginning to slip a little. "That has nothing to do with Cybertron's system of law," he added at his companion's blank expression, "It is an ancient ritual, honourable and timeless; a back and forth dance of interest and respect, until the final act of coupling has been reached."
Side Burn slowly looked the older mech up and down -helm raised boisterously and chestplates puffed forward with a misplaced sense of pride, to his fins and clawed arm, before heading back to the shark's grinning face- his processor sluggishly piecing together what he'd just been told. "So, w-wait, you... And me...?"
"Yes," Sky-Byte vented, a weight lifted from his shoulders at the dodge viper's understanding. He took a step forward, servo held out in offer as his vocalizer dipped sultrily. "Now, my handsome lil' bot, may I continue to win your affections?"
Optics shuttered in shock and then:
"Eeeeeeeeeeewww!," Side Burn gagged, turning and transforming instantly. He gunned his engine before his tires had even touched the beach; spraying the shocked Predacon with a torrent of sand as he made purchase with the shifting surface, and high-tailed it out of the valley.
Sky-Byte wiped the worst of the silt from his face, deflating as he saw the last of the Autobot's tail lights disappear down the road. He had anticipated a slightly negative response from the youth, but 'Ew'? It seemed that not even the affairs of love were exempt his usual blundering. Transforming, the shark flopped miserably into the ocean's shallow tide, silently berating himself and his string of poor luck.
xxXxXxx
Side Burn couldn't believe what had just happened.
The dodge viper raced into base, leaving tread marks in the floor as he angrily came to a stop. "Side Burn!," T-AI shouted, materializing next to the offensive graffiti, "Look what you did to the floors!"
"Get off my spoiler!," he snapped back nastily, transforming and shaking loose sand from his joints.
As if summoned by the trouble, both Prowl and X-Brawn turned the corner into the hall. At once, the lamborghini focused in on the streaks of burnt rubber across the metal floors, his optics narrowing in displeasure.
"Side Burn, do not take that tone with T-AI. She is correct; you have marred the floors with your carelessness. This is unsightly and you need to take responsibility," he chastised firmly.
"I'll do it later," the blue mech scowled. "I don't know why everyone's complaining anyhow- the system nanny can just send out the drones to clean it up if it bothers her so much!"
"Hey, ya watch yer manners there, hot head!," X-Brawn interjected loudly, blocking his youngest brother's path when he tried to storm off. "I can see yer havin' a rough day, bud, but ya don't mistreat yer friends like this. Ya need to apologize to the lil' lady and get yerself a mop 'cause yer scrubbin' this mess up right now."
Side Burn balled his fists up at his sides, debating for a full klik if he could get away with punching the the older Autobot. Eventually, he came to the conclusion that an act of aggression probably wouldn't fly well with his big brother -even with X-Brawn being the cooler of the two- and stiffly, the dodge viper faced the quiet T-AI, bowing. "I am sorry," he grit out sternly.
"That didn't sound very sincere to me," Prowl commented. The blue mech's helm snapped up instantly, features contorted in silent rage.
"N-no, it's fine," T-AI cut in awkwardly, floating between the two siblings in an attempt to defuse the situation. "I know Side Burn is sincere and X-Brawn is getting him to clean, so everything's settled then! I-i'll just, go a-and run some scans of the city..."
The holo-femme flashed out of existence following her final words, leaving the brothers standing in an uneven circle in the middle of the command center.
"I still think he should prepare a proper apology for T-AI," the lamborghini spoke first.
"Now, don't ya start on that nonsense," X-Brawn vented wearily. "Side Burn apologized, T-AI accepted it and the mess is bein' cleaned. There ain't no need for ya to be stirrin' up trouble just 'cause things weren't formal enough for ya."
"Yeah!," the blue Autobot piped in smartly.
Prowl merely crossed his arms unhappily, glowering at the SUV. "Someone needs to be stricter with him. You're constantly spoiling him and look how he's turned out: reckless, inconsiderate, a hot-headed thrill-seeker and an incorrigible flirt! We are at war; this kind of behavior is not condonable. Side Burn needs to grow up or face harsher consequences for his actions!"
The green mech waved a servo at the other Autobot, engine turning over with a snort. "Ya need to drop the rulebook once in a while and pick up one on 'sensitivity', Prowl," X-Brawn said, tone terse as he turned away from the lamborghini. "Wars be sad affairs to all; ya don't need to be robbin' folks of what lil' joy they be havin' meanwhile. Though, Side Burn, why are ya gunnin' into HQ in a mighty fine fit? Somethin' happen while yer were out for patrol?"
Suddenly the centre of his oldest brother's attention, Side Burn felt his shoulders rise defensively, fuel tanks squirming in discomfort. "W-well, you see...," he stammered, trailing off into awkward silence.
He hadn't thought about lying to his brothers about why he'd left base that morning, or what had transpired while he was gone but the words seemed to wedge themselves tightly into his vocalizer the moment he started speaking. Could he really tell the other Autobots about Sky-Byte tricking him to an isolated location? Or the fact that the Predacon did it so he could confess his feelings for the dodge viper? Side Burn could practically feel the energon draining from his frame in recollection of the last cycle. It was embarrassing enough knowing that the shark thought of him like that... Possibly did other things too... There was no way in the Pit Side Burn was going to share that horrific news with anyone else!
"I'm sure Side Burn skipped patrol duty to harass more red-themed pedestrians and ended up running himself into a ditch," Prowl announced irritably. "Again."
"Shut up!"
It was with herculean effort that X-Brawn didn't just bury his face into his servos right there and then. "Listen, Sides...," the SUV began softly, looping an arm around the younger Autobot and turning him away from their brother, "Things do seem to be gettin' out of hand for ya, lil' partner. Why not try datin', more serious-like?"
Obviously, Prowl overheard despite the green mech's conspiratorial set-up, for he yelped an "Are you kidding me?!" from behind the pair.
X-Brawn shot the lamborghini an angry look. "He ain't no hood ornament, Prowl! The kid's got feelings and needs- ignorin' them ain't solvin' nothin', and yer bad attitude don't help neither. Ya ain't gonna help, then don't be a hinder!," he scowled.
"So, what'dya think Side Burn?," the older Autobot asked, returning his focus to the blue mech under his arm. "Why not try dippin' yer pedes into the datin' pool? Surely there's gotta be somebot that piques yer fancy? Wedge, maybe? He's closer in age to ya. Or, or how about one of the spy-changers? R.E.V might be a nice fella to tango with."
Side Burn could only gape in horror.
Prowl snorted. "If those are your suggestions, why not throw Ultra Magnus in there too?"
"Now ya-"
"Primus, stop!," the dodge viper cried, shoving away from the green mech. "Just STOP! Gross! Me? With any of those guys? I can't believe you'd even suggest that," he gagged at X-Brawn, before shifting his annoyance to his other brother, "And I definitely don't need you riding my bumper again about my preferences, Prowl. It's my life- not yours!"
"Now, Side Burn there ain't no shame in testin' if ya and other bots might make a good fit-," X-Brawn started.
The youngest Autobot merely clapped his servos over his audio receptors, dry-heaving in disgust. "EWW! Primus, NO! Stop talking and leave me alone!"
Prowl stepped forward, a finger pointed to the floor. "You still need to-"
"Fine!," Side Burn groaned loudly, "Just go!"
"But-"
"GO!"
Prowl grabbed X-Brawn's arm, dragging the SUV in the opposite direction; clicking under his vents in obvious annoyance. Side Burn didn't care. This entire exchange had been one unpleasant experience after the next and the blue mech was seriously regretting even onlining this morning at all.
Why did everyone feel the need to get involved in his love life?!
C.M.D: All puns and poor jokes intentional- this is a crack romance after all! Horrible poetry by moi~
Be kind; give me your mind~ REVIEW, please?