Notes: Thanks for your patience in waiting for this. I would like to update once a week, but if I can't manage that it will at least be every other week. And big gigantical THANK YOUs to my reviewer thus far. You're lovely people. ;D Especially Caffee, my biggest fan... I'm giving a shout out to her, yeah. XD
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Fallen Leaves - Chapter 4
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"Fancy meeting you here!"
"Oh yes, fancy."
Severus' sarcasm had little affect on me. The disdained look on his face couldn't even deter me. All I did was smile and pull him close to me where we stood under the shadows of an ancient statue, and he allowed me to kiss him softly. When I pulled away I could just barely see his eyes glitter as he looked down at me.
"Well?"
I blew out a frustrated breath. "Severus, you're ever so romantic."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well, you should know why I wanted you to meet me here..."
"So we could snog in a dark corner? Yes. But there's nothing else?"
"Er... does there have to be?"
"No..." he said slowly. Then his thin lips contorted into one of his almost-creepy grins. "Might as well make it interesting then." And he grabbed me round the waist, his head swooping down to my neck; I could feel his lips and tongue there, doing miraculous things that caused my heart to race and my palms to start sweating and...
"Ah... Sev, I... a... OW! Severus, that's going to leave a mark, don't... ah... no, don't stop..."
"Hello?"
My head abruptly bumped hard against the statue's arm as the result of jerking away from Severus as he pushed me back in surprise at the same time. His hand quickly covered my mouth against my cry of pain, and I stared at him with wide, fearful eyes as he peered through the gloom toward the voice and the footsteps which could now be heard clicking hesitantly along the stone floor.
"Who's there? I know I heard someone... Remus?" It was Sirius' voice. I frantically made a gesture for Severus to hide, but he only shook his head and thrust me behind the statue before turning and stalking out toward where I could now see Sirius coming around the corner. I gaped, wondering at his courage. Or maybe I was just wondering at how in the world he thought it would be better for him to show himself to Sirius than it would be for me to. But I could only watch helplessly as Sirius finally saw who was closing in on him, and stopped to sneer at his enemy, who was looking right back at him with a nearly identical expression.
"Ah... Snivellus. Skulking around dark corridors, are we? I should have known, you being an evil creature of the night and all that."
Severus spat something hardly repeatable in polite company, which only served to enfuriate Sirius as well as to cause me to wish he had just walked by without saying anything. Why did he have to do that? Sirius' face hardened from contempt to anger as he reached out and gave Severus' shoulder a hard shove.
"How many times am I going to have to tell you to watch what you say around me?" he demanded.
Severus staggered backward slightly but held his ground, glaring intently at Sirius. "You're in no position to tell me what I can and can't say," he replied in his most dangerous tone of voice.
"Yes, well, common decency would suggest that you not swear at me like that. Although, you wouldn't know much about being decent, would you?" Hoping the confrontation would end there, I watched anxiously as Sirius began to turn away, but stopped short and advanced a few steps closer to Severus. "Have you seen Remus? I don't know why I should bother asking you... although I know you follow you around trying to get him into trouble, you little snake."
"Have I see Lupin?" Severus repeated, folding his arms and looking down his nose at Sirius, who had both fists clenched in a way that didn't look so good to me. "Maybe I have." By that time it took every ounce of willpower I had not to run out and stand between them. What was Severus playing at?
"You bastard," Sirius was saying angrily, reaching out and grabbing the front of Severus' robes, actually lifting him slightly off the floor. "Did you see him or not? Did you do something to him?"
"I did," Severus smirked, not struggling at all. "And wouldn't you like to know what I did to him."
That was enough for Sirius; he swung his other fist back and punched Severus in the stomach. I had both hands over my mouth to keep from crying out as I saw him writhe in Sirius' grip, coughing sharply. "You tell me now!" Sirius roared.
"Fuck off," Severus wheezed in response before his own fist connected with Sirius' jaw.
"Shit!" Clutching his face, Sirius dropped his opponent, who landed in a heap on the floor. Then I was beyond despair as I watched the situation turn into a full-blown physical brawl, complete with flying fists, kicking legs, and numerous nasty expletives. Sirius soon had Severus pinned to the floor with his much bigger size, and was finally pulling out his wand.
Too late I started out of hiding to put a stop to it, deciding I would deal with the consequences later. There was a flash of light as Sirius shouted something strange, and then he was standing triumphantly over Severus, laying curled in a ball on the floor with his hands to his head.
"Y--" I began.
"What is going on here?"
The sharp voice of Minerva McGonagall made us all start; fortunately I stumbled back into the statue's shadow before any of them saw me. "Mr. Black and Mr. Snape. Again. This is hardly unexpected, and yet I am still disappointed. With the number of detentions the two of you have served in the past for fighting with each other, I would have thought some sense might have sunk into your heads by now. Explain yourselves."
McGonagall looked furious, her left eyebrow twitching spastically in a way I certainly had never seen before. Despite the situation, I still felt a measure of relief that I wasn't one of the subjects of her wrath. I could partially see Sirius' stony expression, as well as Severus' dark glare from beneath the mass of hair that had fallen in front of his face. He still had his hands clamped to the top of his head, but exactly what Sirius had done to him, I couldn't tell.
"I was out looking for Remus and I ran into this tw-- er, Snape, and he insinuated that he'd done something to Remus. I couldn't let that go, what if he's hurt Remus? So I... er..."
"And so you hit him." MacGonagall's stern expression didn't falter.
"I... well, yeah... but then he hit me back!"
"Do you deny this, Mr. Snape?"
"No," Severus hissed.
"Manners, Mr. Snape," MacGonagall suggested coldly.
"No ma'am, I don't deny it," he muttered, still looking insolent.
"And did you see Mr. Lupin this evening?"
"No ma'am."
"And you said you did, perhaps, to get a reaction out of Mr. Black?"
"Yes. ...Ma'am." Severus had his teeth clenched, as though attempting to be polite for so long caused him great pain.
"What has happened to your head?" was McGonagall's next question, and Severus bent forward, which unfortunately obscured him from my view.
"That imbecile did it to me!" I heard him say furiously, and McGonagall drew in a breath at whatever it was she saw.
"Mr. Snape, kindly refrain from insults. Mr. Black, what were you trying to do?"
"I... well ma'am, I... was trying to transfigure him..." Sirius offered lamely, looking very embarassed at admitting as much in front of the Transfiguration teacher herself. MacGonagall pursed her lips.
"Needless to say, you did not do a very good job. Fortunately for you, considering whatever you were trying to... it's highly dangerous... ah..." She trailed off, throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation. "We can discuss this further in the Headmaster's office. Yes, I'm afraid that IS necessary, Mr. Black. Mr. Snape, your language is atrocious. The two of you are behaving like first years fresh off the train and not the mature fourth years you are supposed to be. I'm afraid that both of you are at fault here. Come along now."
She swept off down the hall toward my hiding place, and I shrank further into the shadows, holding my breath as they all passed by, Sirius and Severus both glaring at the floor. Severus had his hands firmly over his head again, preventing me from seeing anything. It seemed like several minutes after their footsteps had died away before I felt safe enough to breathe again. I quietly crept away in the opposite direction heading for Gryffindor tower, my emotions a jumbled mess after what I'd just witnessed.
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By the time Sirius came back to our dorm room it was late, and I pretended to be asleep even though I knew he would be wanting to question me as to my whereabouts earlier in the evening. But in the morning there was just no avoiding him over breakfast.
"Well?" he demanded testily, plopping down right across from me at the table. I looked up from my oatmeal to his handsome, frowning face and tried a weak smile.
"Well... what?"
"Where were you last night, Moony? It's like you completely forgot that you were going to lend me your History of Magic notes last night, and you just disappeared! And of course I just had to run into Snape out sneaking 'round in the dark while looking for you, and he got me into trouble with McGonagall and the Headmaster, and now I'm spending a week's worth of detention in the same room as the cretin! That's 'well what'!"
He finally stopped for breath, and waited expectantly for my answer. "Er..." I began, toying nervously with my spoon. "I did forget... and I went to the library and I just... I'm really sorry, Sirius."
He eyed me in a way that left me feeling very uncomfortable. "You're acting awfully shady. It's not like you to... forget things like this. Is there anything you need to tell me?" He looked concerned. This was getting harder to do.
"No, everything's fine. I just... you know, full moon's in a couple days... I've been feeling a little more odd than normal." At least that much was true, as I had definitely woken up that morning feeling rather shaky.
"Well... alright. Take care of yourself, mate." He reached over to pat me on the shoulder before beginning to load up his plate with eggs. I smiled and nodded, glad that much was over.
"Oh, but you should've seen Snape," Sirius chuckled between shoveling in mouthfuls, his normal good spirits returning rapidly. "Nasty little git gave me a few bruises, but he definitely came out worse in the end. Almost worth the dentention... almost." I tried to laugh, but stopped paying attention while Sirius told the rest of his story to anyone else nearby who would listen. I was trying to look over at the Slytherin table to see if Severus was there. He wasn't.
Making some sort of half-hearted excuse, I got up and headed out of the hall toward the hospital wing, certain he must be there. I had enough time before my first class to try to straighten things out. Even though I knew Severus would take a great deal more effort to work out than Sirius.
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"Your friend Mr. Black left last night after I took care of his bruises, surely you must know that?" Madame Pomfrey looked entirely confused as to why I should be there at all.
"Er... I came to visit..."
"Mr. Snape is the only student here currently. I haven't quite gotten his... affliction taken care of yet. Badly cast spell. You did come to visit him?"
"Well, yes..."
"Alright then, go on ahead. He had refused to leave until I get it all sorted out. Acid-tongued boy, that one. Perhaps you can reason with him better than I, heaven knows..." She gestured at a bed farther down the ward with a curtain pulled around two sides of it, then walked back toward her office. I approached the bed, taking a deep breath before I cautiously edged around the curtain so as not to startle him.
"Sever... us..."
Knowing it was horribly impolite to stare wasn't enough to stop me from staring anyway. When I finally found my voice again, I couldn't even manage whole words. "Sev... y... ant..."
"Bloody sodding antennae. Cockroach antennae, if you want to be precise. Yes, that's what they are," Severus growled angrily. I was finding it hard not to laugh at the long, whiplike appendages sprouting from the middle of his head, knowing that would be even more horribly impolite. But they were twitching about as though moved by his fury, and he was indeed glaring at me with a rage previously unmatched by anything else... I bit hard on my lip before attempting to continue.
"Well, they're... a lot bigger than... normal-sized cockroach antennae..."
"Yes, well, that dolt botched the spell enough so that instead of turning me into a giant cockroach, he only managed the antennae. I am not going out to be ridiculed until it's set right and STOP LAUGHING!"
Collapsing into a chair beside his bed where he was laying, I found that I really couldn't comply with his request. "Severus... it's just ridiculous... and you look funny, I can't..." I began gasping out.
"Oh yes, it's hilarious. I knew you'd side with your idiotic... friend, the fucking prat--"
"Severus..." Seeing his rage, I calmed down quickly, leaning in toward him. "Don't--"
"--if MacGonagall hadn't shown up when she did, I would have killed that overgrown--"
"Severus!"
"--arrogant, preening bastard with my bare hands, damned if he's your bloody 'friend' or not--"
"Severus Snape! That's enough!"
Later I didn't remember having stood up and leaned over him, grasping the front of his shirt in both fists and moving my face only inches in front of his. Yet it happened somehow, and I do know that at that moment I was unspeakably angry with him.
"That's enough," I repeated, my voice sounding foreign even to myself. "You're not hurt, you're hardly suffering, your life hasn't been threatened in any way. It was a childish thing Sirius tried to do to you, but you're turning it into such a... such a big deal. Maybe if you had the ability to laugh at yourself you wouldn't be so vengeful and stubborn. Don't do this to yourself. And don't do it to me."
Severus was silent, only staring at me with eyes wider than normal. I supposed it was because I had never been remotely angry with him before, and he didn't think me capable of it; I made a mental note to get angry at him again the next time he behaved irrationally if it would get him to shut up this way.
"Well?" I asked him in a gentler voice, smoothing out his shirt apologetically, but not moving from my bent position over him. He turned his head away quickly.
"I hate you," I heard him mumble. I reached out and forced him to face me again.
"You hate me, do you," I said quietly. "Then why are you looking at me like that?" I only continued to stare into his confused eyes a few seconds longer before I closed the distance between us and found his lips with my own. It took a little while for him to respond, but when he did he returned my kiss with enough feeling for me to know that I hadn't been wrong.
"Oh, Severus," I sighed when we separated at last. Pulling the chair closer to his bed, I sat down and rested my head against his stomach, my head turned to I could see his face. "Why? Why did you have to react that way?"
He was silent for awhile, watching me through half-lidded eyes, but when he did speak he wasn't angry. "There was no other way to react."
"Yes there was."
"You were laughing at me. What do you expect?"
"I wasn't laughing at you. If you could just see the humor in a situation--"
"I don't see any humor in being humiliated by a Gryffindor," he replied, starting to heat up again.
"Don't get cross with me, Severus," I murmured sitting up and beginning to stroke the hair away from his forehead soothingly as though he were a child. "Want me to get angry again?" He suddenly looked very ashamed.
"I... no." His antennae actually drooped slightly, and I had to laugh. Then they twitched with a spark of his anger, and I laughed again.
"You... you... I... what?"
"They move with your emotions." I smiled, reaching up to feel one carefully between my fingers. He tried to jerk away but I held firm. "It's actually... kind of cute." His face flushed and the antenna I wasn't holding started to twitch wildly, while I could feel the other one squirming against my grip. I watched Severus frown as deeply as he could, but the corners of his mouth kept betraying him and moving upward. Eventually we both just sat back and had a good laugh, and I was so pleased to see him do this that I didn't mind at all that I was late for my first class.
"Got to go, don't you?" he finally asked once he had regained his composure again.
"Nah," I said lightly, picking up one of his hands and holding it in my own. "I can skive off for once. Why are you laying down anyway? It's not like you're some kind of invalid."
"Well I was sleeping before you got here."
"Ah... want to get back to that, do you? It's alright..."
"No!" He pulled me back down by the hand he still held. "I mean... no, that's alright," he grumbled as though the flash of dismay that had come over his features had never in fact existed at all. "I can sit up though..."
"No, no, just stay there. I like you like that."
"Lupin... don't say such things," he said, looking embarassed. I tilted my head, watching his left antenna dance to one side as he looked everywhere but at me. "What's come over you lately anyway?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're so much more... bold. Or... something."
"Ah. Well, I'm getting used to you, I think. By that I mean used to your foul, stubborn moods. I'm not as afraid of you as I used to be, so I feel a little bolder with you in certain matters. How's that for an answer?"
"Great," he muttered, antennae still twitching in different directions as though he was agitated.
"I think so too. Now, is it my turn to ask a question?"
"You would even if I said no."
"Why did you do that exactly? Decide to confront Sirius. I could have distracted him more easily, you know."
He took a long time to think of his reply. "I just wanted to show you I can handle him."
"I... that... that's it? Severus, I know you can handle him. I'm not some... girl you need to impress to get me to like you. Alright?" I saw that he still seemed irritated, so I leaned in to kiss him again. "Alright?"
"Yes, yes," he sighed at last.
"One more question..."
"Good lord..."
"What Sirius said about you following me around... is that true?" That time I had really hit on a delicate area, and he stared at me for a very long time before answering.
"I only want to see when you'll disappear again. And where you go. I only want to know." His tone was defensive. I shook my head slowly.
"I'm sorry. I can't tell you... yet... someday I will. I promise. But listen, you can't go on following me. Sirius noticed, obviously. One day he might come to a different conclusion than that you're just trying to cause trouble. Just don't... don't try to follow me. Please." My eyes drifted along his still form, watching his chest barely move with his breathing and his eyes regarding me with a mixture of curiosity and some kind of need.
"I can't promise. But I won't again... for awhile," was all he would say.
"I guess that will do then..." There was really no point trying to force Severus to do or not do something he had his mind set on, I knew that already. "Think I'll get going then... you really do look tired. Bet you didn't sleep much last night because you were too busy frothing over the..." I gestured at the antennae, which stiffened as soon as I called his attention to them.
"Huh. None of your business why I couldn't sleep," he replied haughtily. "And you're the one who looks like you could use a rest. You look... weak. More so than usual."
Standing up, I smiled shakily at him. "Yes... I suppose. Feeling a little ill lately..."
"Remus." His grave tone made me look at him closely. "You get some rest then, as well. I mean it."
"Ah..." I leaned down over him again, and he lifted a hand up to touch the back of my head. "Why Severus, I do believe you're really starting to care about me."
"Cram it," he mumbled before pulling me down for a final kiss. His tongue felt hot against mine, and I felt bold enough to rub my hand along his leg, lingering maybe just a little too long on his inner thigh before we had to stop. Actually I had to force myself to move away for our own good. But he was still looking at me with longing, and it was very hard to lift a hand in farewell and to turn away from him.
"Wait... Remus."
Much easier to turn around and smile at him though. "Yes?"
"I don't hate you. I didn't mean to..."
"Oh, I know. But Severus, you're being positively sweet. My little cockroach..."
"You...!"
I dashed away before he could say more, snickering to myself.
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But later as I lay down to rest as he had suggested, I began thinking of what would happen when I did tell Severus about my... problem. How would he react? And why couldn't I just tell him now? I didn't know yet. In the end it probably came down to my own fear... the fear of losing him.
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Comments and criticism are indeed helpful...
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Fallen Leaves - Chapter 4
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"Fancy meeting you here!"
"Oh yes, fancy."
Severus' sarcasm had little affect on me. The disdained look on his face couldn't even deter me. All I did was smile and pull him close to me where we stood under the shadows of an ancient statue, and he allowed me to kiss him softly. When I pulled away I could just barely see his eyes glitter as he looked down at me.
"Well?"
I blew out a frustrated breath. "Severus, you're ever so romantic."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well, you should know why I wanted you to meet me here..."
"So we could snog in a dark corner? Yes. But there's nothing else?"
"Er... does there have to be?"
"No..." he said slowly. Then his thin lips contorted into one of his almost-creepy grins. "Might as well make it interesting then." And he grabbed me round the waist, his head swooping down to my neck; I could feel his lips and tongue there, doing miraculous things that caused my heart to race and my palms to start sweating and...
"Ah... Sev, I... a... OW! Severus, that's going to leave a mark, don't... ah... no, don't stop..."
"Hello?"
My head abruptly bumped hard against the statue's arm as the result of jerking away from Severus as he pushed me back in surprise at the same time. His hand quickly covered my mouth against my cry of pain, and I stared at him with wide, fearful eyes as he peered through the gloom toward the voice and the footsteps which could now be heard clicking hesitantly along the stone floor.
"Who's there? I know I heard someone... Remus?" It was Sirius' voice. I frantically made a gesture for Severus to hide, but he only shook his head and thrust me behind the statue before turning and stalking out toward where I could now see Sirius coming around the corner. I gaped, wondering at his courage. Or maybe I was just wondering at how in the world he thought it would be better for him to show himself to Sirius than it would be for me to. But I could only watch helplessly as Sirius finally saw who was closing in on him, and stopped to sneer at his enemy, who was looking right back at him with a nearly identical expression.
"Ah... Snivellus. Skulking around dark corridors, are we? I should have known, you being an evil creature of the night and all that."
Severus spat something hardly repeatable in polite company, which only served to enfuriate Sirius as well as to cause me to wish he had just walked by without saying anything. Why did he have to do that? Sirius' face hardened from contempt to anger as he reached out and gave Severus' shoulder a hard shove.
"How many times am I going to have to tell you to watch what you say around me?" he demanded.
Severus staggered backward slightly but held his ground, glaring intently at Sirius. "You're in no position to tell me what I can and can't say," he replied in his most dangerous tone of voice.
"Yes, well, common decency would suggest that you not swear at me like that. Although, you wouldn't know much about being decent, would you?" Hoping the confrontation would end there, I watched anxiously as Sirius began to turn away, but stopped short and advanced a few steps closer to Severus. "Have you seen Remus? I don't know why I should bother asking you... although I know you follow you around trying to get him into trouble, you little snake."
"Have I see Lupin?" Severus repeated, folding his arms and looking down his nose at Sirius, who had both fists clenched in a way that didn't look so good to me. "Maybe I have." By that time it took every ounce of willpower I had not to run out and stand between them. What was Severus playing at?
"You bastard," Sirius was saying angrily, reaching out and grabbing the front of Severus' robes, actually lifting him slightly off the floor. "Did you see him or not? Did you do something to him?"
"I did," Severus smirked, not struggling at all. "And wouldn't you like to know what I did to him."
That was enough for Sirius; he swung his other fist back and punched Severus in the stomach. I had both hands over my mouth to keep from crying out as I saw him writhe in Sirius' grip, coughing sharply. "You tell me now!" Sirius roared.
"Fuck off," Severus wheezed in response before his own fist connected with Sirius' jaw.
"Shit!" Clutching his face, Sirius dropped his opponent, who landed in a heap on the floor. Then I was beyond despair as I watched the situation turn into a full-blown physical brawl, complete with flying fists, kicking legs, and numerous nasty expletives. Sirius soon had Severus pinned to the floor with his much bigger size, and was finally pulling out his wand.
Too late I started out of hiding to put a stop to it, deciding I would deal with the consequences later. There was a flash of light as Sirius shouted something strange, and then he was standing triumphantly over Severus, laying curled in a ball on the floor with his hands to his head.
"Y--" I began.
"What is going on here?"
The sharp voice of Minerva McGonagall made us all start; fortunately I stumbled back into the statue's shadow before any of them saw me. "Mr. Black and Mr. Snape. Again. This is hardly unexpected, and yet I am still disappointed. With the number of detentions the two of you have served in the past for fighting with each other, I would have thought some sense might have sunk into your heads by now. Explain yourselves."
McGonagall looked furious, her left eyebrow twitching spastically in a way I certainly had never seen before. Despite the situation, I still felt a measure of relief that I wasn't one of the subjects of her wrath. I could partially see Sirius' stony expression, as well as Severus' dark glare from beneath the mass of hair that had fallen in front of his face. He still had his hands clamped to the top of his head, but exactly what Sirius had done to him, I couldn't tell.
"I was out looking for Remus and I ran into this tw-- er, Snape, and he insinuated that he'd done something to Remus. I couldn't let that go, what if he's hurt Remus? So I... er..."
"And so you hit him." MacGonagall's stern expression didn't falter.
"I... well, yeah... but then he hit me back!"
"Do you deny this, Mr. Snape?"
"No," Severus hissed.
"Manners, Mr. Snape," MacGonagall suggested coldly.
"No ma'am, I don't deny it," he muttered, still looking insolent.
"And did you see Mr. Lupin this evening?"
"No ma'am."
"And you said you did, perhaps, to get a reaction out of Mr. Black?"
"Yes. ...Ma'am." Severus had his teeth clenched, as though attempting to be polite for so long caused him great pain.
"What has happened to your head?" was McGonagall's next question, and Severus bent forward, which unfortunately obscured him from my view.
"That imbecile did it to me!" I heard him say furiously, and McGonagall drew in a breath at whatever it was she saw.
"Mr. Snape, kindly refrain from insults. Mr. Black, what were you trying to do?"
"I... well ma'am, I... was trying to transfigure him..." Sirius offered lamely, looking very embarassed at admitting as much in front of the Transfiguration teacher herself. MacGonagall pursed her lips.
"Needless to say, you did not do a very good job. Fortunately for you, considering whatever you were trying to... it's highly dangerous... ah..." She trailed off, throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation. "We can discuss this further in the Headmaster's office. Yes, I'm afraid that IS necessary, Mr. Black. Mr. Snape, your language is atrocious. The two of you are behaving like first years fresh off the train and not the mature fourth years you are supposed to be. I'm afraid that both of you are at fault here. Come along now."
She swept off down the hall toward my hiding place, and I shrank further into the shadows, holding my breath as they all passed by, Sirius and Severus both glaring at the floor. Severus had his hands firmly over his head again, preventing me from seeing anything. It seemed like several minutes after their footsteps had died away before I felt safe enough to breathe again. I quietly crept away in the opposite direction heading for Gryffindor tower, my emotions a jumbled mess after what I'd just witnessed.
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By the time Sirius came back to our dorm room it was late, and I pretended to be asleep even though I knew he would be wanting to question me as to my whereabouts earlier in the evening. But in the morning there was just no avoiding him over breakfast.
"Well?" he demanded testily, plopping down right across from me at the table. I looked up from my oatmeal to his handsome, frowning face and tried a weak smile.
"Well... what?"
"Where were you last night, Moony? It's like you completely forgot that you were going to lend me your History of Magic notes last night, and you just disappeared! And of course I just had to run into Snape out sneaking 'round in the dark while looking for you, and he got me into trouble with McGonagall and the Headmaster, and now I'm spending a week's worth of detention in the same room as the cretin! That's 'well what'!"
He finally stopped for breath, and waited expectantly for my answer. "Er..." I began, toying nervously with my spoon. "I did forget... and I went to the library and I just... I'm really sorry, Sirius."
He eyed me in a way that left me feeling very uncomfortable. "You're acting awfully shady. It's not like you to... forget things like this. Is there anything you need to tell me?" He looked concerned. This was getting harder to do.
"No, everything's fine. I just... you know, full moon's in a couple days... I've been feeling a little more odd than normal." At least that much was true, as I had definitely woken up that morning feeling rather shaky.
"Well... alright. Take care of yourself, mate." He reached over to pat me on the shoulder before beginning to load up his plate with eggs. I smiled and nodded, glad that much was over.
"Oh, but you should've seen Snape," Sirius chuckled between shoveling in mouthfuls, his normal good spirits returning rapidly. "Nasty little git gave me a few bruises, but he definitely came out worse in the end. Almost worth the dentention... almost." I tried to laugh, but stopped paying attention while Sirius told the rest of his story to anyone else nearby who would listen. I was trying to look over at the Slytherin table to see if Severus was there. He wasn't.
Making some sort of half-hearted excuse, I got up and headed out of the hall toward the hospital wing, certain he must be there. I had enough time before my first class to try to straighten things out. Even though I knew Severus would take a great deal more effort to work out than Sirius.
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"Your friend Mr. Black left last night after I took care of his bruises, surely you must know that?" Madame Pomfrey looked entirely confused as to why I should be there at all.
"Er... I came to visit..."
"Mr. Snape is the only student here currently. I haven't quite gotten his... affliction taken care of yet. Badly cast spell. You did come to visit him?"
"Well, yes..."
"Alright then, go on ahead. He had refused to leave until I get it all sorted out. Acid-tongued boy, that one. Perhaps you can reason with him better than I, heaven knows..." She gestured at a bed farther down the ward with a curtain pulled around two sides of it, then walked back toward her office. I approached the bed, taking a deep breath before I cautiously edged around the curtain so as not to startle him.
"Sever... us..."
Knowing it was horribly impolite to stare wasn't enough to stop me from staring anyway. When I finally found my voice again, I couldn't even manage whole words. "Sev... y... ant..."
"Bloody sodding antennae. Cockroach antennae, if you want to be precise. Yes, that's what they are," Severus growled angrily. I was finding it hard not to laugh at the long, whiplike appendages sprouting from the middle of his head, knowing that would be even more horribly impolite. But they were twitching about as though moved by his fury, and he was indeed glaring at me with a rage previously unmatched by anything else... I bit hard on my lip before attempting to continue.
"Well, they're... a lot bigger than... normal-sized cockroach antennae..."
"Yes, well, that dolt botched the spell enough so that instead of turning me into a giant cockroach, he only managed the antennae. I am not going out to be ridiculed until it's set right and STOP LAUGHING!"
Collapsing into a chair beside his bed where he was laying, I found that I really couldn't comply with his request. "Severus... it's just ridiculous... and you look funny, I can't..." I began gasping out.
"Oh yes, it's hilarious. I knew you'd side with your idiotic... friend, the fucking prat--"
"Severus..." Seeing his rage, I calmed down quickly, leaning in toward him. "Don't--"
"--if MacGonagall hadn't shown up when she did, I would have killed that overgrown--"
"Severus!"
"--arrogant, preening bastard with my bare hands, damned if he's your bloody 'friend' or not--"
"Severus Snape! That's enough!"
Later I didn't remember having stood up and leaned over him, grasping the front of his shirt in both fists and moving my face only inches in front of his. Yet it happened somehow, and I do know that at that moment I was unspeakably angry with him.
"That's enough," I repeated, my voice sounding foreign even to myself. "You're not hurt, you're hardly suffering, your life hasn't been threatened in any way. It was a childish thing Sirius tried to do to you, but you're turning it into such a... such a big deal. Maybe if you had the ability to laugh at yourself you wouldn't be so vengeful and stubborn. Don't do this to yourself. And don't do it to me."
Severus was silent, only staring at me with eyes wider than normal. I supposed it was because I had never been remotely angry with him before, and he didn't think me capable of it; I made a mental note to get angry at him again the next time he behaved irrationally if it would get him to shut up this way.
"Well?" I asked him in a gentler voice, smoothing out his shirt apologetically, but not moving from my bent position over him. He turned his head away quickly.
"I hate you," I heard him mumble. I reached out and forced him to face me again.
"You hate me, do you," I said quietly. "Then why are you looking at me like that?" I only continued to stare into his confused eyes a few seconds longer before I closed the distance between us and found his lips with my own. It took a little while for him to respond, but when he did he returned my kiss with enough feeling for me to know that I hadn't been wrong.
"Oh, Severus," I sighed when we separated at last. Pulling the chair closer to his bed, I sat down and rested my head against his stomach, my head turned to I could see his face. "Why? Why did you have to react that way?"
He was silent for awhile, watching me through half-lidded eyes, but when he did speak he wasn't angry. "There was no other way to react."
"Yes there was."
"You were laughing at me. What do you expect?"
"I wasn't laughing at you. If you could just see the humor in a situation--"
"I don't see any humor in being humiliated by a Gryffindor," he replied, starting to heat up again.
"Don't get cross with me, Severus," I murmured sitting up and beginning to stroke the hair away from his forehead soothingly as though he were a child. "Want me to get angry again?" He suddenly looked very ashamed.
"I... no." His antennae actually drooped slightly, and I had to laugh. Then they twitched with a spark of his anger, and I laughed again.
"You... you... I... what?"
"They move with your emotions." I smiled, reaching up to feel one carefully between my fingers. He tried to jerk away but I held firm. "It's actually... kind of cute." His face flushed and the antenna I wasn't holding started to twitch wildly, while I could feel the other one squirming against my grip. I watched Severus frown as deeply as he could, but the corners of his mouth kept betraying him and moving upward. Eventually we both just sat back and had a good laugh, and I was so pleased to see him do this that I didn't mind at all that I was late for my first class.
"Got to go, don't you?" he finally asked once he had regained his composure again.
"Nah," I said lightly, picking up one of his hands and holding it in my own. "I can skive off for once. Why are you laying down anyway? It's not like you're some kind of invalid."
"Well I was sleeping before you got here."
"Ah... want to get back to that, do you? It's alright..."
"No!" He pulled me back down by the hand he still held. "I mean... no, that's alright," he grumbled as though the flash of dismay that had come over his features had never in fact existed at all. "I can sit up though..."
"No, no, just stay there. I like you like that."
"Lupin... don't say such things," he said, looking embarassed. I tilted my head, watching his left antenna dance to one side as he looked everywhere but at me. "What's come over you lately anyway?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're so much more... bold. Or... something."
"Ah. Well, I'm getting used to you, I think. By that I mean used to your foul, stubborn moods. I'm not as afraid of you as I used to be, so I feel a little bolder with you in certain matters. How's that for an answer?"
"Great," he muttered, antennae still twitching in different directions as though he was agitated.
"I think so too. Now, is it my turn to ask a question?"
"You would even if I said no."
"Why did you do that exactly? Decide to confront Sirius. I could have distracted him more easily, you know."
He took a long time to think of his reply. "I just wanted to show you I can handle him."
"I... that... that's it? Severus, I know you can handle him. I'm not some... girl you need to impress to get me to like you. Alright?" I saw that he still seemed irritated, so I leaned in to kiss him again. "Alright?"
"Yes, yes," he sighed at last.
"One more question..."
"Good lord..."
"What Sirius said about you following me around... is that true?" That time I had really hit on a delicate area, and he stared at me for a very long time before answering.
"I only want to see when you'll disappear again. And where you go. I only want to know." His tone was defensive. I shook my head slowly.
"I'm sorry. I can't tell you... yet... someday I will. I promise. But listen, you can't go on following me. Sirius noticed, obviously. One day he might come to a different conclusion than that you're just trying to cause trouble. Just don't... don't try to follow me. Please." My eyes drifted along his still form, watching his chest barely move with his breathing and his eyes regarding me with a mixture of curiosity and some kind of need.
"I can't promise. But I won't again... for awhile," was all he would say.
"I guess that will do then..." There was really no point trying to force Severus to do or not do something he had his mind set on, I knew that already. "Think I'll get going then... you really do look tired. Bet you didn't sleep much last night because you were too busy frothing over the..." I gestured at the antennae, which stiffened as soon as I called his attention to them.
"Huh. None of your business why I couldn't sleep," he replied haughtily. "And you're the one who looks like you could use a rest. You look... weak. More so than usual."
Standing up, I smiled shakily at him. "Yes... I suppose. Feeling a little ill lately..."
"Remus." His grave tone made me look at him closely. "You get some rest then, as well. I mean it."
"Ah..." I leaned down over him again, and he lifted a hand up to touch the back of my head. "Why Severus, I do believe you're really starting to care about me."
"Cram it," he mumbled before pulling me down for a final kiss. His tongue felt hot against mine, and I felt bold enough to rub my hand along his leg, lingering maybe just a little too long on his inner thigh before we had to stop. Actually I had to force myself to move away for our own good. But he was still looking at me with longing, and it was very hard to lift a hand in farewell and to turn away from him.
"Wait... Remus."
Much easier to turn around and smile at him though. "Yes?"
"I don't hate you. I didn't mean to..."
"Oh, I know. But Severus, you're being positively sweet. My little cockroach..."
"You...!"
I dashed away before he could say more, snickering to myself.
------
But later as I lay down to rest as he had suggested, I began thinking of what would happen when I did tell Severus about my... problem. How would he react? And why couldn't I just tell him now? I didn't know yet. In the end it probably came down to my own fear... the fear of losing him.
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