STANDARD DISCLAIMERS APPLIED: I do not own the characters, they come from Gundam Wing.

(Trowa's POV) 1x3; implied 1/2 and 3/4

A Path of Destiny --- Matters of the Heart

The circus where I now live with my elder sister is always buzzing with noise and laughter, broadcasting its joyous atmosphere, announcing to the world its sparkle... the sign of life... a glorious and enchanting sign... However, life and joy are two things that I have been alienated from all through my life. I, unlike others, am much more at ease with piteous sights of death and despair. The common and only real vision one sees in times of war, and wars have always been part of my life. Just like gusty blood and death have always been and will always be part of me... No matter what, their stains will always remain with me, tainting my soul...

I am not some insane bloodthirsty murderer who enjoys the thrill of killing and the sight of destruction, and is totally unappreciative of such simple and peaceful life, for I do appreciate it. I really do!

But somehow... some how I just have to get away... away from all these brightness and life, things that always seem to be pointing their accusing fingers at me... Their brightness seems to bring out the spotlight on my sins... the sharp contrast between life and death, between brightness and darkness. I have to get away... even just for a short time. All I need is time to think, to reflect and analyse...

Thus, like every other night, I sit alone at my sacred spot, on the beach, by the sea. I like it here, especially, at night. I like the silence that is intruded only by the sounds of the lapping wave and the music that I make with my flute fills the air. I enjoy the feel of waves washing up the shore, showering me with sparkles of clear droplets... cleansing me of my sins...

Besides, I had always been a loner; therefore I like it here, away from the crowd, from the noises, away from all but nature and myself. Giving me precious moment to think, to analyse and to let my mind romp free. Its only times like this, that I can feel more at peace with myself and with the larger world.

I often wonder whether I will ever learn to feel again. Learn to feel, to love, to care... Learn to be a proper human again and not just a weapon in the form of a human body. But that's what I have always been a weapon.

I want to learn, but I am scared... to even try... I dread the thought of opening up, of revealing my hideous past to anyone...

I've been a weapon, been at war for too long...much too long...

And now that it has ended, my world crashes down suddenly...squashing me flat inside.

I look up at the sheet of darkness above me, the endless piece of cloth. Tonight, it is lovely decorated with shinning golden accessories. The brilliant stars, the burning lights, that light up the night sky, they are so lovely, so beautiful...so...so like Quatre. Why am I thinking of him again, won't this ever stop?

I shift my gaze and look at the silver flute lying horizontally across my lap. It was beautiful, and its voice is wondrous. Music always reminds me of him, of my gorgeous golden hair angel, with those large, innocent blue eyes.

I have always loved him, since the first day I set my eye on him. But...but, I'm frighten of him.

I find him much too pure, too innocent, too sweet and kind for me to handle. He is like the burning sun, so bright, so beautiful, but none dares to touch that ball of blazing fire.

Furthermore, he had everything. Beauty, character, intelligence, and wealth...but what have I? Nothing. I'm nobody, a worthless one... It's not fair for him that I love him, I've no right to. We're not meant to be together. Not then...not now...not forever...

Footsteps. Sounds of quiet footsteps shake me out from my thoughts. Although, I'm no longer a soldier, those years spent on intensive training still cause me to be extra sensitive to such matters.

I turn around...and see a young man with dark brown hair, staring at me intensively with his cobalt blue eyes.

"Heero," I acknowledge him, in my quiet voice.

"..." He just kept staring at me deeply, expressionlessly.

His constant scrutiny is unnerving me, but somehow I manage to look calm, and be in control.

"Why are you here? Aren't you with Duo?" I asked.

"No."

"..."

"Trowa..."

"Yes?"

"It doesn't work out between me and Duo."

I nod my head. I've always felt that it would never work out. Heero, is just like me, no... even worst, he doesn't have the ability to care...to love...He was never trained to feel. Feelings are not needed in wars; in fact they are hindrances. A soldier doesn't need emotions, and he is a perfect soldier...

"Trowa," he continued, interrupting my thoughts, "it failed, because...because I love you."

"What?!" I blurted out.

The invisible mask that block out my emotion cracks, I stared at him straight into his deep blue eyes in utter disbelieve. This can't be, how can, why will the perfect soldier loves me...

Before I can even react, Heero was by my side, guiding my head down to his mouth. Wiping away my suspicions with his actions.

I stiffen at his sudden touch, but slowly relax, closing my eyes and giving myself fully to the kiss.

I want to feel love, love that I have forbidden myself to, when Quatre offers... when he offers his friendship and maybe... maybe even love... Quatre, why can't I just forget him?

"Trowa..."

"..."

"I love you." Heero says as he gives me an affectionate peck on my forehead.

I still can't believe it. I don't know what to feel at this moment. I feel shock, anger, and yet happiness. I feel like I've betrayed Quatre...no...Quatre is not even mine to have...

I look into those beautiful dark blue orbs that are staring at me. I can see joy. I can detect love in his eyes.

Am I being selfish, by leading him on? But...but I need the love, I need someone to help me erase all my bad memories, and he is the best choice. Like me, his soul has been corrupted since a young age. We can help each other. I can handle him, for he is not like Quatre, too pure... I must stop thinking about him; it's not fair for either of us.

"Heero..."

"What?"

"I..."

Heero stepped forward and hold me, cuddling me like a little child soothing my fears. I leaned down resting my head on his chest, hearing the thumbing sound of his heart. It felt so... so nice, so right... For once, I feel as if I am in heaven... I want this... I need this...

Suddenly, it hits me... I never dare accept Quarte because he was never really the one in my heart... Yes, I care for Quatre, but it's more of an act of admiration and gratitude... gratitude for the kindness that he has always gifted me. The affection between Quatre and me is more that of friendship of comradeship... and its not love. Love should be welcoming, there should not has been fear...

"It's alright, Trowa. It's alright."

Yes, everything is all right now, for finally I have at last understand my heart's voice... at last...

"Trowa..."

Heero's voice was soft and gentle, totally unlike his usual tone. From it, I can sense his deep-rooted concern and love for me. How long has he been holding back? It doesn't matter... nothing matter now, except that he loves me and I want him... and together we'll journey down the unfamiliar road... the road of life... the path that leads to restful home called love, peace and joy...

I lifted my head up from his chest and looked up straight into his spell-bounding deep blue eyes, eyes that remind me of the night sky that I have always loved, eyes that shower me with love and affection like no others ever had before. I am no longer afraid, no longer am I a stranger of life, for at last I have tasted the fruit of love, the fruit that was forbidden to me for so long...

I am no longer afraid to start life anew... for I have a support now, someone who will protect and hold me, someone who will prevent me from falling back into the bottomless pit of darkness...

At last, I have a life.

End.

(C&C is much welcomed.)