It Doesn't Matter

"Do you miss him?"

"What do you think?" Remus whispered.

Severus nodded silently. He reached out to put a hand on the werewolf's shoulder but then, as if thinking twice about it, drew back quickly.

"He wouldn't have wanted you to be like this," the dark-haired man pointed out.

"Why does everybody keep saying that?" Remus snapped, "'Sirius wouldn't have wanted this, you know'…how the bloody hell do they know what he would have wanted? They hardly knew him at all!!"

Severus narrowed his eyes. "I'm attempting to be comforting, Lupin. That is what one does when another is grieving, is it not?"

"I don't need your sympathy," Remus said, taking a sip of tea.

Severus sighed in annoyance. The only sound after that was the scraping of a chair against the kitchen floor as the head of Slytherin sat himself down at the table and leaned toward Remus.

"Lupin," he growled throatily, his face centimeters away from the other man, "I will only say this once, so I do hope that you are listening." Remus glanced up from tea. Severus couldn't help but notice the way his once sparkling amber eyes were filled with such sorrow and weariness as he sat alone in the kitchen at midnight.

Snape took a deep breath, and his whole face contorted as if that what he was about to say would cause him physical pain somehow.

"As much as I loathed Black, he was unfairly bereft of his life. He was cruel to me in school, along with Potter and the rest of your merry little gang, yet I do not believe he deserved to die. After all, it would be rather hypocritical of me to say that no one warrants a second chance at his path in life," Snape murmured the last part.

"But, Black is dead, Lupin," he continued, "Nothing will change that. You must accept it and move on with your life."

Remus remained quiet.

"Did you love him?" Severus asked.

The werewolf shrugged. "Does it matter?"

"Yes."

Remus sighed loudly. "I didn't love Sirius as anything more than a friend, Severus. You would never believe me when I would tell you that, but it's true. I grieve the loss of a good friend, not a lover."

"I see." Snape looked more dejected than usual.

"Severus…" Remus winced.

"We could have been something great, you know," the Slytherin remarked.

"It wouldn't have worked."

"You do not know that."

"Yes, I do," Remus stated firmly.

Severus sneered. "My hatred of Black was insignificant compared to the jealousy I experienced. He had your heart, and I never would."

"Sirius never had--"

"More so than I," he retorted.

Remus met the dark gaze pensively.

"Severus, love doesn't conquer all, no matter what they say in fairytales. Sometimes, giving up everything you have to be with the person you love is not a risk worth taking." Remus stood up slowly as the other man took in the enigmatic statement.

"To answer your question, I do miss him. Very much. Not a day goes by when I don't wish things could have turned out differently. For Sirius. For Lily and James. For Harry…" He trailed off.

"…and for us. Good night, Severus."

Severus Snape watched as the only man he had ever loved walked out of the room, and out of his life. If only he had told Remus exactly what he was willing to give up to be with him, things could have been different for them.

Instead he chose the path of darkness over his former lover, and nothing would ever change that.

--END--