Disclaimer: Sony and SquareSoft's FF7 characters were used in this story for non-profitable entertainment purposes. No infringement intended.
for everyone who has read and put up with my absences...
for zelda6, haha, a good friend, my co-zack-lover one of those who inspired me to write MORE!
for my sister, happy birthday! as i promised myself, i am posting this on your bday... because you said you like this. that this was your favorite among my numerous works. thank you for everything, for simply being the sister i love and adore (haha, cheesy but true)
to the readers, the reviewers
Sakura-Angel2, lady scatterbrain, zelda, olga - thank you for reviewing the previous chapter :hugs:
The Night a Star Fell
Part Seven: Empty
I'm a coward… Don't get me wrong, I fight back whenever I have to defend myself or any of the people I love… But courage cannot always be quoted as such, and bravery isn't constantly denoted in the way a person stands up for another. For me, to be brave is to defy all that holds one down, to get over one's own fears, to do anything without having something else restrain oneself…
Well, I can't do any of those… I just seem to clam up whenever I've mustered enough courage to even say what I feel. I know it's not fair, oh god, how I hate it but… I only have myself to blame, right?
"Cloud…"
Your name easily rolls off my tongue. It is uncanny how one simple word can hold so much meaning, so much emotion… so much ache.
You stand a few yards away from me, you who are my friend, you who've gone with me every single step through my life… I live next door to you, and still, the two of us are worlds apart. You're so near, yet so far.
Watching you with her would have been easier… It would have been less painful for me if you haven't been gazing at her as if she holds all the world's joy and beauty. I've wanted you look at me that way, I've wanted you to see me like that too, after all…
I am about toleave the two of you alone when I hear you call me.
My heart would have plummeted to the ground had it not been clenching so tightly in my chest. I stand frozen, I could not even react. I would have died from this pain…
I live because of you, after all… I live and love you so much, it hurts. And maybe, maybe that's the reason why I also die a little everyday because of you… Isn't it ironic?
"Tifa."
I can only turn around once I hear you call me again.
It must've been years that I've heard you say my name. It's almost two decades that I've watched you form my name in your lips. The way you say it makes me forget about everything else, what I feel, who I am, who I am to you…
I'm no longer your childhood friend, nor the freshman with the puppy-dog eyes, nor the girl in love with her bestfriend… Tifa, I am just Tifa.
You could go on all day speaking my name, and it would've made me happy. Pathetic, huh? But you know…
I would do anything to be plain Tifa to you.
You stand in front of me, squinting against the harsh glare of the setting sun. "Hey…" You nervously run one hand through your hair, and my eyes meet yours. "I- Tifa…"
"You can't walk me home today." I voice out what you have difficulty telling me. Somehow, a smile finds its way into my lips, crafting it to meld perfectly in my face. "No problem, Cloud."
You smile back at me, but I could not help but see how it has not touched your eyes. "Tifa, I'm sorry." You tilt your head to one side, and I see her sitting on a bench not far from where you and I are…
I remain silent, waiting for you to continue. "Tifa… Tifa, I'm sorry."
My smile could've slipped from my face, and you wouldn't have noticed.
I would have lied to you.
I would have cried in front of you.
I would have kissed you and walked away for good…
And you?
You wouldn't have understood…
You couldn't feel my pain, after all.
And you shouldn't even try.
Despite all those, I just told you what any friend would have said, what any girl in love couldn't have easily spoken, what any broken girl shouldn't have said.
"It's okay, Cloud."
I smile, putting on my mask once again to cover my hurt. I am hiding again, and regretting what I've failed to do all the years that I could have had you to myself.
The smile on my face is wavering, but you do not notice this. After all, she's waiting for you to come back to her… and you are eager to be by her side.
A stubborn tear slips from my eye, and I quickly wipe it away. "I- I'm happy for you." I turn my back on you, to hide the tears that are slowly trickling down.
"Tifa…" Your hand is warm against my shoulder, and I reach out with my own to give it a gentle squeeze.
I slowly turn around to face again, raise a hand to your lips, and before I could lose my nerve, I plant a soft kiss on your cheek. I let my fingers linger on your warm lips for only a second longer… And just as quickly as I have touched you, the one thing I want that I cannot have, I let go.
Things are never going to be the same… The two of us don't have to deny it.
"She's waiting for you."
With that, I start to walk away. Only then do the tears fall. My eyes are stinging, my soul is bleeding… And my heart?
Well, my heart is empty.
Author's Notes: My favorite chapter… wipes a tear away I don't know what possessed me to write these, but thankfully, it came out nicely, neh? … :smiles: my older sister read part of it and told me that it was sad, sad but beautiful and FYI, my sister is my worst critic, harhar so it really is something (for the lack of better term, I settled with "something") to hear that.
The second to the last paragraph of "Empty" was inspired by the lines Cloud said in the game, when Aeris died. And about my question (in 's chapter 6), Tifa didn't tell Cloud that she loved him… Instead, she showed him how much she loved him by letting him go – for me, that's the most painful act and yet strongest proof of love. :stifles a sob: she also made things easier for both Cloud and herself, donchathink?
Erk, sorry for being a bit redundant… :P I know I repeated "after all" more than two times in this chapter…
Oh…
The epilogue is coming up people… :breaks down crying: one more chapter and it'll be over and done with…
Added Author's Notes: About my question in one of the previous chapters… I TRIED to tell bittersweet… I failed miserably I was a coward. I wrote this prior attempting to do that xx but I still am amazed. :)
Anyway, yes, one more chapter… one more and it's gonna be over. :(
A little question... how CAN someone contact a moderator and tell them asterisks disappear?
Comments and criticisms are welcome :D. Please drop me a review if you want. Thank you for reading!