Notes: Thank you to all my wonderful reviewers. I am quite grateful. bows This chapter contains the requisite visit to Hogsmeade, and chocolate. I also upped the rating on this story to R. Eventually I will be adding several more disturbing elements besides the obvious sexual ones. Hope no one finds that too offensive. :P With that said... I enjoyed writing this part. Maybe a little too much.
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Fallen Leaves: Chapter 3
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If someone had come up to me and asked straight out what I thought of Severus Snape, I probably would have just laughed. And then later sat down alone somewhere and thought of all the reasons I liked him, probably while blushing. It seemed a little hard to believe, but I was seriously taken with him. My thoughts were generally devoted to him whenever there wasn't anything else that required my immediate attention.
Two weeks after we had officially started "seeing" each other, we had only met a few times in deserted classrooms or the library, talking little, exchanging several rather (disappointingly) chaste kisses. There just wasn't much opportunity for us to spend a bit more time with each other. It was a Tuesday night in mid-November when I finally decided to do something about that.
Under cover of needing to finish a huge Astronomy assignment, I had retreated from my friends for the evening to sit at Severus' table in the library. At the moment it was perfectly safe to sit directly across from him, as the hour was getting late and most students had already vacated the library for a bit of relaxation in their respective common rooms. I watched Severus working at his Astronomy paper, my own having been abandoned for the moment. The only real trouble with being around him while he had homework to do was that he almost always preferred to do that above anything else. Even though I was more serious than my other mates, I was nowhere near as serious as Severus.
"Hogsmeade weekend coming up," I said wistfully, twirling my quill between my fingers. "Wish we could go together. You could use a bit of fun, I think."
Severus rolled his eyes to show exactly what he thought of Hogsmeade weekends and having fun in general, then resumed his work. My eyes followed his slim fingers moving with his writing, watching as he lifted his other hand up to tuck loose strands of hair behind one ear.
"Have you ever even been there? Would you like to?"
"No," he replied curtly, dipping his quill in the inkwell before continuing to scribble out star positions.
I lifted an eyebrow. "Why don't you want to go?"
He finally slowly moved his head up to meet my eyes. The wisps of hair he had pushed back fell forward to their original position. I helpfully reached out to replace them. "Because," he began, watching my hand with narrowed eyes, "Potter and Black are bastards who will undoubtedly catch the two of us together and make both of our lives a living hell. Or mine more so than it already is, at least. Is that what you want?"
"Well, no..." I said, now sliding my hand along the side of his face, tracing his cheekbone and down his jaw. "You could really use some sunshine..."
"You're aware you're annoying me, aren't you."
"Most likely," I replied with a smile, taking my hand away. "Listen... you know, they have a very predictable pattern. They spend a good half of the afternoon in Zonko's, then move to Honeyduke's for maybe ten minutes, and spend the rest of the time in The Three Broomsticks, telling jokes and messing around with whatever they bought from Zonko's."
"Sounds terribly boring," Severus sighed. "How do you manage to put up with it?"
"It's not that bad, Sev. Fun even. Something I know you could use, don't bother to deny it. You're cooped up in here with your books every day of the week, even weekends. It would do you some good, trust me."
"Thank you for your professional medical opinion," he replied sarcastically. "I will keep it in mind to go outside next time we have Herbology."
I shook my head at him, rather exasperated. "My whole point was, that as long as I tell them I've got something else to do, we would be free to go anywhere else we wanted to in Hogsmeade, as long as we're... careful."
"And why should I do this?" he demanded, starting to look a bit angry. I reached out to take his hand across the table; it was cold, as always. I carefully began to massage some warmth into his fingers, watching his eyes relax slightly as I did so.
"I want to spend time with you, Severus. Time where you're not fretting over your schoolwork. Besides, I think you may just be stressed. You're starting to look a bit stiff."
"I always look stiff," he muttered.
"Not now," I said coyly. "You should see yourself now that I've got you with your mind on other things. Quite an improvement."
"Lupin, you're becoming insufferable."
"Say you'll go with me to Hogsmeade." I smiled, leaning in closer to him and running a single finger along the back of his hand. His eyes clouded over briefly and he shivered.
"If... if it will get you to stop moving your foot up my leg so that I can get this work done, then yes. It's due tomorrow."
"It's a date then," I said happily, drawing back from him completely. He merely snarled in response, seizing his quill again and attacking his parchment with a vengeance.
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It really was hard telling how I managed to make it through the rest of the week without exploding from anticipation. I wasn't truly worried about us being caught somehow by my mates. The prospect of being somewhere besides school with Severus was far too exciting, therefore any worries I might have had completely disappeared in the face of it.
I think that James and Sirius noticed my unusual overexcitement, because they teased me often about "being giddy" and "acting like an air-headed, love-struck Hufflepuff girl". And I would blush. And they would tease even more. But the truth was so much stranger than anything they could have come up with, that I didn't mind. I knew at that point that I wasn't ready to give up my attraction to Severus for anything.
Saturday afternoon finally arrived, cold and clear, but with a promise of snow hanging heavy in the air. A perfect day. Standing in line and waiting for Filch to check our names against his list (again), I looked back to see Severus standing near the end, looking sour. I hoped it was just because the group of chattering girls in front of him seemed incapable of shutting up for two consecutive seconds, and not because he really was in a terrible mood. He looked out of place, and I was sure he felt it too. I sighed inwardly, wishing with all my being that I could just go over and stand beside him, maybe hold his hand. Sometimes life really wasn't fair.
My little group made it outside finally, and it was when we were in our carriage and on the way that I finally began to get nervous. Because it was time to tell them I couldn't be with them today.
"Hey.. um..." I began awkwardly, noticing that I had their immediate attention. "Today, I... I've really got a lot of things to look for, and I... don't know if I can hang 'round with you that much..."
"Ah, Moony!" Sirius cried, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and squeezing a little too tight. "This is what you've been so happy for all week, eh? Got to meet your secret girlfriend at last? Or maaaybe..." he said slowly, "your secret lover?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, and I managed a laugh, despite the fact that the word "lover" had caused me to blush deeply.
"Not exactly..."
"Oh, leave him be, Padfoot," Jame interrupted. "More than likely he's just got to buy his Christmas presents. For us. Better be good ones too."
"Heh... well, you dragged that much out of me. Going to let me be then?" Quite stupid of me to forget that I did need to buy presents eventually, and it would have been a good cover.
"All right, all right," Sirius sighed, letting me loose. "If we see you, we'll run like mad the other way." I just grinned. Exactly what I had wanted. Although I wasn't planning on being spotted anyway.
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We had carefully planned everything out beforehand. I waved goodbye to my friends as they entered the door to Zonko's as usual, and hurried off in the direction of the post office, a familiar surge of excitement making my insides writhe again. He was waiting as we had planned behind the building, leaning against the wall with his hands stuffed in his pockets, looking very austere in his usual black, expression sullen. Neither of us was wearing a House scarf, in the hope of not attracting as much attention if any other students saw us in passing.
"Severus!" I almost felt shy as I approached him to slip my arms around his waist. "Alright?"
"Mm." He was intently watching the sky somewhere above my head.
"Er.. did the trip here go well?"
"If you consider that I was stuffed into a carriage with those banshees, then no."
I smiled. He looked uncomfortable. "Sev... listen, you'll get used to this. We're going to have fun. Just see if we don't."
"If you say so."
"I do. Now, what do you want to do first?"
"I don't know," he said, looking at me at last. His eyes were very closed off again, and he took his hands out to flex his fingers cautiously.
"Hm..." I grabbed a hand in my own and cringed. "Ice. Here, you can put these on." Rummaging around in my coat pockets, I pulled out my red mittens and held them out to him rather sheepishly.
"If that's meant to be a joke, it's not funny."
"Just put them on. They're not going to hurt you."
"They might. Besides, I don't have the appearance required to be insufferably adorable in them."
"Severus..." I said, a slow smile creeping over my face, "are you implying that I'm insufferably adorable?"
I believe the noise he made was something like a hiss. But his face was coloring in a way I had never seen before.
"You're wearing them," I said firmly. He opened his mouth to protest further, but I was already jamming them onto his hands. "Don't want you to catch cold." I smiled apologetically.
"Wouldn't it be more appropriate to be wearing a scarf then?" he asked through clenched teeth.
"We don't have scarves with us. Don't be such a child. You look rather distinguished in them."
"Drop dead."
"I don't think so." I smiled at him while he glared.
"Fine. I understand now that you're getting back at me for laughing at your bizarre handwear. Can we just go somewhere?"
"Thought you'd never ask," I grinned, leading the way out to the street. He followed me at a respectable distance, and I looked back once to see him clenching his mittened fists so that they weren't as noticeable, and glancing around him warily. I led him toward Honeyduke's, stopping when I reached the door so that he could join me.
"This?" he asked dubiously.
"Yes! I desperately need to pick up some chocolate."
"And I need to go in why?"
"Because you're with me." He merely grunted in annoyance, but followed me anyway. I let him wander around on his own, trying to hide another smile behind my hand as he looked at everything in the shop as though it was offending him personally. He was momentarily entranced by the "Unusual Tastes" section, however; when I joined him he was closely scrutinizing a cockroach cluster.
"Wonder what it tastes like, really..." I heard him murmur.
"Want one?" I asked brightly. He looked around at me.
"Ugh. No."
"Well, you wanted to know what it tastes like..."
"Shut up." A small smile appeared on his face, quickly repressed. I shook my head at him, amused.
"Well, did you want to buy something else?" He gave me a look that clearly said "are you mad?", and I had to laugh. I myself bought several chocolate bars, one of which I planned to press on Severus later. Force-feed it to him, if necessary. An image of him licking chocolate off my fingertips flashed momentarily across my mind, and I almost dropped the bag as we exited the shop.
"Remus, keep your mind on walking," Severus sniffed as I pulled ahead. My face burned. Surely he didn't know what I had been thinking...
Next we headed to Scrivenshaft's, which Severus found much more tolerable. He examined everything very critically, and decided on buying a beautiful raven feather quill, which I thought suited his long fingers well. Thinking about what else his long fingers would be well-suited for made me actually drop the bag this time. Fortunately he didn't notice, being busy elsewhere.
I hurriedly started looking around again and found a display of what claimed to be "Unbreakable Quills", and decided to buy one for James, who was forever snapping his own quills, it seemed. Severus looked at it curiously when we went up to pay for our things.
"What's that?"
"Oh... Christmas present," I said, shrugging my shoulders a little.
"Ah." He looked away and pretended to be riveted in studying his raven feather. I frowned, realizing that he probably didn't have much experience in buying things for other people.
"Want to sit down and have something to drink?" I asked him as we headed down the shop steps and into the bright sunshine.
"Certainly." He looked up the street suddenly and paused, as though thinking of something. "You know... I've heard things about that old run-down place up there. The place where that strange howling is heard. You know what I'm talking about?"
I knew. But I pretended to be uninterested, just noting his expression instead. "That's the only reason I ever really wanted to come here, before now. Thought it might be worth a look." He turned his attention back to me, and I hoped my face didn't show any of the fear I felt.
"I... don't really think... that's a good..."
"Scared?" he sneered at me, then almost immediately looked ashamed for a brief moment. "Er... sorry. We don't have to."
"It's alright," I said with great relief. "I'm just really thirsty now. Hm... we definitely can't go into The Three Broomsticks. There's Madame Puddifoot's right there. I don't think too many students go in there."
Severus looked over at Madame Puddifoot's. Then he looked at me. Murderously.
"Er... right then... ah... The Hog's Head it is, then... Bit of a dodgy place, though."
"Sounds wonderful," was all Severus said to that. I had the feeling he would rather like it. And I was right, he was definitely intrigued by the pub's dim mustiness, and appeared to relax considerably once inside. Students came in here even less often than they went to Madame Puddifoot's, so we were quite safe. Except for the smell. A few patrons were scattered about the room, but no one really took notice of us as we entered. Severus strode up to the bar as though on important business.
"Firewhiskey, if you please." The thin wizard behind the bar turned around slowly to eye the both of us, Severus with his arms folded looking imperious, and me with my mouth open looking baffled.
"You're students, aren't you... Don't believe you're allowed to drink, are you?" the barman asked suspiciously.
"What does that matter?" Severus replied haughtily. The barman looked almost willing to comply, but I came to my senses in time and jabbed Severus in the ribs with my elbow.
"What he means to say is, we'll take two butterbeers." Still looking at us suspiciously, the barman passed over a couple of extremely dusty bottles, and I quickly paid for both, grabbing them along with Severus' arm as I headed for the table farthest from the door. We sat, and he glared at me. I was becoming used to this.
"I'm perfectly capable of drinking firewhiskey, you know."
"Severus, we're not here to get drunk. Have you even had it before?"
"Plenty of times. But I imagine it's a bit strong for a Gryffindor to handle."
"Oh, leave off. I just didn't want to have to drag you out of here if you got drunk. What do you think that would look like?"
"I don't get drunk," he sniffed, removing the top of his butterbeer and somehow managing to even drink angrily. I sipped my own, just watching him. He gradually relaxed after he had looked around the room a bit more, and I caught him staring at my mittens which he had discarded on the tabletop.
"Severus...?" I ventured cautiously.
"Hm?"
"So was this afternoon a total waste of time?"
"Not total. I needed a new quill anyway."
"Is that all?" I prodded. Then he finally seemed to realize what I was getting at.
"And... that is to say, I... enjoyed being with you, Remus." He said this as though forcing out some horrible admission of guilt, but I grinned delightedly.
"It's good to know the feeling is mutual, then." After watching his downcast eyes a little longer, I took his hands across the table as I was growing accustomed to doing. If anyone else in the room noticed there were two boys holding hands in the back, they weren't giving any sign.
"But...?" I said, hoping he would tell me what was wrong.
"I..." he frowned a little more deeply. "I guess that I simply can't imagine why you would want to abandon your... friends for an afternoon to spend it instead with someone such as... me."
"Such as you?"
"Yes." He took a hand away to gesture at himself as a whole. "I'm sure you know what I'm getting at."
I studied him thoughtfully. "No, I don't really know what you're getting at. Because, you see, you're as worthy of my attention as anyone else is. And more than most. Besides, how often do I get to spend any real time with you? Not enough. I'm with my friends a lot. But you're my friend too. And this is my time to be with you."
"Are you quite through with your sentimental drivel?" he mumbled. He had his head bowed, using the curtain of his hair to hide the fact that he was terribly touched by my words. I could tell, as his emotions were becoming easier to read for me, even without my sense of smell.
"Quite," I affirmed with a smile, tugging on his hand a little to get him to look up. "Ah, Sev... just look at you. You're so much more relaxed than I've ever seen you. I knew this would be good for you." He snorted and rolled his eyes, but returned my smile just the same. "And now... I know just what you need to complete the experience." He looked curious until I pulled out the chocolate, at which point he looked disdainful.
"I don't eat such things."
"Just like you don't get drunk," I said playfully. "And do stop growling at me." Tearing the wrapper off one, I bit into it while he watched. "Mmm.. oh. It's perfect."
"It's chocolate. You don't have to be so vocal."
"But it's such a beautiful thing! Here, this one's yours," I added, proffering another bar.
"No it isn't."
"I'm giving it to you," I said, unwrapping it for him and placing it in his hand. "Eat it."
"No."
"Eat it."
"Look, I wore your fucking mittens, but I'm not eating your goddamned chocolate."
"Language, Severus..." I admonished, waving a finger at him while continuing to demolish my own bar.
"Sod off."
"You're so charming when you want to be." I had finished mine, so I retrieved his and broke a piece off. "Open your mouth."
He seemed ready to protest further, but then shrugged hopelessly. "You won't shut up until I do," he sighed before doing as I told him.
At first it was rather fun feeding Severus. I wasn't particularly caring if anyone was watching us, but as it was everyone in the room was merely attending to their own business and not that of a couple of hormone-charged teenagers. And that's exactly what we were, because gradually something about watching him eat from my hand, chewing slowly and licking his lips in between, was starting to make me feel uncomfortably as though I really needed something.
"See?" I gave him the last piece and watched him chew that as well. "It's not so bad, is it?"
"I suppose not. As long as I'm with you, it isn't."
I blushed. "Ah.. y... yes, I see..." He was staring fixedly at my hand.
"You've chocolate on your finger."
He was right; holding it for so long had caused it to melt slightly on my left index finger. "Yeah... I'll just--" I had begun to move my hand up toward my mouth, but Severus grabbed it quickly.
"No," he murmured in a low voice. "I'll do it." The image from earlier flashed across my mind again, and I almost couldn't believe it was really happening.
"Alright..." And he kept his eyes turned up to me as I watched him bring my hand to his mouth, felt it's moist warmth as he pushed my finger inside to the knuckle. Quite sure my eyes were glazing over, I felt his tongue rubbing along the bottom half of my finger... And then he sucked on it hard, almost convulsively. Several times.
By that point I wasn't sure if I should say something. Moaning his name would perhaps be inappropriate at that place and time, yet that was exactly what I wanted to do. I believe I did gasp, however, and he slipped my finger out, smiling a small, rather satisfied smile. Suddenly I became aware that the table was too cramped, his knees were brushing mine, his eyes were drawing me even closer, and the room was so hot, why did I need this sweater? I looked at the small prints his teeth had left in my skin, and I was finding it hard to breathe.
"I'm sorry," he said, his voice still exceedingly low, "if you didn't like it."
"I... I did... Severus, I just didn't know you wanted..."
"I do."
"I... oh..."
"We only have ten minutes before the carriages head back."
"A... ah, yes..."
Somehow we had all our things and we were outside again, the cold air hitting my face sharply, which was quite welcome. But instead of walking toward the station, he pulled me off behind the building, his eyes now looking slightly desperate.
"Just a little longer... Please..." He seemed out of breath, but I just nodded and started kissing him, feeling his lips and tongue against mine, his hands roaming the lower half of my body while my own hands did the same. I became aware that our hips were moving, we were pushing against each other in desperation, but it didn't matter, it all felt wonderful and nothing would matter until...
The bell at the station sounded, and we jerked away almost guiltily. I stared into his eyes which burned with such a fierce passion, so much emotion that I had never seen there before... His eyes were amazingly beautiful to me at that time. It was the hardest thing I felt I had ever done to smile and nod, shakily, and head off toward the station while he waited behind to follow later, those eyes watching me, hungry, longing...
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"Moony! Have fun? Got my presents?" Sirius laughed, pawing at me slightly as we climbed into our carriage.
"Yes, I had fun. No, I didn't get your present," I laughed back, turning around to push him backward playfully before scrambling in. He in turn shoved me and I landed on the seat hard, which almost made me curse due to a certain amount of discomfort I was still experiencing. At least it was made unnoticeable by my clothes. Small comfort, I supposed.
We were well on our way back to the castle soon, the carriage jolting a little too much for my tastes, my friends discussing their latest acquisitions from the joke shop rather boisterously. "Ah..." James finally sighed, settling back in his seat. "We've got a bit more sunlight left, at least. What do we want to do with it?"
"Jump in the freezing cold lake," I said without hesitation.
I didn't really mind the shocked looks this statement earned me.
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Oh man.. I apologize. XD I feel really bad about building up their relationship and letting them have such a good time, knowing I'll have to rip it apart shortly. Anyway, thanks again for reading. Let me know if you really enjoyed it. (I did. -cackles-)