Chapter Thirty Four
"Gone back to Forks?" Alice repeats.
I nod, sucking in a shaky breath and feeling my stomach swim with nausea.
It's really over. He's actually left me.
"What the fuck?" Rose hisses.
I look up at her through watery eyes and see her pissed-off face staring back at me.
"I can't fucking believe him. Who runs away like that?" She continues.
"I hurt him" I point out.
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean he just gets to fuck off and not talk about it." Rose counters.
"She's right B," Alice says gently, "He should have talked to you about it rather than just running for the hills".
"So what do I do?" I sniff, scrubbing the tears from my eyes.
"Do you love him? Like...really love him?" Rose asks.
"Yeah. I've always loved him" I admit.
"Then go after him. Go to Forks and tell him you want to talk about things...to fix it" She replies.
I nod a little and think over her words.
"What about the awards tomorrow night?" I whisper.
"Can you get out of it?" Alice asks.
"I don't know. Maybe. Victoria won't be happy though" I reply.
"Fuck Victoria. You should fucking fire her. You're the boss B, not her" Rose points out.
I nod again. She's right. I need to get a handle on the situation and stop pussy footing around things. My lack of action is partly to blame for this mess.
"Let me look at flights" I murmur, grabbing my phone and tapping away.
Suddenly, the buzzer sounds making us all jump.
"I'll go," Alice says, rubbing a comforting hand on my back.
I watch as she disappears from the room before poking her head back in a moment later.
"It's Victoria. Shall I let her in?" She asks quietly.
"Yeah, I guess" I sigh.
She's the last person I want to see but I need to sort my mess out and Rose is right. I'm the boss and Victoria should be working for me, not the other way around. It's time to give her an ultimatum.
I stand from the island and run a hand through my almost dry hair before heading towards the front door. As Alice passes me she gives a small smile.
"Thanks" I whisper.
She nods before I hear Rose behind me.
"Bell?" She says.
I turn to face her.
"Be the boss" She nods.
I nod in agreement before squaring my shoulders and heading to the front door. I open it, revealing the red-haired harpy, and immediately feel all the pent-up anger from the previous night and Edward's midnight flight pool in my stomach.
"Good morning" Victoria smiles sickly.
I don't reply.
"Why are you here?" I ask, watching her step into the hallway.
"Well after your early departure last night, I thought I should fill you in on the rest of the evening," She replies grumpily. "Seriously Bella, it wasn't very professional."
I bite my tongue. She's right, it wasn't, but neither was her behavior.
"There was an emergency," I tell her.
"An emergency?" She asks, not looking interested at all as she flicks through her phone.
"Edward left," I explain, feeling tears constrict my throat.
Her eyes flash to mine and I almost think I see glee behind them.
"Where is he now?" She asks, looking around the room.
"He went home" I whisper.
She nods a little before clicking her tongue and sighing.
"Well, these things happen" She sighs.
I stare at her and wonder how she can be so fucking cold. Then I wonder how long she's been like this without me noticing.
"I'm going after him," I tell her like it's obvious.
"What?" She laughs.
"I'm going to fly to Forks to speak to him" I explain.
"You can't," She says.
"Yes I-"
"No. You can't." She interrupts. "You have a contract to attend all events for the movie. That's the bare legal minimum you have to do. If you want to break your contract you can but due to the magnitude of the movie, you'd be looking at millions of dollars in legal fees and rewards" She continues with a smug smile.
I stare at her. She's right. I have a contract, a legal agreement and if I break it, I could have a lawsuit on my hands.
Rose's words come back to me. Be the fucking boss.
"I don't need you though" I reply boldly.
I see her smile fade a little before reappearing firmly on her face.
"Again, it would cost you millions of dollars in legal fees. You have a contract with me too, remember? I got you the role and therefore am entitled to a percentage of the funds collected from the said role and any other events attended by you. Those events in your contract belong to me too." She hisses.
She was right. I was a prisoner in a golden cage and Victoria held the key. The worst thing is, she knows it and her smug smile shows it plainly.
"I'd like you to leave now," I tell her quietly.
She raises an eyebrow at me but nods a little. As she turns to the door, I can't hold myself back from one final comment.
"I understand I'm contractually obligated to fulfill those events Victoria, but as soon as they are over...we will not be going back to the way things are," I reply.
She glances back at me from over her shoulder and I see a look in her eye I can't quite place, but know I should fear it nonetheless.
Once Victoria has left I drag my feet back into the kitchen and find Rose and Alice standing silently, waiting for me to return.
"What happened?" Alice asks.
"I told her that I was going to fly to Forks" I murmur.
"And?" Rose asks.
"And she said I couldn't," I reply.
"That bi-"
"She's right" I cut her off. "I have a contract. If I don't attend the events stipulated in that contract I would be liable for a lawsuit and potentially millions of dollars in fines."
I notice Rose and Alice glance at one another. We all know I can't afford that. Sure, I have money, but not that kind of money to blow.
"Did you tell her you didn't want her to work for you anymore?" Alice asks.
"Yeah, but she pointed out that I had a contract with her too and until it is fulfilled I can expect a lawsuit if I break it" I whisper.
I hear them both sigh frustratedly and I know how they feel. It's as if my entire world is collapsing around me and I'm powerless to stop it.
"So what now?" Alice whispers.
"I don't know" I admit.
We're silent for a while before Rose speaks again.
"I know what we should do," She says.
My eyes flash to her piercing baby blues and I see a plan formulating behind them.
"We're going to get some legal advice and find out exactly what you're obliged to do. In the meantime, you're going to try to get in touch with Edward and talk to him. You might not be able to fly back to Forks right now but you deserve the chance to talk it out." She explains.
"Do you have a lawyer, Bella?" Alice asks.
"Yeah. His name is Paul. I could call him." I nod.
"Do it now" Rose suggests.
I quickly grab my phone and dial Paul's number. He answers after two rings.
"Lahote & Ateara, Paul Lahote speaking".
"Paul? It's Isabella Swan" I answer.
"Oh, hello Isabella! What can I do for you?" He asks jovially.
"I'm after some advice," I explain.
"What kind of advice?" He asks.
"It's regarding a couple of contracts. I just need some expertise really" I reply.
"Okay, well, why don't you come to my office this afternoon? Say...four?" He suggests.
"Perfect. Thank you" I reply.
We ring off before I turn back to the girls.
"I have a meeting at four," I tell them.
"Good" Alice smiles.
"Will you...will you come with me?" I ask quietly.
"Of course we will" Rose smiles, squeezing my hand gently. "But first, let's try calling Knives".
When I arrive in Seattle, the rain is falling hard and the dark sky seems like the perfect setting for the way I feel.
I called my parents from the airport in LA and asked them to pick me up. They seemed surprised but didn't ask any questions over the phone, just telling me they'd be there and not to worry.
I grab my bags from the plane before making my way through the airport and out into the arrivals lounge. I scan the area, looking for their faces before seeing my dad waving his arm in my direction. I quickly make my way over to them.
"Son" Dad says when I reach him, "You okay?"
"Yeah" I nod.
My voice comes out hoarse and tired and I can tell by the look they exchange that they don't believe me.
"Come on, let's get to the car," He says.
I nod, letting him take my bag as I follow them out of the airport. We find the car before I climb into the backseat and we pull out of the parking lot. Once we're on the highway, Mom turns in her seat to look at me.
"Honey?" She asks and I look up at her, "What happened?"
I let out a long breath, leaning back in my seat and staring out the window at the raindrops racing down the glass.
"Bella and I...we're not together anymore" I reply quietly.
"What?" Dad asks, sounding surprised.
"What happened?" Mom asks, reaching back and taking my hand in hers.
"I just...couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't be second best or the guy in the shadows. I couldn't deal with the tabloid rumors and the pretending." I shrug, feeling a lump form in the back of my throat as I remember James kissing Bella's arm.
"What do you mean?" Mom asks quietly.
I sigh again, scrubbing a hand over my face. For the next thirty minutes, I tell them about the rumors of Bella and James dating, about how she was told to continue the ruse because it was good for the movie, about how she'd assured me that nothing was going on and I believed her and finally about what had happened at the premiere.
"You weren't allowed to sit together?" Mom asks, sounding confused.
"He kissed her arm?" Dad counters.
I almost laugh at how ridiculous it sounds to say it out loud.
"No, and yes" I reply.
"What did Bella say when you left?" Mom asks.
"I...I didn't see her before I left" I admit.
"What do you mean?" Dad replies.
"I...I knew if I saw her before I left I would ask her to pick me and that's not fair. She shouldn't have to give up what she loves for me. She shouldn't have to choose but...she would have had to and I don't want that for her." I murmur.
"So...you left before she got up?" Mom continues.
"No, I left last night and stayed in a hotel. I left her a letter" I reply.
They're both quiet for a moment before Dad clears his throat slightly.
"I don't know if that was wise, Son," He says gently as we pull to a halt in the driveway.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"Well...it might look a little...like you ran away." He murmurs.
"But I didn't," I reply.
"You kind of did, honey" Mom whispers.
"Are you serious right now?" I laugh humourlessly, "I tried to do the right thing, the honorable thing and now you're saying I ran away like some kind of coward?"
"Just...hear us out," Dad says quickly, turning to face me in his seat. "I know you didn't want to make Bella choose and that's admirable Son, but I think deep down, part of you is also afraid of what might happen if she had to choose".
I stare at him and feel anxiety swirl in my stomach. He's right. I know he's right but I hate to admit it.
"Honey, it's a normal way to feel," Mom says gently, squeezing my hand.
I shrug a little and bite my bottom lip, refusing to let them see any emotion. I'm a grown man, not a boy this time around.
"I didn't want to force her to choose," I tell them firmly.
They're both silent and suddenly the car seems suffocating. I need to get out.
"I'm going to head inside and get some sleep. Thank you for picking me up" I murmur.
"Of course, honey," Mom says quietly before I let go of her hand and open the car door climbing out.
I walk around to the back of the car and pop the trunk, grabbing my bags before jogging up the steps of my house and inside. As I open the front door, Finn greets me with a hero's welcome. I fuss him for a moment before hearing my parents pull out of the drive and head down the road. Once they're gone, it's eerily quiet in the house.
I flop down on the couch and close my eyes, breathing steadily.
My parents are right. I ran away because I care about Bella and I want her to be happy. But I also ran away because I'm scared. I'm scared of being left again. I feel fucking pathetic.
I sit there for a long time before my phone rings and I startle, my eyes flying open. I grab my phone and see it's Bella. As soon as I see her name appear on the screen I feel the panic rise in my chest.
I can't talk to her. I don't know what to say.
I immediately red button it. It immediately rings again. I red button it. It rings again. I press the red button once more before shoving the phone away from me and breathing heavily.
I glance up and see Finn watching me, his head cocked to one side.
"What?" I huff, "I can't talk to her. I...I'm not ready. I can't...hear her voice" I whisper.
He sighs a little and lies down. I can almost see his eyes roll.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts by my phone dinging. I pick it up and see a new message.
I know you're mad but will you please just talk to me - B
I swallow thickly and feel that lump in my throat again. With shaking fingers I type back.
I'm not mad at you. I just can't talk right now - E
I immediately feel guilty. This isn't her fault.
Seriously Edward? I can tell you're lying from here - B
I feel guilt burn my belly as well as shame. She's right. I'm lying.
I stare at the screen, unsure of what to say before another message comes in.
Edward, please. I'm trying to fix things with you. I don't want this to be over - B
I swallow again and feel a tear roll down my cheek.
I don't want it to be over either. But, I want you to be happy and do everything you've dreamed of, but I don't want you to have to choose. I care about you too much - E
And deep down, I'm terrified you won't choose me.
I send Edward a couple more texts but after a while, it feels like we're going around in circles. At one point, I consider telling him that I love him but for some reason, it seems so...tacky over text. I feel like he might see it as me trying to smooth things over rather than an actual declaration of how I feel.
Eventually, he stops replying and I tell myself it's because he's busy and not avoiding me.
When late afternoon comes, I put on some makeup and change into some fresh clothes for my meeting with Paul. I call Jake and ask for the car before meeting him out front with Rose and Alice.
"Where to?" Caius asks as we climb into the backseat.
"Paul Lahote's office, please" I reply.
I notice Jake and Caius exchange a glance before we pull out of the drive and head into the city. The drive is short and before long, we're pulling to a stop outside of the sleek hi-rise building.
I watch Jake climb out of the car before opening my door and waiting for me to slide out. We head into the building before my eyes land on a pretty brunette girl on the desk.
"Good afternoon, can I help you?" She asks.
"Yes, I have an appointment with Paul Lahote. Isabella Swan" I tell her.
She nods before pressing a few buttons and speaking into a phone.
"Please follow me" She smiles.
We follow in tandem before the woman opens a large wooden door and we're shown into an office. As we enter, I see Paul turn in his chair and smile.
"Isabella, how are you?" He asks, shaking my hand and glancing at the girls behind me.
"I'm very well. These are my friends Rosalie Hale and Alice Brandon." I introduce them.
"It's a pleasure to meet you both" Paul replies with a smile, "Coffee?"
"That would be great" I smile.
He nods before asking the woman on the desk, apparently called Samantha, to bring through a tray of coffee.
"Now, what can I do for you?" He asks, gesturing to the seats on the other side of his desk.
"I want to discuss my contracts, not only for the movie Girls of Yesterday but also with my agent, Victoria" I explain.
"What exactly would like you to know?" He asks, leaning back in his chair and placing the tips of his fingers together.
"What am I legally obliged to do as part of my contract? Events wise?" I ask.
He picks up a pair of glasses from the desk and places them on his nose before clicking on his computer for a few minutes. As he does, Samantha appears with a tray of coffee and biscuits. I smile at her gratefully.
"Well from the movie's standpoint, you are legally obligated to attend the major events for the publication of the movie. This would include award ceremonies and events such as premieres or special screenings." He tells me once Samantha has gone.
I nod a little.
"And what about Victoria?" I ask.
He clicks away again before looking at me over the rim of his glasses.
"Just the major events." He says.
I nod again as I sip my coffee.
"Can I ask what has caused this curiosity?" He asks.
I hesitate for a moment before Alice clears her throat a little.
"There was an incident," Rose says, breaking the silence.
"An incident?" Paul replies, looking a little confused.
"Yes" I sigh, "You might have seen in the tabloids that there was speculation about an on/off relationship between James Witherdale and myself," I explain.
"I'm afraid, I don't read the tabloids" Paul chuckles.
"Well, I initially wanted to deny the allegations but Victoria said that it was good for the movie and therefore my job and I wasn't to say anything. Then, she kind of managed a situation with my real boyfriend badly, and then finally at the premiere last night I was told not to sit with him at all." I continue.
Paul looks a little surprised but says nothing.
"I guess, I just don't feel like she's looking out for my best interests and I want to terminate my contract with her but when I mentioned that, she said that I would be liable for millions of dollars should I break the contract." I finish.
"Well, I suppose in some cases that is true. If you broke the contract to go to a different agent for example then she could sue, however, if you weren't able to go due to an illness or injury that would be different" He replies.
I nod in understanding.
"What would you recommend she do?" Rose asks.
Paul looks over at the blonde bombshell opposite him before smiling slightly.
"I would recommend that if you really want to break your contract with her that you fulfill the basic event requirements. After that, she can kick and scream all she likes but would have no legal standing," He shrugs.
"Do you know when the last event that you'd have to attend is?" Alice asks me.
"The special screening in Seattle," I reply.
"After that, you're a free woman Miss Swan" Paul smiles.
A free woman, once and for all.
I don't hear from Bella for the rest of the day and when morning comes I'm so fucking exhausted but I force myself out of bed. I can't sit here anymore in the silence, my brain is going haywire and I can feel myself spiraling.
As soon as dawn breaks I get up, shower, brush my teeth and get dressed. I force myself to eat a slice of toast, not wanting to go down that godforsaken road again before I head out to the truck, taking Finn with me.
I make the short drive to the site we've been working on and climb out, Finn at my heels. I'm the only one here this early and I make myself busy, turning on the heaters and making a pot of coffee.
I'm just finishing the first task on our to-do list when I hear a van rumble to a stop outside and then voices.
"Ed?!" I hear Emmett call into the house.
"In here!" I shout back.
He rounds the corner a moment later with Jasper and Ben in tow.
"What are you doing here?" He asks with a small smile before he notices my expression.
"I left LA early" I reply.
"Why?" Jasper asks.
I lean against the counter and scrub a hand over my face.
"Bella and I aren't together anymore" I explain.
The silence behind me is deafening and I feel tears well in my eyes before I swallow them down.
"What happened?" Ben asks.
I sigh a little, turning to face them. I explain everything as briefly as possible, tired of repeating and reliving the experience over and over. When I'm done they all stare at me.
"So that's it?" Jasper asks.
I shrug a little, feeling the corner of my mouth turn down.
"That's fucking shit man," Emmett says, his face sad.
"Yeah" I agree, "It's fucking shit."
By the time the MTV Movie Awards roll around the following day I'm exhausted, mentally and emotionally. Once again, Riley and Patty arrive to do my hair and makeup but unlike last time there is no music, no laughter, no teasing. They work in silence, occasionally sharing a glance with one another before I looked picture-perfect again.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Jacob asks quietly as I step into the back of the car.
"Yes," I whisper.
I can hear the lie in my voice so he must be able to but he doesn't push. He just nods and climbs into the front of the car. That's what I've always liked about him.
We drive in silence to the venue before the car pulls to a stop outside. I swallow thickly, feeling like I'd rather be anywhere but here before Jacob's eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror.
"Ready?" He asks.
"Yeah" I nod before forcing a smile on my face.
This is what I do. I act, pretend, and make-believe.
He steps out of the car before opening my door and helping me out. I smile and wave as the cameras flash and the crowds scream my name. I walk along the red carpet, seeing James from the corner of my eye further up the line.
I take some time posing for photographs and signing autographs before speaking to a few journalists. When I can't kill time anymore James walks toward me.
"You look divine," He says in my ear.
"Thank you" I reply quietly, feeling the anger rise in my chest at the sight of him.
We turn and pose in front of the cameras together. I smile and try to ignore the guilt I feel at James's hand resting on my waist.
"I heard about Edward. I'm sorry" He says sincerely in my ear.
I look up at him and feel tears prickle behind my ears.
"Yes, well...thank you" I reply.
"I'm here if you need someone" He replies and I immediately know I will never take him up on that offer.
I'm sitting in a chair, watching the awards unfold in front of me. James is sitting on my left and Demitri is on my right. I'm trying to focus, keep my face pleasant in case the camera catches me but all I can think about is how I don't want to be here, how the shimmer of this world has dimmed to the point that all I can see is clothes that are hired, diamonds that are loaned and faces that are too made up.
"This is us" Demitri whispers in my ear, breaking me out of my thoughts.
"And now the award for Best Female Performance" The presenter reads out.
The nominees are read out and when my name is said over the microphone I smile into the camera.
"And the award goes to..." I watch as the presenter opens the envelope before beaming into the camera, "Isabella Swan!"
I stare in surprise before Demitri squeezes my arm and pulls me to my feet. I give him a quick hug, hearing him whisper congratulations into my ear before I turn to James. He hugs me tight, giving me a kiss on the cheek before I make my way up the steps to the stage.
"Congratulations!" The woman says, handing me the award before shoving me in front of the microphone.
I look out at the crowd, seeing the faces of my peers and idols over the years. As I stand there all I can think is, this is all you wanted, to win, to be noticed, to be wanted. But as I stare out into the audience I realize the one person I want to see staring back at me isn't there.
"Thank you," I say, clearing my throat slightly, "It's such an honor to be nominated, let alone to win. I'd like to thank Demitri, our incredible director and of course my co-stars the phenomenal Elizabeth Masen, Irina Marks and James Witherdale, and of course..." I swallow thickly, looking at the glass award in my hand, "all of my loved ones who have supported me throughout the years" I say quietly.
I hear the audience clapping before music blares and I'm led off to one side. As soon as I'm out of view, the award is ripped from my hand and I'm informed I can collect it later before I'm led back to my seat next to James and Demitri.
"Well done" James smiles.
"Thanks" I reply politely.
A few more awards pass before the one I've been dreading finally arrives - Best Kiss.
"And now the most awaited award of the night, the nominees for Best Kiss are..." The presenter reads out the names of the nominees before she turns to the camera, beaming into the lens.
"And the winners are...James Witherdale and Isabella Swan!" She cries.
James beams at me before pulling me to my feet and practically dragging me up toward the stage. When we get up there he takes the award in his hand and places it on the podium in front of him.
"Thank you for this award. I can't tell you how pleased I am that lip-locking with Miss Swan here has garnered such an accolade" He jokes.
Laughter goes around the room before a few cries of 'kiss her' ring out amongst the audience. James laughs good-naturedly and I try to laugh too before he turns his face to look at me.
I feel my heart pick up the pace before he grabs my hand and kisses the back of it. I feel myself relax a little as I thank my lucky stars that he's taken pity on me tonight before hearing a chorus of groans and laughter go around the room.
I turn to walk away but suddenly James pulls me towards him, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me into his body once more before his mouth meets mine. I squeak in surprise and I hear the room sound with cheers and laughter as his mouth moves forcefully against my own, his tongue tangling with mine.
I shove him off before seeing a camera right by my face. I try to hide my distaste before I quickly make my way backstage to raucous applause.
"What the fuck was that?" I hiss when we're out of prying eyes.
"A joke?" He chuckles.
"Well it wasn't funny and I don't want you to do it again" I reply.
"Oh for god's sake Bella, lighten up." He replies.
I look at him in surprise before he shrugs.
"It's your job. This is it. You have to make everyone believe what they want to believe. So just suck it up or get a new profession" He replies coldly before pushing past me.
I stare after him, thinking over his words. Do I want to suck it up? Do I want to pretend forever?
No. I don't.
It's late and I'm sitting at home, eating leftover takeout, Finn snoozing at my feet. I flick through Netflix before eventually deciding there's nothing on. I shove my empty container away before flicking on the news, settling back as the headlines cycle through.
Same old, same old. Someone's died, someone's going to prison and there's an uprising somewhere in the world.
I'm just about to turn it off when the reporter starts talking about the winners of the MTV Movie Awards. I remember Bella saying she was nominated and despite the ache in my chest I can't help but wonder if she won.
"Isabella Swan took home the award for Best Female Performance as well as Best Kiss with her co-star James Witherdale. Their rare public display of affection was a welcome treat for fans too!" The reporter says.
I watch as a clip is then played of James accepting their award. Bella stands next to him dressed in a short silver dress. My heart aches painfully at the sight of her but it's fucking agonizing when I watch James kiss her hard, before dipping her backward, his mouth moving against hers forcefully.
I quickly grab the remote and shut it off, breathing hard. I feel jealousy pump through my veins before I stand and pace around the room. After a few minutes, I decide I can't stay here and grab my jacket and keys before heading out into the dark.
I walk down the street, trying to walk the image of Bella and James out of my head, trying to forget the way their mouths moved together, his hands on her body where mine had been only days before.
I walk for a long time before eventually ending up outside Anderson's pub. I can hear music coming from inside and before I realize what I'm doing I'm pushing the door open and walking in.
I look around, seeing a small crowd sitting at a few tables and at the bar. I push my way through until I find a seat, dropping down onto it heavily.
"Hello stranger" I hear someone say in front of me.
I look up and see Charlotte smiling at me. Her hair is hanging loose around her shoulders and her dark eyes remind me of Bella's. It fucking hurts.
"Hey" I reply politely.
"You okay?" She asks, a small frown on her face.
"Yeah just...kind of stressed" I shrug.
"Well, I know what will fix that. What can I get you?" She smiles.
"A beer please" I reply.
She nods before disappearing and grabbing a beer, popping the cap, and sliding it in front of me. I down half of it in two sips before lowering it and looking at her surprised face.
"Stressed huh?" She murmurs, "What's got you feeling like that?"
"Oh just..stuff" I shrug.
"Personal shit?" She replies.
"Yeah" I nod, my eyes meeting hers, "Personal shit".
"Wanna talk about it?" She asks.
"Not really" I admit.
She nods again before grabbing another beer and popping the cap, sliding it in front of me. I look up at her and she smiles, giving me a shrug.
"If you don't wanna talk about it, maybe you should drink about it," She says.
I chuckle humourlessly before nodding and finishing my first beer before picking up the second.
"I'll drink to that" I murmur.
I don't know what the time is or how long I've been sitting at this bar but I know I can't feel my legs and my tongue doesn't seem to be working properly.
"Edward" I hear Charlotte say.
"Yeah?" I reply, seeing her standing in front of me, a leather jacket around her shoulders.
"They're locking up," She tells me.
"Oh right," I murmur before standing from the bar stool and almost falling over.
Before I can completely fall on my ass, Charlotte wraps an arm around my waist.
"Wow, you okay?" She asks.
"Dandy" I reply and I hear her laugh a little.
"I need to pay my bill," I tell her.
She nods before I wrestle my wallet from my pocket and try to focus on the dollar bills in front of me.
"Can I help?" She asks.
I nod before shoving the wallet at her and watching her grab a couple of notes, handing them to the guy behind the bar. She then slips my wallet back into my jacket pocket.
"Did you drive?" She asks me.
"No, walked" I slur.
"Come on then," She says, "I'm walking you home".
"You don't have to do that" I mumble as she wraps an arm around my waist again and helps me stagger from the pub.
She ignores me, helping me stagger down the street toward my house. I look down at her small frame and I'm struck by how much she looks like Bella.
"Fuck you look like my girlfriend," I tell her.
"I know" She laughs humourlessly.
"Well, ex-girlfriend I guess" I mumble, feeling my chest ache and sting like someone has poured salt on the wound.
"You're not together anymore?" She asks, sounding surprised.
"No we...we didn't work," I tell her.
She nods but doesn't press for information.
"I'm sorry," She says eventually.
I look down at her and she looks nothing but honest.
"Thanks," I tell her.
We make it back to my place and she helps me up the front porch steps before I manage to find my keys. I struggle to get them in the keyhole before she gently takes them from my hand and opens the door for me.
As it swings open, Finn bounds out, barking excitedly.
"Oh my god!" Charlotte cries in surprise.
"Shhh, Finn she's a friend, quiet boy, quiet" I hush, stumbling into the house as Finn stops barking and flops back down in front of the couch.
"So this is your place?" Charlotte asks, stepping over the threshold and placing my keys down on the table.
I nod, closing the door behind us and flicking on the top light. I watch, swaying on my legs as she looks around the room before her eyes land on me.
"Drink?" I ask.
"I think you've had enough" She giggles.
"Probably right" I chuckle.
"I should probably get going anyway" She murmurs.
I nod again before moving in front of her and grasping her shoulders in my hands.
"Thanks for walking me back. I appreciate it" I slur.
"It's not a problem. It's what friends are for, right?" She smiles.
I look down at her, taking in the way her hair frames her face and her big brown eyes meet mine. How her small body feels under my hands and suddenly, she's not Charlotte anymore she's Bella.
Before I realize what I'm doing I press myself against her, my head dipping and my mouth meeting hers in a firm kiss. She doesn't react for a moment so I press my lips harder, my hands going to her waist and holding her tightly.
I feel her kiss me back and suddenly, I can't hold back anymore. I want to forget about Bella, forget about her kissing James, forget about how I'm not enough.
I kiss Charlotte harder, feeling her hands slide up my shoulders before I press her backward into the wall by the foot of the stairs. A small moan leaves her mouth and then I'm stumbling, pushing, and pulling her up the stairs and toward my room.
She follows me, her mouth never leaving mine as we reach the landing. I shove her backward into my bedroom door before fumbling with the knob and falling inside with her.
I pull back, looking at her, seeing her dark eyes, her flushed cheeks, and rosy lips, and then my hands are going to her jacket, yanking it off of her. Her hands go to my sweater, pushing it up before I yank it over my head.
"Fuck...want you" I mumble before my hands go to her breasts, palming them roughly.
She moans, her hands running down my bare chest before I pull away, struggling with my jeans as I rip the button open before pulling the zipper down. Her hand slides lower, palming me through my boxers and making me groan.
"Mm...Bella" I moan.
I hear a gasp as we fall back onto the bed, her on top of me, her mouth moving down my neck and to my chest. My eyes flutter closed and all I see is brown eyes, brunette hair, freckles on noses, and rosy cheeks.
"Bella...Bella" I mumble, my eyes feeling heavy.
I feel the mouth drop lower over my stomach and abdomen before everything fades to black.